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Want to give up

Hello friends, having a bad time at the minute, mentally I am a bit of a mess.

I had a really bad time with crohns around 4 years ago, probably the worst case scenario happened and Im lucky to be even typing this.

And because of this if my crohns was to return bad again I'd rather be dead, because there is no chance I'd be up for round 2. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to settle my mind. I've had a couple lose stools recently, forgot to take my bile acid absorbtion tabs yday which doesn't help but I still can't help think it's my crohns, even tho it might not be, but it's really stressing me out, to the point where I wish I'd fall asleep and just not wake up. Feels bad. Anyone else feel like this and found a source to help?

Hi Tom
Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Not sure where you are based but here in UK you can ring the Samaritans any time if you are struggling with dark thoughts. Also in UK you could ask your GO to refer for talking therapy to help process what you have been through and manage anxiety and depression.

I have been through a scary experience with crohns so thought I would post what helps.

Firstly prayer has helped me a lot and given me some peace and hope.
Secondly I have tried to switch attitude from what I can't do any more to what I still can.
Thirdly psychology techniques e.g. noticing the good stuff and being grateful, positive self talk, choosing when possible not to let fear of tomorrow stop me enjoying today. Noticing the what if what if thoughts and just calmly, well we'll cross that bridge when we get there
Fourthly doing as much as I can to keep the crohns at bay so careful with what I eat, always blood tests and infusions on time, rest, try and have short walk everyday, take vitamin d and fish oil and anything else that might help.
Fifth remember that there are new treatments being developed all the time so each day is a step closer to more options, less side effects, another chance for good quality of life.

Family is also everything for me so I look at my partner and kid and think, I nearly died, I didn't, so now I get another day to take care of you and be with you and have fun with you. Whether you have got those people or they are still out there I don't know.

I still have my very sad times and fearful times but they are much less often and don't last so long. I see now much more what I have then what I have lost and have a kind of life is unpredictable so seize the moment attitude.

Take care and hope you feel better soon.
People who have never been to the breaking point will never understand you. I remember my breaking point clearly in my life. It had nothing to do with Crohns. I was in the Navy on a sumbarine about 4 weeks into a deployment, I think I had 8 weeks left. No communication with the outside world at all. We were being worked like dogs and I was just exhausted. I remember sitting their wishing I was dead and really wished I was. At that worst point, something happened, a spark of thought, I don't know. I remember saying, life is important. Just make it through today.

That was a life changing point for me and this could be for you. I changed my whole attitude. I was a negative person and I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore. It doesn't happen overnight, but you can think your way it to a different mindset, you can.

Just make it through today and see what tomorrow brings.
Prayers are with you. After reading some of the things many of you go through I really marvel at the strength you have. The bit that I have gone through is may be small in comparison but I have stressed and worried myself silly. I cant fathom what many of you go through daily.