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This disease and love


How hard is this disease? I ask myself that everyday. Recently I met someone. I'm not sure if it didn't work out because of me or if she wasn't able to handle me and getting sick. I'm not so sure of a lot right now other than I'm heart broken. I don't let my heart to many people for this fear I have of getting it broke again.

I guess when you find someone that you are supposed to be with, everything will click. Things will fit in right. They will be there during the hard times and there during the not so hard times enjoying life right along with you.

I recently visited my girlfriend back home. I was getting all geared up about moving home and having the reset button pushed on my life. I found a great new girl who seemed to understand that my life isn't very simple. I take a lot of drugs, I have bad days and good days. I don't live like everyone else right now.

I had a couple of very hard days that I just grit and beared it. Didn't take the pain meds because I could handle it. To a point. I only had to take them once or twice for almost 2 weeks. I was happy. She asked me after almost ever meal how I was feeling. Just maybe to worried about me.

I hate that I can't change things right now. I hate that I'm sick. I hate that I opened my heart and got it broken.... again.
I'm sorry too hear mate

yea this disease is hell, and to make things harder is too be single and looking
1- you first gotta find the energy motorvation too get out an meet someone
2- you need too find someone understnding of your problem

hard enuff meeting someone not mention meeting both credentials

sorry to hear ya was hurt but chin up an keep trying if you wish too meet someone, don't let one persons attitude deter u

good luck

I'm so sorry Mike, i can't imagine how hard it is to be dealing with this and dating. it's hard enough to try to maintain a relationship healthy....let alone unhealthy. I wish i had some great words of wisdom for you, i'm so sorry you're suffering.
I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out Mike. :( I had such high hopes for you and you seemed so happy about it all. HUGS for sure!
There's not much that can be said that will take away or replace feelings in your heart, and the cliche "if it's meant to be it will happen" often just makes it worse. I can just tell you that time is *supposed* to heal all wounds, so maybe that's your ally right now.

Take it easy, Mike. Focus on your health right now.

Crohn's 35

Inactive Account
Hi Mike, everyone is right here, focus on you for awhile, even though that is easier said than done. Too bad the brain and heart do not match up at the same time. My theory is, you have to kiss a lot of toads to get to the princess!!! Don't worry, she is there, they always are, some people just don't have the strength to deal with someone with an illness. I took a chance and after many dates, I weeded them out. Now I found my soul mate. They are just hard to find! Hang in there!


I don't know you Mike, but I feel for you. Hang in there, take time for yourself, then get back on that horse when the time is right. Take care.


hiya Mike
I don't know you either, but I feel your pain
There's a reason she didn't make it into your future, and with time you'll find the strength to realise this,
I was with someone for 28 years who didn't give Jack about my illness, so I binned him! Ta ra now!
I shut my heart off, wouldn't let anyone in! Then......
I joined Match.com and found my soul mate 9 months ago and told him from the off about being a Crohnie, it hasn't been a problem at all, ever!
Some people don't understand illness and can't cope with it, I think it frightens them
I truly believe there's someone for everyone out there, and a hunk like you won't stay on the shelf too long!
keep your chin up mucker xxx

Our mantra Penny! frogs n toads!
Hello Mike, I have never written to you.
I am Impressed by the fact you take the risk in the first place!
Just explaining my diet seems to confuse people in general.
You seem to me to be very resilient.
I like your Saying (Big people are harder to Kidnap) cool!
Wish you well.......Ryne
Hey buddy, sorry to hear she didnt work out. I like what Pen said about kissing a lot of toads. Its true! The right one will come along. Just worry bout getting yourself felling better for now.
Hey, I don't know you well either; but I am sorry you got your heart broken. I didn't get married till I was 30 (I was healthy!) But, I agree---there were some toads! But, my prince is here with two beautiful daughters. It will come! Peace & Hugs! Sue


Punctuation Impaired
(((hugs)))) Broken hearts do heal, it just takes time.....Just don't let your heart become calloused because of this disease. You are an awesome guy Mike. I have no doubt that the right person is out there for you.


Sports Crohnie
Hi Mike,
Missed you around here recently.
Sorry about your broken heart. They take time to heal. But, I agree with everyone's words. She's out there. Just don't rush into it. And don't beat yourself up about it either.
I'm sorry you are feeling down. :(

When ever I feel like that I sometimes try and think that my crohn's is a good way to weed out the good from the bad guys early on. If they want to be with me despite my illness then they are keepers, if not then I can move on to someone better. It's better to find out early on than getting in too deep and then finding out years later.

Stay smiling :) Someone will come along one day.
That really stinks. Broken hearts are tough. I spent a year and a half with a man that told me he was going to marry me and wanted to "grow old together." We broke up and he started dating someone else 2 days later. I was crushed. About 9 months later I met the man I ended up marrying and I wasn't even looking! You never know how life can surprise you. I spent a lot of time on me and it really helped me when I did get into that next relationship, not to mention it's good to take care of yourself! I wasn't having troubles with Crohn's then, but know I wouldn't have been able to deal with it on top of relationship stuff. So, I admire your strength for dealing with both. Hang in there buddy! The wait will be worth all the pain and time it took to get there. :)
Misty-Eyed said:
I'm sorry you are feeling down. :(

When ever I feel like that I sometimes try and think that my crohn's is a good way to weed out the good from the bad guys early on. If they want to be with me despite my illness then they are keepers, if not then I can move on to someone better. It's better to find out early on than getting in too deep and then finding out years later.

Stay smiling :) Someone will come along one day.
I totally agree with Misty-I've met quite a few people who within just a few weeks let me know they didn't want to be with someone with a chronic illness. I've even had friends (one who told me while I was in the hospital) this is just too hard. I've been broken-hearted over lost friends and the potential special someone because of this illness, but Misty is right-you really need just the "keepers" in your life, and finding out sooner is better than later.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I know it's hard when you're hurting but just try to focus on getting better. My best friend has a saying that made me feel better: "Time heals all wounds, and time wounds all heels."
You'll find your princess, no worries about that!
I don't know you well either Mike, but I'm very sorry to hear your going through a heartbreak! Hang in there and keep your head up! The right girl will come around when you least expect it!


Thanks everyone for your kind words. I have been gone from here for a couple weeks. Its nice to know I can come back when I need too.

I'm curious if anyone else gets more flare-ups during emotional times? It seems like the last few days have been especially hard for me. I have resorted to just very safe foods. Hoping that the pain is ok.

You know the more I think about things with her, it seemed pretty quick. I'd known her for three years. Just recently started dating this year. It is amazing how fast a heart can get be hurt and how fast it can be healed. I'm just waiting for the healing again.
Hey Mike ... stress and such will bring on flares and make things worse for us Crohnies. So yeah, I'm sure that your emotional state isn't helping.
Mike, definitely for me the more stress I'm under, the more likely I have a flare and also it makes the flare harder to break. For example, my close friend died of cancer several years ago after a long stuggle, and with the grief my disease just went completely out of control. My meds had to go up to the next level and even then until I started to come out of the initial shock/grieving, my body would not cooperate. My GI finally asked me what was going on in my life, and when I told him, he said, "I wish you had told me this sooner, I would have medicated you differently."
Unfortunately you ,too, are grieving right now and the disease will take advantage of that. Tell your GI what is going on emotionally as well as physically, he might be able to treat you in a manner that's more effective.
Best wishes for better days ahead Mike (*HUGS*)


ele mental leprechaun
Hey Mike,

I havent really been up to posting an answer to your thread until now - sorry, but I wanted to do you justice.

I have been thinking of you though. I agree very much that stress can have a huge impact on our physical wellbeing as crohnies. I have explained to my GP each time I have gone in recent months the strain I have been under. Amongst it was 4wks with no kitchen - 10 days of which we had no drinking water and the extra work on top of it all to buy so much bottled hindered too - always had to be up very early as the workmen came from 8am onwards and had to have access up to 5pm so I also couldnt go anywhere!

On top of that Duncan has had hand surgery to both hands and literally could do nothing for himself so I was showering and shaving him etc etc. I did take 2.5wks annual leave to try and pace myself but it just didnt work.

This all rounded off my previous months of moving area -100miles - a change of job and stress with step sons along with our best man being diagnosed with cancer.

So yeah stress hit me a good hard slap and so has my crohn's. Are you surprised at all Mike??

