When overweight people sneer and say you have it easy...

[GinnyNinjaGirl]

I have had it with overweight people saying being trim/in shape "is easy" for people who are already trim.

I bite back my words, when what I really want to do is tell them that I would do anything to beat my disease, and that I have no sympathy for people who simply lack discipline.

Now I know what many people are going to say or think here. That I'm lacking empathy for the situation of the chunky person. But that is NOT the case! I know that we all treat food differently, and so do our bodies. I have friends with different hurdles to slender-hood; thyroid problems, joint troubles, no history of activity, lack of nutritional info and let's face it - some people are just so much hungrier. Don't get me started on emotional eaters. Other examples - my brother has never met a meal he didn't like more than most people!

My point is that I would never comment on someone else's weight. It is rude and wildly inappropriate. Why do people who struggle with managing their weight feel it is acceptable to comment on those of us who look like we have the system down pat? The fact is, they have no idea the kind of work many of us do to took great, especially while managing a disease.

I work my butt off to put things in my body that are good for it, keep my energy up so that I can be fit and manage day-to-day tasks, and if something is making me sick, I stop eating it. No matter how delicious it tastes. I see people all the time who make themselves sick drinking coffee - but they would never quit, even when the damage they are doing to their intestines is highlighted.

My questions for everyone else are these:

What do you say when people who are totally out to lunch comment on your weight?
Does this infuriate anyone else?
Why is it wrong to fat-shame, when overweight people think they can comment any way they like to a slender person, and it's okay because the fit person has it easy?
Do you ever lose it and actually tell the other person what you deal with on a daily basis?

(e.g. - oh yes, thanks! My workout regimen is diarrhea 7-10 times a night, almost no sleep, 3-5 types of food in total for my diet, no food sometimes just to decrease all the abdominal swelling, vitamin shots, headaches, arthritis, and general excruciating pain. Then sometimes I have good weeks where I can use my energy for things like a hike or swim! Try it. It'll work for you, too! )

 

[CrohnsChicago]

I personally don't tolerate that type of talk from anyone regardless of size. I'm quick to refocus the conversation on the importance of being HEALTHY and trying to create a dialogue on what "healthy" actually means to them and to myself at that present moment.

Being trim/in shape is not easy for anyone unless you have a super ridiculous high metabolism.

Well in my situation I am actually a slighly overweight crohn's patient (We do exist. I'm 5'8 and 190lbs. carrying a great majority of my weight on my lower-half and toggled between 165 and 175 during a flare).

I found people would compliment me on my weight loss when flaring and I couldn't even pretend to be appreciative because if only they knew the pain and suffering and forced starvation that caused the weight loss to begin with. I should be glad that I have lost the weight but I am so disappointed because to me the weight loss represents a desperate need of medical attention. And in my head they should be more appreciative of their health and well being and not so focused on vanity (for those who consider weight loss solely a vanity issue).

I've been in remission for a year and a half now and have managed to put back on all of those pounds lost...party because of the huge learning curve with finding the right balance of foods now that you can eat again on a damaged digestive system and partly because I too still lack the full amount of energy I had before Crohn's hit me.

I know how important it is to be HEALTHY to beat this disease and that is what I put my attention on. With b12 supplements, adjusting my lifestyle and SLOWLY incorporating exercise back into my system I'm finally at a point where I feel comfortable working out more routinely, am SLOWLY losing weight the right way and am not getting so fatigued from all of it. So long as I give myself a chunk of down time at the end of the week or little "energy breaks" each day, I can go about everyday with much more ease and a bit more energy.

 

[Jennifer]

I would never comment on someone else's weight.

What do you say when people who are totally out to lunch comment on your weight?
Does this infuriate anyone else?
Why is it wrong to fat-shame, when overweight people think they can comment any way they like to a slender person, and it's okay because the fit person has it easy?
Do you ever lose it and actually tell the other person what you deal with on a daily basis?

I think calling people who are overweight, "fat" and "chunky" is commenting on their weight in general a bit and some would/do find it offensive.

That aside I don't care what their weight is. I've had all kinds of people comment on my weight from being too thin to being too "fat" in their eyes whether I'm on steroids or in remission and gaining my weight back. There's no understanding on their end and the people who usually do this are already aware that I have Crohn's.

I remind them I'm on steroids and that it isn't fat it's water retention but even then they have a solution for that, "stop eating chips cause they have a lot of salt." I don't eat chips you nitwit. :ybatty: Or if I'm in remission and I've gained my weight back but have yet to get to some sort of new diet or exercise program and they call me out as "fat" I tell them it's better than where I was and that I'm finally healthy. Then they suggest I take up running. :yfrown:

It isn't right to bring up someone's weight at all unless you know them very well and there's a major health concern but even then it's better to try to help them rather than say, "you need to loose weight," or "you need to gain weight." That person already knows what they need but it's possible that they need help. If they are overweight maybe suggest doing activities together that require a little walking etc. If they are underweight look up ways to help them gain some weight back and look up their illness and again try things with them. Maybe you'll discover a smoothie they can actually drink or maybe you could be more active with their health by helping them get to their appointments or going with them to their appointments etc. Either way whether you're overweight or underweight you need support. We're open to suggestions as long as they are educated ones. "Eat a sandwich" is not an educated suggestion.

Sure I've lost it with some people, especially if you mix in a little roid rage. All that does though is make them feel bad back. Now I just roll with the punches and correct people when they say something stupid. Some people never change though and I do my best to avoid them (yes even family members).

