Struggling 😔

[*yvonne*]

Hi everyone. I'm 38 with 2 little girls and I was diagnosed in 2002 with Crohn's. I was in remission for over 3 years which I am very thankful for, however I've recently been told I'm active again and I'm having a really hard time coping with that. I'm angry all the time and can't seem to enjoy anything. I find fault in everything everyone does and it's really getting me down I don't want to be this unhappy. Has anyone else struggled and found anything to help them snap out of this. I fear I may need to go to the doctor and get antidepressants :sign0085:

 

[bdu]

Hey yvonne. I've lurked these forums, but I wanted to sign up so I could talk with you. That being the case, I'm not too sure about forum etiquette and such. Are you in therapy? I just recently dropped out of college, and I am about to start therapy. While antidepressants work wonders for some people, you might want to talk with a professional before going that route.

I get really bad anxiety, and things like that and stress seem to make GI problems worse. Then, as the GI problems get worse, I get more stressed and anxious. I had a counselor show me some breathing exercises (basically taking deep, calm breaths) and those helped a little.

Other than that I try to keep things in perspective. I have a wonderful girlfriend. Even though I dropped out of school and let a lot of people (including her) down, I still think of how lucky I am to have someone like her in my life. You have 2 daughters? That can certainly be something to be grateful for. Sometimes we get overwhelmed by all the negatives in our lives we forget to recognize the positives.

Anyways, that was a bit of a ramble, but I hope it helps!

 

[*yvonne*]

Hey bdu. No I'm not in therapy I haven't really spoken to anyone about how I feel and any time I see the doctor I keep it in as I'm scared they're going to put me on antidepressants as I really don't want to go down that road but I do feel I'm struggling to keep it all together just now. I do listen to hypnotherapy which helps when I get time to listen to it and I'm hoping if I make some time for myself this week that I'll feel a bit better.

I suffer quite badly from social anxiety and find it very difficult to spend time with friends and usually make excuses for not going anywhere when I feel like this. I also start to stay in as often as I can and going to the shops can be a daunting prospect, the only thing I manage to keep it together for is to go to work but I find that hard when I'm there as there's days I just want to hide.

So nice to hear from you and I'm glad you're managing to see the positives in life. My daughters are the best thing ever I just wish I was happier around them like I am when I'm not feeling ill. I'm hoping to be able to do that again soon and see all the positives in life.

 

[Axelfl3333]

It's only natural to feel down if your ill in fact it's probably stranger if your not,thing to remember is,it will get better sooner rather than later,meantime talk to your doctor or someone you trust.as bdu said stress makes it worse,crohns and stress are annoyingly good companions!if you can and if you check on the forum exercise is really helpful with crohns doesn't,t need to be pumping iron!take advantage of this unusually good weather take your kids out,it,ll help.good luck all the best

 

[bdu]

I can relate a lot with what you're going through right now. I'm straight up scared of getting put on antidepressants. I deal with enough medications and don't want any more financial or side effect burdens. I also get scared to even ask my closest friends to hang out. I'll get nervous, bail out of plans and spend the night alone instead, which probably makes me feel even worse than if I had just gone out. Taking that step to ask someone to hang is really hard though, as silly as it sounds.

Try not to get too caught up in guilt either. I felt, and still feel, really guilty about dropping out of school when objectively there was nothing in my life keeping me from finishing. It's something so hard to put into words and express to others. I feel silly even when I talked to my counselor about it.

When I first told my girlfriend about my issues, I cried. I didn't want to talk to her about it because I knew I'd cry, and I never wanted her to see me cry over something I thought was so silly. But let me tell you, after I let it out a little I felt a lot better about everything. It wasn't a complete cure for my stress or anything, but I could find moments of relative peace and it was nice because I had forgotten what it feels like to be relaxed.

No doctor is going to force you onto anti-depressants. And if they try to you can go see someone else. But the one thing that certainly wont help is doing nothing.

