- Location
- oregon
Hi, I'm Kaylah. I was diagnosed with mild to moderate Crohn's disease last Christmas. I missed over a semester of school, I've lost lord-knows how much blood, shed countless amount of tears and I believe the hardest part of having Crohn's Disease is dealing with all of the change. I watched myself get sick, my skin turned form healthy to green to pale. My hair thinned. The toiled was laced with blood. Things were starting to go so well for me, too. And then I got sick. In the beginning, I thought it was just the flu, I could sleep it off by Sunday if I took that Friday off from school to rest. But the symptoms kept coming back.
I went to my primary doctor, who was quite dismissive and this was my precursor to the alienation I would be facing by the time I was able to start coming back to school.
The people around me don't try to understand what's going on with me, but at the same time I knew something is running through their head. If someone you saw regularly all of a sudden stopped showing up, then mysteriously re-appeared you'd feel cautious about them wouldn't you?
You would wonder where they were. It makes it even more confusing to the people around you when they know you didn't do anything bad.
Have you ever tried to explain something to someone, and you eagerly wait for the expression of understanding and recognition, and it just doesn't show up? That's what it was like for me when telling some of the people I go to school with about it. Their eyes are empty. Hollow. The vacancy in their eyes is what makes me feel alienated. Isolated. I spent half a school year, sick, weak, lonely. Feeling detached like I had drifted far from this earth, far from myself. Not like I was dead, but I wanted to be dead. I remember waking up, looking in the mirror, a lifeless version of myself was staring back at me. I was thin, weak, pale. I was a shell. I couldn't do anything, I would cry because I felt so alone. The TV became my escape. I never turned it off when I was home, alone and I would watch something different every time because if I laid there for one minute in the silence it would become too real to me that I was alone, and that something was terribly wrong. The only thing I would look forward to on those days was my mom coming home from work.
Crohn's disease my not have killed me, and yes I am getting my strength back, but for that time, it destroyed my life. Exercise was the first thing I had to give up. Then school, then my social and love life.
I believe that getting this disease was meant to be. Becoming a fighter has taught many things that are hard to teach. I truly understand the value of responsibility, dedication, passion and discipline that life has to offer. I understand and appreciate it because it was all taken from my very grasp when I fell ill.
I think that those of you out there with an illness that you are forced to live and deal with for the rest of your life, you are a Fighter. That is what you are doing every day, fighting. You fight more battles than the people out there blessed with disease free systems do. For that you are not a slave to your mind or your immune system, you are so much stronger. I'm almost 17 years old and adults tell me that I seem mature for my age, I have the battles that I have fought to thank for that. I know that being sick for so long is hard, I know the emotional burdens that pile onto the physical toll that Crohn's disease takes on you. But do not give up. I have been at the point multiple times where I thought I would never get better, but now I am, I have to work for it but the rewards are benefiting me far more than they are drawing me back. I know you're sad, lonely and scared.
But you are not alone. You are surrounded by support. You are safe and things will be okay.
I went to my primary doctor, who was quite dismissive and this was my precursor to the alienation I would be facing by the time I was able to start coming back to school.
The people around me don't try to understand what's going on with me, but at the same time I knew something is running through their head. If someone you saw regularly all of a sudden stopped showing up, then mysteriously re-appeared you'd feel cautious about them wouldn't you?
You would wonder where they were. It makes it even more confusing to the people around you when they know you didn't do anything bad.
Have you ever tried to explain something to someone, and you eagerly wait for the expression of understanding and recognition, and it just doesn't show up? That's what it was like for me when telling some of the people I go to school with about it. Their eyes are empty. Hollow. The vacancy in their eyes is what makes me feel alienated. Isolated. I spent half a school year, sick, weak, lonely. Feeling detached like I had drifted far from this earth, far from myself. Not like I was dead, but I wanted to be dead. I remember waking up, looking in the mirror, a lifeless version of myself was staring back at me. I was thin, weak, pale. I was a shell. I couldn't do anything, I would cry because I felt so alone. The TV became my escape. I never turned it off when I was home, alone and I would watch something different every time because if I laid there for one minute in the silence it would become too real to me that I was alone, and that something was terribly wrong. The only thing I would look forward to on those days was my mom coming home from work.
Crohn's disease my not have killed me, and yes I am getting my strength back, but for that time, it destroyed my life. Exercise was the first thing I had to give up. Then school, then my social and love life.
I believe that getting this disease was meant to be. Becoming a fighter has taught many things that are hard to teach. I truly understand the value of responsibility, dedication, passion and discipline that life has to offer. I understand and appreciate it because it was all taken from my very grasp when I fell ill.
I think that those of you out there with an illness that you are forced to live and deal with for the rest of your life, you are a Fighter. That is what you are doing every day, fighting. You fight more battles than the people out there blessed with disease free systems do. For that you are not a slave to your mind or your immune system, you are so much stronger. I'm almost 17 years old and adults tell me that I seem mature for my age, I have the battles that I have fought to thank for that. I know that being sick for so long is hard, I know the emotional burdens that pile onto the physical toll that Crohn's disease takes on you. But do not give up. I have been at the point multiple times where I thought I would never get better, but now I am, I have to work for it but the rewards are benefiting me far more than they are drawing me back. I know you're sad, lonely and scared.
But you are not alone. You are surrounded by support. You are safe and things will be okay.
. I'm so sorry to hear of everything you went through, and so glad to hear that you are starting to get better, it is a long journey, but its one that is filled with rewards as you said. It's so nice to see such a positive message, and we are all here for you too if you need us. Thankyou for sharing.