# Welcome to Partners, Family, and Friends



## David

Welcome to the new subforum created for the partners, family, and friends of those of us who have IBD.  If you have any questions, concerns, or suggestions, please let us know.


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## robandamber

Hey,

I am looking to see what I can expect when Rob tapers off his prednisone....this whole flare routine is new to me and I want to support him the best way I can. Should I be loving and supportive and give him the attention he wants even if he doesn't reciprocate, or should I back off and let him be? Its a tedious balance!


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## Natalie38

Hi,

You could always ask him what he would like.

nat


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## robandamber

Hi there,

I've tried to ask, but one of his side effects is that he is indecisive....I'm just trying to pool experiences so I can see what I'm about to come up against and what makes you guys with IBD feel better (as in, what your parter does that helps)


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## Natalie38

Ahh, ok..
Well, I have chrones and AS. I live with a wonderful man. I am fortunate because he takes care of me when i am sick. My last flare up lasted for 5 weeks. It was brutal.
I know for myself, I do appreciate my partner laying low, giving me space.  This is an uncomfortable time, and sometimes embarrasing but it's what it is. I appreciate that if I need something and cannot do it for myself at that time, I can ask and he will accomodate the best he can. 
My suggestion would be just that. Don't stop doing things you normally do, and keep that door open if he needs extra support.!!

Your amazing! and good luck.


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## robandamber

Thanks Natalie....I'm sorry your flare lasted so long  Rob is finally settling down after 6 weeks, but still has cramps from time to time....I figured out that Buscopan works great for him. I will take your suggestion to heart, thank you again!


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## jaymo

Hey my boyfriend (well now ex boyfriend ) has crohns disease. He broke up with me on sat. On fri night he started being funny with me on the phone and he said he wasnt feeling well as i new from before when he feels like this he gets depessed and pushes people away. He has only had crohns for a year and he says he is really depressed and bitter as he is worried about what the future may hold and also cz he cant do the same things he done before. Anyways i got off the phone to me on fri and on sat when he phoned he still sounded depressed and he said he couldnt meet me as he wasnt well. He also said he was annoyed cause i told him the night before that i was stuggling with money and he was worried i would say at the last min i couldnt go on hol in the summer. He was basically picking at everything on the phone to me all silly things he cut off so i left him be as i new he was annoyed cz he wasnt well and was taking out his anger at me. Then he started texting me saying if things where gonna b like this he couldnt do it anymore. I asked what he meant and he said are relationship was shit. Then he went on to text to say it was over and that where not meant to b together. I left him till two days later to calm down and he is still saying it. He would always have silly fights with me its as if he just tries to push everything away from him cz hes scared and upset.. Like he mayb ended it cz he was being horrible to me and he new id mayb leave him. I just wanna know is it cause of crohns his behavour is like this? i dont wanna give up on 7 months esp since the day before all this he said to me we where right togeher. Im the only one that new indept how he felt hes confided in me loads about being depressed and ive told hime to get help, could any of yous help me plz xxxx


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## oldmac

Hello, my mother was diagnosed with crohn's about 8-9 months ago.  Since then she has been slowly deteriorating before my eyes. She has lost about 25 lbs, has no energy, is in constant pain and has diarrhea. The doctor started her on Humira and doubled the dose about 5 weeks ago, still no improvement. I  feel helpless and frustrated that the doctor isn't doing more. My mother is very stoic but I know she is miserable. They scheduled her for a CT scan next week.  Any suggestions...
thanks


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## staloffn

jaymo said:


> Hey my boyfriend (well now ex boyfriend ) has crohns disease. He broke up with me on sat. On fri night he started being funny with me on the phone and he said he wasnt feeling well as i new from before when he feels like this he gets depessed and pushes people away. He has only had crohns for a year and he says he is really depressed and bitter as he is worried about what the future may hold and also cz he cant do the same things he done before. Anyways i got off the phone to me on fri and on sat when he phoned he still sounded depressed and he said he couldnt meet me as he wasnt well. He also said he was annoyed cause i told him the night before that i was stuggling with money and he was worried i would say at the last min i couldnt go on hol in the summer. He was basically picking at everything on the phone to me all silly things he cut off so i left him be as i new he was annoyed cz he wasnt well and was taking out his anger at me. Then he started texting me saying if things where gonna b like this he couldnt do it anymore. I asked what he meant and he said are relationship was shit. Then he went on to text to say it was over and that where not meant to b together. I left him till two days later to calm down and he is still saying it. He would always have silly fights with me its as if he just tries to push everything away from him cz hes scared and upset.. Like he mayb ended it cz he was being horrible to me and he new id mayb leave him. I just wanna know is it cause of crohns his behavour is like this? i dont wanna give up on 7 months esp since the day before all this he said to me we where right togeher. Im the only one that new indept how he felt hes confided in me loads about being depressed and ive told hime to get help, could any of yous help me plz xxxx


sorry to hear this.  i know i have had those moments when you know that you are so miserable and its just not fair to the people around you.  he may really be looking for you to fight through that pushing away and say you aren't going anywhere.  he is most likely in need or support and if he is anything like me hates to have to rely on another.  
I'm getting married in literally 2 wks.. and have been pretty sick the last 6 months. my fiancee had not before really known what it could be like cause i was doing so well the last few yrs.  i felt like it was a good thing to really test that relationship and so she could see what it can be like.  i know how hard this disease is on those around me and i appreciate when they give me the space i need but are close enough when i need them.  i even had that conversation... "i would understand if you didn't want this relationship and wanted to walk away"  sometimes its hard knowing what a drag you can be on living a happy and adventurous life.  feeling like its just not fair for others to have to share the burden.
i would make sure he just isn't pushing you away cause of it.  maybe tell him you are still right there if he needs you, to vent or whatever and that you may not fully understand his pain but you are certainly willing to learn about it and be supportive in what ever way you can.  i love that megan, my fiancee, told me she wasn't going anywhere... and told me i was an a^%, for even thinking she might.  made me know she was really ready to go down this road with me.


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