Desperatly trying to understand

[Gemma3416]

Ok here we go, Im really new to all of this so please bare with me. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for just over a month and although its still early days things have been going really well. We both really like one another and love spending time together. He has been very upfront with me and told me that he suffers with crohns, hes only been diagnosed a year or so and so i fully understand that he is still trying to come to terms with things himself. Im please that he felt he could tell this so early into the relationship. I dont know alot about crohns but have been on the net researching, so that i have a better understanding. Like i said its been just over 1mth and so far hes been ok no flare ups nothing. Hes told me normally once a month he tends to suffer and this last week hes not been great. Hes been putting on a brave face but last weds i heard nothing from him allday and he never replied to any of my texts? Thurs i text saying i was worried about him and he did enventually reply and we arranaged to meet up on fri and had a lovely night. He told me he had been bad on weds and had come home from work and gone straight to bed and didnt get my texts till thurs, so i fully understood once he told me.

This week the same has happened again, i saw him 2 nights ago and he said he was suffering and that he didnt want to stay at mine incase anything embarrassing happened, which i fully understood and didnt want to make him feel uncomfortable so he went home. The next day we had planned to go to somes friends and it was last min when he text and said he wasnt good and was going to give it a miss, again i can fully understand why and didnt want him to feel bad for not coming. I repled by saying that it was fine and that i was just worried that he was ok and i was here if he wanted me. I havent heard anything since? im really worried now, i have told him im as scared as he is, i dont fully understand what hes going through but really want to try to understand so i can be there and support him, ive told him he means alot to me and that i want him to know im here for him.

I know hes never been great at texting back to me or his mates and i guess its just his way of dealing with things on his own. But this is what i find really hard im just guessing all the time how hes feeling? i dont know if hes at work, home or in hospital? I know its hard for him and i want to understand but how can i understand if he just shuts me out? Im hoping you guys on here can give me some advice as i dont want to make things worse, i just want to be here for him. I have spoken to my best friend as i trust her and shes said ive done the right thing, i ve just got to let him know im here for him and let him come to me when hes ready?
Any advice guys very much appreciated.
Gemma xxx

 

[karenp]

my son has crohns and shuts himself away a lot of the time when he is feeling poorly, but when they are feeling ok he will come down and talk and go out if he feels upto it, crohns is an invisible illness and people cant see what going on inside, he was at uni once and we couldnt get hold of him for three days its one crazy disease, some people are very private and dont want others to know about their condition even though people want to reach out and actually understand what they are going through but its very difficult ..

 

[Kip1]

Hi Gemma
Well done for being so understanding but also you must make him see that he needs to reply to your call or texts even if its just to let you know he is ok & to stop you worrying. If not then Crohns or not there is no excuse for him being ignorant & keeping you hanging around.

 

[partyboy690]

I've been recently diagnosed with it and I can tell you one thing now as a male, talking about it and getting sympathy off people can be just awful. Now I'm not criticising you for trying to be there for him. I think its great that you aren't leaving him because of it but you have to understand that sometimes we just want to be left alone to ourselves. Its quite debilitating at times and it can make you really down. What I suggest you do is to have a really good honest heart to heart with him next time he's feeling good. He'll probably respond better. Hoping my info helps

 

[karenp]

i agree it can be very debilitating at times and then at other times things are ok there is no happy medium, there is no understanding of it ..

 

[Gemma3416]

Hi guys I thought I'd let you all know that I've still not heard anything from him, but got intouch with his brother who told me he had a couple of days of work Ill but was fine now and had gone back to work. His brother told me not to worry he was sure he would be intouch
A week has past and still nothing? I text to say I had heard he had been ill and glad he was feeling better and looked forward to hearing from him soon. I got nothing ? One of his friends has said not to take it personally this is what he does with his friends and girlfriends. I feel for him I really do and wish him all the best, but I won't be treated like that. A simple text to say he couldn't do this wouldn't of killed him. Thanks again all you guys for all your kind messages and I wish you all the best.xxxp

 

[Kip1]

Gemma find a new guy who treats you with respect & not ignorance. I know sometimes its easy to make excuses because of illness but crohns or not it doesnt give anyone an excuse for being like that.
I have a family to care for & have just gotten surgery & still replied to my friends texts.
You sound like such a lovely person & I hope you find someone who is good to you.

 

[Regular Joe]

Hi Gemma,

It sounds like your BF has maybe two things going on. One is Crohn's and the other is communication. If you noticed on this forum, It would be safe to say that having Crohn's does not clinically impair our ability to communicate. It sounds early in your relationship, so at that point, there are ups and downs.

But if you're not yeat committed to each other, always remember you have a life and a duty to take care of yourself. So live life and talk and flirt with other guys without yet having your anchor down. If he communicates with you again, have a little heart to heart and explain that it makes you quite happy when you hear from him. When it's time for both of you to have the "shopping talk", then simply lay communication down as one of your "must have's". You deserve it!

 

[EthanPSU]

I agree with Kip, crohns does not stop a person from texting. If im ill I love to just lay and be on my phone. I understand that not wanting to hang out and such but not replying to texts and not talking to you for a whole week is just unacceptable. If you move on you can tell him it has nothing to do with his crohns, its his lack of communication that you can't handle.