# You might have Crohns if…



## Booker

*You might have Crohns if…*

You go to the toilet more than five times a day

You get excited when you only have to flush once to get it all down

You know where all the public bathrooms are within 5 miles of home

And you have rated them

You look forward to a colonoscopy because it means just a few more visits than normal to the toilet during prep and no visits to the toilet for at least a day after the procedure

Your coworkers (if you still have a job) aren’t sure if your office is in the toilet or not

You have a list of too many foods to count that you can’t eat anymore

You have a list of too many meds to count you are taking or have taken 

Please add more...


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## Fog Ducker

LOL! Those are great!

You can go through a roll of toilet paper in less than a day.

You have used the side of the road as a bathroom

You carry toilet paper in the car with you for above reason.


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## Crohn's 35

You carry a spare pair of undies (Pirate uses shorts lol) in your car.

You steal your childs babywipes.

You fart and no one notices anymore lol.


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## forum contributor

You always have the following on hand: toilet paper, paper towels, baby wipes/fresh wipes, and air freshener. Yup, I keep all of those in my bag.


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## Fog Ducker

You have taken your laptop into the bathroom cause you know its gonna be a long stay and you cant miss out on the shenanigans on CF!!


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## D Bergy

You went to the bathroom at 6:00 AM but you did not get out of bed until 6:05.

Dan


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## misscris

You have frankensteined it across a store sweating the whole way afraid you won't make it.


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## imisspopcorn

Your family has unanimously decided you smell worse than the dog.


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## razz

The skin tag on your anus got so big you named it 'Wilbur"

You get really impressed by how easy and well your children poop.

You can never be sure if the fart smell was you or someone else.

The last time you wore a g-string it was like a torture.

You have 2 sizes in your wardrobe size 'flaring' and size 'not flaring' ( I guess thats if your lucky and have non flaring times).

You join a forum that discusses poop in great length (and you love it!)


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## imisspopcorn

Good ones razz....My hubby always asks why I don't wear thongs anymore...I'm glad I'm not alone.....And the Prednisone size clothes too!


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## razz

Wilbur (the skin tag) really hates sexy undies lol.


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## shazamataz

You know you have Crohns when the prednisone makes you grow a beard - and you are a woman.

You know you have Crohn's when poop becomes one of the main focuses of your life.

You know you have Crohn's when you are scared to fart, just in case.

You know you have Crohn's when sometimes a trip to the toilet feels like giving birth.


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## tamesis

i thought i was the only one that couldn't wear thongs anymore! I had to go buy all new underwear, and find some that DIDN'T wedge, which was hard to do, because any form of wedgie hurts sooooo bad! Half the time around home i just wear long nighties and no undies if i'm not having a really bad D day, because they're so uncomfy. 

You know you have Crohns when your husband says "more butt stuff" when you go the pharmacy. 

you know you have Crohns when you get a bigger purse for your "crohnie" stuff, such as fresh undies, wipes, calmo 

you know you have Crohns when you have to turn up the TV because your guy is so noisy. 

You know you have Crohns when you buy panty liners to put at the back of your undies, just in case, but don't use them for their designated purpose.


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## shazamataz

he he Pam did you realised you typed 'your guy is so noisy'? LOL


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## tamesis

LOL, no! I meant Gut.....but i'll leave it, 'cause it's funny.


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## Crohn's 35

D Bergy said:
			
		

> You went to the bathroom at 6:00 AM but you did not get out of bed until 6:05.
> 
> Dan


I know it really isn't funny but the way you tell it ..:ylol2:


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## Pirate

You know you have Crohns if you spend more on toilet paper than you do food

You know you have Crohns when your best friends are on CF

You know you have Crohns if you've add a new bathroom to your house 5 ft from your bed

You know you have Crohns if you have 4 complete sets of clothes in your closet that are 3 differant sizes per set

You know you have Crohns if you've ever seriously thought about carrying a corn cob with you.


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## kenny

when you actually consider buying nut flour

There are three rolls of toilet paper stacked on the back of the toilet so you _never_ run out

While on a long drive you find you need to stop for a bio-break more often than your wife!


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## Guestly

You know you have crohns when you decide to wear an adult nappy for a special night out...

When the last time you got out the sewing machine it was to 
make a water proof yet absorbant washable removable cover for your car seat - yes I did...

When you get excited about having a commode delivered to your house!

When the Dr's receptionist recognises your voice on the phone and asks you how you are doing before you introduced yourself...

When you get invited to a wedding and there is a note in the invite letting you know the bride and groom gave arranged for a toilet to be reserved for your exclusive use!

When the pharmacist has pound/dollar signs in his eyes as soon as you walk in the store...

When you've installed a program on your phone that sat navs you to the nearest walking (100 mtr dash) distance toilet.. Best thing I ever bought...

When, despite being a connoiseur of the public convenience, you actually have no shame, and have in desperation ended up with other peoples urine or poo on your clothes/skin because in fact you will poo anywhere, no matter how disgusting the facility...

When if you get asked how you are, the safest response ( and the only one the enquirer really wants to hear) is a tight lipped "fine", rather than a detailed recount of how you have been squirting through the eye of a needle for two days and your ring piece is on fire....

When you high-five with your husband after doing a genuine windy fart in bed.
.. as opposed to the squelch followed by a red faced scramble outta there...

When you have lots of ideas for a thread like this!


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## imisspopcorn

When you go to your daughter's soccer game, only to spend half the game in the toilet


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## my.december

When you have diaper rash worse than your 4 month old niece. 

And I'm jealous of everyone who gets a break in toilet visits after a colonoscopy. I swear, I ate dinner afterward, and was back on the toilet less than an hour after getting home from the hospital. Ridiculous.


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## mwb3779

When you eat something and immediately think "Oh God...."
When you clean your bathroom beautifully and then promptly destroy your toilet.....
When you have had to poop in the shower.....
When you go out anywhere and think I hope I don't have to use that.....
If you've ever laughed so hard you've crapped yourself and didn't care.... You might have Crohn's.


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## tamesis

If you have almost flooded the bathroom trying to get out of the bath and to the toilet before you poop in the tub. 
When you have to skip family gatherings because there's only one bathroom, and you just can take the risk that it won't be available when you need it.


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## My Butt Hurts

You keep a tube of Calmoseptine in your purse, in your bathroom, and one extra in the closet just in case.
You wear a pantiliner even when you don't have your period.
You can fart out a different hole.
You have post-traumatic-crap-your-pants-in-public disorder (PTCYPIPD), and are never going to get over it.
You take more pills than your grandma.
You're the only one at the movie theater who isn't eating popcorn.
You feel like crap, weigh next to nothing, yet people say "Oo, you look so good!"
You have to drive to the park instead of walk/ride bikes.
You have an actual toilet in the back of your minivan, and have used it several times.
You've had your ass-cheeks taped apart right before a surgery, and you couldn't wait to tell your CF friends that detail.

And a slightly different one, but still true - you might have Crohn's if you are in remission and have a completely new outlook on life.  I am so thankful and appreciative for every day that I feel good now.


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## shazamataz

My Butt Hurts said:
			
		

> You can fart out a different hole.


OMG, I know this is so horrible for people but it must be in your delivery Jill, made me laugh a lot :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:


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## mwb3779

My Butt Hurts said:
			
		

> You take more pills than your grandma.
> You're the only one at the movie theater who isn't eating popcorn.


I love these two!  

My grandma and I were actually comparing pill boxes!

I just went to see Extraordinary Measures today and was one of the only people in theater not munching on popcorn.


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## katiesue1506

When there is a storm coming, you check to make sure you have enough toilet paper BEFORE you check for milk, bread, and eggs.

You have the dietary range of an 85 year old woman.

You are so proud when a fart really comes out as a fart.

When normal people complain about a routine colonoscopy you say "its really not that bad as long as you prep with Miralax" and they have NO CLUE what you are talking about OR they are more horrified.

You have to clean the potty as often as you shower.

You've used a wide range of air fresheners, candles, and perfumes... but you still smell the offending odor under it all.

You know how many tiles are on your floor, ceiling, and walls. 

You know how many tiles it takes for your feet to fit perfectly inside them.

You've read every bottle in your your bathroom, three times over. AND you wonder why you don't get paid to write those things by now.

When you gotta go... you GOT TO GO.

You have an "oh shit" handle in your bathroom for when times get scary.

You tried to keep reading material in the bathroom, but you go through it so fast that its not worth even buying it anymore.

You own more underwear than anyone you know.


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## Crohn's 35

You know when your Gi sees your butt more than any other person.

You have a cupboard full of medications and remedies more than your Food cupboard.


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## Peaches

*Great* idea Booker!!

   You know what the Bristol Stool scale is and you celebrate when you get a 3 or 4.
  You can not contain your happiness and have to go share with your CF buddies that you just got a 3 or a 4 on the scale!!!!
  You have had a DEXA scan before the age of 50.
  You have a repeat schedule for colonoscopies set up as reminders at your GI’s office….for years…again, before the age of 50.
  You know what a fistula is and how to explain it properly to someone…who then looks at you like you are an alien.
  You are no longer afraid of needles, IVs or long things that get inserted in different orifices. 
  You can swallow 10 pills at once, no problem.
  You actually rate the different flavors at Ensure…..before the age of 80 :O)
  You are accustomed to laying little swaths of TP down before you go so you don’t leave streaks and have to flush a bazillion times to get rid of them.
  You are well acquainted with a plunger.
  You know that no amount of “matching” is gonna get rid of that smell!
  You have belly scars – and it isn’t from child birth.
  You can empathize way too much with people who have the stomach flu.
  You know remission isn’t just for cancer patients.


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you can identify famous faces or animals in the design in the tiles on the floor.
You may have Crohns if you have named your toilet and you plunger
You may have Crohns if a construction site port-a-john looks good.
You may have Crohns if you don't care that you just walked into the womens room and you find an empty stall anyways


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## farm

You eat ice cream and poop fire!


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## kenny

You might have Crohns when you have a recurring dream about wandering around a hospital not being able to find your GI's office. Then realize you forgot your health-card in the car and will be late for your appointment so you call them on the cell phone to tell them. 

What a silly way to wake up at 7 am on a Sunday!


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## CrohnieCarolyn

razz said:
			
		

> The skin tag on your anus got so big you named it 'Wilbur"
> 
> You get really impressed by how easy and well your children poop.
> 
> You can never be sure if the fart smell was you or someone else.
> 
> The last time you wore a g-string it was like a torture.
> 
> You have 2 sizes in your wardrobe size 'flaring' and size 'not flaring' ( I guess thats if your lucky and have non flaring times).
> 
> You join a forum that discusses poop in great length (and you love it!)


WILBER! LOLOLOL!!!


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## CrohnieCarolyn

If you live your life in the bathroom while you wonder what the rest of the world is doing
If your bathroom looks like a library
If your monthly underwear bill is larger than your grocery bill
If the parmacist all know you on a first disease basis
If you are going about your day and you suddenly feel faint, hot, nauseated and weak
If you are laying around thinking "I slept - why the hell am I so tired"
If your arsehole is red, inflammed, sore or burning to beat the band
If you are feeling lower than whale shit...
If your belly feels like if someone stuck a pin in it you would fly around the room...


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## misscris

CrohnieCarolyn said:
			
		

> If you are going about your day and you suddenly feel faint, hot, nauseated and weak


I hate when that happens.  I have had that happen a few times while sitting at work.  You end up sitting there thinking oh shit, what the hell.  It takes you by surprise EVERY time.  Every time I also sit there thinking what I should do. hehe  I usually just sit there and hope it passes. 



			
				CrohnieCarolyn said:
			
		

> If your belly feels like if someone stuck a pin in it you would fly around the room...


haha .. I was going to make mention to something like this earlier.  I bitch about the bloating often. How I can go to work in the morning looking normal, and come home looking pregnant. *sigh*


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## Daydreamer88

~When you Pharmacist know you just by looking at your face and Say "is this for you or your mom?"

~ You have a portable DVD player in the bathroom with 30 min shows like Seinfeld or the Simpsons cause you know it's going to be a long stay.

~You investigate where all the bathrooms are where ever you go out.

~Your Friends know your situation and don't notice when your gone for 20 mins.

~ You know all the shortcuts to get from city to city because you are afraid you won't make it to the next.

~You have used the outdoors and Notebook paper because you couldn't hold it anymore.

~You walk into Safeway to use the bathroom and it's closed but you walk in anyways and the lady gets mad at you and says it's closed but you pay no attention.

~You can clear a public bathroom by the sounds that are made while using the toilet.


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## merrywidow

your cat walks out of the room because of the smell of your farts!


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## merrywidow

katiesue1506 said:
			
		

> When there is a storm coming, you check to make sure you have enough toilet paper BEFORE you check for milk, bread, and eggs.
> 
> You know how many tiles are on your floor, ceiling, and walls.
> 
> You know how many tiles it takes for your feet to fit perfectly inside


i am so glad that i wasnt the only one that did that


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## Cookie

merrywidow said:
			
		

> i am so glad that i wasnt the only one that did that


Ditto!!!


If you look between your legs while pooping to analyze what comes out.

(did I just admit to that? really?)


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## Jennifer

You may have Crohns if one of the first things on your mind to buy when moving to a new home is a plunger. 
You may have Crohns if you look in the toilet and find a foreign object called, "fully formed poo." - whatever that is.


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## imisspopcorn

CrabbyRelish said:
			
		

> You may have Crohns if one of the first things on your mind to buy when moving to a new home is a plunger.
> You may have Crohns if you look in the toilet and find a foreign object called, "fully formed poo." - whatever that is.



LOL!!!!! It's like an UFO in your very own toilet!


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## tamesis

You can tell a doctor how many poops you have a day, what color they each were, and what texture.


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## shazamataz

Your insides are so noisy you sometimes have to wear earplugs to sleep and the cat is often frightened.


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## uab grad student

You can't tell the difference between a stomach bug and a bad flare anymore


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## my.december

When your toilet could pass for a murder scene because of all the blood... and you're not menstruating.


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## shazamataz

You HAVE to sit on the isle seat at the movies just in case you gotta go.


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## Cackman888

you might have Crohns if you have had to use a Fast food establishments toilets without buying any food.

you might have Crohns if you have had to be substituted in a football game to use the toilet!!!


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## mwb3779

If you get happy because you made a solid poo, you might have Crohn's


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## shazamataz

If you keep a bucket beside your toilet on a permanemnt basis just in case, you probably have Crohn's


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## merrywidow

you have a panic attack if you dont have more than 4 new loo rolls left in the house


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## mharvey90

ahhhhh, all the good ones have been said. but reading this made me feel a lot better today


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## Fog Ducker

You read this thread ,nod your head and laugh, cause everyone of them is sooooo true!


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## tamesis

When you're in the room at the doctors office and you're terrified to fart because you don't want him to walk into that air raid. 

When you can't even stand the smell of your own gas or bm's. (Being a nurse, usually i'm pretty immune to poop smell, but lately, i want to vomit every time i fart/poop!)


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you request the hospital bed next to the bathroom

You may have Crohns if your hospital roommate complains cause your hogging the bathroom.

You may have Crohns if you buy longjohns with the flap in the back

You may have Crohns if the first thing you do when you buy new underwear is cut a hole in the seat of them


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## Crohn's 35

Pirate said:
			
		

> You may have Crohns if you request the hospital bed next to the bathroom
> 
> You may have Crohns if your hospital roommate complains cause your hogging the bathroom.
> 
> You may have Crohns if you buy longjohns with the flap in the back
> 
> You may have Crohns if the first thing you do when you buy new underwear is cut a hole in the seat of them



Pirate you crack me up everytime.:ylol2:


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you can tell another Crohnie by the smell of thier farts

You may have Crohns if your the only guy on your softball team wearing panty liners.

You may have Crohns if your boss has an exhaust fan installed in your office

You may have Crohns if your company moves and forgets to tell you


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## Crohn's 35

Pirate stop! You are hurting my stomach from laughing!


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## Pirate

Don't stop me now, I'm on a roll.

You may have Crohns if you get to work and your co-works have moved your work bench outside next to a port-a-john

You may have Crohns if your spouse pre- soaks your underwear every night

You may have Crohns if you hang a squeege next to the toilet

You may have Crohns if your spouse no longer has nose hairs


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## uab grad student

Pirate you crack me up!  Hillarious, maybe that's why my husband doesn't need a nose hair trimmer...

Also,

You may have Crohn's if you look forward to "injection day" when you give yourself Humira shots


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## imisspopcorn

You compare your lab values month to month, and recognize any changes before the doctor.


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## shazamataz

Or, if friends and family ask you to interpret THEIR blood tests because you are now such an expert!


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## CrohnieCarolyn

If everyone you meet says "Oh my friend, brother, sister-in-law, cousin, aunt, step brother, etc has that....


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## Guestly

If you watched the movie "Evolution" and thought that the Icecream for the butt was a really brilliant idea....

If you nolonger care who sees you researching the best adult nappies in the pharmacy superstore.... (previously used to ferret in like a shoplifter, grab the first thing I saw and sprint for the check out... now it's a leisurely perusal of the best features).

If you have been naked in a shopping centre toilet.... AND just happen to be carrying a full change of clothes, baby wipes, nappy sacks....