 

[guest20]

I would like my skinny pre 93 gut back I miss it sorely and the effortlessness of bending to tie my adidas gazelle it's rather draining a thing to do wouldn't mind being an 8 stone weakling again either instead of a bloated 12 stone whale

 

[If*]

Parents really need to teach their children respect, tact, and manners - it starts at home and by example. Otherwise they grow into rude adults.

too many are far to into I want, I have, I...... ~ It is the ego that runs people and their self importance.

 

[guest20]

Saying that though it's nice not to get blown up the road in a gust of wind

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I can relate to the frustration of being overly skinny and people telling me I'm lucky and don't have a real weight issue. I agree having diarrhea 20+ times a day, malabsorption issues and brittle bones really don't make one very lucky. It took me so long to bring myself back to a decent weight from being a skeleton. It wasn't easy at all.

 

[UnXmas]

I'm underweight to the extreme. At my lowest, my BMI was 10. People don't tell me I have it easy, people think I'm anorexic. Complete strangers have shouted it at me in the street or come up and asked me if I am. It hasn't happened that often, but every now and then. But I think some people do the same to the obese - shout insults, etc.

I think the obese have a much more negative stereotype to deal with than the underweight; I think the obese stereotype is more negative than even the anorexic stereotype.

But it's more isolating being very underweight and struggling to gain. It's basically the norm, especially in the media, to assume that gaining weight is easy and eating is enjoyable.

 

[UnXmas]

Being trim/in shape is not easy for anyone unless you have a super ridiculous high metabolism.
.

I don't think this is true - most of the people I know are fit and don't work hard at keeping to a diet or exercise plan at all. Especially people in my family. They exercise for fun, eat what they enjoy (healthy food AND junk), and maintain normal weights.

 

[baistuff]

Please be less judgemental of obese people.

Obese people are this decades' group for instant discrimination. People see obese people and judgements are passed within seconds before anyone has had a chance to speak to them. Decisions about jobs, promotions, dates, friendship are made in a split second of seeing someone.

We look upon weight and our size (I am pretty thin too) as a measure of health. Obese folks are looking through a prism of social acceptance and self worth. The metric is completely different. And in their perspective we ARE lucky. No one has passed judgement on us in terms of our competency, education, respect, sexual appeal in 0.3 seconds.

Should they comment on weight in anyone? of course not. But like everything else in life and with this disease a response with a smile or a simple thank you or humor will go a much longer way than contempt and ire. When Mrs. Baistuff complains about feeling fat (she is not by any means) I will remind her that she is just is just one crohn's flare away from her perfect dress size

When I take the kids for pizza to a place where I know the owner very well, i ask him if I can get a discount on my slice since it will only be rented for a few hours (though since FMT I don't eat it anymore.)

yes, the comments are others are insensitive, but let's try to smile more and understand the perspective of the other. Nothing productive comes from contempt of others.

 

[CrohnsChicago]

I don't think this is true - most of the people I know are fit and don't work hard at keeping to a diet or exercise plan at all. Especially people in my family. They exercise for fun, eat what they enjoy (healthy food AND junk), and maintain normal weights.

Sorry I don't understand.

That's the definition of having a good metabolism like I stated, isn't it? Or am I missing something in your statement?

Those with very good metabolisms don't necessarily have to be as mindful of eating and exercising as others do (regardless of their lifestyle choices) while others may have to take those two factors into more consideration. That's all I was trying to state.

 

[UnXmas]

One situation where I've appreciated being underweight: in hospital when nurses have had to change the bed sheets from under me, and when they had to lift me from bed to CT scanner. A few times in this situation they joked about how I've made their job easier. These jokes were all said in fun and didn't offend me at all, but they did make me think how a very overweight person would feel when they had to be lifted, and what might be said. When I was waiting for the CT scan, they were trying to find more people to help lift another patient, and then decided to do me first, while they tried to find extra people, and joked about how they wouldn't need more to lift me. Obviously they were commenting on both my weight and the other patient's, though there really wasn't a way they could have avoided talking about it, but I really felt that the overweight patient had more reason to feel embarrassed about it than I did. Maybe the other patient didn't care at all, I hope he didn't.

People a bit overweight, I don't think have much of a problem to deal with, so many people are a bit overweight, but the obese certainly do.

But one more thing: even people of a healthy weight can have eating disorders and may find anyone commenting on their weight or eating habits very difficult to deal with. It's difficult to know what will or will not upset another person, and it's also unrealistic and unnecessary to want all talk of weight to be taboo. Insults are one thing, but many comments that hurt someone may be made with no wrong intentions, and don't necessarily mean the person commenting is lacking in good manners. I think with people you know, if they regularly upset you, talk to them about it, as they may have no idea how you feel. But if they still don't get it, remember that their view may be the result of themselves having been made to feel bad by having had comments on their own weight, there may be a good reason they think you have it easy. Strangers and plain insults aren't worth bothering about.

 

[UnXmas]

Sorry I don't understand.

That's the definition of having a good metabolism like I stated, isn't it? Or am I missing something in your statement?

Those with very good metabolisms don't necessarily have to be as mindful of eating and exercising as others do (regardless of their lifestyle choices) while others may have to take those two factors into more consideration. That's all I was trying to state.

Well I'm not sure whether they have good metabolism or not - how would you know? But the people I'm referring to are naturally satisfied with a normal amount of food. It's not that they can eat excessively and not gain weight, they eat a normal amount of food and don't desire any more.