Now? I am off work for at least another 2wks and having fun with pred LOL

On the relationship front Duncan and I met online. If you look at my list of health issues you will see the odd thing or two going on. I truly never thought ANYONE would be interested in someone heading for 40yrs of age with all that health baggage. On the other hand Duncan having heart surgery in the past, needing constant monitoring with that and diabetes, having several different types of surgery looming didnt bother me one bit!

Daft isnt it? We make huge allowances for those we care about but penalise ourselves with every weight we can. Its like a punishment for all the things we are limited with. But who puts it there? Who puts the blinkers on?

I realised in the end its not just about "someone being out there for you", its about recognising all the good in me and despite health issues - yes they are acknowleged but not solely focused on and not swept under the carpet either - they are not purely me! I AM ME NOT MY CROHNS OR ANYTHING ELSE!

Yes when we met I told Duncan straight away about some of the main issues I had and he just said ok I need to research this so I can understand how to help you and you need to tell me too. We still revisit that old chestnut too because we both get concerned at burdening the other with our problems when we each have health problems. Does that make sense? I think that trying too hard to protect the other in the relationship can also push you apart because you "hide" how you really feel physically, emotionally and mentally.

At the end of the day its about striking a balance.... plain and simple. Being realistic.

I have finally found the man of my dreams. No he isnt perfect but neither am I. At the minute he has permission to call me Miss Grumpy if I get a bit ratty so I know I am pushing too hard due to the pred. LOL We both know it works for me as he breaks the cycle of rattyness I get into when it happens and makes me laugh.

Give yourself and your body time to recover, relax and review things. You will find this journey in life varies and you will find that soulmate when you least expect - trust me.

Still thinking of you. ((hugs))

*Will stop prattling on now* LOL
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Thanks Jan.... Its all a bit hard on me right now. My mind is going everywhere.

I wish I could just go back to the way it was. I was getting better and now it seems like I've gone backwards. It just sucks.


Hi Jan
How you doing on Pred? Its bloody marvellous!

I'm 47 this year and I never thought in a million years I'd meet someone else!
I met my new boyf online too, and from the off, we were smitten! and he's only 38! cradle snatcher or wot?
I was honest from the start about being a Crohnie and how sometimes I can't do most things etc, but it doesn't bother him, and yes you're right, we all have imperfections, who doesn't?, and he's got some too! So we're there for each other.
it's 8 months today! happy Anniversary to us!
Hey Mike I feel for you man. Breakups are brutal and you know I really like what Misty-eyed said maybe Crohn's is just like a pre-screener to get all the bad ones out first. Some people just don't get it and these people are just not right for us. You'll find somebody just give it time. Maybe I'll have a word with your Seahawks back over here and see if we can not get your heartbroken again by them. Cause you know being a Seahawk fan is basically the worst relationship you can be in haha!

Good luck and get better soon eh.
Sorry things are not so good right now for ya, Mike. It doesn't always work out with Crohns and love and other times it doesn't have anything to do with the Crohns.
You can be with someone forever until one day things fall apart and you never even see it coming and next thing you know your all by yourself wondering why you let it all slip away. You try to figure out how to make things right, but its too late
I totally feel your heartbreak.
That really sucks, and I know exactly how it is. I dont think "having" the disease changes much between me and a girl, but once she sees how it affects me... the days when im too tired to get up, getting sick after eating........ it's can be too much and she thinks why get stuck with a guy who's sick when she can have a perfectly healthy one? It's a crappy situation to be in, but if you love someone set them free......


I hate this crap. Not any one you by any means. But I literally feel my heart is broken. We just got off the phone and now I don't know what to think. It may be the Crohn's it may not be. I can't tell. I HATE THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!


Punctuation Impaired
Hey Mike, if you need to talk feel free to pm me. I was thinking about your situation a lot today....I may be totally off base, but I got this feeling that maybe she is just a little scared of the prospect of falling hard for someone with a chronic illness???....I know, I would be....Anyway, with out knowing the details that is what was layed on my heart....Now if I am totally coming from the outfield, just tell me to shud upa my face! Okay?


ele mental leprechaun

Yep the pred is starting to help - hooray! Am enjoying the temporary lull of feeling better until the side effects of insomnia and acne kick in LOL

Really feel for you honey. Take it one day at a time mate.

I think you may well have a good point there! Hope it is the case for Mike... fingers crossed she may just need some time to step back and take a good look at the overall picture..