If you are never the person who actually says "Who farted?" because you know who farted, and in fact you probably didn't just fart....

If your Sunday afternoon routine is laying all your meds out on the kitchen table and restocking the pill dispensers for the week...

If you get excited about a new brand of toilet cleaner/toilet paper/airfreshener...

If you have ever cleaned your kitchen floor with a toothbrush at 3am.... because you just aren't convinced you did a good enough job the night before...

If you get both excited and a little nervous about a letter inviting you to the "bowel assessment clinic" which asks you to bring a clean hand towel for modesty.... what????  

If you have ever wondered if you are just plain crazy and is it actually all in your head because you are so darned depressed with it all that your emotions have got muddled up with your poop....

If you have read someone's post on here and laughed until you cried because you have SO BEEN where that person is, and while you feel their pain you are actually relieved someone else truly understands what you are going through...


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you have to have your septic tank pumped every six months

You may have Crohns if you have to repair the valve assembly in the tank of your toilet once a year.

You may have Crohns if your water saver toilet doesn't save you money

You may have Crohns if the hotel maintence man comes to check your toilet because others complain of a sewer smell coming from your room

You may have Crohns if your city has to build a new waste treatment plant because of you.


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## Samantha

I am howling with laughter at these!!
You may have Crohns when you rub Anethaine on your naught to stop the sting.
You may have Crohns when as you walk through the door in a hurry even the dogs run for cover.


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## Pirate

lol

You may have Crohns if you only wear sweat pants cause they come down fast

You may have Crohns if you replace your toilet seat 3 times a year.

You may have Crohns if your legs stay numb for a half an hour after you get up from the toilet

You may have Crohns if you do 3 or more curtesy flushes


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## Linney

You may have Crohns if you can identify with all the messages, emphasise and laugh in equal measures.


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you get out a new roll of TP and no one else gets a chance to use any before its gone.

You may have Crohns if you are afraid to moon someone else because you might squirt them.

You may have Crohns if every time you try to climb a step you get a wet feeling between your cheeks

You may have Crohns if you consider your poop as a liquid bi- product.


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## misscris

You might have Crohns if you get excited while playing with Lego's because there is a toilet!!! 

And you might have Crohns if you stop what you're doing to post this on CF.   (or a problem, one of the two. :ylol2: )


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## Fog Ducker

LOl! Should we start a new thread? You might have problems if.... lol!!


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## imisspopcorn

You might have Crohn's if you are so excited to meet a bunch of people from the internet who admit to crapping their pants.....I love you guys!


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you are sledding down a hill turning the snow brown

You may have Crohns if your pants look like thier tie dyed with fall colors

You may have Crohns if you leave to go shopping with underwear on and come home commando

You may have Crohns if you have to get your underwear changed more than your year old grandchild


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## Fog Ducker

Pirate you are one funny mo fo! How do you come up with all these??


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## Pirate

I actually think of them right as I read evrybody else's posts.

You might have Crohns if every fart you let loose sounds wet for a reason.

You might have Crohns if you have thought of putting a garbage bag between your butt and your underwear.

You do have Crohns if you've done that before.

You may have Crohns if your kids have installed a gas detector in your vehicle as a joke.

You may have Crohns if when taking a shower the best part is spraying your butt hole for relief.


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## merrywidow

you may have crohns if you medicene cabinet looks like a mini boots the chemist.
and your 12 year old knows how many yellow/white tablets you should be taking.

you may have crohns if food comes out in the same form it went in. i.e carrots, sweetcorn, beans etc.


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## tamesis

you might have Crohns if you contemplated using the toilet sitting in your spare room because the bathroom is under construction and your spouse is using the 2nd toilet.


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## Guestly

If you have ever put an ice cube on your anus.... Try it... It's gooood!


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## Fog Ducker

^ Im scared it might feel too good!


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## Ashley

Pirate said:
			
		

> lol
> 
> You may have Crohns if your legs stay numb for a half an hour after you get up from the toilet



I can certainly identify with that one!


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## Crohn's 35

Fog Ducker said:
			
		

> ^ Im scared it might feel too good!



:eek2: You are scary.


Lishyloo and Pirate: you both should be stand up comics.:tongue:


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## CrohnieCarolyn

You might have Crohns is you just ordered jeans with an elastic waist...
You might have Crohns if you begin to feel like a rabbit - food goes in - poop immediately comes out...
You might have Crohns if you say in your head "you don't have a f&$king clue" when someone says "I understand"


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## Crohn's 35

Yeah I got the elastic waist.... but losing weight so that helps.


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## Mountaingem

You might have Crohn's if you have Tucks with you at all times.
You might have Crohn's if you've ever been thrown out of  (insert public place here) because you went into opposite-sex restroom when yours was closed.
You might have Crohn's if dinner out includes you routinely screaming "Drive faster!" at your spouse on the way home.
You might have Crohn's if you are an expert in dashing to the restroom hooked up to an IV while holding the back of your hospital gown closed.
You might have Crohn's if you have a favorite Barium flavor for upper GI scans.


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## Nytefyre

You might have Crohn's if people constantly ask you about the diet you're on and then comment on how much weight you've lost.  You smile knowingly!


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## shazamataz

tamesis said:
			
		

> you might have Crohns if you contemplated using the toilet sitting in your spare room because the bathroom is under construction and your spouse is using the 2nd toilet.



I love this one Pam - don't do it!!!


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## my.december

...if you give a little laugh and thing, "I am SO going to pay for this tomorrow," while eating one of your favorite, but now off limits, foods and decide it will be worth it.


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## mwb3779

You may have Crohn's if you have sworn off Red Meat after loving it for so many years!


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## shazamataz

or, if you have to peel an apple before eating it


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## imisspopcorn

If you laughed a little too hard and a fart escaped....and you were thrilled because it wasn't a shart.


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## tamesis

If your spouse knows that when cuddling they have to make sure that they don't touch your stomach, as you'll cry out in pain.


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## shazamataz

Aww Pam, that's a yucky one 

You might have Crohn's if eating has become scary.

You might have Crohn's if you are actually trying to put WEIGHT on as opposed to taking it off like a normal person.


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## Jeff D.

Your nurse has to run out of the room due to your vapors
They have to close down your room when you leave due to BM being everywhere as well as the smell


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## Fog Ducker

These are all gold!!


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## Fog Ducker

... You stole a couple bed pads from the hospital for your bed at home.


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## lucitcha

...you celebrate formed stools with your husband.
...your mom calls you everyday and the "how´s your poo" question is asked right after "hello", and before "how´s the husband and the dog".


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## Pirate

You might have Crohns if you own a septic cleaning co. and your your best customer.

You may have Crohns if your grandkids hug you around the stomach and it causes liquid leakage.

You may have Crohns if the gas station attendant yells "Get out of the way, he's headed for the bathroom again."

You may have Crohns if you know how may steps to the bathroom from any place in the house.


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## GI Joe

You might have Crohns if people invite you to their colonoscopy because you have "a lot " of experience. ( this really happened to me last week)

You might have Crohns if you have ever when locked in a restaurant while you were taking care of business ( or does this only happen to me?)


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## pain in the butt

when you sit down and go get up wash hands take a few step to the door and start all over again ,and again and again sometime you make it out the door even, or even down the hall.


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## kenny

Fog Ducker said:
			
		

> ... You stole a couple bed pads from the hospital for your bed at home.


hah yea those blue piddle pads we bought for rasing a puppy. I was surpised to see them on my bed in the hosptial :ylol2: 

You might have Crohn's if: You are on a first name basis with the secretary of a GI surgeon!


----------



## Crohn's 35

kenny said:
			
		

> You might have Crohn's if: You are on a first name basis with the secretary of a GI surgeon!



Ha, I do!!! Because it all started when she misprounced Penelope lol... she squeezes me in tight appts, got in within 6 hours.  So I brought her some home made apple sauce, saw her today she loved it!


----------



## merrywidow

you may have crohns if your laundry bills are higher than your morgage


----------



## merrywidow

Fog Ducker said:
			
		

> ... You stole a couple bed pads from the hospital for your bed at home.


the bloke deliverys them to me every month!!!


----------



## Rob

Omg. Jus read all these laughed so hard

lucky I was sittin on the dunny haha

you know you got crohns wen you go too the toilet mid way through ya dinner and wake up the next morning still in the toilet


----------



## Crohn's 35

You might have Crohns if you win an Olympic metal for a 20 yard dash !! LOL

... and you could be better than a plumber for fixing toilets!


----------



## Rob

Glad I found this site

I thought I was the only one doin half this stuff


----------



## Crohn's 35

Glad you found us, we are happy you are here.  Like another Crohnies  here says we are all nodding because we all can relate!


----------



## Rob

Cheers
jus found this place few hours ago

so still tryin too work out how too use it lol

iPhone is a god saver ATM bored as here in hospital

havnt figured out how too start a thread yet either


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

You might have Crohns if you can't sleep for the bloating, pain and general "sick" feeling
You might have Crohns if you have had to stop walking or "it's gonna come out" before you can reach the bathroom
You might have Crohns if one more person says "what's that?"
You might have Crohns if your underwear has more skid marks than any man's ...for ladies only lol 
You might have Crohns if your bare ass is hanging out while you wait in the hospital for yet another test...


----------



## Fog Ducker

... If you never need to wash your undies casue they get tossed out before a full day of wearing.
... If you know the art of using snow or leaves cause you didnt bring TP on your walk through the bush

.... If you can keep a normal face while talking to someone but your really having a battle with your bowels to just hold on 5 more seconds.


----------



## Rob

..... When ya pants hangin round ya knees isn't because it cool, they jus full


----------



## imisspopcorn

....when your family sees you making a mad dash to the john and yells out."DON"T Forget TO TURN THE FAN ON".

.....You know which spray deodorizers _really_ deodorize, or just make your bathroom spell like you crapped in a flower bed.


----------



## porter89xxx

When your gut talks more than you when watching a film
When you unshamelessly run to the loo in the supermarket 
When you wake up and take your medication like its something built in your life
When you think sickness and diareah is just so normal now
When you fart and think oh god its coming and thank the god that it stopped it that time
When you look at what you eat and you may as well just be a tortuise


----------



## mwb3779

CrohnieCarolyn said:
			
		

> You might have Crohns if you have had to stop walking or "it's gonna come out" before you can reach the bathroom


I thin we have all been here!!!


----------



## merrywidow

......... if  freinds ask you for advice about their tummy troubles


----------



## violetcreams

...if you have a 'worst case scenario' kit in the boot of your car, including spare trousers, underwear, socks & shoes, baby wipes, body wash & a towel.


----------



## merrywidow

...... if you can compare poo shape/colour (online) and not get embarressed.


----------



## Daydreamer88

...If you can't tell the difference in Menstral cramps and just plain old crohnie cramps.


----------



## Pirate

Daydreamer88 said:
			
		

> ...If you can't tell the difference in Menstral cramps and just plain old crohnie cramps.


Hey that's me!!...... or was it labor pains? Oh one of the 2.


----------



## shazamataz

When  other people start sharing their unpleasant poop experiences with you!


----------



## Rob

When you find this forum an can relate too almost all of it


----------



## merrywidow

............. when "fast food" is not refering to the speed of cooking but the speed of it inside your body.


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

merrywidow said:
			
		

> ...... if you can compare poo shape/colour (online) and not get embarressed.


Ain't that the truth!!! lol   Everyone else says "ewwwwww"


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

When the Radiologist says "your stricture is only 6 inches long" and you want to hug him 'cause you know it hasn't gotten worse in two years and that means no surgery for now!!!
When you get the above mentioned news but there is no solution for the continued cramps, constipation, diarrhea or bloating
When your husband comes with you to the hospital and puts the sheet over your head like you are dead just as the radiologist is walking in - at least the Doc. laughed
When you are up all night AGAIN and think you should install a toilet right next to the bed so you could just hang your bare ass over the side...


----------



## Rob

When you are up all night AGAIN and think you should install a toilet right next to the bed so you could just hang your bare ass over the side...


I've slept in the bathroom b4 lmao is that close enough hahaha


----------



## Guestly

Ha ha! When you spent the afternoon looking through catalogues for a nice throw to put on the commode that's being delivered! Maybe a scatter cushion? I WILL be able to just throw my ass over the side of the bed!

When you have had a frank conversation with your husband about how he feels when he wakes up in a puddle of your poop.... (total weirdo - he doesn't care!)


----------



## merrywidow

........... you just know what washing powder will get your washing the right colour


----------



## kenny

merrywidow said:
			
		

> ............. when "fast food" is not refering to the speed of cooking but the speed of it inside your body.


Ha love that one!

You might have crohn's if: You know all the parts that make up your digestive system and which parts you no longer own! :ycool:


----------



## Rob

You mite hav crohns I'd you can do a 3 lane, lane change an make the driveway turn in peak hour traffic in the blink of an eye too make it too that public toilet you all of a sudden need lol


----------



## Rob

.... If you can overtake Usain Bolt as you sprint for the loo


----------



## Mountaingem

...when you count racing to the toliet as exercise.
...when you buy Tucks in bulk at Costco.
...when you're on a first name basis with the pharmacist.


----------



## Fog Ducker

... When shotgunning refers to your bathroom experience not your hunting trip


----------



## Crohn's 35

..when your pharmacist sees you he goes directly to the calmoseptine lol

or  has your medications in front of you.


----------



## Mountaingem

...when people routinely ask "Are you O.K.?" when you come out of the bathroom-Add extra points if strangers ask lol.


----------



## kenny

You might have crohn's if: You sit alone on Friday Night and Read the CCFA information database


----------



## butt-eze

You might have Crohn's disease if...
you have fed your infant a bottle while sitting on a toilet.

been paged to the pharmacy when grocery shopping, not intending to pick up any meds.  They saw me and wanted to let me know my prescription had arrived.

you crapped your pants in an elevator full of people.

you crapped in a half full bag of kettle corn because it was the only thing you had on hand in the car.

you crapped in a parking lot in the light of day.

your cheeks were so big from steroids you see them in your peripheral vision.

you look forward to your colonoscopies for the kick ass nap you have after you get home.

your husband has a naughty dream about you that turns into a nightmare-as he is kissing my neck he looked down my back and saw green splattered diarrhea all over me (glad that was just a "dream")


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

Fog Ducker said:
			
		

> ... When shotgunning refers to your bathroom experience not your hunting trip


LOL!!!!!


----------



## merrywidow

kenny said:
			
		

> You might have crohn's if: You sit alone on Friday Night and Read the CCFA information database


hugs


----------



## Nic

A twist to the normal you might have Crohns if...

Your spouse might have Crohn's if after a nice dinner, he spent all night in the bathroom, while you, the one with Crohn's, never went once! 

He may also have Crohn's if he then proceeded to put boxer briefs on, instead of his pajama pants and said to me "just in case I have an accident". I couldn't help but giggle, think of the "You might have Crohn's if.." thread and then respond "Oh honey, according to the forums, you might have Crohn's!"


----------



## Rob

Nic said:
			
		

> A twist to the normal you might have Crohns if...
> 
> Your spouse might have Crohn's if after a nice dinner, he spent all night in the bathroom, while you, the one with Crohn's, never went once!
> 
> He may also have Crohn's if he then proceeded to put boxer briefs on, instead of his pajama pants and said to me "just in case I have an accident". I couldn't help but giggle, think of the "You might have Crohn's if.." thread and then respond "Oh honey, according to the forums, you might have Crohn's!"



Hope ya got two loo's


----------



## Mountaingem

butt-eze said:
			
		

> You might have Crohn's disease if...
> you have fed your infant a bottle while sitting on a toilet.
> 
> been paged to the pharmacy when grocery shopping, not intending to pick up any meds.  They saw me and wanted to let me know my prescription had arrived.
> 
> you crapped your pants in an elevator full of people.
> 
> you crapped in a half full bag of kettle corn because it was the only thing you had on hand in the car.
> 
> you crapped in a parking lot in the light of day.
> 
> your cheeks were so big from steroids you see them in your peripheral vision.
> 
> you look forward to your colonoscopies for the kick ass nap you have after you get home.
> 
> your husband has a naughty dream about you that turns into a nightmare-as he is kissing my neck he looked down my back and saw green splattered diarrhea all over me (glad that was just a "dream")


OMG That is hilarous!#2,#3,#5 Done that!:ylol2:


----------



## Nic

Rob said:
			
		

> Hope ya got two loo's


We have 3  But my Asacol must be doing something for me because I'm only going once a day now!!! Him on the other hand is in there 20 times a day and after his colonoscopy they said he didn't have anything!!


----------



## imisspopcorn

kenny said:
			
		

> You might have crohn's if: You sit alone on Friday Night and Read the CCFA information database


Ah Kenny, I'm right there with you, only it will be tonight.....How about if you are excited to get the monthly CCFA email and read it before the rest of the mail.....


----------



## Rob

Ccfa -  ya got me there???

What's that


----------



## Jennjenn

If you scream out while cutting everyone in line for the ladies room at a base ball game I have crohns I have to go move, move, move, with tears in your eyes and feeling so sick and the lady just about to go into the stall you swoop infront of and slam the door closed. 
and then after have an older lady when washing hands says do you feel better now..
Yeah it was a bad day and embarassing! The stares after at me were not nice either. Boy people are just not understanding!!


