Do you stay with your kid in the hospital?

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SupportiveMom

SupportiveMom

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As some of you know Dani is in the hospital. After we were all settled in my husband & I started a conversation on me staying or not in the hospital. The last 2 times I stayed every night. I was around for most of the days, only really leaving the hospital to go to work or home to change/shower.

My husband thinks the hospital is there for a reason and she should be left there on her own at night. I think she needs the extra help at night and I should be there. (Dragging IV poll to bathroom, etc) I look around this morning to see out of 5 patients in PEDs, 3 have stayed.

So do you stay at the hospital when your kid is admitted?
 
Yes I have and both my kids were older than your lass.

My daughter was 14 and has had two admissions. I stayed day and night through both admissions.

My son was 17 and had three admissions, the second one being for 4 weeks. The first two I stayed day and night and the third was more difficult, just the hospital set up as he was in an adult colorectal ward so I wasn’t in the room with him all night but i was only a couple of minutes away elsewhere in the hospital.

I personally couldn’t leave them alone but I understand it is different for everyone and certainly I could see difficulties if there were younger children at home and/or if there were work pressures. I didn’t have those added difficulties.

Dusty. xxx
 
Yes I stayed but Grace was four.
However I think no matter the age I would stay the night if I could.

Hugs
 
I stayed
The hospital has a policy that one parent must always be present.
Reason being things change quickly in the hospital and they may need parental consent quickly to operate etc....
Add in it can be an hour or more between nurse checks not something to leave a child to have to deal with .
There are multiple foundations that help with costs so families can stay with their sick kids .
Hospitals provide medical support for the child . They still need emotional support of family so even if you can't stay I would try to find a family member who could
No one should have to be alone to deal with this even adults .
 
Josh was admitted to hospital twice last year when he was 12. The first for 6 days, the second for 10. I stayed the whole time. He was the one that actually left my side when he had to go to hospital school :ylol: While he was there, I caught up on our washing :smile: Luckily there was a machine we could use in the hospital as we only had limited clothes with us, both times he had been admitted straight from clinic.

For me, there was no way I could leave him. I would be worried the whole time I wasn't with him. He was really scared and would have hated to be on his own overnight in a strange place. If the hospital had been closer I may have popped home during the day just to catch up on things, but it is too far so that wasn't an option. Also, we never knew when the doctor was going to do rounds, so I needed to be there. Luckily my elder son was visiting us for a few days, so he managed to bring us enough clothes and toiletries to last us a few days, other than that we relied on the hospital shop.

When Josh was in hospital there was a 17yr old there [ oldest on the paed ward ] and his mother stayed with him the whole time too.

I agree with everything my little penguin has said.
 
My son was hospitalized three times last year and I stayed the whole time every time. He was 12 and 13 years old during those stays. I'm glad I did because right off the bat, rounds were very early. Surgery would come through at 6:15am most days. He had labs drawn at 6:00am once and I'm sure he wouldn't have cooperated if I wasn't there calming him down.

Hospitals aren't fun. Even less so if you're a kid in pain or scared. I also don't like placing my kids in situations that could potentially go very wrong. Private parts get touched, allergy foods end up on lunch trays, that kind of thing. If you have the option of being there, why not? Peace of mind for you and your child. Besides, if you leave you're just going to wish you were there anyway.

Read this too...
http://barrentoblessed.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/dear-parent-of-sick-child/
 
My daughter was 8 when inpatient. I didn't even like leaving to go to the cafeteria! I admit, I am a bit overprotective, but no one wants to be left alone in a hospital. Especially kids.
 
Yes, I have always stayed when my kids have been in the hosp. I don't think the age matters. They want you there, they are not happy to be there alone. Sending you a pm..
 
I've stayed at each of M's admissions. After 2-3 days I would leave late afternoon to take our laundry home, get clean clothes & breathe fresh air. I also helped with showers, bathroom issues and advocated when needed.

M went through months of us not knowing if another admission would be needed. She took many trips to the ER and often was admitted. It was heartbreaking and we were all running on empty. In hindsight, I wouldn't have done it any differently. It gave me peace of mind for whatever peace there was to be had.
 
Ditto to all above... S was admitted in the morning and, by dinner, he was saying it was okay, that I could go home that night (it hadn't been planned so we had no extra clothes, etc.). He was almost 17 and while it was against my instinct (I'd wanted to just go home, pick up stuff and return), he was insisting that I just return the next morning (he wasn't having any tough symptoms to deal with). Given that he was almost 17, I thought 'okay :(, I won't push it..., he probably wants to spend his time talking to friends, etc. without me next to him' (always a balancing act at this age, not knowing how much to cuddle and how much to let go...). In any case, I got home and not five minutes later, he called and said he'd actually prefer if I did go back! :eek: Needless to say, I was relieved and out the door in 2 minutes! I then stayed for the rest of the time and there was no more talk of me leaving!

And, over the week, much of what Dusty mentioned above did occur and, while I'm sure he would've managed without me, there was no need for him to struggle alone or have to ask a stranger for help.

However, when they are teens, I do think they need some alone time as well, whether to have their own cry of frustration or to chat with friends, etc. so I would leave S on his own a few times during the day for 30 minutes or so, etc.

I think, as they get older, they want to be brave and adult but... adult or not, having your mom or dad there is a huge support!!!
 
Agree with all of the above…I stayed with my 19 year old in the hospital. Like Tesscorm's son, she insisted I go home but then at night she did ask for my help my using the bathroom etc.
Even big kids need their moms I think. Sometimes they're too tired to advocate for themselves or just need to be distracted. Any support helps.
Hope Dani starts feeling better soon!
 
Hi SM,
It is rough but we too always stayed in the hospital with Caitlyn. When I was working before I got sick my husband would stay with Caitlyn and I would stay with the others then my oldest would babysit for an hour when I left for work. my husband would run home drive the kids to school then go back to the hospital. Whenever he left the child life specialist would come in and keep Caitlyn entertained until he got back. Now that she is older she lets him run out for a cup of coffee but then he goes right back.
 
I stayed with my then 7 year old. Switched off with hubby at weekends. I am glad I did, as Mentioned earlier, tray of food was delivered and kiddo's eyes lit up. The only thing was, she was on NG tube. Strictly no proper food what so ever. Also had to spend a few nights calming her down when she was determind she was going home. When I had to leave, I would request a volunteer come be with her. This made things a lot easier.
 
Thank you for settling a sensitive topic. My instinct is to never leave. Dani never wants me to either. She also doesn't want her Daddy to stay either. They have a great relationship, but she would never want him to be cleaning up her 'hats' in the toilet or looking at her butt for an enima. I think because she doesn't want him to stay he thinks maybe I shouldn't sometimes too.
 
I not only stay with my kids, but also stay with adult family members! I find that a lot of help is needed, ie food, staying on top of pain med requests, listening to doctors.
 
We have been incredibly lucky so far (no hospital stays for Jack) however I have stayed with hubby and also just stayed almost the entire time with my mother when she was in the hospital, just went home to sleep. She just told me that she was glad I didn't listen to her when she told me to go home, as she was really out of it and didn't remember half the stuff the doctors told her and also that I was there to help her shower.
 
I don't have children and I'm over 18 but just wanted to give a different point of view. I don't really like having family around when I'm in hospital, I am more than happy to let the nurses look after me. The thought of having my Mum help me shower or go to the loo just makes me feel really embarrassed, not sure why as I don't mind nurses doing it, I guess because it's their job and they've seen it all before.
I also go to all my appointments on my own and have gone in for my last two surgeries alone.
I spent 6 weeks in hospital last year with serious post surgical complications (a rugby ball sized hematoma in my abdomen) and had very few visitors during the week, my parents live 180 miles away so they would come at the weekends, but I was quite happy on my own.
Anyway, just my two cents.
 
I stayed with Jack the 7 times he has been admitted to hospital ,the longest being 7 days when he had his hemicolectomy .luckily we stay 20min from hospital so his dad or gran would come in to let me go home shower and change .I would not leave him himselff even though he is 14.
 
My son turned 18 in December and I stayed at the hospital 8 out of 10 nights he was hospitalized in January. I didn't do much to help him but I know it was reassuring to him given the furtive anxious look that came on the two time I had to leave for home.

