When your friends don't understand

[willpwuk]

Hi everyone, hope you're well.

I have an appointment with my gastro in 20 mins so i'm just gonna make this fast but i've been thinking about it a lot.

How have you all been with your friends when it comes to Crohn's? Whenever i was flaring (this was while i was misdiagnosed with IBS and wasn't receiving treatment.) I'd get to a stage where i wanted to be left alone, and didn't want to talk to anyone, so at times i'd go for weeks without checking to see how anyone was etc (So i guess it might be partly my fault.)

I've found over the past 4 years i've lost a lot of friends because they get angry, whenever i don't turn up for plans, or when i have to cancel last minute etc etc. I've sent out a lot of messages trying to explain to people but a lot of the time i end up being given the cold shoulder.

Even on facebook i put a long as hell post explaining what crohn's is and why i canceled last minute a lot of the time. To be honest i think i've gotten to the point where a lot of these bridges are already burnt but for future reference it would be helpful if i could get some experience/advice on how you all go about Crohn's with your friends?

 

[ronroush7]

I am sorry this is happening. I am limited to friends at church and relatives. When i was still working, that seems to be where the biggest trouble came from.

 

[Bufford]

I have been through the same thing. One thing about Crohn's, after awhile you will know who your real friends are. They are the ones who remain to be with you on your side after the so called friends have long left.

 

[willpwuk]

I am sorry this is happening. I am limited to friends at church and relatives. When i was still working, that seems to be where the biggest trouble came from.

Eh like Bufford said. I have to agree. Yeah, I had this issue with work as well. Rumours went around about me constantly not being at work, and that i was lazy etc etc or that i was using my time when i was going to the bathroom 'to have a break.'

Even some of my relatives are difficult. They don't seem to understand what Crohn's is. If anything they end up saying things like 'Oh, isn't it just IBS.' Ridiculous.

It's frustrating.

 

[willpwuk]

I have been through the same thing. One thing about Crohn's, after awhile you will know who your real friends are. They are the ones who remain to be with you on your side after the so called friends have long left.

I'm inclined to agree. I'm sure that even though it's depressing, knowing who your real friends are with something like this can be a lot easier for the mind anyway. I just wish people would understand but i'm tired of constantly having to explain myself like i'm being interrogated.

 

[Bufford]

I don't miss the workplace at all, I had to take the early retirement package when I had the big one that left me in hospital for two months with a colostomy. Only then did the real people from work step up and out from the ignorant idiots. Some of my coworkers came to visit me at the hospital which strengthened the bonds of friendship further.
Life has been a difficult rollercoaster, and often the valleys are too deep and long. I wonder what life would have been like to have had good health, but this Crohn's held me back in the working world and left me with a thin pension to live off of with many dreams and hopes left unfulfilled. If I think about it too much it becomes heart breaking.

 

[Fallbirdy]

I'm so sorry about this. I definitely know what you mean - I started coming down with Crohn's my senior year of college, and it was amazing how fast people stop sending invitations when they get turned down because you don't feel good! The other end of the spectrum is that my two very callous but very loyal friends like to make jokes about it. Some jokes are fine - joking about Crohn's is one of my most common coping mechanisms, so I can see why they would think it didn't hurt my feelings. But sometimes, it would be nice if they could understand why I joke about it, and why they shouldn't.