----------



## farm

Rob said:
			
		

> Ccfa -  ya got me there???
> 
> What's that


Crohns and Colitis Foundation of America

http://www.ccfa.org/


----------



## Mountaingem

Jennjenn said:
			
		

> If you scream out while cutting everyone in line for the ladies room at a base ball game I have crohns I have to go move, move, move, with tears in your eyes and feeling so sick and the lady just about to go into the stall you swoop infront of and slam the door closed.
> and then after have an older lady when washing hands says do you feel better now..
> Yeah it was a bad day and embarassing! The stares after at me were not nice either. Boy people are just not understanding!!


I've had that day MANY times lol. Don't feel bad JennJenn I was escorted out of a Marshall's by security for chasing a guy out of the men's restroom because the women's was closed. Good times


----------



## Rob

Ok cheers farm


----------



## Fog Ducker

Wow Jenn and Mountain, those are awesome!!


----------



## pain in the butt

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:


----------



## Jennjenn

Mountaingem said:
			
		

> I've had that day MANY times lol. Don't feel bad JennJenn I was escorted out of a Marshall's by security for chasing a guy out of the men's restroom because the women's was closed. Good times


Lol :lol2: Like I said some people are just not understanding to the fact when you gotta go you gotta go! If they were in that situation I am sure they would do anything necessary also not to go in their pants.


----------



## kenny

chasing men out the guys Bathroom! :ylol2:


----------



## RAW

Pirate said:
			
		

> You may have Crohns if the hotel maintence man comes to check your toilet because others complain of a sewer smell coming from your room



The person below me came up and said poop was backing up into her sons tub and could I stop using the toilet until maintenance got here to fix it...told her that was not an option and sorry! LOL


----------



## kenny

OK here is one for my Mother-In-Law. She never reads this board so I think I can get away with it.

You might have Crohn's if your Son-in-law calls you Minnie the Mouse behind your back because, not only do you have an obsession with Disneyland, but you just started taking Remicade. :ylol2:


----------



## Mountaingem

Jennjenn said:
			
		

> Lol :lol2: Like I said some people are just not understanding to the fact when you gotta go you gotta go! If they were in that situation I am sure they would do anything necessary also not to go in their pants.


Exactly! It's like what exactly is their problem? It's not like these people never have had diarrhea-we should voodoo curse a mean case of the stomach flu on these people!:devil:


----------



## Jennjenn

:devil: That face is funny lol !! Like really wishing harm on them!

I am more of a :ymad: saying Ok now you pissed me off and that takes a lot to piss me off get out of my way kinda face! The guy at the GNC store a few days ago got that face. Yes I won my argument! It was mix and match buy one get one 1/2 off. He was not quite getting the point of mix and match is not to buy the same exact bottle to get 1/2 off. It went back and forth for a while and when that face came out and my mouth started (not that I am mean or verbally abusive!) just stating the obvious facts to get my correct sale amount! I got it! 

You might also be a chronie if you walk into a store with gut pain and not feeling well and when something is not going as smooth, easy, simple, and right as it should you let the store clerk understand exactly what the problem is! And that they should read and comprehend their own signs!


----------



## Fog Ducker

.... If you love it when someone else in a public bathroom is making more noise than you!


----------



## Mountaingem

Jenn Jenn-good for you girl! Which leads me to...
You might have Crohn's if you've ever scared a store clerk with a public demonstration of prednisone induced rage.:lol:


----------



## Fog Ducker

... If you are definitely going to insulate the walls when you reno the bathroom.


----------



## Crohn's 35

Brian haven't you started on that bathroom yet? :tongue:


----------



## Fog Ducker

Lol!! no I wish!! Still waiting for my interior decorator (you) to help


----------



## Crohn's 35

Ha ha... Did you get the savings  grant deadline for income tax Jan 31?  Trust me I have alot of friends down that way harping for me to come visit but not down in London, just Guelph, Oakville and Orangeville, Georgetown.  Kinda not near ya! LOL.  Decided on colour yet?


----------



## Rob

Where u from jetta England?

You mite be a crohnie if wen watchin tv u get excited ya fav tp goes on sale tomorrow an put a reminder note on ya phone too buy in bulk

 lmao


----------



## Mountaingem

You might have Crohn's if you go to Costco only for the 48 double roll pack of toliet paper, 2 gallon Pine-Sol, 100 count Immodium, and double pack of Tucks. Add points if the clerk who rings you up says "Wow,your week sucks!"


----------



## merrywidow

Rob said:
			
		

> Where u from jetta England?
> 
> You mite be a crohnie if wen watchin tv u get excited ya fav tp goes on sale tomorrow an put a reminder note on ya phone too buy in bulk
> 
> lmao


jetta is from canada,
you have to raid your childs pigging bank to pay for said tp.


----------



## Rob

Lol merry

bit hard for me do that - no kiddies lol

ok still tryin too work out where everyone from buy gettin there lol


----------



## merrywidow

look under our names and it says location, thats where were from!!!


................ if you know the price to the last penny how much 80 toilet rolls would cost you.


----------



## Guestly

If you go out and buy nappies because you have a big night out to look forward to!


----------



## Crohn's 35

merrywidow said:
			
		

> jetta is from canada,
> you have to raid your childs pigging bank to pay for said tp.


Yes, I am from Canada and one of the coldest parts of Canada.  Smack in the middle and off one of the finger lakes, Superior.  You dont wanna visit  here, it was -30c with the windchill and yes it is cold... but a dry cold, my arthritis only acts up when the temperature goes up and gets damp!:tongue:


----------



## krahsdnal

if you have used all the toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, coffee filters and are now looking for the next best paper product


----------



## uab grad student

If you have a doctor's appt and the nurse gets tired of transcribing the list of your meds so she says "hand me that piece of paper" and xeroxes it for your charts. 

 Happened to me yesterday and I think from now on, I'll just type it up and say "here's your own copy".  ;-)


----------



## uab grad student

krahsdnal said:
			
		

> if you have used all the toilet paper, napkins, paper towels, coffee filters and are now looking for the next best paper product


Haha!  Have been there before... You know it is bad when you just give up and get in the shower since you've used up all your resources.


----------



## Guestly

HA Ashlee - done both the shower AND the pre-typed meds/previous operations lists!  Last doc I saw loved me for it - he nicked my copy!

Anyways... here's one from tonight...

You know you have Crohn's when your kids tell the neighbours they wont be going to Judo class tonight becuase mum's bottom is being naughty today....


----------



## imisspopcorn

You are at the pediatrican's office, and when the doctor tells your son that the antibiotic will probably give him diarrhea, your son says, " My mom has diarrhea all day everyday, so what?".......


----------



## farm

The  "IBM" on my computer, in my mind, stands for Irregular Bowel Movements.


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

uab grad student said:
			
		

> If you have a doctor's appt and the nurse gets tired of transcribing the list of your meds so she says "hand me that piece of paper" and xeroxes it for your charts.
> 
> Happened to me yesterday and I think from now on, I'll just type it up and say "here's your own copy".  ;-)



I typed mine up too! lol  Easier than trying to recite them all....


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

imisspopcorn said:
			
		

> You are at the pediatrican's office, and when the doctor tells your son that the antibiotic will probably give him diarrhea, your son says, " My mom has diarrhea all day everyday, so what?".......



From the mouths of babes! lol


----------



## CrohnieCarolyn

You may have Crohns if you would rather be on here than doing your school work, housework or anything that requires any kind of work....
You may have Crohn's if, while you were in the bathroom the cat walked in for a visit while you were having diahrrea and immediately walked out...I think he was holding his nose....lol


----------



## Crohn's 35

You may have Crohns and get carried away when someone ask you how you feeling...like TMI for them


----------



## Mountaingem

CrohnieCarolyn said:
			
		

> You may have Crohns if you would rather be on here than doing your school work, housework or anything that requires any kind of work....
> You may have Crohn's if, while you were in the bathroom the cat walked in for a visit while you were having diahrrea and immediately walked out...I think he was holding his nose....lol


My cat will actually walk up and try to take a peek-no wonder she acts brain-damaged at times-lol!


----------



## Mountaingem

Jettalady said:
			
		

> You may have Crohns and get carried away when someone ask you how you feeling...like TMI for them


Pen that is hilarious! Don't you love it when the look on their face changes all of a sudden and then you're thinking, Yeah went too far this time!:ylol2:


----------



## tamesis

When you belong to a club called "I SMPIP"
When you drive like a nascar racer when you start to feel the bowels rumbling. 
When you have to contemplate which you would rather, crapping your pants in the car or at the side of a public road. 
When the three minute drive home feels like three hours.


----------



## uab grad student

tamesis said:
			
		

> When you have to contemplate which you would rather, crapping your pants in the car or at the side of a public road.


This made me laugh so hard.  Never has happened to me (yet) but our family always pointed out "shit hill" at a certain place on the interstate... it might as well have had a monument for the time my Dad couldn't hold it and had to run out and crap on the side of the road.  We're a strange family... :ycool:


----------



## Mountaingem

I SMPIP? I'm having a blond moment, I don't get it.


----------



## tamesis

S*** my Pants in Public.


----------



## uab grad student

Glad you asked mountaingem, 'cause I didn't know either.  It took me years to figure out what LMAO meant...  Lol  ;-)


----------



## Mountaingem

tamesis said:
			
		

> S*** my Pants in Public.


Ha! I've been given a lifetime acheivement award from that club LOL!


----------



## Crohn's 35

uab grad student said:
			
		

> Glad you asked mountaingem, 'cause I didn't know either.  It took me years to figure out what LMAO meant...  Lol  ;-)


Hey dont laugh, I wasnt too sure what LOL was, some say laugh out loud and some say lots of laughs.... same difference! Probably because of my accent...wait I dont have an accent.


----------



## merrywidow

............. if you have a spare pair of knickers in your handbag which are yours!!!!


----------



## Guestly

Hey Sharon... I'm certainly not in the habit of carrying anyone elses knickers!  But yes I always carry spare and not for salicious/trollop type reasons!


----------



## krahsdnal

See you ladies are smarter, I never carried extra one, just used the ones I had on and hoped to make it home before I had go again


----------



## imisspopcorn

merrywidow said:
			
		

> ............. if you have a spare pair of knickers in your handbag which are yours!!!!


That is cute Merry.....have you been accused of stealing knickers before?


----------



## uab grad student

if you have a spare pair of knickers and they AREN'T yours b/c you ran out of clean ones and had to take someone else's in the house... lol


----------



## Rob

If you've had too call somebody and give directions too bring spare/clean clothes to u in a public toilet somewhere


----------



## Mountaingem

Rob said:
			
		

> If you've had too call somebody and give directions too bring spare/clean clothes to u in a public toilet somewhere


If no one answers the phone and you've ever had to walk out of a public restroom wearing a coverup made from toliet seat covers.


----------



## merrywidow

imisspopcorn said:
			
		

> That is cute Merry.....have you been accused of stealing knickers before?


not ever stolen  knickers, but had too explain to a security guard at the court house why i had spare knickers in my bag, and that they were my knickers. i stopped short of proving that though!!


----------



## merrywidow

.......... if you ever had the feeling that you would, if possialbe, divorce your tummy.


----------



## kenny

You might have Crohn's if: 

You ask a prospective employer what the bathrooms are like! 

You are more concerned about the conditions of the bathrooms at a new job then what you are actually getting paid to be there. 

If you bring an extra roll of toilet paper to work in your lunch box just in case they run out in the staff washroom!


hope i didn't overlap but its hard to follow at 7 pgs


----------



## Guestly

You are so right Kenny!  I recently got called about a job and my last thought was the salary - I wanted to know about the toilets!


----------



## merrywidow

kenny said:
			
		

> hope i didn't overlap but its hard to follow at 7 pgs


kenny dont worry about overlapping, join in the game thread that is at 100+ pages!!! and this is the second edition, the first edition got 201 pages.


----------



## violetcreams

Lishyloo said:
			
		

> You are so right Kenny!  I recently got called about a job and my last thought was the salary - I wanted to know about the toilets!


Ugh, we have horrendous Ally McBeal (sp?) style toilets at work


----------



## tamesis

If your spouse has ever had to stop in the midst of urinating so that you could use the only working toilet


----------



## shazamataz

LOL Pam! I've never had to do that but when I lived with my brother I did sometimes have to get him out of the bathroom in the middle of shaving, or simply poop while he was in the shower! He was very understanding


----------



## Guestly

Oh girls, so with you... I live in a house full of men, and I nolonger have any feminine allure.... Doesn't matter if they are in the bath, shower, on the loo, having a quiet moment plucking their nostril hairs... A shout goes up "CODE BROWN - MUM'S COMING THROUGH!" ( or following through, as the case may be) and the next thing they know they have less than fragrant company!

Actually, I've got to the stage where it probably wouldn't matter whose house I was in, locked doors can't keep me from the porcelain when the bowels send out a war cry!

Lishyloo x


----------



## merrywidow

........ you just know that warm feeling  near your tummy (for stomas) aint because your standing too near the radiator!!


----------



## merrywidow

......... if you know the ingredieants of EVERYTHING  in your store cupboard


----------



## ameslouise

You may have Crohn's if anything like this has ever happened to you...

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80924508/ 

(Really? What was she thinking wearing white pants???)


----------



## Silvermoon

lol... I don't know if I can add any others...but I have to give it a bump to maybe cheer someone else's day!  

Have a good one!


----------



## Lisa

Fog Ducker said:


> ... You stole a couple bed pads from the hospital for your bed at home.


I admit it.....  - they make great last-minute pee pads for a child too...umm..yeah...that is what I got mine for! lol

If you have bought leather seats in a car because they don't stain as easily as cloth.......


----------



## Dunbar

Thank You for the laughs - the tears are rolling

You know if...the flies leave you alone in the outhouse


----------



## stussy

When your neighbour pops round to borrow a loo roll and says they will go shopping in a couple of days and return it, and you insist that they take 4 as you cant understand how 1 loo roll could be enough for 2 days


----------



## Rob

Lol yep i relate to that one lol
I got my lounge room, my bedrooms, my kitchen etc and I got my toilet paper room lmao
it's full of the stuff hahaha
infact I'm sure I got a roll in Almost every room lol
an atleast one roll in each car for emergancies while out


----------



## whysoserious

You might have Crohn's if your hubby turns a section of your guest bedroom into a toilet paper stockroom.


----------



## GutlessWonder86

you might be a Crohnie if the baby food on your 1 yr. old niece's plate looks more appetizing than the food on yours.

you might be a Crohnie if driving through the desert causes you to give pause

Crohn's disease: a good excuse to not eat my veggies   (ex-brussel sprouts, corn, asparagus) 

You might be a crohnie if you can lower the boom and clear the room faster than your spouse


----------



## Crohn's 35

whysoserious said:


> You might have Crohn's if your hubby turns a section of your guest bedroom into a toilet paper stockroom.


Oh my Gosh , I was gonna say the same thing but say ,when you have a linen closet just for TP :wink:


----------



## sunflower

You might be a Chronie if even the thought of not having access to a bathroom makes you feel like you might fart any minute!

(I visit people's houses for my new job and we are not allowed to ask them to use the bathroom.  My pucker string gets nervous every time I go into a home.  I hope that stops one of these days.)


----------



## Walt

*Thanks all for this comic relief...*

This thread has been sooo much fun... and hit me right where I live!

you might be a Crohnie if:
-you ever set an alarm clock to take pills

-on a sitdown, you finish the elaborate 'paperwork' only to oops... have to start all over again

-your grocery cart has just a couple of food items and a 40 roll pack of tp

-you disrobe at the doc's, forgetting you are there for some other reason

-when others stink in your presence, yet everyone is quick to blame you

-you have shorthand and nicknames for various nasty bodily outputs

-on your way to the Loo, have climbed stairs and tooted on each and every step

-you run to the toilet with straight hair, and emerge with curly hair

- you legitimately squeak your chair and your pets and/or loved ones look scared and scatter!

Good show folks, please bring them on...
I could read these all day!


----------



## Silvermoon

tamesis said:


> ...You know you have Crohns when your husband says "more butt stuff" when you go the pharmacy...


You know you have Crohn's when you can get your husband to go to the pharmacy _for you_!!


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you go to the nurse for a smear test, she says 'this might be a bit uncomfortable' and you reply 'at least it's not going up my butt this time!'.

You might have Crohn's if your butt is no longer a one-way street.

You might have Crohn's if all your jokes revolve around your butt!


----------



## merrywidow

you might have crohns if you struggle to remember the times when you woke and felt happy, and not full of pain/mucus/blood.


----------



## Pincushion

You might have crohn's if your local hospital feels like a 2nd home and all the nurses and doctors know you by name

You might have crohn's if you have a code word with family so that while you are out you can say it before rushing to the toilet and you trust that they will grab hold of your child and any belongings so you dont have to worry and crap yourself while trying to get everything in order first.

You might have crohn's if people ask about it and then press for further details, not knowing what they are letting themselves in for.

You might have crohn's if you have sampled each and every air freshner to try and find one that works as well as one that doesnt choke you to death so you can spray it while still sat down.

You might have crohn's if the courtesy flush becomes not just something to do to be polite but an absolute necessity.

You might have crohn's if the first thing you do before sitting down is put some toilet paper in the bowl to dampen any noise.


----------



## InkyStinky

Rebecca85 said:


> You might have Crohn's if your butt is no longer a one-way street.


:lol2:

... you have to tell your gp's nurse aid how to pronounce your meds: "mer-cap-to-pur-ine".


----------



## Jennjenn

You might have crohns if you are in the mall and are having an emergency needing to run to the bathroom and knowingly cut off a pregnant lady so you do not have to walk out of the mall crying from having an accident instead.


----------



## GutlessWonder86

You know you have Crohn's  if you have to constantly correct your GI and primary MD in spelling the dang disease. It's C-R-O-H-N-'S  not C-R-O-N-E-S   or C-R-O-N-H-E-S.

I mean, they deal w/IBD pts. all the time, at least spell it correctly when dealing with a crohnie  especially one like me.   lol


----------



## GutlessWonder86

FYI: the CPT/billing  code for Crohn's is 555.9  in case you need it for blood work or any other kind of test such as radiology and such. Most insurance companies require it now on the lab work forms. ( It's the biller inside me.  hee hee hee)


----------



## dustydshook

*You might have crohns if:*

You might have Crohns is after comming out of the restroom you find your shopping cart and all it's contents have been returned to the shelves!

and you might have Crohns if you read every last post on this thread and have laughed and cried hysterically because it is all sad but true!:lol2


----------



## Doberwoman

You might have Crohn's if the small space you allotted in your desk drawer at work for your meds has evolved into an entire drawer devoted just to meds, extra toilet paper, wipes and other emergency supplies....and you keep it locked out of fear a coworker may discover your secret.
Also the pharmacy always "owes you" the remaining Rx of Proctofoam because they never have the amount you need in stock.


----------



## tmgread

You might have Crohn's if you are so excited by a formed stool that you take a picture of it on your cell phone, then can't understand why friends are too grossed out to celebrate with you when you show it to them.


----------



## InkyStinky

tmgread said:


> You might have Crohn's if you are so excited by a formed stool that you take a picture of it on your cell phone, then can't understand why friends are too grossed out to celebrate with you when you show it to them.


As a fellow Crohnie, let me say: :congratualtions:


----------



## tmgread

See, that's what I expected them to say. Of course, it may have been better if I had waiting until they finished lunch. lol


----------



## Pincushion

tmgread said:


> See, that's what I expected them to say. Of course, it may have been better if I had waiting until they finished lunch. lol


:lol2::lol2::lol2:

Brilliant and congratulations! 

You might have crohn's if before you are doing something you are really looking forward to you get incredibly unwell and can barely leave the bathroom cos the excitement has gone straight to your tummy!!


----------



## Gibby87

You know you have Crohn's when the lab techs say they are going to name their next new machine after their best customer.

Your friends constantly ask you if you can have this or that.

You can have a "count the pill" contest with your grandmother, and win.

People ask you what you can't have, and you tell them it's easier to say what you can have.

When you can tell your parents that a colonoscopy isn't that bad.

Truck stop bathrooms don't phase you anymore.

You tell the nurses at the ER that the pain scale is subjective due to your pain threshold and you end up amazing everyone when they tell you that you should be in a inordinate amount of pain and you get up and walk away like nothing is wrong.


----------



## Entchen

Gibby87 said:


> Truck stop bathrooms don't phase you anymore.


I've used two different OUTHOUSES this summer...and said they weren't that bad. This from the girl who, a year prior to Crohn's, dropped out of dragonboating in part because the park didn't have proper washrooms, only outhouses.

Love that you can reassure your parents that their colonoscopies won't be so bad.


----------



## ameslouise

Gibby87 said:


> Truck stop bathrooms don't phase you anymore.


LOL!  I'm with ya on this one!

You might have Crohn's if you know EVERY exit between your house and your parent's house 3 hours away, which ones have the best bathrooms and which ones have good restaurants where there's at least two things on the menu you can eat....


----------



## Gibby87

ameslouise said:


> LOL!  I'm with ya on this one!
> 
> You might have Crohn's if you know EVERY exit between your house and your parent's house 3 hours away, which ones have the best bathrooms and which ones have good restaurants where there's at least two things on the menu you can eat....


I like that one!!


----------



## Astra

You know you've got Crohns when .....

You've been sat on a kids blown up swimming ring all day

With a bag of frozen peas in said swimming ring

When an ice cube up the arse is better than an orgasm!!

When you poo in a Tesco bag in the shed cos the decorator is painting your only toilet

When you've ran out of TP and wipe your arse with your knickers at the V Festival, then go commando watching the Foo Fighters!!

When one of your kids holds your hair whilst you're puking, the other one holding the bucket, whilst you're sat on the bog with explosive D

When you throw your expensive Chinese banquet down the bog, and cut out the middle man!


----------



## GutlessWonder86

"When an ice cube up the arse is better than an orgasm!!"



:lol2::lol2:    roflmao!!!!!      never thought of that one.  

way too funny!!!!


----------



## Regular Joe

You might Crohn's have if...

-You recognize toilet paper brands when you're in bathrooms away from home.

-You have your solid, formed poo's bronzed and display them on your curio.

-You laugh when someone asks you if "constipation" has ever been a problem.

-Your spouse (with Crohn's disease) calls you into the bathroom to look at her bowel movement.

-You and your spouse rationally have a detailed discussion about such bowel movements without stopping to think about what you're talking about.

-"mucous" has a significantly different meaning than having a cold.

-you describe "mucous" as "silvery and sheath-like".

-you fear "pencil-shaped" anything.

-you phone into work sick with blood in your stools.

-you have an spare change of clothes, including socks, in a recycle bag under your desk.

-you can brag to your friends and co-workers about how quickly you can clear out a crowded restaraunt bathroom.

-a female co-worker asks you to do just that - RIGHT NOW!

-talking about farts brings back the fondest childhood memories like lying on your back and staring at the clouds and blue sky.

-you are amazed that you just farted.

-fart in the company of another person and say "that's the first time in a month".

-you can use the word "explosive" to best describe an oral or anal event.

-you shudder when you hear the word "episode" because it involves a recurring uncomfortable event that could last an hour up to eight months.

-you become addicted to "Preparation H" or "Immodium".

-you know what an "immunomodulator" is.

-you remember the names of major pharmaceutical companies and the names of the drugs they make.

-you celebrate or congratulate a friend or acquaintance whose bowel movements are less than two a day.

-start painting your ceilings or plaster your walls no earlier than 1:30 A.M.

-you know what "moonface" means.

-your farts are loud enough to wake you _and your spouse_ from a deep sleep.

-you quietly chuckle when someone announces "What died in here?"


----------



## Silvermoon

...You go to see your doctor, and when the nurse asks you to remove your pants and undies, you do so, ....and automatically stick your arse in the air, waiting for the inevitable... 


wink: @ Joan)


----------



## Crohn's 35

Silvermoon said:


> ...You go to see your doctor, and when the nurse asks you to remove your pants and undies, you do so, ....and automatically stick your arse in the air, waiting for the inevitable...
> 
> 
> wink: @ Joan)


Bahaaa, that is funny!  One for Silvermoon!!!!:kello:

You know when you have Crohns when : you poop down your leg and in your boot!!:ysmile:


----------



## Astra

Aw you lot of cows!!!
will I ever get over that one!!!
I'm still feeling wrecked!

You know you've got Crohns when your arse is in the air and Dr. Bassi parks his bike there!!!


----------



## Gibby87

You know you have Crohn's when you go to the bathroom, not to use it, but to get away and no one asks questions when you stay in there for an hour or more.


----------



## Crohns08

You might have crohn's disease if you've been going to the bathroom a lot and you have to ask your sister to quit cracking jokes because it hurts too much to laugh!


----------



## Entchen

You're scared to eat a bit of lettuce from the garden!


----------



## Aura

You take your car to the panel beaters and dont take the three rolls of toilet paper out of the back seat, or the handee towels.


----------



## outlier

... if you have a standing appointment with your doctor (every monday 5:30)
... if your boss is surprised you want time off not to go to your doctors
for my scleritis/uveitis people
... if the clerks at 7/11 tell you when you how they think your eye meds are doing
... if you've memorized the eye chart
... if you stay inside because it's a nice day and you lost your sunglasses


----------



## afman

..... if your boss is suprised you actually showed up for work more then 2 days in a row
..... if you go to the bathroom more then your father-in-law which had stomach stapled and have half of bowels missing


----------



## debs1983

This may not be supposed to be funny, so my apologies but thanks for this cos its cheered me up on a day where I'm down

theyre all so true but some are comical


----------



## debs1983

just come up with 1, dunno if its there

you know you have crohns when you go toilet, wipe, wash hands, get halfway down stairs and have to turn back round and do it all again


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you go on holiday and the maid makes sure you always have at least 3 toilet rolls around the bathroom (even though she tops them up every day).


----------



## ameslouise

You might have Crohn's if you find it's just easier to throw the underwear out than wash them.

<runs off to walmart to buy some new undies>


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you carry a changing bag with pants, wipes, baggies etc.... but you don't have any kids!


----------



## crazycanuck

Sorry i dont think i read them all so sorry if i repeat but....

.....when your doc is on speeddial
.....when your gf is suprised to see the toliet seat up when your done in the bathroom
.....when you can tell exactly what you ate yesterday...not cause you remember but because you can identify it in the toliet
.....when you take the driving test examiner on an unplanned detour through mcdonalds


----------



## Genio

If you wear only black and brown pants.
It is an emergency if there are only three rolls of toilet paper in the house.
If 1/3 of your grocery cart is toilet paper.
If you not only know all the colors of poop but what they mean.
If you have ever had a conversation about poop in public and were not embarrassed.
If you have ever shyted your pants in public.
If your wife knows not to touch your belly.
If you fear hugs of children shorter than 3 feet.
If you have ever been on the toilet so long you can't stand up.
If you get excited about an inch of semi-solid poop.
If you ever looked in a toilet and saw somebody else's poop and felt jealous about how nice it looked.
If you know how many squares of tiles are in the bathroom.
If you know every toilet in the tri-county area.
If you have rated every toilet in the tri-county area.
If you are not ashamed using the woman's restroom.
If you have ever drove 100 mph to the next exit before you shyted yourself.
If you are deathly afraid to fart.
If your do not eat list is 2 pages long.
If you have given up more foods than are available at the restaurant you are at offers.
If it has been years since you drank a pop.
If on a two hour date she sat at the table alone for 45 min. while you were in the can.
If you read everything looking to see if it has apple juice or caffeine.
If you buy Imodium AD in the large bottle.
If you put in a shower on a hose so you could rinse and poop at the same time.
If when you hear the word sex and you can only think of the song "Precious Memories."
If you put an outlet next to the toilet so you can use the laptop.
If your dog has ever run out of the bathroom.
If you have ever scared the guy in the other stall.
If you have ever used your sock to clean up.
If your butt has hurt so long you only notice when it stops.
If you time how long it takes the food to move through your system.
If you cheer a meal that stays in longer than a few hours.
If friends stop inviting you over for dinner because they can't keep up with what you can't eat.
If your left side always hurts.
If a good sleep is 4 hours before a bathroom trip.
If you will do what ever it takes to NOT bend over.
If you have shyted because of your seatbelt.
If you pooped your pants cause you bent over.
If you start the day wearing 34 inch pants and end in a 38.
If it takes two hands to count the jobs you lost because of toilet time.
If you only go to places with public toilets.
If there is a 3 roll rule for the back of the toilet.
If you you massage your belly so nothing gets stuck.


LOL I love this section it hurts my belly but it is nice to know I am not alone.


----------



## Rebecca85

... If everyone assumes you're pregnant because of the big belly, maternity pants and the way you stand there rubbing your belly.


----------



## Entchen

Genio said:


> If 1/3 of your grocery cart is toilet paper.
> 
> 
> Genio said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...And the other 2/3 is:
> Ensure chocolate x 3
> Boost mocha x 1, just to mix things up a bit
> Diaper barrier
> Ginger caplets _(thanks to Penny)_
> Tylenol with codeine
> Multivitamin
> Iron
> Cottonelle moist wipes (and an extra package to take to work)
> Watermelon _(thanks to Penny)_
Click to expand...


----------



## Entchen

You know you have Crohn's when you go to the mall while waiting for your bus transfer to arrive, but you spend the entire 20 minutes in the washroom. 

This was me this morning.


----------



## glum chump

You know you have Crohn's when you look at thong underwear in the store and wonder whose idea of a cruel joke it was...

When you pick up 'baby wipes' and sneer at the word 'baby.' 

When the police officer who was going to stop you to give you a speeding ticket ends up putting on his siren and providing a fast escort to the nearest bathroom.

When you freak out at the fact that a restaurant has only one bathroom for its customers and there's a lineup. 

When going to an appointment, you always start off 20 minutes earlier "just in case."

When your drawer full of black underwear has nothing to do with its apparent sex appeal.

...And ditto to a lot of what everyone else has said before me!!


----------



## crazycanuck

You may have Crohn's if you used the home depot display toliets.

You may have Crohn's if you smile when you see a solid poop.

You may have Crohn's if you must caution your kids to not eat the brown snow either. (thanks for the idea pirate )

You may have Crohn's if you memorized the shift schedule at your local Mcdonalds, not cause you eat there but because they have a clean bathroom.

You may have Crohn's if you spend so long in the bathroom a missing person's report is filled by your workplace.


----------



## ameslouise

glum chump said:


> When you freak out at the fact that a restaurant has only one bathroom for its customers and there's a lineup.


The dreaded one-holer!  I hate that!

These are so great, thanks everyone for making me laugh today!


----------



## dustydshook

Genio said:


> If you wear only black and brown pants.
> It is an emergency if there are only three rolls of toilet paper in the house.
> If 1/3 of your grocery cart is toilet paper.
> If you not only know all the colors of poop but what they mean.
> If you have ever had a conversation about poop in public and were not embarrassed.
> If you have ever shyted your pants in public.
> If your wife knows not to touch your belly.
> If you fear hugs of children shorter than 3 feet.
> If you have ever been on the toilet so long you can't stand up.
> If you get excited about an inch of semi-solid poop.
> If you ever looked in a toilet and saw somebody else's poop and felt jealous about how nice it looked.
> If you know how many squares of tiles are in the bathroom.
> If you know every toilet in the tri-county area.
> If you have rated every toilet in the tri-county area.
> If you are not ashamed using the woman's restroom.
> If you have ever drove 100 mph to the next exit before you shyted yourself.
> If you are deathly afraid to fart.
> If your do not eat list is 2 pages long.
> If you have given up more foods than are available at the restaurant you are at offers.
> If it has been years since you drank a pop.
> If on a two hour date she sat at the table alone for 45 min. while you were in the can.
> If you read everything looking to see if it has apple juice or caffeine.
> If you buy Imodium AD in the large bottle.
> If you put in a shower on a hose so you could rinse and poop at the same time.
> If when you hear the word sex and you can only think of the song "Precious Memories."
> If you put an outlet next to the toilet so you can use the laptop.
> If your dog has ever run out of the bathroom.
> If you have ever scared the guy in the other stall.
> If you have ever used your sock to clean up.
> If your butt has hurt so long you only notice when it stops.
> If you time how long it takes the food to move through your system.
> If you cheer a meal that stays in longer than a few hours.
> If friends stop inviting you over for dinner because they can't keep up with what you can't eat.
> If your left side always hurts.
> If a good sleep is 4 hours before a bathroom trip.
> If you will do what ever it takes to NOT bend over.
> If you have shyted because of your seatbelt.
> If you pooped your pants cause you bent over.
> If you start the day wearing 34 inch pants and end in a 38.
> If it takes two hands to count the jobs you lost because of toilet time.
> If you only go to places with public toilets.
> If there is a 3 roll rule for the back of the toilet.
> If you you massage your belly so nothing gets stuck.
> 
> 
> LOL I love this section it hurts my belly but it is nice to know I am not alone.


I've just peed myself laughing so hard!:biggrin:


----------



## jamilea

These really cracked me up last night.


You know you might have an IBD when you look at the toilet, hesitate to sit down thinking _Oh God, this is going to be painful, ah_!


----------



## Lucy

You may have crohn's if your husband offers to take you shopping at the mall and you say NO because the restrooms are to far and few between. 
if you go dashing thru the house to the bathroom and your dogs have learned to GET OUT OF THE WAY without you telling them.
if people look at you crazy when you tell them you don't drink.
if you tell your co-workers not to use the restroom for about an hour or more.


----------



## Lucy

I haven't laughed this much in forever.


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you laugh so hard you experience stress incontinence. But it's not wee!


