Advice please

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I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He was diagnosed with Crohns in 2008. When I first met him, he was on all sorts of drugs. It seemed to get worse so he went on humira injections and is now on Infliximab every 4 weeks. It doesn't last, after 3 weeks he is exhausted.
My question is about our sex life, he is never interested. Is he too tired or has our relationship run its cause? I mean we can go months with nothing, I can't handle this and am tempted to (but can't) go elsewhere.
Literally months without anything. If I bring it up he goes mad. Is it crohns, he's on a few other drugs (Azi something) or the drugs? I also lost the use of an arm 2 years ago which doesn't help. Of course I feel rejected all the time but he doesn't seem to notice unless I spell it out. Ahh is it me or the disease?
Thanks guys xx
 
Hey there,

I am sorry that your boyfriend is dealing with this disease. It is really hard to say what is going on with him. Chronic illness can cause a person to be depressed( due to pain or just having to deal with the symptoms of the disease and the life changes chronic illness can cause). Medications also have tons of side effects as well. I have not been dx with crohns, I am still going through all the hoopla with trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I also have other chronic illnesses ( Interstitial Cystitis) which is severely debilitating and it absolutely does affect our( my husband and I) sex life. It is hard to be in the mood when you are in agonizing pain or not feeling well. That being said, I guess my next question is, does you boyfriend talk openly with you about how he is feeling? I think it is important to be open and talk about things. You guys have been together for quite awhile so I would think at this point you two can have an open honest discussion about what is going on. Maybe he is not feeling good and needs to see his doctor, maybe his medications are not working? Or is he depressed due to a side effect of a medication he is taking? There can be so many factors involved. I think it would be a good idea for you guys to sit down and have a talk about it.
 
I would say it is the crohns or the med. If it were you there would be other signs of an exhausted relationship: constant bickering, not caring for the other's feelings, emotionally closer with another person rather than you, etc.

You'll have to decide if sex is too important for you to give up. This may be temporary or long term, there really is no way of telling. My husband and i had to go almost a year once without sex.

Maybe you could go to a couple of sessions of therapy. My husband and i went for about 5 sessions and it really helped us to communicate better and to see each others sides more clearly.

Other than that, maybe you can take care of yourself and/or ask for at least some more snuggle time more often.

Good luck, you're a good woman.
 
Any chronic disease can leave a person exhausted, depressed, and just not feeling "in the mood." It sounds like the disease is just wiping him out, and combine that with the frustration and fear of it being out of control and not knowing when it will stop, it is understandable that he isn't interested. The meds can also add to the exhaustion of the disease, especially the azathioprine. Azathioprine is notorious for sucking all of your energy and not wanting to do anything but sleep or watch TV (been there, done that!).
 
I'm not sure this really answers your question, but I have a story. My boyfriend is diagnosed with UC, and he finds that in a bad flare, any sex can cause his stomach to go bad and cause bleeding again. It doesn't stop him as such, but maybe with your boyfriend he correlates it with a horrible amount of pain/other nasties and just does not want to because of this? You need to sit down and talk to him. See what it is. Unfortunately, that is the best advice I can give you, but I completely empathise with you. Sending hugs your way.
 
Right, I have tried talking to him. He says I have a one track mind! He won't talk, he walks away saying it's my fault. I've decided not to try, at all. Down to him now.
If nothing happens then I'mgoing to have to do something. I need a male opinion as I'm getting nothing from him.
He told me to stop going on about it and that the more I say anything the worse it's going to get.
Can you really stay in a sexless relationship? I've lost an arm. If it was that then I'd rather he said and walked away. I have spoken to a few people but they don't get it. If he was bed ridden every day that would be different but he's not. He does work hard but I seem to be pushed aside.
I can't see it getting any better.
I asked him if it was the end of our sex life and he told me to stop being stupid. We even went away for a few nights but he'd rather watch TV. Surely I'm not that repulsive??
Ive had other offers so do I just go down that route? I'm tempted but it wouldn't make it better so what's the point?
I love him but there's no passion & I don't see the point any more. We might as well be friends.
 

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