It's hard. I take one step forward, two steps back, but sometimes it's three steps forward and one step back.

It helps me to know that there are others out there feeling similar to how I feel, so thank you for making this post. I've been rambling a lot, but even typing this out to you will help me feel a little better and maybe get to sleep easier tonight.

 

[Ann Morgan]

Yvonne: I am not offering this as medical advice, but just my opinion from my personal experiences.....do not have your Primary Care Physician prescribe you any psychiatric medication. Let the Psychiatrist prescribe the medication and he/she will MONITOR you along the way. I once had a PCP prescribe me Paxil, but he never monitored my symptoms or anything, he just prescribed me the drug and kept giving me refills. Antidepressants are not for everyone. Some people do just fine being drug free. While others are really helped by the medication. Along the way I have learned a lot of Cognitive Behavioral Skills that have really helped me. The number one thing that helps me is to socialize and get out of my apartment. If I start isolating a lot I just go into a downward spiral. So even if it makes you a bit uncomfortable, just get out of the house. The more support groups, classes and workshops that I attend, the better I feel. I have not worked at a job in five years ( I am disabled now ) and so I have not have regular socialization for a long time. Don't Give Up. Live In The Moment.

 

[cmack]

Hi Yvonne,

I also struggle with anxiety and depression, I have taken clonazepam from time to time when really overwhelmed and it has helped me calm down (temporarily) from my issues. I find talking with someone who understands is my biggest help... just to not feel so alone. I feel for you and I don't blame you for not wanting the antidepressants as I have taken them for several years ( Effexor and Paxil) and had to stop taking them because the side effects were stupid. Weight gain 50 lbs or so and skin problems which only made me feel worse and more depressed. I have no magic answer but I sure hope it helps to talk to us on here, maybe it will relieve some stress if nothing else.

 

[*yvonne*]

Thanks everyone, it's so nice to hear there are other people feeling the same way as you start to think you're on your own with your "weird" feelings. I really hate feeling so down and I'm hoping it'll ease once I'm not feeling as ill. I am grateful I've got work as I do think that really helps but it can also be so exhausting at times.

Axelfl3333 I know when I do light exercise I feel a lot better and I'm going to try doing a little bit but I've also just been diagnosed with ostetis pubis and I have a 7mm gap and this is causing really bad pain in my left hip and leg and also lower abdominal pain from the inflammation in the pubic symphysis (feel like I'm falling apart)

Bdu guilt is a terrible thing for me I seem to feel guilty about everything and most of the time it's just silly things that no one probably cares about yet I manage to work myself up about it. Hoping to get a handle on this soon.

Ann I'm going to start listening to a couple of good hypnosis downloads I've got as I always feel better when I do that thanks for your support.

Cmack the last thing I'm needing to do is put another 50lbs on I already have about that to lose! I haven't really helped myself the last few months as I've been eating really badly to comfort myself which I know is silly as it just makes me feel so much worse physically and psychologically too.

It's really helped to just get it all out there. Definitely helped to relieve some of the stress so thanks again everyone for your support.

 

[cmack]

Glad to hear it! It's ok to be upset about things, anybody would be if in a similar situation. I still have my days lol. You can vent to me anytime.



Chris.

 

[cmack]

Yvonne,

Just to clarify the last post. I mean I'm glad to hear some of your stress was relieved...lol. I'm new to this forum thing.

I since lost the weight I gained from the Paxil but it took me quite a while to figure out that the meds were what was causing it. I don't mean to scare you about taking antidepressants they work wonders for some people. It's different for everybody. I have been going through this suspected crohn's thing for nearly ten years although I'm pretty sure I had it long before that. It seems to be a lot of trial and error learning to deal with a whole different life, and it does take a toll psychologically that's for sure, I lost my spouse, a lot of people I thought were friends and even some family too. I have come to believe it was better to weed out the people in my life sooner rather than later that weren't going to be there for me when I need them anyways.