----------



## porter89xxx

You might have crohns if

When you get hugged you say dont squeeze me to hard 

When you go out shopping and need the toilet you glady get your radar key out to use disabled toliet while there is a big que in the normal ladies and you think you got the better deal 

When your out for dinner and the only choice you can eat is soup, soup and soup 

When your family look through your bag and are not fazed by the 3 fresh pairs of knickers waiting to be used in case of an accident 

When you go to your pharmacy and come out carrying bags full of ensure drinks 

When people comment on how shit you look it doesnt faze you anymore lol

When your the only idiot that's sitting there falling asleep at 11pm when out with friends

When your friends order your favourite drink....... diet coke

When you've used the toliet so many times the toliet seat becomes unhinged from plonking your arse on it your arse falls half way down the toliet :-/ lol

You sit there rubbing your tummy looking like a pregnant woman 

When you sit and laugh at old facebook photos of when you used to look like a chipmunk and now your next to a skeleton lol


----------



## Entchen

If, while on Prednisone, your only signal to stop eating is that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM HAS STOPPED EATING and the next speaker at the orientation event has begun talking.

I quietly got up, scraped my plate, and spent the rest of the time at the event thinking about the roast beef that got left behind.


----------



## Rebecca85

I could never have done that! When I was on Pred I would quite often go to the fridge for a snack, look down and realise I was already eating something!


----------



## Entchen

Lol! 

Tonight, sheer embarrassment won out over hunger.


----------



## Pirate

You may have Crohns when the "Out Of Order" sign on the bathroom door only means for normal people.

You may have Crohns if the wrinkles on your Poop Shoot has been wiped smooth.

You may have Crohns if you have founded a new Religion and have prayered to the Porcelain God in Pooper's name

You may have Crohns if your kids stop outside the bathroom door every 10 minutes to ask if you need an oxygen mask yet.

You may have Crohns if you have come out of a public bathroom with toilet paper hanging out of the back of your pants more than twice in a week.

You may have Crohns if you have to replace your toilet seat more than once a year.


----------



## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you do a DNA test and it comes back your related to Mickey Mouse. (Remicade humor)

You may have Crohns if the nieghbors cat scares you. (more Remi)

You may have Crohns if your friends won't let you go tubing down a river with them because of possible floaties.

You may have Crohns if you use the grandkids' slip & slide and have to throw it away and buy them a new one.

You may have Crohns if your spouse thinks of you as a bug repellant just to keep bugs out of the bathroom.

You may have Crohns if you have ever had to throw away your underwear and socks at the same time.

You may have Crohns if the stain on the seat of your pants isn't from sitting on the park bench.


----------



## dustydshook

Last week was my husband and I's 9th aniversary I was congratulated once and my sister was asked 3 times about my pregnancy!!!! Nope just my Crohns baby!


----------



## MapleLeafGirl

Aww that sucks   If it makes you feel any better, the rumour went around my work once that I was pregnant with twins - again, just my crohn's baby


----------



## Pirate

HEHE, I had the same problem! just my crohns baby. lol


----------



## VintageAnn

You know you have crohn's when you opt for an opulent bathroom over a gourmet kitchen when it's time to remodel.

You know you have crohn's when you andvyour baby grandson both smell like desitin for the exact same reason.

You know you have crohn's when you have more pairs of 100 percent cotton granny panties than your own granny.

You know you have crohn's when instead of a no smoking sign on your door it's a no fried food sign.

You know you have crohn's when the stupid kaopectate commercial comes on where they make fun of diarrhea and it actually pisses you off.


----------



## Danceruk

These brighten my day so much 

When you keep wet wipes, nappy cream and a good book above the toilet (Mine has my Law textbooks there at moment!! lol)

When you cant remeber the last time you ate solid food

You have at least the next 3 sizes down in your wardrobe for flares! 

Nobody bats an eyelid when you run out of the office clutching your stomach/mouth ..or both!

Your manager wont open your "health update" emails after eating... TMI for a non-crohny! 

Your fridge is full of Ensure and jelly (jello)

A wine gum is considered a real treat!

You panic when your mini nappy rash tube is 1/2 full at the office! 

You have a hot water bottle for home and the office


----------



## bethyd78

when it's no big deal to go up to people at a football game or elsewhere ( like a parade on the streets of NO, LA) and ask people PLEASE can I go first to the BATHROOM PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Dras

heeeeehheeeeehhheeeeee!!!!!


----------



## Gibby87

You get excited when you have a normal sickness that's not digestive related in any way.


----------



## seaofdreams

When you need to drive your dog to the dog park at the end of your street so you know you can leave at a moments notice.

When you have reoccuring nightmares about being out and not being able to find a bathroom.

When you know the location of every single bathroom within 100km of your house (I know it's been said before but it's a great one)

When you decide to rent a house just because it has a second toilet, despite it having almost no other positive characteristics.

When you get on a train only 10 minutes away from your destination and yet you still have to get off to use the bathroom halfway there.

When you gave up drinking alcohol so you wouldn't have to rely on other means of transport if you wanted to go to social events.

When your mum brings you a care package in hospital and it's 5 pairs of black cotton briefs, you couldn't be more greatful or excited.


----------



## Rebecca85

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to see in the future? My house used to have a second toilet, but we never used it so had it taken out. It sure would come in handy at times now!


----------



## girlygirl

*Lol*



Silvermoon said:


> ...You go to see your doctor, and when the nurse asks you to remove your pants and undies, you do so, ....and automatically stick your arse in the air, waiting for the inevitable...
> 
> 
> wink: @ Joan)


LOL.. I'm a newbie.. and can so relate to that.. I've actually reached the point of it not being uncomfortably awkward anymore..  .. ha ha.. and no more.. you want me to do what??


----------



## Nyx

When part of your intestines are hanging out your stomach and you're good with that


----------



## GutlessWonder86

You know you are a crohnie when you don't miss your colon after having it removed because you've lived in the bathroom since you were in high school and actually did homework in there as well as sleeping  (yep, that's what I did!)

You know you are a crohnie when you go in for your 3000 mile check up to see your primary MD, GI, and GI surgeon and they ask "how's Bob doing?" my ileostomy. (I named him that because that is what he does...bobs up and down.)

I had to change the name because it was originally named Phil the bag since I was 17 and my hubby's name was Phil. My friends use to get confused a lot whenever I'd talk about Phil not feeling well or Phil being a pain in my butt and they'd be like which one are you talking about the bag or your husband?   I could see where the confusion was, so out of respect for my significant other, I change names.         To this day, I don't think he realizes that I named my bag Phil.  oh well. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. lol


----------



## Shannon

You have more pictures of your insides than your outsides.


----------



## merrywidow

you know all the proper names for you insides.


love the name "bob" by the way. great name, mines called fred.


----------



## kello82

...when rummaging around in a bag of 3849032 drugs you dont even have to read the labels, you know what is what by the shake of the bottle.

like how people learn to identify bird calls? each drug has its own unique sound!! how lovely.


----------



## merrywidow

when your handbag is to full and you have to take something out. its a choice between make up and underwear and you keep the underwear!!


----------



## Rebecca85

By the time I put my pills in my handbag, I don't even have room for underwear!


----------



## MysteryLocket

ROTFL!! ah it hurts to laugh!!, but so true!! so funny!!!
I wish i had some to contribute but I can't think of any that haven't been mentioned yet.. but LOL!!! 



Fog Ducker said:


> You have taken your laptop into the bathroom cause you know its gonna be a long stay and you cant miss out on the shenanigans on CF!!


Yup! :lol2:
I dont know how many times my roomate has raised her eyebrow at me going in to the bathroom with my laptop in one arm, and my clock and meds in the other. :ylol: I was wondering if anyone else might of done this. I don't feel so weird now. lol!


----------



## MysteryLocket

Not sure if this has been posted up yet *is currently on pg 3*

Buuut...
When you are waiting for your nurse to come back to wheel you down to your room from the colonscopy, and you dart out of the bed and take off down the hall to your room with your back flap showing, waving 'see ya in a few hours' to everyone who was just mooned, so that you can go have mr.potty time.


----------



## MysteryLocket

imisspopcorn said:


> ....when your family sees you making a mad dash to the john and yells out."DON"T Forget TO TURN THE FAN ON".
> 
> .....You know which spray deodorizers _really_ deodorize, or just make your bathroom spell like you crapped in a flower bed.


oh wow, that's so true!! :ylol:


----------



## MysteryLocket

CrohnieCarolyn said:


> When the Radiologist says "your stricture is only 6 inches long" and you want to hug him 'cause you know it hasn't gotten worse in two years and that means no surgery for now!!!
> When you get the above mentioned news but there is no solution for the continued cramps, constipation, diarrhea or bloating
> When your husband comes with you to the hospital and puts the sheet over your head like you are dead just as the radiologist is walking in - at least the Doc. laughed
> When you are up all night AGAIN and think you should install a toilet right next to the bed so you could just hang your bare ass over the side...


(once i finally go through all and comments, i'm going to combine them all into one post, and delete the extras, so there's only one post from me. lol)
Aww, that one about the sheet over your head makes me wanna hug you!

and lol amen to the toliet on the side! XD!!! When i got a bed toliet in the hospital i used it and was like "o.o .. omg.. ^o^ this is the life!!! forget running to the bathroom!! I even get my tv!! *watches cartoon network; then gets a little freaked out when nurses come in and balls up trying to cover self up*" hehe!
We need a couch toliet.. *nods* that would be awesome! hehe


----------



## partlycloudy

Thanks to whoever started this great thread! 

You might have Crohn's if......

....... while Christmas shopping your hubby comments on how weird it is to be out at night without going to the ER.

....... you've managed to convey emergency status to store employees with just the look on your face while asking where the bathroom is.

....... you drive through the ER parking lot for a psychological fix thanks to all your Dilaudid and Zofran memories.

....... you can out-stink your dogs.

....... you've realized you spend a lot of time hopped up on naturally occurring, post-diarrhea endorphins and wonder if that's why you have such a high pain tolerance.

....... you've had diarrhea for so long that the rare semi-normal poo feels like constipation and leaves your butt hurting.

....... you've been desensitized to all your medical phobias. 

....... you learn you actually can hallucinate due to pain.


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you know what the Bristol Stool Scale is, and automatically give your poo a score out of 7, without needing to refer to the chart.

PS my record is going from 7, to a solid 2, and back to 7 in the same visit. Twas like a cork popping!


----------



## ameslouise

You might have Crohn's if dinner invitations from friends always include, "So what are you eating these days?"


----------



## crazycanuck

If the letter D means diarrhea to you.
If your asked what would you take to a deserted island and you answer toliet paper.
If you have the game I Drag Paper on your ipod/iphone.
If you the quality of the bathrooms makes or breaks the restraunt your in.
If your sick of hearing "so how long will it last?"


----------



## mizgarnet

You might have Crohn's if....
....your kitten passes gas and your hubby jumps up and says "Honey, how is your tummy? Do you need a pill?"  

....your hubby keeps air freshener with him at all times.

....your children ask you how many poops you have had today.

....you go to your fave restaurant and the waiters automatically say "Hun, what can you eat tonight?" and then bring you samples before you order just to be sure.

....you love your snuggie because you can wear it in the potty....

Happy Holidays All!!!!

Wendy


----------



## Jessica

These are all great.  Definitely made my day today. Just reading this thread for the first time.  <3


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if... You're reading this thread and thinking 'mmmhmm' 'how true' and 'I'll have to try that'


----------



## tiloah

MysteryLocket said:


> I dont know how many times my roomate has raised her eyebrow at me going in to the bathroom with my laptop in one arm, and my clock and meds in the other. :ylol: I was wondering if anyone else might of done this. I don't feel so weird now. lol!


This is one of the reasons I asked for a Kindle as a gift...


----------



## Debccmhc

Fog Ducker said:


> You have taken your laptop into the bathroom cause you know its gonna be a long stay and you cant miss out on the shenanigans on CF!!



When you buy a NOOK so that you NEVER run out of reading material in the bathroom!  Thank goodness for WiFi!


----------



## Jennifer

You might have Crohn's if you can get a doctorate in Gastroenterology without having to go to school.


----------



## Mountaingem

CrabbyRelish said:


> You might have Crohn's if you can get a doctorate in Gastroenterology without having to go to school.


LOL! I have a friend that's an RN and she swears I know more than she does about medical stuff related to the digestive tract.

You might have Crohn's if you go to the ER and have to tell the attending doctor what tests to run and what to prescribe after getting the results. That was me a week ago; my husband wanted our Co-pay refunded!:ylol:


----------



## crazycanuck

Haha I bring my laptop or.....

You might have crohns if youve arranged your bedroom furniture so that by angling the mirror the right way still lets you watch tv from the toliet.


----------



## Entchen

Yes! Pre-iPad, I'd watch a front window -- because the TV was reflected in that window.


----------



## Melliejay

You find it ironic when healthy friends have a 24 hour stomach bug and think it's the end of the world and take a week off work
You look at yummy food and wonder if 5 minutes of guilty pleasure is worth hours of stomach pains and toilet stops
You can have a really meaningful conversation with an elderly person sharing aches and pains and meds
You even get sick of hearing yourself say you're tired
You've got the run to the toilet 10 minutes after dinner down pat
You politely listen and mentally roll your eyes when healthy friends give you medical advise (particularly your bad health is a manifestation of your mind arhhhh!)
You look longingly at wholemeal bread and nuts


----------



## Melliejay

You jumped on this site on Xmas night because your knees are so swollen and sore (crohns byproduct) and you are looking for similar stories, you stumble across this thread, laugh because it is all so true - smile and feel better!


----------



## GutlessWonder86

You might be a crohnie if you are on more pills than your 91 year old grandmother who only takes 2 pills a day. 

You might be a crohnie if your husband shouts w/joy (no more $$$ copays) when you tell him that you are finally discharged from seeing the GI surgeon after almost 2 years due to a stubborn wound that wouldn't close up from major surgery. 

You might be a crohnie if others tell you that you brought it upon yourself (then you wish deep down that you'd REALLY love to tell them to their face that it's their ignorance which causes you the most stress & you'd like to slap some of them up side the head, including your ex-boss who wasn't the most sympathetic because they have no clue what you have to go through on a daily basis). -- I can dream can't I?  lol


----------



## bry33

you know if you have crohn's when you know all the diseases of the digestive tract before your bio teacher teaches it
if your friend said their mom has crohn's so they know what its like and says take your meds and stay away from xyz and secretly you want to tell her that no she doesn't know and every body is different 
you start to think your lab aide is oj because you found out he has crohn's too and can ramble off as many meds as you can
your a prenursing student and know how to give injections and where to take blood and can pinpoint where to take blood from
you wont live in a dorm b/c there are community bathrooms that get cleaned once a week
you have both imodium and a laxitive in your purse
you can have a farting contest with your b/f and win and be happy you didnt leave anything in your panties
you know which meds that are best to take for which ailment(crohn's isn't just the gut)
the secretary at the walk in clinic already knows who you are and pulls up your charts as soon as you walk in
you are on first name basis with the radiology tech 
you are only 18 and have arthritis tendonitis shingles and all the stuff older people get
your b/fs mom thinks you go to the doc too much and thinks you shouldn't be on so many meds


----------



## aliciars

You may have Crohns if ....

-you know your GI's phone number by heart.
-you get excited when the GI's number shows up on the caller ID.
-you keep a box of diaper wipes on the back of the toilet.
-you have a notebook next to the toilet designated to your said Crohns.
-you belong to multiple Crohns groups and check them almost as much as facebook!
-you will risk an accident to get smart phone on way to toilet, must have entertainment.
-you laughed repeatedly while reading the previous posts while already thinking of things to add.


----------



## Jessica

"you will risk an accident to get smart phone on way to toilet, must have entertainment."

Right there with ya!


----------



## partlycloudy

Yesterday I discovered a few more:

* You might have crohn's if you distract yourself during your tense drive home with trying to figure out a way to add a shallow tub or toilet container to your driver's side seat. As you grow more desperate you find yourself seriously considering just going in your car. I mean, you've got leather seats. Easy clean-up. 

Right?

* You spend an inordinate amount of time in public with your pants unbuttoned and unzipped.

* You've stood in the maternity section wondering if it would better suit you these days. All that belly roooooom......sigh.....


----------



## outlier

You may have Crohns if ....
all you can fit in your carry on luggage is your meds.


----------



## Rebecca85

And spare pants!


----------



## Ian

Best. Thread. Ever. 

I stayed up way too late the other night reading all the replies and trying to wake my mum and sister while I pissed myself laughing! Or should that be shit myself laughing? Either way, I assue you it's a metaphor (this time, anyway!).

You might have Crohn's if your University GP seems to find your meetings mentally stimulating, which suggests you're the first student to walk through the door in months that wasn't complaining about a hangover, an STI, or the 'flu' (if you're well enough to get up, get dressed, walk to the medical centre, and use up a valuable appointment, you have a COLD you complete moron).

You might have Crohn's if you've ever gone to the toilet with the light switched off to prevent your morbid curiosity from allowing you to take a look at the carnage in the bowl! (that one might just be me lol).

You might have Crohn's if a number 2 sounds like a number 1.

You might have Crohn's if you know what your insides look like.

You might have Crohn's if you've had a finger up the bum (that wasn't sexual haha).

You might have Crohn's if you have stomach cramps and blood in your pants.

You DEFINITELY have Crohn's if you have stomach cramps, blood in your pants, and a penis


----------



## partlycloudy

LOL, I love these two:



> You might have Crohn's if your University GP seems to find your meetings mentally stimulating.....
> 
> You might have Crohn's if a number 2 sounds like a number 1.


And another from me:

You might have Crohn's if you're shocked to find out other people don't visually examine their poops each time they go.