That said there were a number of circumstances that combined to make me feel it was important to stay.
1. Distance from home - we were 100 miles away so there was no question of coming/going on a daily basis. If he was in town I would probably have stayed the first night and then gone home most of the nights after that.
2. Severity and nature of illness - he was bleeding very heavily and while we were able to avoid transfusions it was up for debate twice during his stay. I would not want him to be alone during transfusions if possible.
3. Being there when the doctors show up - there is no apparent schedule to those things most of the time and there is simply no substitute for being there all the time. We had docs show up as early as 6:15 and as late as 11 pm.

I would not leave an 11 year old alone at the hospital - it is a scary place and 11 is just too young in my personal opinion. 13 or 14 maybe depending on the child. 11 no.
 
One other reason to stay (or attend doctor apptmts) is the sometimes lack of communication from kids. Doctor asks 'how are you' and kids often say 'fine'... period, end of conversation... :lol: I know this isn't the case for all kids, especially as they get older but, parents are much more likely to have put together the pieces, the small or more vague signs - weight loss, fatigue, etc. or make the connection between a normal symptom or one that's just started after taking a new med. I imagine ped doctors are accustomed to this and ask the right question to prompt answers but I still think parents can offer more background info.

I let S do the talking with the doctors but then I fill in the gaps I think S has left behind... (I also ask more questions... :lol:)
 
I never leave my kids either. Don't think I could take the worry or guilt being away. I also have a bad habit of going for tea or food just when the doctor pops round :lol2:.
 
I hate to say this, but I would advise people of any age to always have a friend or family member with them in the hospital. I've heard nurses recommends this too. I know it's not always possible. Nurses are very busy these days and sometimes one needs an advocate to get good care.
 
Speaking here as the child who often gets admitted to hospital, I would dislike if my dad were to stay with me. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but there is always an invasion of privacy in hospital, always. And my personal space and privacy is huge to me, having my dad in on all that makes it more awkward, maybe it's because he's a male, I don't know.
He has taken me to hospital a few times where I've been admitted, and he will always either turn away or leave the room when the invasion of privacy starts, and I thank him for that, I don't have to ask him to leave, he just does and will come back when it's all done. But it scares me being alone, so I can't really win with that.

I don't mind when mum stays, even though I'm almost 19 now I don't like being left alone in a strange place with strange people and strange things happening. But while I can tolerate mum being there during the invasion of privacy, the only person I truly feel comfortable having around 24/7 in the hospital is my boyfriend. There's several reasons for that, but the main one being I've been with him for 4 years, he's seen everything there is to be seen about me, both physically and mentally. He's seen me at my best and at my worst, he knows all my thoughts and feelings about everything, which often my parents don't because I just don't tell them, it's easier not to. And he is the only person I feel comfortable with seeing everything through the invasion of privacy, he's often had to help me shower or go to the toilet in hospital, even if he doesn't physically have to help me, the door gets left unlocked and he will stand outside just in case.
He really is the only person I feel comfortable with staying all the time and seeing everything. I have anxiety attacks to the point where I need to be sedated, Darryl is always the best during these situations.
 
It's not always possible to have someone there all the time unfortunately, especially on an adult wars. In my case my husband works long shifts for the ambulance service, and my parents live 180 miles away and my father is disabled. I have no close family that live near me and I also wouldn't feel comfortable having friends being responsible for me like that.

Personally, I feel that I am my best advocate. I am generally pretty clued up on my disease and the medications I take and am more than able to discuss my treatment with doctors. I'm also super polite and pretty undemanding to the nursing staff and find that they respond a lot more positively to my attitude. It helps that I have been on the same ward 5 times too, so have a bit of a rapport with them.
My hospital also has strict visiting hours, 2 - 8 pm so it is not possible to have someone with you all the time anyway.

From a patient's point of view also, I do find that when I have visitors there is a pressure to talk and I guess "make their effort to visit you worthwhile" whereas most of the time I just want to sleep or rest quietly. When I was in hospital for the six weeks I was in serious pain, on countless painkillers and IVs which made me very sick and couldn't concentrate on much so having people around really stressed me out.

I can imagine that as a child I would probably have wanted my mum and dad with me for comfort and reassurance and to speak with the doctors and make decisions, but as an adult I get really frustrated with people fussing over me and getting involved in MY care.
 
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I also know that my being ill upsets my husband and my Mum and I personally want to spare them as much as possible the pain of seeing me unwell in hospital, in pain, hooked up to IVs, throwing up, having wounds packed etc.

Sorry, I don't mean to get so vociferous about this subject, it's just something I feel strongly about. I hope I don't offend anyone :-(
 
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My mil is the same way. Doesn't want people starting at her and feeling bad about her situation.
I however am different. I had a surgery last year and my mom and twin took turns staying with me. Hubby was with the kids.
 
I have stayed, and plan on staying for as long as I am wanted. (by dd, not the staff :p)

I was in the hospital for 5 days at 12- I know that my parents left-to go to work (?) and I don't remember being traumatized (the pain meds were pretty good though ;))
 
I was talking to my Dad earlier and he said that when he was a child back in the 1950s he had his tonsils removed and was in hospital for a week and his parents weren't allowed to visit at all. That's just how it was done in those days. I know having your tonsils removed doesn't compare with Crohn's (trust me) but just thought it was interesting how attitudes have changed.

Pain meds can be pretty good! Plus, one of the pre-anesthetic meds I had when I had my most recent surgery, felt like I'd drunk 4 gin and tonics, I felt amazing!

Thanks Farmwife, I'm glad I'm not the only one! That's exactly how I feel.
 
I am just like you absentminded and I dare say my 14 year old dx and in hospital at 12 is a bit the same way. For the beginning she was in ICU and the hospital asked me to stay. Once she was moved to a regular ward and doing better she told me she wanted some space. She was fine moving about with her two IV towers and had gained strength so I left from time to time but stayed through the night when she didn't have the distractions of child life, nurses etc...the dark scary hours.

I also think parents need to be well rested and on top of their game for decision making. If sticking around 24/7 does that then great but if you need a break and refresher take it. It will make you an even better support when you return.

Also, I found that because I was there the nurses relied on me a bit more than they probably should have. For example, drinking her prep, She is a trooper but that prep really did her in. There were tears, vomiting etc. She begged and pleaded for it to be over. The nurses just dropped and ran. I was making deals I didn't know would be o.k. with the parameters of timing etc. One of the nurses said, "you are such a great parent...most just rely on us to do all this". Next day docs nurse came in and told me if that happens again I should disappear as kids will do things for the nurses and not give such a hard time as they will their parents. Lesson learned.

I guess like everything else it is highly individual and you just have to know your kid and keep communication open and most of all be willing to change direction at a moments notice because let's face it we all think we know what we want until we get it.
 
Absentminded said:
I was talking to my Dad earlier and he said that when he was a child back in the 1950s he had his tonsils removed and was in hospital for a week and his parents weren't allowed to visit at all. That's just how it was done in those days. I know having your tonsils removed doesn't compare with Crohn's (trust me) but just thought it was interesting how attitudes have changed.

Pain meds can be pretty good! Plus, one of the pre-anesthetic meds I had when I had my most recent surgery, felt like I'd drunk 4 gin and tonics, I felt amazing!

Thanks Farmwife, I'm glad I'm not the only one! That's exactly how I feel.
Click to expand...

I am also one of those people that prefers to be alone when unwell. I am more than happy to get on with things myself.

Matt wanted me to be there with him and for the vast majority of the time I just sat and read and we said nothing. I know hospital stays for him are especially stressful, not for the medical side of things, although that is bad enough, but he is an introvert (on the extreme end!) and there is no worse a nightmare for an introvert than to be repeatedly engaged in conversation and asked if you are okay! :eek2:

Oh Absentminded I can well relate to your Dad! :eek2: My earliest memory is being in hospital to have my tonsils and adenoids removed. I was 3 going 4 (early 1960’s) and was also in for about a week. My parents were only allowed to visit for one hour a day and I can remember standing in the foyer sobbing every time they left knowing that I wasn’t allowed to go through those front doors. The nurses would have to come and get me and I would be sitting on seat refusing to go. :lol: When it was medication round time I would dive under the covers and down to the end of the bed. God I must have been a nightmare! :lol: Much easier now days that parents can stay. :)

Naughty Dusty. :ylol:
 
We are also in the hospital, 2nd time in a month. I always stay. I want to hear from doctors first hand. And if there is an emergency to get to bathroom a nurse would never make it fast enough. My son doesnt even like me to leave for longer than 30 min. We're a team :)
 
I stayed with Jaime when she was treated as a child. In adult wards in the UK we are not allowed to visit outside visiting hours! Sometimes this is so hard as she often will forget to ask Doctors questions that need answering, so I normally leave her with a list now!

She would prefer I stayed, but has got better.

I am opposite though and would much rather be left on my own, I really hate having a fuss! I didn't even tell anyone when I had a small lump removed, just got a friend to pick me up when I could go home.

Personally with smaller children, I would stay. Older children will let you know if they want some time on their own! However, there is no wrong or right, there are so many family circumstances that can't be avoided.
 
I always stay with Gus 24/7. I've even invented some ways to make the chair bed more comfortable in my head. It involves a vending machine for distribution to family members who have long stays with their loved ones. :)

I think it is important to stay because you have all of the knowledge of their disease and treatment (that the staff may need to discuss) and because the hospital stay itself involves a thousand small events that you may need to recall later. Most importantly you are your child's advocate, their comfort and their encourager.

I am fortunate to be a stay at home mom and have the ability to do that. However, I do have three other children at home who need me too. My husband and I swap on the weekends. 1) So I can have some real bed time and give my back a break. 2) So I can give our other three children some quality time too. Last year we made swaps on Thursdays so that I could teach an art class at the school, take my daughter to a speech meet, take son #2 to the Math Olympics and to take my daughter and son #3 to an art festival competition. Life has to go on back home too.

Cheryl VT
 
Haha DustyKat! I'll have to try hiding under the covers when I'm next in hospital and they want me to take something horrible!
 
I showed the thread to Gus. He said he prefers to have one of us with him. It is okay for us to take breaks and be away for a few hours at a time, as long as he knows we are coming back. It is a combination of knowing that we do a better job of talking to the doctors and keeping track of (remembering) the information and the comfort of having mom/dad nearby when he doesn't feel good.

:) Cheryl
 
My son has only been admitted once and I had someone with him at all times. We live near our Children's Hospital and also have my family nearby so they helped out too. I have a sister who is a nurse and she is very much of the belief that someone needs to be there at all times to be an advocate for the patient, whether an adult or child patient.
 
On an adult ward, at least in the UK, it is not possible to have someone with you at all times as there are restricted visiting times and outside those times visitors are not allowed on the ward.
 
Yep Absentminded. It can be really hard, as Doctors do rounds in the morning and many wards won't let visitors in until at least 2pm. Some are super strict with this :eek:
 
VT my back is killing me from that chairbed! Who actually picks these things in administration? They obviously don't think of who has to sleep in them!
 
I don't think any of the furniture in hospital is comfortable! I always get a bad back when I'm in and find it really hard to find a comfy position, especially sitting in those chairs.
 
I can sleep anywhere and am rather spoiled...O's hospital has a daybed thingy in the kids rooms and it was comfy cozy...only problem for me was the room was to cold!
 
Our hospital has the couch that turns to a twin bed thing so very comfy to sleep in.
They used to have the recliner chairs - those were horrid
 
Our local hospital has fold out beds, unfortunately they are normal mattresses covered in plastic :yrolleyes:. Woke up with my pyjamas stuck to my back - yuck
 
As long as we're sharing....I awoke at 2 am one morning with a COCKROACH on the foot of my white hospital blanket...while sleeping on the bench/bed under the hospital window.

I carefully, so carefully took the blanket off of me (I was so PO'd) and drug the blanket to the nurses station. When I got there the nurses kept saying "how can I help you?" I pointed to the blanket w/one hand on my hip and they screamed!!! Luckily one of them was smart and quick and she grabbed a can of foaming hand sanitizer and snuffed it out. They woke my daughter up and moved us from that room. Someone from administration came to visit with a million apologies and swore that it was because construction had stirred them up in the walls. There wasn't anything to do but take their word but ever since then, when we have had to unfortunately stay again a few more times, I slept on the chair next to M's bed, away from the wall. Oooohhh. I still get the chills when I relive it.
 