Hope you are doing ok today, you have my support.

Chris.

 

[Ann Morgan]

I have not been feeling well physically for the past three months ( the colon plus arthritis and joint disease ). So, I have been staying home a lot ( I am disabled ) and not socializing or going to any activities. Well, the past two days I have actually gotten out of my apartment and went out and participated in a class at a facility I visit ( the facility helps people with mental health issues ). Even though I was in a lot of pain on Monday, I still went to two classes there. I was very happy I did. I really needed to be around people. Today, Tuesday I was going to go to two classes too, but I only went to one and then went home because of joint disease pain in my left shoulder ( it hurt SO bad ). I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. And on Thursday I am going to a support group at a local Women's Center. I have to get back into the swing of things after three months of basically watching television ( ugh ). I hope that I can remain on track, at least for the month of August. I have the opportunity to participate in these programs and there is no fee to do so. So I really need to take advantage of the free services. Wish me luck for keeping on track for the month of August ( and hopefully some pain relief from all of the new doctors I am seeing ).

 

[cmack]

Hi Ann,

You are right, daytime tv is terrible! At least in Canada. I think being in a social setting once in a while helps me too. Good luck , I hope you get out more and feel better.

Chris.

 

[Axelfl3333]

hi yvonne try not to feel guilty i,m sure you,ve done nothing wrong,especially don,t feel guilty about catching crohns its just a dumb disease like any other whch will get better.

 

[*yvonne*]

Hi Chris

I knew what you meant . I've not been as bad the past couple of days I think just giving myself a shake every now and then helps and I'm feeling a lot more positive about coping. I was diagnosed in 2002 and like you I'm pretty sure I was suffering for a while before too. I found I lost a lot of friends when first diagnosed but I think I actually pushed them away as I didn't want to see anyone and I did really struggle with my illness and the physiological impact having a chronic disease had on me.

Hi Ann

Daytime TV is awful isn't it. I hate being stuck in the house and find it much better when I actually do things. I hope you manage some more classes this week.

 

[*yvonne*]

Well today has been interesting. I've been in quite a bit of pain today then this afternoon I got a call from my consultants secretary to say my appointment has been moved up and is in a fortnight now. Can't be a good sign, looks like my calprotectin results must be higher

 

[Axelfl3333]

Could be a cancellation and they,ve moved you up if it was bad it would be see you tomorrow or saturday

 

[*yvonne*]

That's true Axelfl3333 they'd just get me in if I was that bad. Just not sure what they've got planned for me this time as I haven't really taken to any of the medication very well. He mentioned Ifliximab when I was pregnant as being the next try but I can't remember if he mentioned it again in May as I was feeling ok then so can't remember too much about the appointmen but I know it's quite a wait for that drug so it'll probably not be that one for a while.

 

[cmack]

Yvonne,

You are right about pushing people away, I did the same thing. I sure wish I knew why I have to be so critical of others. It's such a hard thing to understand. How are things going with you?

 

[Ann Morgan]

I hate the word "chronic". I looked it up in the Free Dictionary on the Internet and here is what it said.

Chronic: Lasting for a long period of time or marked by frequent recurrence, as certain diseases: chronic colitis.

Chronic is certainly not a word that gives me hope. And, yes, the dictionary used the words "chronic colitis".

Today I am less bummed out about my Ulcerative Colitis than I am about terrible hip pain that woke me up at 3:30pm and joint pain in both my shoulders all day long.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Ann Morgan]

Ok, I am wearing all black clothes today, even my socks and shoes. That should tell you how I am feeling. Maybe I will put on some color tomorrow.

 

[*yvonne*]

Hi Chris

Yes it's definitely something I need to work on "being less critical"

I'm doing ok just now, just waiting to see what my consultant has in store for me when I see him. How you getting on?

Hi Ann

Hope you have a better day tomorrow with some more colour and less pain.