----------



## bry33

partlycloudy said:


> LOL, I love these two:
> 
> 
> 
> And another from me:
> 
> You might have Crohn's if you're shocked to find out other people don't visually examine their poops each time they go.


guilty
you might have crohn's if you call the nurse at your GI's office your personall nurse
(I only talk to one nurse at my GI's office she is the nicest one  )


----------



## Grumbly-Guts

I laughed so hard at some of these I woke the baby from his nap!!  I cried I was laughing so hard and then I had to stop and run to do a "check" as I had laughed out an unsure fart!! lol Close but thnkfully just a fart!  After 3 days in bed I really needed this thread!!!  Thank you thank you thank you!!!

You may have Crohn's:
If you can place an NG tube by yourself Or if you can instruct the radiologist or doc in how to quickly and easily place it
If you know where the best place for an IV is
If your friends who do NOT have CD call you with all their poopy questions
If ppl swear you're a drug dealer or a pharmacist due to all the meds you have around
If you have pills in your purse, and next to your bed, and in your car and in your bathrooma dn in your kitchen
If your 2yr old son uses your belly scares as roads for his dinkies (cars)
if you have ran from one end of a plane to the first class to access a bathroom even when the seatbelt sign is on and the stewardess is yelling at you to sit down!
if in ur queen size bed ur hubby almost falls out due to lacj o space from extra pillows, blankets, body pillows and heating pads
if you actualy understand medical jargon related to digestive systems
if you work from home/go to school online, and you reschedule all of your exams so there are only a few ppl in the exam room and enough supervisors to follow you to the bathrom every 10 mins during the exam
if the thought of food actually makes you sick 
if you have bought underwear while shopping b/c you need them ASAP!!
if you have 2 belly buttons! and/or your "real" belly button is gone, or off (noticably) to the side!
If you called the cable company to have them come in and install a cable jack in your bathroom and get hubby to mount a tv in there b/c you are sick of missing your fav shows
if you know what happens when you have an ostomy and don't get up to let the "gas" out at night!!!  (hubby and I learned this the hard way-nobody told me) looking back I laugh every time i think about it!


----------



## Grumbly-Guts

Jessica said:


> "you will risk an accident to get smart phone on way to toilet, must have entertainment."
> 
> Right there with ya!


Oh my god I have done this!!!!  Just to get the laptop b/c it's horrible in there that much with nthing to do!!!


----------



## Grumbly-Guts

kello82 said:


> ...when rummaging around in a bag of 3849032 drugs you dont even have to read the labels, you know what is what by the shake of the bottle.
> 
> like how people learn to identify bird calls? each drug has its own unique sound!! how lovely.


OMG! I thought I was the only one who did that!  My hubby makes fun of me all the time because at 2am all i have to do is reach in where my meds are, eyes still closed, shake bottles and KNOW which ones I need from the sound!!  so funny!


----------



## Shannon

You know you have Crohn's if you haven't shaved your legs for months because you're in a flare up, who cares!

You know you have Crohn's if you feel like PMS takes place every day of the month.

You know you have Crohn's when you have your monologue of meds and supplements memorized for each of the hundred doctors that asks for it in the ER, and every outpatient exam. 

You know you have Crohn's when you have stretch marks, countable ribs, maternity clothing, and jutting out shoulders all within the same month.

You know you have Crohn's when hair is growing in new places, your face is breaking out, you're moody and confused and frustrated - and it's NOT puberty: just prednisone.

You know you have Crohn's when you flip through food magazines every day during your 6-week liquid diet, just because it's like looking at photos of an old friend that you miss terribly.

You know you have Crohn's when you have a pill to treat the side effects of a pill that treats the side effects of a pill that sort of, kind of, but not all the time treats your Crohn's symptoms.


----------



## aliciars

If.....you understand what it means to feel constipated after you just messed in your pants with diahhrea.....unfortunately this happens more than I would EVER admit, except on here!


----------



## bry33

aliciars said:


> If.....you understand what it means to feel constipated after you just messed in your pants with diahhrea.....unfortunately this happens more than I would EVER admit, except on here!


totally understand a year of diahrea and now im guessing another year of constipation.............oh the horror


----------



## Ian

Grumbly-Guts said:


> if you actualy understand medical jargon related to digestive systems


Yes! I was watching some Grey's Anatomy today and understood 'upper GI' in one scene, and then there were these 3 siblings all at risk of stomach cancer requesting 'laparoscopic' surgery to remove their stomachs, and the brother was horrified to discover one of the possible side effects was 'dumping syndrome' and wanted out because his last 'endoscopy' was clean. I was like 'I know what all of this means!' (I haven't actually had any surgery, have just read up on it).

He was also scared at the possibility of 'anal leakage' but I don't think you need to have IBD to know what THAT means lol.


----------



## xJillx

You know you have Crohn's if you are excited about having a normal looking BM.

You know you have Crohn's when you are coaching your parents on how to get down prep. 

You know you have Crohn's if you get promoted and when given the choices of offices, you select the one right next to the bathroom.

You know you have Crohn's if your boss farts in a big meeting and you don't even laugh.  You just simple think "I completely understand".


----------



## bella

if you have ever told a service station attendant that you dont have time to buy something, so they better give you the key for the rest room before you make a mess of yourself!

If your family ask you how many times you went to the toilet today and get happy when you say only twice!

If discover another thing that you cant eat (goodbye white chocolate!), and hate when people eat it around you.


----------



## bella

P.S. This thread has made me feel soooooo much better!! xx


----------



## Josephine

Grow jealous of own children be able eat thing you can't.
Feel total out of place at party, special the food table.


----------



## AndiGirl

You go through Predinsone poisoning.  
You can equate the pain to labor pains.  (I have had both)
You have begged a person or two to get ahead in a bathroom line.
You can go a couple of days without eating and still manage to function.
Occasionally wonder if the treatment is just as bad as the disease.


----------



## aliciars

AndiGirl said:


> You go through Predinsone poisoning.
> You can equate the pain to labor pains.  (I have had both)
> You have begged a person or two to get ahead in a bathroom line.
> You can go a couple of days without eating and still manage to function.
> Occasionally wonder if the treatment is just as bad as the disease.


......especially wonder if the treatment is just as bad as the disease....EVERYDAY!


----------



## mario

When you can only shake your head in disbelief when someone dismissively says
"Oh well, at least it keeps you nice and slim!"
But my favourite is from Genio (p9)
"If you ever looked down a toilet and saw someone else's poop and felt jealous about how nice it looked" Cracked me right up lol!!


----------



## Crohn-Magnon

You might have Crohns if....

...Shakespearean quotes go Crohnie..."To fart or not to fart....that is the question?"  or "He hath gassed me out of house and home"  Hamlet and King Henry IV, Part 2

...you have a blood-curdling scream wiping with the brand-X TP.

...the generic names for the Crohns drugs appear to be similar to knock-off Russian Vodka brands.

...pain in the ass has an additional sub-definition.

...when watching late night info-mercials and a Johnny Carson's DVD kit is for sale, highlighting many funny skits and products. "The Crapmatic 2 adjustable John" is featured...you rush to eBay.

...someone yells "fire in hole" and you cringe.

...debating whether the term "Shart" or "Squart" is the appropriate cause of death for your underwear.


----------



## Grumbly-Guts

I just read these ALL AGAIN and I think I laughed harder the second time!  I love all of you for putting this on here, it really does help to laugh at the situation sometimes.  
LOL
GG


----------



## chrisnsteph1022

...you bring your own TP to work because the commercial-grade paper hurts after the 10th trip in one day
...you can get up, use the toilet, make note of all the blood, and go back to bed without really waking up (happens every night-all I remember is how much blood there was)
...you keep a list on your phone of all your meds and doses in case you have an unexpected stop at the ER


----------



## AndiGirl

You get strange looks when you attend work or church pot lucks.  All the things you would like to eat, but can't.


----------



## JynxGirl

You no longer try to carry a cute, tiny purse, but cling to your 7 year old diaper bag, because it holds everything you might need on an outing...


----------



## AndiGirl

People at work are thinking that you have an eating disorder.


----------



## poopaholic

you may have crohns " if you feed your dog the best dog food on the market, so at least he has good turds"


----------



## Beast2351

some of these are really funny, and i actually laughed out loud!

Kind of said already, but I'd say: 

You know you have crohn's if: 
You bought a laptop so you can be entertained and do work while on the toilet.
You always make sure you took a couple Immodiums before heading out. 
Your calendar is marked with the dates you have to inject your medication.

not the funniest, but that's all i can think of for now


----------



## poopaholic

you may have crohns "if you named your toilet THE WAR MACHINE because of surving all the battles"


----------



## poopaholic

you may have crohns " if you are currently writing a song entitled ME AND MY TOILET"


----------



## AndiGirl

You might have Crohns if the bathroom is becoming one of your favorite places in the house.


----------



## Beast2351

You get upset when your favorite air freshener in the bathroom runs out
Your family is constantly asking "again?" each time you get up to go to the toilet.


----------



## LOSTnut

...if you've mapped out at all the restaurants within the "safety" distance to your bathroom at home

LOL -- love the TP ones (Charmin Ultrasoft and wet wipes)


----------



## tiloah

If you no longer consider a bidet something that only people with too much money own...


----------



## luvincookie2001

I dont have anything to add as of yet but I must say i am currently sitting here crying and typing through tears at how HILARIOUS some of these are!!! Keep them coming they def made my day. btw my husband is sitting across the room sooo confused but I cant explain and he wouldnt get it anyway.


----------



## Crohn-Magnon

You might have Crohn's if....

...your bathroom entertainment system...your laptop...dies.  You take it for repair.  The first question asked after opening the lid: "What's that smell?"

...your courtesy flush needs a courtesy flush in a public restroom.

...passing gas triggers the air raid sirens.

...using an app on your smartphone that drops an eclectic collection of pre-recorded fart sounds, while you're producing live Beethoven thunder from down under.  Keep the audience guessing....


----------



## JohnathanO

D Bergy said:


> You went to the bathroom at 6:00 AM but you did not get out of bed until 6:05.
> 
> Dan


that one cheered me up, and i am having a bad day


----------



## Nytefyre

I seriously lol'ed at the quote above me!  So true!

EDIT:  I showed my wife this thread and she almost spit apple juice all over the monitor!:tongue:


----------



## AndiGirl

You dream of needing to find a bathroom.


----------



## Rebecca85

Oh I am always dreaming of toilets! Have done ever since I was little. They're always nightmares though.


----------



## partlycloudy

diesanduhr said:


> If you no longer consider a bidet something that only people with too much money own...


LOL, I used to think this. Now I think how clean I'd be and how soothing that cool water would feel. Ahhhhh.


----------



## spcwife23

omg im rolling laughing with the stuff that was typed.. i love it.. 

you know you have crohns when the baby runs out the bathroom crying because of the smell and the noise thats coming from the toilet.. ( my baby ran and told my husband on me lol)


----------



## AndiGirl

Rebecca85 said:


> Oh I am always dreaming of toilets! Have done ever since I was little. They're always nightmares though.


They are horrible!  When I find them in dreams, they are usually disgusting and dirty.


----------



## GothamGirl

You are afraid to stay in hotel rooms with anyone other than your immediate family

You have different size clothing to accomdate the "good days" and the "bad days"

The first item on your shopping list is ALWAYS toilet paper

When you walk your dog you find yourself strangely jealous when they poop..."so thats what a normal poop looks like"

You take your blackberry into the bathroom at work because you spend more time there than at your computer

You find yourself looking at co-workers shoes as to indentify who will be judging you in the next bathroom stall during the day


----------



## aliciars

Some of my new findings about having Crohns.....

Yesterday I knew I had Crohns when....I was overjoyed to find a lock on a multi-stall bathroom door so I could lock, and I did lock, everyone else out. 

Today I knew I had Crohns when....while at a new grocery store, I almost took off in a run to the bathroom.

And speaking of bathrooms....you know you have Crohns when you are happy no one else is in the public restroom to hear your low budget comedy movie sound effects coming out of you!


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you like to watch what you eat...

... on its way out!


----------



## Terriernut

You might have Crohn's if.....you are happy to have a stoma now, even 6 weeks after surgery!  And you think...good grief, it acts like a boy penis!!  And you still laugh! Because by gosh, you gotta!  (it doesnt like cold water, it must be warm! Soft cloths only, I think its a darn prima donna!?)  

You might have Crohn's if, even after surgery, your husband buys a 4 roll pack of toilet paper and you have an anxiety attack because you think....will that last till tomorrow??? And then you realize (duh!) that you DONT NEED 6 rolls of TP for ONE DAY!!!  OMG!  Wow!  And you feel HAPPY!!!

Great thread!!!
Misty


----------



## aliciars

You might have Crohns if......

You've ever taken your dinner (breakfast/lunch/meal/snack) to the toilet with you & thought nothing of it.  Eating while on the toilet is NOT strange.  Right????


----------



## Mary

> You only order rice at "Chipotle"
> Your friends say "its all how you deal with it" WTF do you have it?


----------



## slightlysilly

Your purse resembles a "booty call bag" from your college days... 

Your dog gives you 10 minutes (no more, no less) in the bathroom before he starts sniffing under the door and barking... 

You answered this post, using your Droid, while sitting on the toilet.


----------



## AndiGirl

You get some of your best ideas while on the toilet.


----------



## Astra

You defo know you have Crohn's when someone you haven't seen for yonks runs up to you in the middle of Morrisons and shouts
'Have you not had that baby yet?'

F*** Me!!!!
My son is 16 now!!!!!
So I went and bought some bathroom scales!


----------



## Shannon

You can sing an entire album worth of songs while in the bathroom.


----------



## Zalanicht

You might have Crohn's if you ask your friends about their routine colonoscopy's.


----------



## slightlysilly

You say:  "I don't need you" to the guy who does the vegetables on the line at Subway.


----------



## aliciars

You might have Crohns if.....

You've ever used toilet paper as a book mark....

You analyze different colonscopy preps & still aren't sure which one you "like" the best.


----------



## ameslouise

slightlysilly said:


> You say:  "I don't need you" to the guy who does the vegetables on the line at Subway.


I've been on Facebook too much lately; I was looking for the "like" button on this one!!!


----------



## krbsmom

When you know every clean toilet between your house and Walt Disney World  
 My daughter used to tell me i should write a book of all the toilets on I-75 and rate them LOL


----------



## Scifimom

You have a book in your bathroom and you read it only when you are in the toilet and still you have to buy a new book every 4 days to replace it.

Your professor asks you where you found those amazing photos for your essay and you answer "Wellll I spend a lot of time.....surfing the internet".


----------



## partlycloudy

.........your first reaction to a chain bookstore's closing in your town is "Ohhh, but they had the nicest bathrooms." 

........your hubby knows what room to check if you suddenly vanish.


----------



## ameslouise

partlycloudy said:


> .........your first reaction to a chain bookstore's closing in your town is "Ohhh, but they had the nicest bathrooms."


Hilarious!

You might have Crohn's if..... you find yourself checking the Netflix "Watch Instantly" movies...just to see what you can watch next time you are unexpectedly in the hospital.


----------



## shainams

If you keep baby wipes in every bathroom in the house, in your car and your work bag.
If you no longer purchase toilet paper because you are tired of the diaper rash it gives you.
If you are on a first name basis with your hemorrhoids.
If you know that Miralax is sooooo much better than Fleet's, or anything else, for that matter.


----------



## keepsmiling21

I laughed out loud at several of these. If someone who didn't understand read this they would probably think we're all crazy. Maybe we are. 

If you carry a purse inside your purse filled with meds, creams, underwear, and latex gloves (you never know...)

When your boyfriend calls to ask how your butt is...and not in a sexy way. 

When pill/cream reminders go off on your phone every 2 hours...

...What I've taken away from this forum is that it is time to name my hemmies. Three blueberries really...maybe Hewey Dewey and Louie Larry Curly Mo? I'll work on it.


----------



## keepsmiling21

I love when people tell me its all about how I act...

Really? You want to shove a knife up there and stab around for a few hours so you understand?


----------



## slightlysilly

keepsmiling21 said:


> I love when people tell me its all about how I act...
> 
> Really? You want to shove a knife up there and stab around for a few hours so you understand?[/QUOTE
> 
> That's precious... LOL!!!


----------



## changeiscertain

forum contributor said:


> You always have the following on hand: toilet paper, paper towels, baby wipes/fresh wipes, and air freshener. Yup, I keep all of those in my bag.


hahaha, love it!


----------



## Keona

lol...hilarious

when you think the person who invented the "double roll" toilet tissue deserves a nobel peace prize...


----------



## GutlessWonder86

Amen to that Keona!!!  lol


----------



## tiloah

Keona said:


> lol...hilarious
> 
> when you think the person who invented the "double roll" toilet tissue deserves a nobel peace prize...


The other side of the coin...

You think people who try to "save money" with single ply are EVIL.


----------



## ameslouise

diesanduhr said:


> The other side of the coin...
> 
> You think people who try to "save money" with single ply are EVIL.


Damn them and their ability to use single ply!


----------



## slightlysilly

Ames!  I must have missed a thread!  How did your surgery go!  I'm sure you posted somewhere... i'll go find....


----------



## margie

OMG laughing here.


----------



## juicy24

you know you have crohns when you have this on the back of your phone


----------



## lostpanda

*Ptcypipd*



My Butt Hurts said:


> You keep a tube of Calmoseptine in your purse, in your bathroom, and one extra in the closet just in case.
> You wear a pantiliner even when you don't have your period.
> You can fart out a different hole.
> You have post-traumatic-crap-your-pants-in-public disorder (PTCYPIPD), and are never going to get over it.
> You take more pills than your grandma.
> You're the only one at the movie theater who isn't eating popcorn.
> You feel like crap, weigh next to nothing, yet people say "Oo, you look so good!"
> You have to drive to the park instead of walk/ride bikes.
> You have an actual toilet in the back of your minivan, and have used it several times.
> You've had your ass-cheeks taped apart right before a surgery, and you couldn't wait to tell your CF friends that detail.
> 
> And a slightly different one, but still true - you might have Crohn's if you are in remission and have a completely new outlook on life.  I am so thankful and appreciative for every day that I feel good now.


:rof:

PTCYPIPD:  Thank you - I have read all the posts and your version of" You may have CD if" :  pretty much says it all. My kids use to tell me I had a unique sense of humor.


----------



## poopaholic

you might have crohns if the act of wiping brings the urge to poop.:stinks:


----------



## Katrina

Lol


----------



## monkey

your friends start a conversation with 'hows your poo?'


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you don't understand why people would spend more than £1 on a pair of knickers.


----------



## lostpanda

monkey said:


> your friends start a conversation with 'hows your poo?'


  Monkey - That kind of gets most with CD where we live


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you get so excited over your new pill box you have to tell all your friends!


----------



## slightlysilly

Rebecca85 said:


> You might have Crohn's if you get so excited over your new pill box you have to tell all your friends!


It's true!!  Love my new pill box!!!


----------



## tiloah

What!? I need a new pill box to be excited about. Post pics!


----------



## 25times

Some of these are probably repeats. I tried to read this whole thread but I got too excited to post my own and skipped a few pages haha
You might have crohn's if..

You think your friends are lying when they come out of the bathroom after 2 minutes, telling you they just pooped. NO WAY did you do it that fast.

You’ve been constipated, and had diarrhea, at the exact same time.

Your butthole is no longer a taboo area. Its kind of like an ear now, because so many people have seen/touched/inserted things into/studied it

You get angry with people who take their healthy bowels for granted. APPRECIATE IT.

Your poop has been every colour of the rainbow, and a few more that have to be named.

You become ecstatic when you have a huge fart and only air comes out. YESSS!!

“sharting” is not just a funny word to you anymore, but a way of life.

You carry your own toilet paper with you, and want to smite the cheap bastards that stock their bathrooms with one-ply.

The towel rack in your bathroom doubles as “holy shit handle” for those extra painful shits where you think you may pass out.

You can tell what kind of bowel movement youre going to have next by the smell of your farts


----------



## Sha0913

Bumping this up bc someone said they couldn't find it, also bc its how I found myself to this wonderful site.


----------



## lookame

You know you have crohns when you leave work because your pants are a bloody mess(and I mean BLOODY)

You know you have crohns disease when yourun into your bedroom so much to use the bathrrom that when you go to lay on the bed your dog runs into the bedroom to check if your in the bathroom

You know you have crohns disease when your dog gets tired of waiting for you outside the bathroom

you know you have crohns when your no longer alarmed to see blood

you know you have crohns when you wake up several times during the night to use the bathroom

you know you have crohns when you appreciate your apartment not only has two bathrooms but a bathroom 3 feet away virtually in the bedroom

you know you have crohns when you visit the doctor more often then your grandmother

you know you have crohns when you wish there were pants that could be folded up into a tiny triangle so you could take them anywhere without bringing to much notice


----------



## handle

you may have Crohns if:

you think 'holding down the couch' is a job description.

you get excited when you make it to the shops and back without a toilet break.

you know what's on tv, and what's been on all day.

you're happy when it rains since you'll be indoors anyway.

you get concerned when you're down to your last 8-pack of TP.

you're happy when no-one asks how you are!


----------



## kllyeve

You know you might have Crohn's if
.................you know which stores sell Boost/Ensure at the cheapest price

.................you know which stores sell enough Boost that when it does go on sale you are not getting the really old stuff that has congealed to the bottom of the bottle.

.................you have compared all the brands of Boost/Ensure etc enough times that you can remember which has the most protein, least sugar, most nutrients

.................your BF knows which kind of Boost to buy and does so unprompted, when he goes to the store to buy food for himself cause you are too exhausted to shop for groceries(and its no fun buying food you can't eat anyway)


----------



## margie

You may have Crohns if you know where and what exits the rest rooms are within a 300 mile ride up north.

You may have Crohn's if you say oops down to one roll of toilet paper guess I have to go to the store, but I have to wait a few and make sure that I don't have to use it again for a while.

You may have Crohn's if your butt cheeks get the toilet ring welts in them from sitting too long.

You may have Crohn's if you sit on the toilet long enough that you have to have the radio in the bathroom on.

You may have Crohn's if you have gone for a colonoscopy, they taped your butt cheeks together and right after, you have to run to the restroom

You may have Crohn's if you sit or hover over the toilet more than you sit in your living room with your family

You may have Crohn's if you go to the store, are in there for only a few minutes, get to the check out and can't wait so you have to leave the basket and run out of the store to the car only to have an accident and not make it home


----------



## SarahAnne

You may have Crohns if you have no idea how much milk, bread, or cereal you have in the house, but you know exactly how much toilet paper there is, down to the quarter roll.

You may have Crohns if your family thinks it's perfectly normal that you fly out of the car before it's fully stopped in the driveway to get inside to the bathroom. 

You may have Crohns if it's understood in your house that you have ultimate, unlimited bathroom privileges.

You may have Crohns if you started wearing elastic waist pants in your 20's.

You may have Crohns if you don't eat breakfast until after 11:00 am because you can't get off the toilet first thing in the morning.

You may have Crohns if you stop talking to people because they look at you in horror when you use words like "terminal ileum", "anal fistula", "perforation", and "cobblestoning" in casual conversation.


----------



## Joleen23

“sharting” is not just a funny word to you anymore, but a way of life.

Lol very true


----------



## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if your poop looks more or less like your dinner!


----------



## Terriernut

It is Rebecca....it goes STRAIGHT THRU!!! 
Misty


----------



## GutlessWonder86

You might have Crohn's if you have so many abscess holes  on your abdomen that you are holier than the Pope or Swiss Cheese.


----------



## JudithC

Oh thank you for all of these....they really helped elevate my mood this morning.  Bless you all.


----------



## Grumbletum

Your GP tells you that you are farting into your bladder ( fistula ) and you both proceed to giggle uncontrollably. Ah well, if you don't laugh, you cry :rof:


----------



## bc*

AndiGirl said:


> People at work are thinking that you have an eating disorder.





GothamGirl said:


> You are afraid to stay in hotel rooms with anyone other than your immediate family


^^definitely both of these!


-You can go to bed/sleep at any time of the day.

-You think there's something wrong when you DON'T poop more than twice in a day

-You mentally take note of where toilets are everywhere you go, just out of habit

-You can have 'moonface' but still have a skinny body

-Your diet is to put on weight, not lose it

-You can look pregnant after eating a meal

-You sleep with a hot water bottle even in summer

-You can drink barium/MRI prep in record time

-Your stomach talks more than you do

-The idea of sharing a bathroom freaks you out


Brilliant thread


----------



## GutlessWonder86

BC, drinking the barium in record time, yep that's me.  lol
everything you've said is all too true.   hee hee hee hee


----------



## bonbonbowen

You hate being tickled, and not because you might wee yourself! 



----------



## bc*

..12 hours sleep isn't enough
...You keep/have kept a poop diary
...Ensure has become one of your main food groups


----------



## Arby

Wow, I'm guilty of 90 percent of these. My favorite is planning bathroom stops along my route before I go somewhere.


----------



## GutlessWonder86

hi BC, I am guilty of sleeping more than 12 hrs. if I am having "one of those days".  lol

you might have Crohn's if you can clear a room in less than 3 seconds


----------



## Gems867

Wow so many of these are funny (and sad) because they are just so very true. Here are a few more...
You might have Crohn's if...
 *you have fallen asleep on the toliet (sometimes at work and it doesn't seem unusual anymore)
 *consider running cable to your bathroom so you quit missing all your shows
 *you move to a new place and the first room you decorate is the bathroom
 *you get excited when Charmin's on sale and buy enough to fill your entire hallway closet


----------



## DragonGirl

You might have Crohn's if...
When you have a normal poo you want to frame it over the couch.
You have no sense of privacy *down there* anymore.
You keep a novel in you bathroom instead of magazines.
You get ticked off at people who have thin toilet paper(AKA butt-tissue paper).
An iv is about as eventful as taking your temperature.
You can take medicine with both ends(at the same time= bonus!)


----------



## phlips

Booker said:


> You go to the toilet more than five times a day
> 
> You get excited when you only have to flush once to get it all down
> 
> You know where all the public bathrooms are within 5 miles of home
> 
> And you have rated them
> 
> You look forward to a colonoscopy because it means just a few more visits than normal to the toilet during prep and no visits to the toilet for at least a day after the procedure
> 
> Your coworkers (if you still have a job) aren’t sure if your office is in the toilet or not
> 
> You have a list of too many foods to count that you can’t eat anymore
> 
> You have a list of too many meds to count you are taking or have taken
> 
> Please add more...


if its all in your head why does my butt hurt


----------



## tiloah

You might have Crohn's if people who stop you when you're clearly on your way to the bathroom (especially people who know you have Crohn's) make you absolutely crazy! :voodoo:


----------



## Terriernut

This is where practicing those linebacker skills from long ago help diesanduhr!!
:mad2:

You might have crohns if....you just do your spring housecleaning in mid July!!!
Oi veh I'm knackered!


----------



## tiloah

Terriernut said:


> This is where practicing those linebacker skills from long ago help diesanduhr!!
> :mad2:


Bahaha! I would hip* check them but it might cause an accident...

*You might have Crohn's if you have to stop typing and run to the bathroom in the middle of writing your response to this thread. :yfaint:


----------



## Terriernut

*You might have Crohn's if you have to stop typing and run to the bathroom in the middle of writing your response to this thread.  

Oh yeah.  I am so glad I got an I phone 4 I can take to the loo in anticipation of my someday reversal..

The loo has permanent imprints of my ass. :rof:  But, since Stan he only see's me occasionaly.  But it's like settling in to a nice old armchair with our body imprint on it.  Innit??


----------



## sunflower

You might have Crohn's if your family scatters when they hear your feet hit the floor in your bedroom and start running to the bathroom on the other side of the house.  They know they will either get knocked down by elbows or by the smell.  And, since I am always the first one to bed, and the last one up, everyone is awake to see my daily run and cheer me on!


----------



## Grumbletum

* you did a victory dance in the bathroom for the first solid, fat poo in months
* it takes half an hour to count out and fill your pill box for the week


----------



## Jessi

You weigh 135 pounds today, and 100 pounds tomorrow.

You write in your journal about the consistency of your poo.

Your cell phone is used as an alarm/reminder for medication times.

Everyone in the house knows that the bathroom really only belongs to you, and they better get the heck out of your way right when you say so! 

You use the toilet 3 times during one post on CF.

No insurance company is willing to cover you.

You're extremely skinny with a huge chubby face. (Thank you Prednisone.)

You have more in common with the elderly than with people your own age. (Arthritis? Cool! Me too!)

Your date night with your hubby is a 2 hour movie at the infusion center.


----------



## SarahAnne

Jessi said:


> You weigh 135 pounds today, and 100 pounds tomorrow.


LOL! Yes! People with IBD can lose 20 lbs in 2 days, and hardly blink an eye about it. 

*You not only do a victory dance at a huge, formed fat poo, but you tell everyone you know about it. For days.

*You find yourself at family gatherings talking with the older folks about operations and pills, while everyone else your age is watching t.v. and drinking beer.


----------



## 25times

This is more of a "you may have been on prednisone if... thread, but generally if you were ever on pred, you have crohns. So I'll leave the beginning part the same. You get it haha

You may have crohns if you have "lowered" yourself to buying maternity clothes just for the sheer comfort and to hide your swollen belly after eating a piece of bread.

If you have gotten so sick of strangers staring at your massive gut, and  having to explaining your illness and medications, that you are now "public pregnant" and have no problem reaping the benefits. This is a fun game me and my parents like to play when we go out. Also, one of my dad's favourite new pastimes is pushing his sickly daughter in a wheelchair during outings. I must say, it's awesome.

If you've looked up "contouring tricks" online to make your face look slimmer. It just makes me look like a chola, or like I have a really stupid sunburn.

If people are always asking if you've been crying, because even your eyelids have swollen from the pred. 

If you can see your ribs, spine, hip bones and collarbones sticking out like they are trying to escape, yet you still look about  20 pounds overweight when clothed. WTF. A little proportion would be nice. 

If you lie awake at night, exhausted, but can't stop thinking about how bad you want another cookie, and a mcdonalds hamburger at the same time. Until you finally crawl out of bed and eat two bowls of cereal. 

You just finished eating an entire box of kraft dinner and a glass of juice. 20 minutes later, you're back in the kitchen making a can of soup and a sandwhich. But hey, it's not you, it's the medication. RIGHT?!

Ok I'm done haha. Clearly I'm feeling very bitter about a certain little white pill right now. On the plus side, I'm getting a pretty good idea of what it's going to be like to be pregnant. So is my boyfriend. I think he's rethinking our relationship hahahahahahahaha


----------



## SarahAnne

Samantha, when I was on high doses of pred, I would eat anything and make full meals for snacks, not just cause I was hungry. I had so much manic energy I would cook just so I could clean up the kitchen. I hated the insomnia more than the constant hunger!

*You might have Crohn's if you can expel fluids from every orifice at a time, faster than a newborn.


----------



## chrysichrys

You might have Crohn's Disease if (and yes this is personal experience) you are a new mom with an infant and the nearest bathroom in your house is being used and you can not make it downstairs to the other bathroom so you go in the babies room and open the diaper genie and poo in it.....

You stay in the area of the store that is near the restroom and shop even though what you really want is at the other end of the store all because you are to scared to adventure to other parts of the store because it will take to long to get to the restroom an you just can not take that risk in a store you frequent....

You and your daugther can laugh at the fact that you have actually crapped your pants trying to make it to the restroom at Target.....

You just about cry when you end up at a stop light or you have ran a stop llight all in the name of Crohns

You mother calls you and says we got a speeding ticket in the mail and you explain of that must have been when I was trying to get to the McDonald's restroom, so your mother pays the ticket for you....

You have actually looked at the woods along your trip to work and mapped out where the best place you should pull over just in case you need to....

Throwing away your underwear has just become a regular routine.....

You walk or run to the restroom in the middle of conversations with your friends.....

You tell your daughter the next time I am in the public restroom at the dog park for a long time please come check on me and bring me my emergancy clothing out of the trunk with you....

You go the restroom more times at the dog park than your dog....

Your are having a bad flare and hospitalized but are to scared to sleep because you might poop yourself....

Running late for morning staff meetings because you are int he restroom praying you will be able to leave soon and you have to have your GI write a letter to your employer explaining why you are late to staff meetings in the mornings and asking them to excuse you form being late and asking them to allow you to start work an hour later than the normal schedule..Not to mention the missed job interviews

Your paid leave time is always exhausted due to having Crohn's days and not vacation...

You are scared to use the public pool just in case you have a Crohn's moment

You are actually jealous of people who are constipated because your butt/anus could use a break...


----------



## SarahAnne

Throwing away underwear....when I was in hospital earlier this month hubby brought me 4 pair of socks and 2 pair of underwear. I had to call him, in a four day stay, I ended up needing about 7 pair. Most are gone now.


----------



## Jessica

bc* said:


> -Your stomach talks more than you do


Love it! So me!
<3


----------



## Whatsup101

When you can read all these posts and laugh because you can relate to them! Especially the makeshift toilets in the car ones lol


----------



## wiccanchick

You know you have crohns when you walk up to your supervisor and tell him "I have to go home because "ya'll" buy CHEAP toilet paper".:lol2:


----------



## hannah-rose

You know you have (perianal) crohn's when you've literally lost count of the number of medical staff that have seen your butt hole and the number of people you don't know who have had their finger up your butt without so much as buying you dinner is just embarrassing.


----------



## Crohn's Mom

Jessi said:


> You have more in common with the elderly than with people your own age. (Arthritis? Cool! Me too!)


:ylol: Gab and her grandpa used to sit and compare how many pills they take, and who takes more. Gab always won!  And then they'd talk about their arthritis pains and doctor's appointments each week. :ylol:


----------



## steelerfan

*Good stuff*



katiesue1506 said:


> You know how many tiles are on your floor, ceiling, and walls.
> 
> You know how many tiles it takes for your feet to fit perfectly inside them.
> 
> You've read every bottle in your your bathroom, three times over. AND you wonder why you don't get paid to write those things by now.
> 
> You have an "oh shit" handle in your bathroom for when times get scary


 These made me laugh very loud, thank you.


