Colonoscopy like a celebrity

I'm having a colonoscopy in a couple of weeks. I usually try to pamper myself especially during prep, but this time I've decided to take it a step further and act like a celebrity! I'm pretty sure the celebrity life is for me.

First of all, I hear that celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow will often do a "cleanse" or a special diet, where they only eat strange stuff like lemon juice & tabasco sauce to "cleanse" their colon and remove "toxins" from their system. Well, I'm going to do one of these cleanses myself (although the doctors stubbornly call it "bowel prep"). I'm going to go on the very exclusive jello, Gatorade, and laxative cleanse diet. I am sure I will feel so posh and luxurious while on this special cleanse. I can practically feel the "toxins" pouring out of me already!

During my cleanse, I will relax in my luxurious 1000 square foot home, featuring a pink & brown bathroom which was last remodeled in 1977 (retro is in, right?). I will wear my high-fashion fuzzy slippers that I purchased from Target, and super couture sweatpants that I got at Old Navy - because only the best fashions for this celebrity! Don't even get me started on the scented candles I got at the dollar store - it will be so posh I can't even bring myself to speak about it, lest anyone reading this feels sad that they can't afford such luxury. I still have to be relatable to my fans, am I right?

And of course, on the big day, the paparazzi will be sure to want to get pictures of me. But these paparazzi, they are so intrusive and follow me so closely that they even get pictures of the inside of me! Their super zoom lens camera sees all the way up my backside and into my colon! Very intrusive of my privacy, but I think there are paparazzi laws that protect them and allow them to take colon pictures of me. That's the price of being a celebrity, right?

And once the photo shoot is all over, I'll have my private driver whisk me away back to my luxury abode, where I'll take a nap on my luxurious thrift store chaise lounge. Sigh, being a celebrity is such hard work! :ycool:

Love it

How clever ,to be able to write that under such circumstances.Brought a smile to my face,I can tell you.Hope it all goes well for you.

Aren't most celebrities up their own arses anyway? Couldn't resist.

I usually paint my toenails whilst spending all that time doubled over on the loo. If I'm gonna be staring at them, might as well make myself useful.

Hard to believe folks pay big bucks to voluntarily undergo what we would prefer to skip.

Umm its Tarjet not Target.

Thank you for the laugh, I love it!

Tar-jet, the French pronunciation! Of course, silly me. Oh, and I think being a celebrity requires me to stuff my dog into a little purse too. That will be fun since my dog weighs 43 lbs.

Edited to add: I almost forgot! A lot of celebrities take drugs, and I will be as well. I'll be taking a Propofol nap just like MJ. SO LUXURIOUS.

LisaKuney, I meant to mention this earlier - I love the purple hair! Now that is posh for real!

Lol... We call it target (Tar-guet) same as you! Just saying Weird thing, they've just recently invaded us! I'll be able to be jet-set and prep like a celebrity in the future too

I think you need that for your dog, preferably in pinkhttp://www.dogster.com/bolz/big-dog-purse-handbag-carmichael-lynch

PsychoJane, that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen! Forget about my dog riding in it - I want to ride in it!

:rof::rof:
My dog and kids would love that

I found out my GI approved Prepopik - a relatively new type of colonoscopy prep here in the US. You only have to drink 2 cups of prep itself. That's so exciting! On the celebrity theme, I feel like I need to have little paper umbrellas in my prep cups to celebrate. I wish I had a pool so I could lounge poolside while drinking my fancy prep. I might have to go buy one of those plastic kiddie pools and dip my feet in.

Haha! Next prep kit Mr Craig has to take I'm getting him tiny brollies & those sparkle things

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Glitter-Sti...87423&sr=1-2&keywords=cocktail+glitter+sticks

Ooh, I want sparkle things! Those look like fun. I wonder if any stores near me sell them? Maybe a party supply store? I might have to go do a bit of shopping!

So I'm feeling very un-celebrity-like today. My GI forgot to write the prescription for my prep - he finally wrote it yesterday, but then I found out my pharmacy doesn't carry it! They said they'd order it in special for me (okay, that's celebrity-like) and they said it'd be in by 1:30 PM today at the latest. It's 12:45 PM and they haven't gotten it in yet and I'm starting to worry. I'm seriously in need of some star treatment here! A celebrity wouldn't have to go through this just to get their laxative, er um I mean cleanse. Prep day is tomorrow so wish me luck, hopefully my prep arrives at the pharmacy soon!

Update: I got my prep, it just arrived at the pharmacy. Got my little paper umbrellas too, but I couldn't find any sparkle things at the party supply store. That's okay, I know the life of a celebrity is so difficult, I will have to learn to live without sparkle thingies and will have to survive with little umbrellas alone.

Bless, the hospital here couriered them out to us as it can't be the Fleet prep. His colonoscopy has been brought forward now.


Best of luck! X

I *so* do not feel like a celebrity! It's prep day and oh ehm gee. So nauseous! So not glamorous!

Cat
Good luck and remember that being a celebrity means that you have to act like a diva and have at least one hissy fit. Sounds perfect for bowel prep!
Lots of hugs.

Ahhh, that's better. Did some jewelry shopping online and feel much more like a celebrity now. I'm pretty sure celebrities buy costume jewelry all the time, right? That can't all be real diamonds and stuff. I painted my nails too in between potty trips - sparkly nail polish is like having real bling, I'm pretty sure.

Go Cat-a-tonic!

Your celebrity shines so bright.

Totally. The OH's prep starts today. I feel I will be dishing out head rubs & hand rubs, plus setting up the fan in the bathroom & the iPad with Netflix on the bath rail.

Getting ready to drink my cherry flavored bottle of liquid satan. Jello and juice at the ready! All set for blast-off lol. Path cleared between laptop and toilet, wipes restocked, and family warned.

I feel for you all I,d rather drink cat pee

I wonder if it would have the same effect

So I had my colonoscopy and I actually did kind of feel like a celebrity. There's a brand new GI clinic here where they do colonoscopies now (rather than having to go to the hospital to have it done), and instead of being in a little curtained-off section of a large room before & after the scope, at the new clinic you now get your own private room. I had my own bathroom and own TV! A window with a view! I didn't have to listen to 20 other people farting after their scopes! It was really nice, I felt like a VIP for sure. And it was my understanding that not all of the private rooms had private bathrooms - I was told that they gave me the "really nice" room. Clearly they knew just how to treat a celebrity of my stature.

Thank you for all the humour.
I must remember all those things of which you wrote--- the next time I have to have the dreaded procedure.
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha