Do you ever feel guilty

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Babe123

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do you ever feel guilty

for letting people down.. like i always feel as though im letting people down by being ill.


i am shattered.. i worked all day yesterday.. got college all day today and tommorrow then im working tonight and all weekend and monday then its bac to college and so on.

im shattered and ive got a cold coming and feel kinda ill again but i dont like letting people down my mum and dad have gone on holiday today so ive been up since 5am and i could really do without being in college today but my attendence is really low

i know its worrying my parents because its going to make me ill.. i come home fromwork/ college every day as white as a sheet cos im that tired

is it just me that feels like im leting people down?
xx
 
Not at all. I know exactly how you feel.

When I initially got really sick, and had to have my surgery, it put all my bills and stuff on my dad. Im 23, so I have a lot of bills. Well had.

I did the stupid thing of getting tons of credit cards and racking up payments left and right. Getting sick was very bad for my dad.

While I am fully independent again now, I know that if I go down again, he will have to step in again.

I feel like Im letting him down by even having this. Every pain or symptom I get Im always thinking about how bad it will be if its major.

It only adds to the stress. And stress is what makes me sick. Harsh cycle.
 
guilt for me = stress
stress = sick
sick = bad.



i've given up on guilt over my disease. i live the best i can, and theres no more i can do.

if i get sick, so be it, i have to come first, feeling guilty is only going to make it worse.

i still feel bad some of the times, but i'm really lucky that most people i know have studied this disease a little, so they understand it. they know i'm not often 100% and accept it. i suppose that also helps me not feeling guilty.
 
my teachers told me to put my self first but i still feel guilty about it.

im thesort of person that would rather me suffer than upset other people and put other people out

stress makes me ill also.

i really need to stop working so much
x
 
I know how you feel. I felt so bad about this that I had stomach problems until I fixed things. I got a 504 with my school which states because of my illness, it cuts at my learning ability, and some other stuff. It's a formal document that the school has so it understands why I am absent so much.

I also am taking all of my classes online except for my latin class. I am taking only that class at school from 12:18 to 1:15. And let me tell you, I am still exhausted!

See if you can't get something similar to my 504, or see if you can take some of your classes online. I am in high school, but my Guidance counselor told me that I could do this in college as well if I needed to.
 
Wait until you have a baby. I feel like scum not being able to do a lot with him because of the fatigue and the sheer inability to hold him more than 5-10 minutes before the joint pain makes me put him down or hand him off so that I don't drop him. Of course my family takes regular opportunity to reassure me that I'm a terrible parent so I don't have to worry much about being unsure of my quality.

That's the worst part but I certainly feel like a burden and even at times like I'm just not trying enough to overcome the disease. It feels like if I just tried hard enough I could continue as if it wasn't there at all.
 
I usually feel like I'm letting my husband down. When I'm feeling crappy and hurting, I don't feel like doing much of anything and then I don't cook, I fall asleep on the sofa or don't feel like "messing around" b/c of hurting. I know it's got to be frustrating for him a lot, but he never lets on, and I love him so much for that. It's just me making myself feel guilty and that I'm letting him down. And honestly, anyone else, I really don't care what they think, so if I let them down, OH WELL!
 
yes, i feel guilty.. particularly on the days when i feel i am not being the best mother/daughter/friend etc that i strive to be. but i try & make up for it on better days.. and thankfully certainly my family and close friends are very understanding. i think the key to avoiding the guilt as much as we can, is to be open & honest with those around us, about how we are feeling, and how Crohns can affect us.
 
i always feel guilty for being ill. i went to the doctors yesterday for a reveiw of my omeprazole and finally got what i needed. i told him how people think its in my head and he said that it definatly is not in my head it is an actual problem and it needs sorting. i told him that its affecting college and my life and that i would really appreciate it being sorted asap. so he is trying to get my appt moved forward asap and my parents are going to take me private if all else fails. i didnt work my bum off lasst year in college to fail this year.

and ive got a chest infection.. oh joys one thing after another all of the time.

the tabs im on is making my tummy play up and im tired most of the time anyway but now ive got a chest infection on top of it it makes it worse.

i try to make up for it on days when i am feeling well enough to but then i usually end up doing abit to much and make my self bad agin
xxxx
 
I have three kids, a husband with his own autoimmune illness, and a mom with cancer who lives with me. Yeah, I'm not sure what NOT feeling guilty feels like anymore. :(

Babe, I'm so sorry you're sick.
 
thank you i feel guilty constantly. feel asthough whenever im ill and have to have time of fim letting so many people down. i work alot and have college and even when i feel ill i drag my self to work cos i dont wanna let them down.its exhausting.

my illness/ disease isnt as bad as it could be but it still takes alot of energy out of me and drags me down

oh gosh im so sorry

its crappy
x
 
Oh yes, school. Definitely a source of guilt. I had a 75-80% attendance record during high school. I failed 2 semesters in college too. A third one I did well but not well enough to pull my GPA up to 3.0 from my previous failures.

Every day I missed, every first day of class when I had to keep the teacher afterward and give them a lecture on the finer points of crohn's disease, every time I got handed a grade card full of Fs (usually due almost entirely to attendance penalties), every time I stopped 1 paragraph into writing a paper and took a handful of darvocet then passed out for the night, every time I walked out in the middle of class with everyone staring at me, every time I put my head in my desk and tried with all my might not to groan in pain, etc, etc. I've got an endless stockpile of guilt and humiliation after my attempts at education.

