• Welcome to Crohn's Forum, a support group for people with all forms of IBD. While this community is not a substitute for doctor's advice and we cannot treat or diagnose, we find being able to communicate with others who have IBD is invaluable as we navigate our struggles and celebrate our successes. We invite you to join us.

Stress on your significant other

Hi all

My wife (or very soon to be) is having a hard time, in terms of my stuff stressing her out. She's more concerned and worried about me than anything. I am recently diagnosed, and obviously haven't found what is going to help med wise. Right now I'm trying to be the typical man and do whatever we want, but she sees that I'm in pain or uncomfortable. It's also an issue that I won't eat if we're out with a group, or long periods of time, because I know I'll have to excuse myself... Probably more than 1 or 2 times. I'm in a lot of discomfort and pain most nights, so most nights she finds I've had to head to the couch for a few hours so I don't disturb her while I try to get comfortable. Without her I'd be lost because she helps me more than she knows, but to see her be down and out and upset b/c I'm stressing her out (which she would never say) is killing me. Meds wise my gi doc is approving my insurance for humira and has me on prednisone and azathioprine 10/50mg. Pain wise I'm having issues getting anyone to give me anything. I live in Las Vegas nv and feel more like an addict asking for meds than a patient. Any advice is appreciated

Thanks and hope everyone's doing well!
 
perhaps notes left here and there telling her how much you appreciate her, etc., and plans for future will help ease stress and help her feel appreciated. There will be better times ahead, but use the time between to research and be proactive in getting the help you need and foods you need to reduce furhter inflammation. There is hope! Feel better!
 
Back in the day in Vegas they would give you anything. I would walk into any clinic and tell them I had Crohns and they would throw medications at me so I would get away from them because they didn't want the hassle....odd town back in the day. Like Mickey says be romantic, if she is doing a lot for you make sure you are doing a lot for her. I know you probably have zero energy right now, but take it from me Crohns will scare even the most dedicated woman away from you. Wait until heaven forbid you need surgery!! Thats when you really get to see how dedicated of a woman you have. Just don't take her for granted and try not to talk about your disease all the time to her.
 
Hi Ash!

I understand you with feeling like burden to the one you love, my boyfriend would never admit he is too tired. With going out it is the same for me, but as a girl I am somehow tolerated even sick. Now I am trying to boost my morale by taking lots of vitamin pills (I hate them, I usually throw up after taking them), but most of all helps me cannabis in really small amounts (some sample called Durban). It calms me and takes care of the worst pain.

I know I am too young to give advice, but for me works to talk to my boyfriend about everything. I think your wife just needs to hear you are as good as possible, she is scared too and wants you being fine more than anything. We sick ones don't have to be perfect in cleaning, helping at home, I think our loved ones just want us to be present, to be with them, not to push them away. They feel lonely too, because person they love is suffering and they can't help. Time of illness can make our relationships die or get stronger. Key is communication, women need to hear what is happening in men's heads, they want to take care, some things aren't pretty, but we girls want to be part of everything you men let us. Don't smile, when you don't feel good. Think of yourself at the first place, because your wife needs a man, who cares about himself as much as he cares for her.

I hope this isn't much out of the topic... Hang on, everything's gonna get better and you have great future in front of you. Think of your future family, of everything you can give your children and wife. She chose you, with everything you've got and may get in future. And she is not gonna ran away just because you are ill. Let her know you appreciate everything she does and tell her you will do everything to live long enough to pay her back :) Told this yesterday to my boyfriend and we shared a moment of pure peace.
 
Nevada has passed compassionate medical marijuana laws, so maybe you could find a doctor to help you with a prescription? Quite a few with crohns have found it brings relief, and far less chance of addiction than opiates. There are some strains now that will bring relief, without any of the mood altering side effects.
 
Hi Ash. If you SO is interested, she might like to join this forum too. There are a lot of partners here (I'm one of them) and we might help her with her concerns.
 
Hello Ash,

Thank you for sharing this with us, it's a lot to deal with, getting married and then adding Crohns into the party.....time for adjustment is needed for you both. It's beautiful that you have a lovely lady to support and love you :). As a wife I hate when my husband is unwell (I'm the one with Crohns) and I know he's in pain even if he says otherwise, so I imagine your fiance does too :). I think my husband struggles with being unable to heal me and take my pain away, I can see it on his face :(

It's a lovely suggestion in a previous post about leaving notes....I love that...just little reminders of the love you share :)

This is new to both of so allow each other time to digest and understand the situation, day by day, you will both a way of coming to terms with this and remember women are from venus and men are from mars....we deal with things differently.

Best wishes for your future together lots of hugs to you both. Take care.
 
Hi Ash, I had similar issues with my husband after I was first diagnosed. It is a life changer but as long as you communicate and she knows how the disease works I am hopeful it will all work out for you guys! My husband has been amazing helping me deal with Crohn's and it has been awesome to know I have him by my side. About the pain meds... Holy Moly I always feel bad to ask for them but I do not think there is anything to be ashamed about if you have tried other over the counter meds first. My Dr. always tells me to start with tylenol. One thing that has helped me in the past is using a heating pad on my stomach. It does not take the pain away but it helps to ease the pain just a bit. Good luck!
 
After reading these posts, it occurs to me that there are angels out there in the form of significant others! I hope I find one some day :kiss:
 
Last edited:
Back in the day in Vegas they would give you anything. I would walk into any clinic and tell them I had Crohns and they would throw medications at me so I would get away from them because they didn't want the hassle....odd town back in the day. Like Mickey says be romantic, if she is doing a lot for you make sure you are doing a lot for her. I know you probably have zero energy right now, but take it from me Crohns will scare even the most dedicated woman away from you. Wait until heaven forbid you need surgery!! Thats when you really get to see how dedicated of a woman you have. Just don't take her for granted and try not to talk about your disease all the time to her.
I appreciate what you are saying, but speaking for any good woman, I disagree. If a woman really loves you, she will stand beside you and support you through this.
 
So true Teresa! I slept on the floor next to the couch when my Ex had gallbladder surgery and couldn't climb the stairs to the bedroom - so I could help him to the bathroom at night. Women ROCK when it comes to caring!
 
Last edited:
I have to say that I must be lucky and blessed because my man stayed with me and supported me and did everything for me when I had kidney cancer and then the surgery. He was unmovable, and unshakable and he is the most stressful person around normally and I'm the strong one. But when it came to me, he just took over and bless him did everything and worked fulltime job!!!'
Also very supportive about my IBD too.:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:
 
Top