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You know you have a bowel disease when....

Thought id lighten things up. Laughing is that best cure!

Please feel free to add your own endings!

You know you have a bowel disease when......

You spend more time in the bathroom than your wife.

You intimately know your toilet seat

You spend so long on the toilet you fall asleep

You HATE the person in the cubicle next to you because they won't leave fast enough.

Air freshener is now part of your toiletry bag

You will pay extra for the softest toilet roll

You know where all the toilets are within a 10mile radius.

Your afraid to pass wind.

Period pains no longer bother you.

Curry could mean an all night date with the toilet

You give your toilet a pet name

Can't think of any more but please add to it to cheer us all up!
Ooooh we used to have a really long thread full of these, I wonder what happened to it...

Edit - Hooray, I found it! It's a bit dusty. You can read some good ones here though. :D
When you are afraid to go to the bathroom.
When you routinely ruin toliet seats and seek ways to make them last longer.
When you clean your toliet 10 times a day.
When family looks for you in the house the bathroom is the first room they check.
When you carry portable Lysol spray in your purse. :)
When you have a great selection of books next to the toilet cos you know you're gonna be there a while :)
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When your hubby is jealous that you can power a small town from the amount of gas you can pass.

When your new GP asks if you're a nurse because you sound like you've been to medical school.

When your dad tells you to stop reading IBD help books and write your own.


When you hubby mentions the red marks on your butt cheeks where you have add to sit for so long.

On the flip side: when you have lost weight over xmas despite also being on prednisone for 3 weeks
You know you have IBD when on the inside your doubled over with cramps and coming out in a cold sweat and on the outside you can carry on having a perfectly normal conversation with someone as if nothing is wrong with a smile on your face... Mutli- tasking!!
You know you have IBD when on the inside your doubled over with cramps and coming out in a cold sweat and on the outside you can carry on having a perfectly normal conversation with someone as if nothing is wrong with a smile on your face... Mutli- tasking!!
Haha that's so me! But I'm also thinking 'please hurry up and tell me what you have to say so I can make a mad dash to the bathroom' super multitasking!
When you get woke up in the night by the noise your tummy makes, even of its not hurting.

When your boyfriend can't find you the first place he checks is the bathroom.
You know you have CD/UC/IBD/undiagnosed but know something is WRONG, when your male boss goes into the unisex toilet behind you, comes out holding his breath and says, "You can hang with the big boys!". (was actually very funny cause I told him not to go in there)

You know you have.....when you and your hubby are able to laugh hysterically over how long farts last, how badly they stink, how loud they are.....

When you rate the "quality" of your stinkage after leaving the toilet from regular stink to "we must remodel".
I used to be embarrassed about going in public, hate it for the people in there now. If I gotta go I gotta GO!
I don't relate to this at all. I feel like people can complain about the sound/smell if they want, but the second they say anything or give me a look I'll tell 'em "At least you're not the one who has to deal with the disease!" Having to be in a bathroom with someone who has Crohn's is pretty small potatoes in comparison.
Yeah, me neither. I kicked a man out of the bathroom in a hunting lodge in Wyoming-no women's facilities and it was the only bathroom for miles. I busted in, told him to get out, and did my thing. When I came out the whole place was staring, but I was as white as a sheet, so no one had the heart to say anything.

People need to grow up. Babies fill diapers all the time and people think it's cute. Why not have empathy for people with disease?


Undiagnosed Teenager
Your bus isn't going fast enough to get to your destination, so you have to get off several stops early and get to the nearest toilet, then walk to rest of the way.

Miss philosophy every Monday morning - good exercise tho!
When you're currently going to the bathroom and thinking of when and where you will go the next time in about 30 minutes.

When you're familiar with every public restroom within a 1 mile radius of your house.

When you purchase phone apps specifically to be used when you're in the restroom.
(I would also like to add that this is my first day on the forums and I haven't laughed so hard in a while. It is absolutely AWESOME to know that there are folks like you guys out there who can relate to, and find all these things hilarious)
when you are running out of loo roll and you manage to clean up with 3 sheets of paper.( 1 up, 1 down and 1 to polish.)Ha Ha
You know you have an IBD when....

The idea of labour pains no longer make you cringe.....

You have baby wipes, Butt Cream & Disinfectant next to your loo.....

You have baby wipes, Butt Cream, Air freshner, Painkillers & immodium in a bag that you take everywhere .... and a spare set of all of the above in the car... in case you run out....

You have bought 2 wardrobes... the "prednisone" wardrobe and the "remission" wardrobe.....

You permenantly have a "hospital bag" packed and ready to go!!!

The list of possible poo's hang on your wall.... and you find it particularly funny...as you have experienced them all!!! See below!!!

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done
Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.
When you get excited by the new shipment of Calmoseptine at the drugstore.

When the guy at the register says "Wow-your day sucks" while ringing up your Calmoseptine, Tucks wipes, Lysol, Pine-sol, Depends and your 35 roll count mega bundle of toliet paper.

When it makes your day to have a normal bowel movement.

When everyone assumes you're sick every time you go to the bathroom.

When your husband automatically asks "Are you OK" every time you go to the bathroom.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

That is so me...

When my gf says man you stink when she wakes up in the morning. I never farted while I slept before I do so all the time now.