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Unsupportive friend

Location
London
so i said to one of my mates today that i was going to doctors in the afternoon, and he said

wow you've got a lot of stuff wrong haven't you

and i was like >.>

and then he said, 'im glad im not you'

=.=

i dont understand how that could ever be a good thing to say , so i reacted like anyone would :3

even if he was joking, hardly the thing to say, but then again he is the type of person that doesn't understand what to say and what not to say. =.=

and that is why i don't bother telling anyone anything ever >.>
 
I know the feeling...I get "You don't look sick" all the time...people are inconsiderate!!!!
 

Jim (POPS)

Jim (Pops)
Location
Antioch, Ca
People don't understand crohns, how can they?, remember when you first found out you had crohns/coitis? you didn't know what it was about and it took a long time to understand even when YOU have it. SO, I say, give them a break, we can't expect them to know OR understand this, right. If I stop thinking about MYSELF and being in the mood of "ooo poor me" I can understand WHY they can't understand, I say "give them a break". It's not there job to understand when they don't even know what crohns/colitis IS. Why must we think that everyone should know about it and undrstand.

Jim
(Pops)
 

Cat-a-Tonic

Super Moderator
I hear you. Even when people try to understand, they really don't. I have a co-worker who once had a tummy ache while she was at work. She was complaining about feeling ill - then she turned to me and said, "Oh, you feel like this all the time, don't you? I don't know how you do it! I couldn't do it." I got so mad at that, I said to her, "You make it sound like I have a choice! I really don't. I either have to live like this or I have to stop living, because there is no other choice." I know she meant well, but she just used a really poor choice of words and caught me in a bad mood that day. So yes, I get it. Even when people feel like they're being sympathetic, they don't truly get it, and words come out wrong.
 
That really sucks.. I feel your pain also.. One of my friends told me today 'at least you don't have cancer'. Awesome friend huh
 
My friends say that a lot! But it's more of a joke we have. Between us were all a bit in the knackers yard and were all 23/24.

I prefer to have people being like that than giving me sympathy and asking if I am OK all the time and saying I look like crap! That's the one that gets to me because I can't do anything about it. If fact I just bought a £40 foundation to hide it! (That's a lot compared to what I would usually spend). And it still doesn't do the job for my dark eyes, although it is still much better.

I know what you mean about the "Tummy Ache". I have AS and people say, "I had a bad back". AS is not a bad back. or people telling me that their granny had athritis in her thumb, and it was horrible! I'm getting to the stage when I will shout at people for being so ignorant.

One thing you do have to consider with your friend is that he might not know how to react. Talk to him, tell him about the disease. Tell him how you feel about having it.

My Nan kept asking me about my "back" every time I saw her and I told her to stop. I don't need a constant reminder, I am a person not an illness. Since then things have improved a lot. She didn't realise how it made me feel, it was just her way of showing that she cares. Now she knows, shes changed.

I hope this helps (even if I did have a rant of my own :ylol:)
 
Location
London
My friends say that a lot! But it's more of a joke we have. Between us were all a bit in the knackers yard and were all 23/24.

I prefer to have people being like that than giving me sympathy and asking if I am OK all the time and saying I look like crap! That's the one that gets to me because I can't do anything about it. If fact I just bought a £40 foundation to hide it! (That's a lot compared to what I would usually spend). And it still doesn't do the job for my dark eyes, although it is still much better.

I know what you mean about the "Tummy Ache". I have AS and people say, "I had a bad back". AS is not a bad back. or people telling me that their granny had athritis in her thumb, and it was horrible! I'm getting to the stage when I will shout at people for being so ignorant.

One thing you do have to consider with your friend is that he might not know how to react. Talk to him, tell him about the disease. Tell him how you feel about having it.

My Nan kept asking me about my "back" every time I saw her and I told her to stop. I don't need a constant reminder, I am a person not an illness. Since then things have improved a lot. She didn't realise how it made me feel, it was just her way of showing that she cares. Now she knows, shes changed.

I hope this helps (even if I did have a rant of my own :ylol:)
ty for the post but its not that he doesn't know how to react, its that he doesn't give a fuck :3 but all the things you said are true :p
 
It is funny how with chronic illness you find out who your real friends are, and those that are Not. I have about three close friends( 2 of whom do have a health issue). Most healthy society has no clue about chronic illness and unfortunately, a lot of people don't have that understanding of it either. Chronic illness is not readily accepted in society from what I have seen. It is sad, it truly is. I am sorry your mate is that way towards you.. But you are not alone. I learned long ago not to waste my time nor energy on people who I thought were my friends. Hey, if they cant get it, then that's their problem. And it they are rude about it and cant or wont try and understand, then I would just remove myself from that situation or person. I try and get all toxic things out of my life, It causes too much stress...
 
I have come across people with comments that always made me feel bad or angry but I have been blessed with really good friends who never say rude comment on the contrary the always support me. However I have the most large unsupportive family who make sure that they always fill me up with anger and deporession about myself. And I think the solution to that is to stop caring what people say or feel about you and stay away from the people that give me negative feelings.
If you care about your friendship I think personally that you can explain to your friend that these comments hurt you and if you don't care then just ignore him :p
 
I think the commercials for Crohn meds don't help. When I was dx they said, "well at least there's good meds for it now". Serious? My friend who has to have some work done on her veins in her legs said, "see we all have our things". Serious? I wanted to say, "trade you. You can take all my meds, bellyache, iritis and I'll take your bulging veins any day". Thanks for letting us all vent.
 
Crohns disease is highly misunderstood by the general public and it becomes especially more clear when those who are close to you find out you have been diagnosed. I have people who say how's your pooping disease and things of that nature and partially that's my own fault for describing it as that.

Often times it is easier to dumb down our symptoms so that A) we don't sound like complainers to people who have no understanding B) to relax the amount of unwanted attention or sympathy we will then receive (I'm a big boy I can manage, I'll come to you if I need help.) and C) to lessen the emotional burden it puts on those who care and love you, I hate to have people worry about me when I am actually having a good day. What have I learned from this that can help you...Be honest, be clear, and be direct. I have a GI disease that affects me in this way _____, sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's worse.

If a person who you consider a buddy continues to seem cold then consider readjusting your relationship with that person. Crohn's defines the type of person I am but not in a negative way (tried that hated it), don't let others put that negative label on you. Remember we can handle a hell of a lot more pain and embarrassment than many people would ever dream of and in my eyes that's fairly badass.
 
I had a wife whom is a nurse and I was in bed very I'll and her and her sister came in and set on the bed and told me I was just wanting pain meds and that I wasn't that sick and should get out of bed and go to work. I was speechless and angry. My wife had been with me for several years and she knows what the doctors have told me and I was very hurt over what they did.
 
That really sucks.. I feel your pain also.. One of my friends told me today 'at least you don't have cancer'. Awesome friend huh
Honestly, this might sound horrible, but some days I would trade Crohn's for cancer. With cancer, at least you might get better.

Most of the people I know who have had cancer are now fine, off running half marathons and eating whatever they want. I'm still sick.
 
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