----------



## DustyKat

When you visit your GI you are the youngest person in the waiting room. Not only that but the waiting room that has the largest sign you have ever showing the direction to the toilets. The sign beneath it sign says to ask for blanket if you are cold and take it to the toilet with  you if you think you may be in there for a while! :ybiggrin: 

Dusty. xxx


----------



## Emily

razz said:


> You have 2 sizes in your wardrobe size 'flaring' and size 'not flaring' ( I guess thats if your lucky and have non flaring times).


...perfect!


----------



## outlier

http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?p=330579#post330579
If you wish it were that simple


----------



## netsy

You know you've got it when the kids have to have a bath in less than 10 mins..just in case you need the loo just one more time.lol.
When you daren't break wind in case you've followed through.


----------



## sawdust

You might have Crohn's if you haven't realized that your legs have gone numb from the toilet seat and stagger all over the place until feeling returns.

You calm down patients twice your age about their first colonoscopy.

You wonder why your colorectal surgeon has chairs in his waiting room, err dungeon of torture.


----------



## bamboling

You might have Crohn's if you bought a memory foam rug for your bathroom so you can sleep in there.

You might have Crohn's if your husband doesn't even notice when your gone for 20 minutes in the loo.

You might have Crohn's if talking about poo is not weird at all.

You might have Crohn's if you have lost 40 pounds but keep those old clothes anf still wear them on bloated days.

You might have Crohn's if you are only 21 and your medicine cabinet looks like it belongs to your Grandma.

You might have Crohn's if your husband says your full of shi* and you really are.

You might have Crohn's if you wake up and have to change you panties because you sweated through your others.

You might have Crohn's if you considered just wearing a shirt around the house so you wouldn't have to pull your pants down every two minutes.

You might have Crohn's if wiping your arse makes you need to poo.

You might have Crohn's if you buy Desitin cream and have no babies.

You might have Crohn's if you wear a pad even though you don't have your period.

You might have Crohn's if your dog gets scared by the noises your gut makes.

You might have Crohn's if no one in your family even notices the smell anymore.

You might have Crohn's if you can laugh about these 15 pages of 'shitty' jokes!!!


----------



## breezy822

my.december said:


> When you have diaper rash worse than your 4 month old niece.
> 
> And I'm jealous of everyone who gets a break in toilet visits after a colonoscopy. I swear, I ate dinner afterward, and was back on the toilet less than an hour after getting home from the hospital. Ridiculous.


Yep, me too!!!


----------



## Mitch

You might have Crohn's if....

1. When you were 25 you got a 4 week all expenses paid vacation (insurance ftw) at a semi-local assisted living center where you were the youngest patient by 30+ years.

2. You have had to keep a med journal because your nurses didn't like having to do their jobs.

3. Your hospital decided to send you a "Statement" for the past 3 months of services that totaled up to more then my houses inflated mortgage is probably worth.

4. You have seriously considered setting up a TV in your bathroom.

5. You have actually fallen asleep on the toilet.

6. Your bosses boss reprimanded you because you had a flare up during an important meeting.

7. You have added certain foods to your no-no list because of how they look when they come out. (Onions and Sesame Seeds)

Thank you everyone for this thread, I needed a good laugh.


----------



## Jessica

...if your cholesterol is too high from eating too much starchy food, and laugh when the nurse suggests a "change of diet".

...if you read through an entire magazine each day, only keeping it in the bathroom (including the Ikea catalog).

...if your significant other can remember the last time you had radiological tests better than you can (they all just blur together).

...if your significant other knows that mashed potatoes can make you do a jig even when you're doubled over in pain.

...if your cats run out of the bathroom before you can close the door.

...if you explain to your mother-in-law about the side effects of the medication her older sister is taking.

...everyday your significant other asks you how your belly is doing before asking how your day was.


----------



## __JK__

You may have Crohn's if you could win a 100 meter race whilst undoing and pulling your trousers down.


----------



## sawdust

__JK__ said:


> You may have Crohn's if you could win a 100 meter race whilst undoing and pulling your trousers down.


Now this sounds like an entertaining new Olympic event. I'd wager Canada, UK, USA... gold, silver, bronze.


----------



## Jessica

You may have Crohn's if you rupture an ovarian cyst by trying to hold off going to the bathroom for 5 minutes.


----------



## rdsoxfan

your 19th month old talks more about your "bum bum doctor" more than his pedi


----------



## KWalker

You might have crohns if you can go quite awhile at home without having to go to the bathroom but then the second you go to leave the house its like youre going to explode.

You might have crohns if you always call "first one in the bathroom" while walking up your driveway. 

And for us with abscesses/fistulas...
You might have an abscess/fistula if the suspension on your car was one of the deciding factors. 

You might have an abscess/fistula if you avoid certain streets because you know there's a bad bump coming up LOL


----------



## Norseman

You have been on the porcelain throne 3 times before even leaving your home in the morning.

You have taken a dump on every island, islet and rock while farting about in your RIB near your home.

You break into convulsive luaghter when the idea briefly crosses your mind that "what the heck, I'll go commando" becouse you are out of clean underwear.

You have the scar telling the world your appendix has been removed....but it's still there.

Your wounded war veteran friend is impressed by your belly scars.

Your family, friends and colleagues knows to get the heck out of da way when you are headed for the rest room.


----------



## Doberwoman

You start to wonder if you will ever finish your shower because you've gotten out four times already to run to the toilet.
You marvel at how your spouse can have one BM same time each day and be done with it, as for you, it's often 5 trips to the bathroom in the space of 30 minutes and involves 15 toilet flushes.


----------



## PsychoJane

You might have Crohn's if....
1- people you don't know hand you a granola bar or some candies during the finals cause you made the mistake of drinking a coffee and now your system is growling so loud it's distracting them.
2- you teach your nurse friends how to deal with stoma care.
3 - you are the only one in her 20s waiting for the abdominal Ct-Scan and that people seems to wonder what the hell you are doing there.
4 - your teacher congratulates you when you tell them you have to miss a class cause you are schedule for an ultra-sound... (no unfortunately I am not pregnant, I just might have a fistula!)
5- you feel the need to tell your friends to stay away from you when they have the flu and to please not cough there lungs on your tables just to be sure you won't have to  skip your next injection. 
6- the old lady in the walk-in clinic talks to you as if you did not know what to be sick was like, cause you are young and lucky... (Yeah right, my hospital bill is probably twice yours...)
7 - when a wine and cheese event do seems like a great idea but, oh wait... you are now eating dairy and gluten free so... you doubt tofu and rice cracker will really do the trick...


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## Wife2Crohns

D Bergy said:


> You went to the bathroom at 6:00 AM but you did not get out of bed until 6:05.
> 
> Dan


:roflanim:                                     uke_r:
oh my goodness....i don't know weather to gag or laugh


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## Rebecca85

You might have Crohn's if you're having a bad day, and your two year old niece points at your tummy and says 'Becky balloons!'


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## KWalker

You might have crohns if you get excited when toilet paper goes on sale lol


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## vickie_x

You might have crohns if...
you've already been to the toilet twice before your first dose of bowel prep - at 8am.


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## xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx

your mum buys you post-surgery underwear and a special hospital use nightie!


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## Lizzard

Fog Ducker said:


> You read this thread ,nod your head and laugh, cause everyone of them is sooooo true!



I've been doing this for a half hour Ha!


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## Sha0913

Bumping... This is the thread that lead me to Crohnsforum so I always try to bump every now and again.  I'm so thankful for it...... Shannon


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## Jackie010307

I've been laughing so hard since I started reading this thread last night! I have colitis, but so many of these are true for me.  I've gotten to the point that, even though I'm doing good right now, I know I have the choice of laughing or crying when I'm not.  Laughing almost always wins!  It's good to know I'm not alone in finding the humor in all this.  I just wanted to add, 

.....if your spouse/significant other tells the kids you aren't feeling well and they start talking about how to avoid the bathroom for the rest of the day!


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## dcornwe

tamesis said:


> You know you have Crohns when you buy panty liners to put at the back of your undies, just in case, but don't use them for their designated purpose.


LOL you have no idea how relieved I am to see this.  Srsly thought I was the only person to do this.


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## Jennifer

You know you have Crohn's when you have to remind yourself that you're sitting on the toilet and its ok to "go" there.

A lot of times I'd get really tired and would freak out when I realized I was pooping. Been holding it for so long sometimes cause the place I was at wasn't an ok place to "go" yet.


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## afidz

When you look at food your about to eat and wonder if it will look like in 5 minutes when you go to the bathroom 

When you tell everyone around you that you had a solid poop (its exciting!!!)


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## Jennifer

It is exciting!


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## ForeverCrohns

When you know how to read your CT scan, test results 

When you tell you're doctor what is the best treatment plan for you and it's the right one

When not going to the toilet for a day means there is something wrong and freaks you out

When you can't keep a job more than 3 months

When not normal things to most people sound very normal to you

When you stop noticing you have pain 

When you check your poop every time you go 

When you look between your legs while pooping and it splashes on your face


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## CrohnsChicago

When you call the GI staff and Lab staff, they all know who you are and politely engage in small talk with you lol.


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## CrohnsChicago

ForeverCrohns said:


> When you know how to read your CT scan, test results
> 
> When you tell you're doctor what is the best treatment plan for you and it's the right one
> 
> When not going to the toilet for a day means there is something wrong and freaks you out
> 
> When you can't keep a job more than 3 months
> 
> When not normal things to most people sound very normal to you
> 
> When you stop noticing you have pain
> 
> When you check your poop every time you go
> 
> When you look between your legs while pooping and it splashes on your face


Hahaha! All very true! :ylol:


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## Pirate

Oh my gosh I had forgotten about this thread. 

You may have Crohns if your grandkids buy you a yellow yield sign to hang in your vehicle window that says " I'm only speeding cuz I gotta poop."

It hangs in the back window of my truck. lol


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns when your friends nickname you poopypants.

You may have Crohns when your friends buy you Depends for Christmas.   And your glad.

You may have Crohns if you try to figure out what song your stomach is grumbling.


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## Pirate

You may have Crohns if you complain more about the price of TP then you do the price of gas.

You may have Crohns if you look in the toilet and think "How can I use that to fuel my car."


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## Elektrikhd

...most of your facebook posts are made on the toilet.

...everybody at the pharmacy greets you by name before you say anything.

...and they don't need to ask you if you are familiar with the side-effects of your medication, because they recall giving it to you so many times already.

...you carry a purse whenever you leave the house, and you're male.

...you have cravings for salad, and you're not a vegetarian.


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## Kingston

... you hate going to the movies because you can't have popcorn!

... people complaining about having their blood drawn is funny to you. (seriously though when my friends complain about things like that I want to laugh in their faces!) 

... you always check the color of your poop...

... the smell of gatorade makes you want to puke.


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## afidz

...your on this forum more than facebook
...you forget your not on the forum and start telling facebook about your poop


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## CrohnsChicago

afidz said:


> ...your on this forum more than facebook
> ...you forget your not on the forum and start telling facebook about your poop


oops! lol. :ylol2:


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## stringbean347

when you have seriously considered puting a tampon up the other hole


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## vickie_x

- you struggle when visiting home because there's only one bathroom, I truly appreciate my uni en-suite at those times.
- when moving into uni accommodation, you were genuinely happy there was a plug socket close enough to the bathroom for your laptop cable!
- you have submitted more than one assignment from the bathroom.
- 9/10 times the post is for you with it's NHS postmark proudly in the corner.

 I love this thread! x


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## mewringo13

If your local CCFA walk has port-a-potties stationed every 1/4 mile...


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## Farmwife

Your twin saves you all her TP, Miralax and Fiber powder mix coupons.


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## Elektrikhd

You like Starbucks for their bathrooms.


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## guitarjamie03

you are late to meetings or events because you were in the bathroom


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## acoop

You know you have crohns when the stack of toilet paper in the bathroom is almost as tall as you.


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## LauraE

You know you have crohn's when....brb.............................................k back, now what was I saying?


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## acoop

You know you have crohns when you have an awesome neon orange shirt that says I pooped today.  

haha


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## RissaIUP2016

You know you have Crohns when..

You take your  laptop in the bathroom with you so you can finish an essay for class.
You cant finish a meal without having to run to the toilet.
Your boyfriend learns everything he can to help make you feel better. 
He knows not to squeeze to tight, or bad things can happen.


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## RissaIUP2016

When you go a day with no poop at all! Or only go once or twice a day.


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## acoop

When you can't rememer the last time you wore real pants.  All your new "pants" are leggings haha


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## Janny74

You might have Crohn's if you know what a seton is


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## Boshoney

You know you have crohns when you leave the house and get down the road and have to make a u-turn and speed hoping to make it back. Even though you felt just fine before you left.


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## Boshoney

You know you had Crohns when you have a bathroom emergency no matter how bad you have to go once you get to the public bathroom you have to wait a movement before you get out of the car so you can act like its not an emergency in front of other people. But you only have a few seconds before the next wave of cramps come that make you look like Frankenstein.


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## Boshoney

When you envolve your children in your bathroom emergencies. There have been many times that we have been out and almost home when I have gotten the sudden urge to go and have to tell my girls to roll up the windows, put my phone in my purse, grab my purse, open the garage door and close the garage door once we get inside because once we get home I have 2 seconds to shut off the engine a run like hell to the bathroom. I need a clear shot!!!theyve got it down now all I have to say is when we get home I have to go. They know the routine.


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## Boshoney

You have "courtesy flushed" and have the toilet clog and the water in the toilet fills up and touches your behind. That's the worst.


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## Johnwc

When youre not disabled but you choose to use the disabled toilet cause it has the "power squeeze bars"

Or you have been overheard to say " I don't remember eating that"


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## Johnwc

You may have crohns if you've sworn off drinking with radiographers cause those pricks make terrible cocktails


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## carolhew

I saw a bumper sticker we all need that read "I'm speeding because I have to poop!"


Currently taking Humira 40 mg weekly and Azathioprine 150mg daily. 

Crohn's Dx June 2011, primarily in the TI some in the colon.

Past meds: Entocort, prednisone and Pentasa.


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## jwfoise

You might have Crohn's (or UC) if you think this t-shirt is funny


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## misunderstood

I just wish that we could make the money that Jeff Foxworthy does with these.


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## spelunky

You might have Crohn's if you shop at Costco specifically for their bulk package of flushable wet wipes.

You may have Crohn's if you gave up your dream job just to work at a place that would cover up all of your symptoms...it's louder than your stomach growling and already smells like someone farted.


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## gotumtum

If you go for a walk but only go one block, and then return home run/walking with your but cheeks clenched!

If when you fart, the cat leaves the room gagging.


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## gotumtum

I love the toilet paper storage ones - maybe they should use this as a diagnostic tool...'And when did you consider putting in further toilet paper storage?...Can you imagine your gastro asking you?


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## Scifimom

You know you have Crohns when they ask you what you did over weekend and you answer:

"We went to the beach, the toilets of the beach bar were awfull ew, but then at the restaurant they had some awesome toilets with lots of paper and clean. Then on Sunday we went to the mall OMG those toilets they even have music so no one hears the sounds, but at the concert that night I had to scream I HAVE CROHNS to get at the head of the line in the toilets and they were already out of paper so I had to use some tissues from my bag..."


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## DJW

When the stall has no toilet paper resulting in a letter writing campaign to the CEO of the company.


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## SupportiveMom

You wonder why there isn't a fitting room when checking out new toilet seats...

You judge people by their toilet paper and complement them when its nice and soft.

You decide which restaurant you want to go out to by the quality and cleanliness of their bathrooms.


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## SupportiveMom

you find an ad for this in a magazine and you can't wait to go find them in the store to try them.


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## DJW

SupportiveMom said:


> You wonder why there isn't a fitting room when checking out new toilet seats...
> 
> You judge people by their toilet paper and complement them when its nice and soft.
> 
> You decide which restaurant you want to go out to by the quality and cleanliness of their bathrooms.


So true. :rof:


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## Tuff

You might have Crohn's if you buy dark colored underwear.
You need a new toilet seat every year.
Your kids ask if it's ok to go for a shower.
You buy supplies in the baby isle, but you don't have one.


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## Zeppy321

Just found this thread tonight and I'm loveing it. LMAO   :rof:


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## Tamera

I so needed this today!
I am undiagnosed but I have one:
If you check the CF and not Facebook cause the people here understand when you say you had a good day cause u pooped less than your 2 month old friend's baby! LOL


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## Elektrikhd

Instead of "spoon theory" you think in terms of "underpants theory."


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## poopaholic

You might have Crohns if you have to take a cooler to work, not for your lunch but for your meds.


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## IofNewt

Crohn's 35 said:


> You fart and no one notices anymore lol.


For me it's more like "You fart and everyone is excited" due to the fact that most of my hospital visits have been due to the fact that I couldn't poop at all, let alone fart.


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## Tuff

You might have Crohn's if you never ever buy the cheap rough toilet paper....


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## Tuff

*bump*


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## MizzSarah

You might have Crohn's if your contemplating purchasing an intestine plush pillow that says I heart guts.. I hope this makes me feel better


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## Tuff

You might have Crohn's if.....you get excited when toilet paper goes on sale for $3.99 and you buy the 4 pack limit.


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