Mostly I've just resorted to teaching myself things. I may not get a degree but I do know things and it makes me feel good about myself that I can, despite the disease, still learn that information on my own in my own way.
 
very true. college/ school is the one thing i feel most guilty about. aswell as beign ill and the stress it brings to my parents.

my teachers are really understanding.. and to be honest.. even though i am of fmost i have the highest grades in my class near enough and i am well ahead with my work. but if my attendence isnt above 83% then i could be kicked off the course. at the moment it is 75%. although they may give me some le way cos of the circumsatnces.

i jsut feel so guilty all of t he time. my counsellor says it shouldnt be me that feels guilty.. it isnt my fault and yet i still do.

im in touvh with a colitus / crohns specialist nurse now. my appojntment with DR Bohen ahs been moved to next week cos i rang them and complained that i felt the consultant iw as seeing wasnt taking me seriously.. he was treating em like someone who has anorexia.. which i havnt got and he was treating me like its in my head which i have been told it definatly isnt.

hopefully this willa ll be sorted soon and they can 'fix' me. :)
x
 
Babe123 said:
but if my attendence isnt above 83% then i could be kicked off the course. at the moment it is 75%.
Click to expand...

If you are genuinely ill with supporting letters from the doctor, they can't do this. It's a plain case of discrimination.
 
they let me through last year with an attendence of 79% aslong as my attendence would be brought up. theyev got no choicce i suppose. my health will have to come before college cos i cant survive college feeling crappy every day it'll be impossible
xxx
 
Yes, I feel guilty constantly. My college has a pretty strict attendance policy so I always push myself to go if I can, but I make sure the profs are aware that there's always a chance I'll have to leave or miss a class.

It's terrible with friends too. Actually, I don't really have any friends. I have bad social anxiety so friends = anxiety = bad for my stomach. I hate it because when I meet someone new and we start becoming friends, they'll ask me if I want to go out or hang out with other people and my response is nearly always no, so eventually they stop asking. The last semester I lived on campus at school, not one person randomly knocked on my door to say hi. Not even one.
 
I always feel guilty about my spouse. Especially when I'm going through a bad period and I"m always sick and he's always waiting in hospital waiting rooms. =(
 
Babe123 said:
they let me through last year with an attendence of 79% aslong as my attendence would be brought up. theyev got no choicce i suppose. my health will have to come before college cos i cant survive college feeling crappy every day it'll be impossible
xxx
Click to expand...

They pulled the same thing on me. It's a bluff. They legally can't take your credits no matter how much you miss. I went to school with a girl that had MS and she showed up maybe 10% of the time and she was still getting credit. They just want to scare you into showing up because they think you're milking your disease for more time off than you need. They don't think any illness is so bad that you wouldn't be able to attend class. You should just tough it out. In their minds their little lie is just canceling out the lies you're telling and your using a technical loop hole to skip school. Of course we know they're full of **** and you're extremely sick and making yourself so much worse fighting like crazy to get to class. But, that's the mindset that school officials have. Us vs. The Students.

When their bluff didn't work they started just generally harassing me every chance they got. Personally I got so sick of it I just dropped out in my junior year and went to college instead. It's not a difficult thing to do. Any university will take a GED. In fact you might get a little affirmative action because they need to prove they're not breaking the law by discriminating against GEDs.

In the end, don't worry. Things will work out regardless of what they try to do. High schools are surprisingly powerless in the real world.
 
Last edited:
AgB621 said:
Yes, I feel guilty constantly. My college has a pretty strict attendance policy so I always push myself to go if I can, but I make sure the profs are aware that there's always a chance I'll have to leave or miss a class.

It's terrible with friends too. Actually, I don't really have any friends. I have bad social anxiety so friends = anxiety = bad for my stomach. I hate it because when I meet someone new and we start becoming friends, they'll ask me if I want to go out or hang out with other people and my response is nearly always no, so eventually they stop asking. The last semester I lived on campus at school, not one person randomly knocked on my door to say hi. Not even one.
Click to expand...

tbh thats like me.. i get worried about going out incase im ill so i dont like it. especially in places where i cant nip home and places that are out of my comfort zone. i havnt got many friends either. ive only got about 5 friends
x
 
thank you .. im trying to be in as much as possible. i suppose its a good job im on a health and social care course.. cos they are probably more supportive than on any other course but it drives me crazy being out under pressure to feel well enough all of the time
x
 
People can often make you feel guilty, or maybe as though you aren't trying as hard as you can. These are usually the ignorant people, with whom you're wasting your time trying to explain anything to anyway.

Living with Crohn's is a disadvantage in life. What I've found helps me is to remember that whenever people make me feel guilty I should feel contempt for them. Contempt because despite my disadvantages, something these people couldn't even begin to comprehend, here I am struggling to maintain an even keel with so called "normal" people. And by and large succeeding.

Try and turn your guilt into pride. Pride that irrespective of the long painful nights you have endured, you're still there battling. You're one of the greatest warriors of all! xx
 
I feel like that, letting my mom down on school but she doesn't understand when it comes to that. Im hurting i need to come home and i cant do work. If only my teachers would let up too.
 

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