EEEW! I have heard hospitals are notorious for roaches. YUCK! I am ashamed to say that being a city girl I probably would have squashed it and gone back to sleep. I also would have left all my stuff outside for days when I got home for fear of a stow away!
 
Inside I was holding it together b/c on the outside all I could think was Mama Bear gotta protect daughter. I obsessively inspected our bags when we got home. ICK.
 
C's hospital had the couch that turns into a twin as well and it was really comfy. He was 16 at the time he was in the hospital and up until the last night I stayed in the room with him. By the end of the stay he was feeling better and antsy to talk to friends on the phone and Skype and so I went to the hotel with the Hubby for the last night. I felt comfortable leaving that night because he was feeling really good and his favorite nurse was on duty!

The roach would have freaked me out for sure!
 
Our hospital is new and very clean. When we were inpatient someone would come twice a day to empty the trash and scrub down the bathroom. Once a day they would sweep, mop, and wipe the room down. To sleep on, I had a very large vinyl couch that was semi-comfortable. There was also a reclining chair and my mother did stay in that once (but said it was very uncomfortable). Our hospital also has lighting that the child can choose from about 8 different colors to light their room up in. Very cool at night!
 
That reminds me, I came away with headlice after sleeping in the bed for parents in my kids hospital room. Managed to pass it onto both of my girls too. Anyone scratching their heads yet?
 
Allright you've all have given me the heebie jeebies ARGGHHH. Yes, I'm scratching my head automatic response to everytime I hear head lice
 
Did your couch/beds look like this? It folds up when not covered in momma junk. This was my nest for two weeks last year. No cockroaches here (thank goodness!)... too cold!
 

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LICE?! No Way! City girl doesn't do lice! That is the first time I heard of lice in a hospital.

Mehita...yeah mine was similar...no folding up though. Just big pillows to put on back so it turned into a couch...and big storage drawers underneath for all your stuff!
 
Man that looks nice compared to her ours. It is a chair that pulls out to a twin bed. Doubt I have a picture and SO not going back for one.
 
OMG, cockroaches and lice!!! I would've died! :eek: Especially if I found one on my bed! :yfaint:

When I stayed with S, his room also had a bed similar to Mehita's. :) But, I also found the room cold.

Now I can't remember why this happened but, one night Stephen couldn't get comfortable in his bed so he asked to switch beds... I meant to get up before the nurse came in the morning but slept in! :lol: I was soooo embarrassed!!! Didn't know how to explain that it hadn't been my idea to steal my sick kid's comfortable bed and put him in the small sofa bed! :ack:
 
I stayed with my son day and night when he was in the hospital - slept on a fold down chair.
His last night there we got changed to another room at a different end of the ward as they were spraying for cockroaches where we had been. Never saw one but we were more than happy to leave the 'roach motel' the next day!!
 
We've been fortunate not to have been admitted, but should this happen our hospital encourages a parent to stay. And I definitely would. Cots and linens are provided. I don't know how comfortable they are, but I sure hope they are roach and lice-free!
 
OMG Tess LMAO! :rof::rof::rof: Do we need to rename this thread to "Do you stay IN your sick kid's hospital bed!!!! Hilarious:ylol:
 
Yep! Hubby and I took turns staying in the hospital with ds.

Hubby and dd stayed the night when I was in the hospital. No lice or roaches thank goodness.

Hubby stayed in the hospital one night when we were in another state and I stayed in the Ronald McDonald house. (DS was a wee little thing at the time.) During the night at the Ronald McDonald house, a drunk parent tried getting into my room. Scary! There were no bathrooms in any of the rooms so I had to go down the hall to use one. Again, scarry. In the morning, I told the volunteer at the Ronald McDonald house what had happend. I was told "Well he has a sick child in the hospial." What the heck? I told the volunteer, "yes, I know and so do I. That's no excuse to get drunk and try getting to someone else's room." I talked with the Child Life personnel at the hospital who contacted a local church and the youth minister and his family took me in for the remaining nights. What a blessing.
 

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