The guy I love and his battle with homosexuality and his religion

[stereofidelic89]

In July, after earning my Masters degree and settling back at home with family, i ventured onto Tinder (the iPhone dating app), and met a great guy. We live two hours apart. Visited, talked and laughed for hours, continued this "i like you, i don't like you like that, i can't because long distance" relationship on and off since then through phone, visits, and Skype, and now we are getting deeper.

He is Moroccan and Spanish. Recently, we opened ourselves up to a discussion on our sexuality and religion. I hold Catholic faith, not a religion so much, and he practices Muslim and always has.

I've mentioned slight details on 'my stomach being upset in the past' (crohns disease), but never anything to the obstacle which he presented, which is...

That at the end of the day, homosexuality could never fulfill his life because of his religion. His feelings for me, another guy, would have to be discounted for the sake of his religion. Leading me to believe and understand that for the health of both of us, I have to let my true feelings for him dissolve, knowing that I can't pressure him or wait for him in hopes that one day he may see his life differently -- and me, as more than a glass half full. This is my perspective.

We have a great friendship and we've discussed so many deep topics, even gotten into arguments but have resolved them so quick with understanding. I've never connected with someone like this before and it really sucks to let him go.

I'm in love, but i'm not stupid in love. I'm not going to pressure or try and challenge a very difficult obstacle the guy I love is dealing with. But i don't want to let him go.

Thoughts?

 

[valleysangel92]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I know it is not remotely the same, but it took a long time for my boyfriend and I to get out of the 'just friends, distance is too big stage' because he didn't feel his family would approve of me and he didn't think he could put me through that. He is a christian, and had been brought up very strictly, his parents wanted him to find a good church going christian girl, and I'm not that. I do have faith, and I practice it, but I was not brought up going to church etc and have a different way of expressing my faith. My parents strongly believed that if we were to have any faith, it would be of our choosing and not forced upon us. Eventually, my boyfriend decided that his life was better with me in it than it would be if he kept looking for someone that his family approved of. I now get on well with his mum and siblings, it is only his father that doesn't accept me, but he's not even met me . There is still the over hang that I'm maybe not 'christian enough' for the, but they can see I'm a good person and I make him happy.

I am fully aware that this is no where near the scale of the issue your friend is dealing with, sexuality is a huge thing. What I am saying is that I understand the dilemma of whether or not you should just move on. At one point, I very nearly did just that, I couldn't take the toing and froing anymore. That's what made him make his mind u.

Maybe if you sit down and let him know how deeply you feel for him, it will help him to reach a decision. It might be that you need to set some boundaries of what is and isn't ok if this is going to remain as just a friendship in order to allow you to move on from the feelings you have for him. You may need to have a very blunt conversation about what he actually wants/expects from you and you may need to consider what you would do if being friends is too difficult for you.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

Unfortunately some people come from very conservative religious backgrounds and their own faith or family can't accept their identity. It's sad that millions are forced to live in the closet or live in sham marriages just to make others happy.

I wish i had good advice but sometimes opinions do change and people come around but many times people just can't accept being gay and it's not viable for them.

 

[stereofidelic89]

Thanks Nicola, and nogutsnoglory. I should have mentioned he is bi, which can make things a bit more complicated, only because i believe he is conflicted.

After work yesterday, i drove 2 hours from home, to Montreal to go and see him. We met outside his place and walked to a bar and had a drink. We definitely starting acting on each others feelings and were touching/feeling really good. We walked around the city at night and he showed me around his favorite places. He showed me this Portuguese restaurant he loves to get fries and chicken from, and so i bought us dinner. We walked around some more, getting a feel for each other more and more, until he stopped me to kiss me. Went back to the bar and then walked home from there. It was such a good night and so difficult to say goodbye.

We're only two hours apart, and i really want to make this work. I really like him a lot. Why i don't want to let him go is because i feel like i've really invested my time into him, as any other relationship takes, 'time'. And, i'm not impatient, but i really like the connection we have and i want to continue it. He definitely has aspirations, as do i. We're both conflicted about that.

I'm a sound designer looking for work, but I would really need to be multi-lingual to work in Montreal and i'm not sure about moving there. I'm looking into the possibility of NYC. He lives with his sister and isn't sure about staying in Montreal forever, eventually going back to Europe where he's from. He doesn't want to consider living in the states. =/

I'm torn, but i know what I want and want to go after it. Am i crazy for doing so? Damn. Blame me, blame tinder. This is ridiculous.

And a very huge thing i'm concerned about is my health. To love, really hurts. It really does hurt. Something about love in general is just hurtful to me. It's so amazing, but its so intense that my body can barely take it. I experience a multitude of feelings and a lot of them end up in gut.

After every relationship, i've had a flare up.