Bathroom Privacy, I need to see your POOP!

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Savannah's mom

Savannah's mom

Joined
Aug 9, 2011
Messages
51
Location
Lake Jackson, TX
Hi there,
It has been awhile since I have posted so a little update then to my question. Savannah is 10 has had stomach issues for years was officially diagnosed in 11/2012 with IBD. I really didn't hear much of what the doctor said after he said that don't know why because I have been reading about it and watching her for years. the doctor did say something about Crohn's and Ulcerative Colitis but don't remember the details except we will continue treating her for both. The last year Savannah has done exceptionally well and for the first time I would consider are to be a normal active 10 year old. Eating, playing, not tired all the time not skin and bones anymore she looks healthy! (went from 50lbs Dec 2010 to 89lbs now, I am thrilled!! she is 4'9")
Savannah has had little symptoms most of the time but not life changing bouts of nausea, stomach pains, being tired and loss of appetite. She has gotten where she will not really talk to me about anything. If I notice she is not eating or if she is laying down I have to approach her. Since this past Saturday she has actually started coming to me and her dad about pain. Which does alarm me some what since she has been so quiet about it all. Tuesday night she told me her stomach hurts bad before she has to go to the bathroom but hurts alot worse after she is done. I asked her if she was constipated and she said no. (She will ask my for Myralax if she needs it) Anyways, I told her I need to see it and always get the "mom, I forgot".
I did speak to Savannah's doctor last night and that is what he wants to know is "what does her poop look like?!" he said it maybe time for some new test but he wants to know about her poop.
So, when you have a child that is not cooperative how do you approach her without violating her privacy or pushing her further into not wanting to talk to you at all?
Her next appointment is April 19th but he can see her before that if he needs to.
Thanks in advance for any advice on how to talk to Savannah!!!
Alecia
 
sounds like she might be hiding something ... time for a bit of planning.

go to the toilet she uses and either ...

turn off the water supply to the wc
tie up the ball valve in the cistern.

flush the toilet and make sure its not refilling the cistern.

then wait until next time she has a poo .. not anyones fault if the toilet is broke and wont flush is it :)!
 
Never would have thought of that!!! Thank you

If anyone else has any ideas how to get her talking an being more cooperative with her illness and treatment would love to hear your ideas :)
 
I'm sorry she is having pain. Nevilletanner has a great idea though. I think if she won't show you on her own, that is a good idea. My daughter is 11 and she absolutely hates when I ask her her bm's are. I tell her if she doesn't want to tell me, she has to leave it so I can take a look. She's been very good about leaving it. But we've been going through this for so long. She gets pretty upset when I ask questions or if she has had a bm at school and I ask (was it hard or soft, any mucus, any blood, any oily foam, colour etc) I just keep explaining to her that I need to know, because her doctors need to know if something is off. Have you explained that the dr needs to know what it looks like etc? There is a really good poop chart someone posted a while back that I printed off for my daughter. I put it in a notebook and asked her to write down the number, and anything else (tummy pains, colour, mucus etc) every time she went. We did this for a month, as per the doctors request. You could try that. Here is the link.. http://www.nursingtimes.net/Journal...dren's version of the Bristol Stool Chart.pdf Good luck!
 
Very good ideas from nevilletanner. My daughter is getting close to 17 and still I go and see after she goes. No problem there. Only complain is that is always when I am having lunch. LOL.
 
I did explain to her somewhat last night the the doc wants to know. I am afraid to push it to much because I think that is one of the reasons she has quit talking to me is before every time she told me something there was another test or another doc appt.
I am going to print out the chart when I get home and hope that helps her. I think it should considering that she really won't have to talk about her poo she can just write # times and the # that matches her poo. (I most likely do the water valve thing to though)
She has never once talked to me about her actual IBD she clams up completely when I mention it. She takes her meds like clock work though and if you are a few minutes late she will remind you she knows how much they have helped. So, I know she knows she just not proactive maybe its the age.
Thank you Devynnsmom
 
any thing to do with down below is imbarassing especially for a young lady,my 14 year old daughter has had many symptoms of crohns ( i have crohns) and she will talk quite freely to me about it.

i can only put this down to when i was diagnosed i openly explained it all to my kids and answered all there questions in full. i often talk to my wife infront of my kids about problems down below so i get the impression that because she sees me doing it then its fine for her to do the same. ie nothing gets hidden from her and in return she hides nothing from me.

The chart might be a good idea as all she has to do it tell you a number, making it into a "secret from dad game" might just be the answer, no good to me though as its allways 6 or 7 :(

one little thing i forgot to say ( just in case your daughter is smarter than most ) -- make sure there is no bucket about near the bathroom.
 
araceli said:
Only complain is that is always when I am having lunch. LOL.
Click to expand...

Maybe she plans it that way :)

It's is hard at that age. We made a deal with Jack that we won't nag (which he hates) as long as he was honest and told us but that we would be watching over him. He has gotten really good at telling us if it is any different from normal - usually at dinner time. See araceli it is a teenage thing to tell you while you are eating.

I like the toilet plan we would probably do the same thing if he quit telling us.
 
Devynnsmom said:
I'm sorry she is having pain. Nevilletanner has a great idea though. I think if she won't show you on her own, that is a good idea. My daughter is 11 and she absolutely hates when I ask her her bm's are. I tell her if she doesn't want to tell me, she has to leave it so I can take a look. She's been very good about leaving it. But we've been going through this for so long. She gets pretty upset when I ask questions or if she has had a bm at school and I ask (was it hard or soft, any mucus, any blood, any oily foam, colour etc) I just keep explaining to her that I need to know, because her doctors need to know if something is off. Have you explained that the dr needs to know what it looks like etc? There is a really good poop chart someone posted a while back that I printed off for my daughter. I put it in a notebook and asked her to write down the number, and anything else (tummy pains, colour, mucus etc) every time she went. We did this for a month, as per the doctors request. You could try that. Here is the link.. http://www.nursingtimes.net/Journal...dren's version of the Bristol Stool Chart.pdf Good luck!
Click to expand...

What a great idea...things that children write but don't have to have a direct conversation about I would think still leaves them feeling like their diginity and privacy are left intact...it really sounds like something useful for parents with child with crohn's.
 
Well Mlp, she does have an Ipad. I peaked at the apps and hoping she will use them since she doesn't like talking about it. Who knows maybe it will help her open up some more about it.
No one else in our family has any kind of IBD or any other health problems either.. When she was at her worst before meds and she was always in pain, not able to eat, weak just sick she would ask me "why do I have to be sick? I want to be like you momma" It would just break my heart. So, she doesn't have any examples on how to freely speak about it or maybe it is just denial. I also think it maybe just hard for her to describe how she feels. I think maybe I need to find some books I have showed her a coupl eof websites but if she has computer time I assure you she isn't going to read about Crohn's but maybe books if they are just laying around :).... One could hope!
 
gringo43, yes someone on her had posted the link when we were doing a bm chart with my daughter. It was a life saver. She doesn't really like to talk about it, and some times we are not the only ones home and she gets embarrassed if her siblings hear.
 
A is very open about her bathroom issues. I'm keeping a symptom diary so I always ask and want to see if it happens at home. It really is just a normal thing at our house. Our GI suggests seeing a behavioral therapist for learning to manage chronic conditions. If A didn't want to discuss her health with me I'd definitely want a trained therapist to intervene and help us communicate effectively. Just a thought.
 
Hi Dancemom, that is a great idea to. She is just now starting to have symptoms that are some what concerning. Those few months that were symptom free for the most part non of us talked or thought about it much. (roller coaster ride) We just gave her her meds and went on with our daily routine. The pain concerns me because I am afraid the inflammation is coming back and causing more damage. Now, I need to try to get her to talk to me if she doesn't start being more open the therapist would be my next option for sure.
She did come home for school today and volunteer that she feels bad and may throw up(didn't mention any pain).. We got her a drink an she went an laid down. She is back up now but hasn't asked for a snack normally she comes home from school starving :(...
 
What really bothers me is how socially unacceptable it is to discuss issues related to IBD openly. A also has asthma, and no one minds hearing about her lung inflammation or inhalers. But you mention rectal inflammation or laxatives and people get weirded out by that. But for our kids it really is a normal part of life and they should be able to talk about it without feeling shame or embarrassment.
 
We do alot of bathroom humor in our house. So it makes discussing things a whole lot easier. Plus most 6-18 ( who am I kidding 80.) year old males without Ibd love to discuss :poop:

We even joke about the benefits of an ostomy bag - not that DS has one but just to keep the communication open and keep him focused on the goal of enjoying life without being embrassed ( too much ) to talk to us about things.

We also have the name of someone in medical coping just in case ;)
 
Right!! I have been real open with Savannah's school about her tummy. Her teachers have told me they have heard her tell her friends and if she feels bad at school she lets them know. I think it is just me she won't talk to. I even told her teachers if she ever says anything new to please let me know. They have been really supportive but I did print out and take the Disability Act 504 (I think) to them so now she is allowed to nap at school she says PE just exhausts her and she can have snacks whenever.. Ect.. Anyways, she didn't eat much for supper and told me she feels bad again.. Never a good sign :(
 
For a 504- which she needs you need to request a 504 plan in writing to the districts 504 coordinator. Also get a letter from her Gi stating her dx and any accomindations he/you thinks she needs.
It is very helpful to get DS has had one for four years ( other health stuff ) so adding crohn's was easy. It will travel with her from school to school even if you move unless its out of state then you just get a new one ;)

Here is a link to ccfa 504 to give you ideas for yours

http://www.ccfa.org/resources/template-section-504-plan.html
 
Yes, that is part of what I gave them she is in 4th now so they really work with her it maybe necessary next year to do it by the book. Savannah will be going to Middle School next year. She has been at this school since Kindergarten so all the teachers, nurses ect know her and have watched her go from deathly ill to being OK.
 
If they know her then just request one now since 504 are easier to get when kids are younger. It formally spells out what they are already doing
The longer you wait the harder it is to put in formally.
If staffing changes at all the unspoken agreement becomes an issue
 
2nd the 504. Easy to do when you have a good relationship with the teachers and staff. So glad we did Jack's before he got to junior high. It has also been great as we do an annual 504 meeting with new teachers before school starts makes the first days of school so much easier and we don't have to worry if there are problems on the first day and he has already met and interacted with all his teachers.
 
This is always a tough one...communicating about poo! Teen boy here, so it's tough for a Mom. His GI has been really proactive about taking control of your own health issues one day, so Ryan is really good to tell me when something is wrong. To avoid the weirdness, if everything's fine he just says "normal" and goes about his business. If something's wrong, he closes the lid and tells me I need to look. It wasn't always this way, at 12 he hid everything from me and got really sick. He said it was out of fear. He knew something was wrong and didn't want to face it.

I hope you can get some communication going. It does make it easier...I do like the apps and charts and even being sneaky :smile:
 
Great thread, and there's lots of good info here. Thanks everyone for sharing. My daughter doesn't mind talking about poop, but she's dealt with GI issues her entire life. Now we just have a name for it - Crohn's. She's not the only one in our family who has had poop probs, so it isn't embarrassing for her. She just hates it when anyone outside of our house learns anything about her health issues though.
 
I didn't read all of these posts yet. But if I were in your situation I would tell her to poop in a toilet hat when her belly hurts so she can't forget to save it.
 
Put a sticky note on the toliet that says DO NOT FLUSH just incase she is innocently forgetting.

My son always calls me into the bathroom to check things out when he feels like something weird is going on, I think it makes him feel better to be reassured. I try to teach him what to look for and what is and isn't normal. One thing I always need to see is if there is blood. He knows if I am not there, he needs to take a picture with his phone.

When Johnny was first diagnosed I asked him like every 10 minutes about his bowel movements, stomach pain scale, head pain, if he was hungry. (you get the picture) It was my way of coping, but it freaked him out and annoyed him. He shares more with me now that I have lightened up a bit!
 
Morning/afternoon,
Still no luck with Savannah.. I did talk to her briefly last night.. Don't want to push to much. She said she has not went has not had the urge. So, I guess I will see how today goes and if nothing it maybe time to start the Myralax again. She seems to be doing ok. Not eating to much not real active but she is not complaining about pain or feeling bad either.
Savannah did tell me it hurts every time she goes and she does have stomach pains that come and go they don't last very long. I think this is all she knows so why would she talk about it to her it is normal.
 

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