Fiance recently diagnosed...

[Libby]

So I am new to this forum and am searching for answers. My Fiance was diagnosed in February however first showed symptoms in September 2010 (at our engagement party ). Our whole life has been turned upside-down and I really don't know how to best support him (and how to best cope myself) The first few months were tough but he now seems to be improving, he has attempted to go to work every now and then but then seems to go down hill again, he doesn't want to be around others only me and his family are not really in the picture to support him. He isnt opening up to me with how he feels about it. I cant seem to communicate with him like we used to, he just seems sit be slipping away and I just want advice on how I can best support him and be there for him and help the two of us get our lives back together. We have been together for 5 years and we are only 22. I am just to young to know what how to hold everything all together for the both of us.

 

[DustyKat]

Hi Libby and :welcome:

I'm so sorry to hear that your fiance has been diagnosed with Crohn's......and the difficulties you now find yourselves in.

It is early days for both of you and perhaps he is having trouble talking about how he is feeling because he doesn't know himself. It may take him some time to come to terms with his diagnosis and until that happens he will be confused, lost and scared. He may have these feelings not only about his own health but about his relationship with you and what it means for his future, he may be scared that speaking about it may drive you away.
This may also be why he isn't socialising, he feels safe with you and isn't yet ready to face the questions and enquiries of others. Until he is comfortable in his own skin it is difficult to be confident and sure in the presence of others.

I know it is hard to watch someone you love so very deeply suffer but he needs time hun, he is grieving over a life in which he had control and surety stripped away from him. Just be there for him, tell him you will always be there for him and when he is ready to talk you will be waiting. This is difficult for you too and in your own way you are grieving too.
Depression and anxiety can also be a part of having to deal with a disease like Crohns so be aware of that, it may also go some way to explaining his behaviour.

You are a compassionate and intelligent young lady and you will get through this together. The early days are the hardest while you are both finding your feet, it is overwhelming, but as he improves and reaches remission things will get better and you will both find your new normal, life will be good again.

What medications is your fiance on?

What symptoms is he experiencing?

Hang in there Libby, you are doing just fine mate. :hug:

Dusty. xxx

 

[xJillx]

Hi Libby and welcome! It really shows you want to help and support your fiance being that you joined the forum. And, honestly, the biggest thing you can do is show your fiance how much you love him and need him in your life. When I was first diagnosed (and sometimes I still struggle with this), I felt worthless. I was sick and helpless and no good to anyone. But my hubby supported me 100% and continued to tell me how much he loved me and needed me. This forced me to get a grip, put an end to my pity party, and focus on getting well.

It may take your fiance time to come around and open up, but if you continue to love and support him and encourage him to share, I think he'll certainly come around. Good luck!

 

[scottmyster]

HI Libby, Welcome to the forum. I know it's hard to watch you husband go through this and not being able to help but you did by joining this forum and trying to find answers. i have had crohn's for 21 years now and at first it took some time to get use to the idea of having a disease with no cure.He may be depressed right now pushing others away from him Like dusky said it will take some time before he will socialize with anybody.but he will as time passes. Just for now he can't and just give a little time. Not everyone understands this disease it can effect so many things, especially life around you.Just be there for him when he wants to talk and have a shoulder to lean on. I am sure it will get better as time passes just hang in there. best wishes.:rosette2: