Unsupportive Friends

[kenyasolovely]

So since my diagnosis back in May, I've noticed a drop of in the amount of "friends" I have. It bothers me on one hand, but on the other, its kind of like a "relief". I mean I have 2 friends right now who I wouldn't trade for the world and have stuck by my side through thick and thin. They understand my limitations and support me fully in good and bad times. The major downfall to that is that they both live out of state (one lives in Illinois and one lives in Colorado and I'm in Virginia)....so I get depressed about that a lot.

My friends here in Virginia....all the want to do is club and party and live a LIFESTYLE that is not Crohn's-Friendly, if that makes sense. When I try to offer to do things that are within my limitations like antique shopping or going to see a play or something I get nothing but dead silence....or my text go unanswered. Then when they ask me to do something and I say I'm not up to it, everything is taken so personally. Like its amazing how people think you're "faking" it all the time. They don't understand that life I used to live...is not worth it right now. Sure I can go out and party it up but I'm guaranteed to spend the next.....2-3 DAYS in pure pain, fatigued, stomach cramps and pain, diarrhea...etc. While life just goes on for them.

I'm considering starting a meetup.com group for Friends with Limits or something. I really do feel its time to start trying to branch out and find people who can symphatize with me and encourage me when needed...outside of just having a "web based" support group (which don't get me wrong you guys are great!) :thumleft:

 

[Carrie630]

People used to take it personally when I couldn't do something or had to cancel. I lost a lot of friends that way. I'd like to have people come visit, its easiest for me in my house, but its not really easy to get people to do that. I'm nervous going over to someone else's house if I'm nauseous, having D, migrainey, or whatever, a thing people do not tend to understand.

I hate the cliche phrase, but you'll learn who your real friends are, being ill. It makes perfect sense, to me, that you try to get a friends with limits thing going to allow you to be more social.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Kenya, I am sorry you don't have a decent friend living in your area. I am so lucky to say that my best friend is also a Crohnie and she totally understands if I say I'm not feeling up to leaving the house (and vice versa). I've had other friends completely drop out of my life though and that really hurts. The one that is the worst is a girl who was my friend since the second grade. She'll call or email me maybe every 6 months or so to see what I've been up to and ask "are you still sick?" Even though I've explained repeatedly that I've got IBD and that doesn't go away, it's a lifetime chronic thing, she still asks that question, which says to me that she doesn't listen at all to me anymore on the rare ocassions that I do get to talk to her. At this point I'd rather she just stop contacting me altogether than ask stupid questions and not listen to me, you know?

Anyway, I hope you're able to find a supportive and understanding friend or two in your area. Having a friend going through something similar is a real blessing, I don't know what I'd do without my bestie. I hope you can find a Crohnie friend too!

 

[kenyasolovely]

It is kind of sad sometimes. But I've learned in my years of being sick....there's a big difference in being "alone" and being "lonely." I know my battle with Crohns is one I have to face, alone. But with the few good friends I do have by my side....I am never lonely.

Its just amazing to me though how people can be so flaky. And your "friend" sounds a lot like my friends I have. They say stuff like "Oh you're STILL in the hospital???" like I have a choice in it...or "Oh you still not feeling good?"


:voodoo: <===== I know that's wrong but seriously sometimes I just wanna....lol

 

[StarGirrrrl]

I have found, no matter how much it hurts you, and how much you love them, when you have such toxic relationships in your life, you have to drop them to get any relief. I did this with my own Dad so I know what I am talking about. As much as it hurts me, I feel a million times better without him in my lfe.

I think the group you are thinking of starting sounds great!

 

[kenyasolovely]

Starr...yea I've kind of been "weaning" myself away. I found that I just changed my number and email and started putting distance between myself and them. When they come around after like 2-3 months realizing I've been gone, I just politely respond by saying I have to take care of myself and that requires me to focus on me. And just me.