Finding Solace in Therapy

[Isla]

Today I went to my family doctor and asked for a referral to see a therapist. He was curious as to why I thought I needed one as he has known me for 6 years. He knows me as the strong but crazy girl with pink hair. I guess the older I get the more I realize I shouldn't have to or need to do things by myself. I am a single mom, I run my own business, I live by myself.. etc. My family has not been a source of support nor will they be in the future. So I decided support is important enough for me to seek it out.

Does anyone else use therapy/counseling as a means of emotional support?

 

[Jeff D.]

I have used it in the past and now I mostly use this forum as therapy. I had a bad experience with therapy because I went two years ago as a senior in high school to a dude that talked to me as if I was a child. I really didn't appreciate that. He also started sessions late and I ended up getting very little out of it. I got more support from and here and when I went to college during my first semester from my college chapel and CMA family. They helped me more than the quack I was paying an ungodly amount of money to per hour. I think things would have been different had I picked the right person and I think that's the big thing. You really need to find the person who you connect with the best because then things just don't work out and there is a lot of frustration on both parts.

I remember one day that I was so depressed and pissed off at this dude, also the fact I used to get really bad road rage and I was in traffic for an hour trying to get to the appointment, that I just sat there and stared at him. After a few minutes he got uncomfortable so he tried to ask me questions and I would just give him yes or no answers to philisophical questions.

Now that I'm looking back I was a complete A-hole but I can't change the past. Anyways if you get anything out of this is just pick the right person. Good luck. Therapy is not just for people with problems it's sometimes good to use them as a vent and just yell and scream and do waht you have to get over what ever is going on in your life. Best of luck

 

[jed]

yeah, not so fond of therapists for myself.

i'd prefer using places like this to talk about things, knowing i'm talking with people who really understand what i go through is the best therapy for me.

I would just give him yes or no answers to philisophical questions

awesome effort Jeff

 

[Guest]

the only therapy i've ever had was cognitive behavioural therapy, many years ago - which came about because i was suffering acute anxiety & panic attacks, but was holding it all in because i was scared - didn't know what it was, and i convinced myself it was something terrible. it came out during a visit to A&E, i broke down into sobs, and the nurse referred me for CBT. turned out to be one of the most positive and personally educational things i have ever done. i kicked and fought it to begin with, didn't believe it was 'just' anxiety - but once i accepted, i began to unload, and heal.. and have never looked back really. i still use the valuable lessons learned now - if i need to.

i also had hypnosis about 5 years ago, supposedly for stopping smoking - but i obviously had a great need to unload my grief of the bereavements i had recently been through, and that course ended up being therapy more than anti-smoking.

so all in all - yes - i think therapy is a wonderful thing. taken down to its basic, its purely one human reaching out to another, and we all need that. which is why this forum is so wonderful and important to so many of us

 

[Isla]

I have been through therapy before. I went to someone who was just a counselor - not a psychologist (been to those before and thought they were terrible.) He was like my own personal cheerleader, I always left his office feeling like I could conquer the world. That was almost 7 years ago and the insurance I am on now doesn't cover him I am looking for the same - someone to teach me skills in order to cope with the effects my symptoms have on my life. I know I can handle the extra stress I am just missing the skill and support to do so. Because my life, before the symptoms came, was at my limit of "stress" per se.

By all of your responses I hope my outcome turns out a bit better! hahahahaha

Now I feel bad for all of your bad experiences, as I know what that is like. Cross your fingers that my experience turns out better!

 

[butt-eze]

I had counseling for a couple of months after one of my hospitals stays to discuss how traumatic nearly dying was for me. I did my crying and now that I feel better am less scared of crohn's. My doctor and family have suggested further counseling from time to time. I'm not a huge fan of counselors. Whenever I go I recall my college psychology classes and just hear how they are trained to lead me. I just don't feel like they understand. I don't need someone to listen to me vent. I need people like I've found here on the Crohn's Forum.

 

[Isla]

Is it bad that I don't think forums would be enough? I guess I am not looking to be understood I am looking to learn how to cope with stress better. I barely can restrain myself from going ballistic on my kid because I spend 24/7 with her all while trying to run and operate my business. I was stressed out with just that - and when you add the 4th incurable disease to my list (CD) I feel like it is all just way, way too much.

It isn't just the CD, or the symptoms, it is all of it combined that is the problem. If my ex-husband was involved with our child or willing to lend a hand with her I may feel differently. But as it stands I have no one to help me when either her or I are sick, and no one to fill in for me at my job as I am the boss, accountant, worker, assistant, and salesperson. I'm just sinking and think maybe if I had a different skill set I could handle it all. Luckily my friend is willing to watch my daughter while I go to therapy - in any case I hope it is at least worth my time

 

[Guest]

it never is just one thing that pushes our stress limits to boiling point, Isla. sounds like you have a hell of a lot to cope with single-handedly, must be really hard for you. & trying to inject one of the important factors into life with Crohns - relaxation - must be pretty impossible for you.

i'd agree about you getting some therapy support - if you can't alter some of the factors in your life, then maybe you can learn some valuable coping mechanisms. i hope so

 

[Kev]

Never, ever under-estimate the potential of therapy. You have to apply it, use it, do your homework (as it were). I was a single father.. chief cook N bottlewasher. No one to help.. I was swamped. drowning.. Found a good therapist (actually a great one..) head of child psych dept at the uni.. did private practice on the side. He helped mesh me and the boys into a loving family unit.. made me a better dad. Helped me cope, taught me simple things (like a homework contract that really worked) He made me see things the way they really are. (I was convinced I was hopeless as a parent). If you're going under, then this IS the time to reach out, get some help. It really does work. OK?

 

[Isla]

Thanks. I am feeling good about asking for therapy when in reality it was one of the hardest things, emotionally, I had to do. I almost broke down in my doctors office while my daughter sat there looking at a picture book. Good to know that I am not weak, dumb, or silly for wanting something more for me. So thanks guys for making me a lil more confident in my choice. Reaching out is always hard to do.

 

[BWS1982]

I have a slightly odd take on therapy. I saw a counselor when I was in 2nd grade for social issues, and random ones (about 6 different ones) since 7th grade....all were NOT of my own accord, I was forced to go by my mother. I don't get along well with my step dad, or a lot of the bullies (my schools were full of them), so my mom felt the easiest fix was a psychologist and a slew of meds (she's a pharmacist). So it was never a choice of mine. I do have bipolar issues, and some depression, but I wish I could have started to deal with it my own way. My appointments always ended early with a teenaged angst exit out the door and slamming it on the therapists and my parents. They said look you're a real bright kid but you need some help. I got to be kind of a d*ck to some of them, as Jeff did....I one time remember saying when I was 13 years old to one of the family ones with my parents in the room "you think because you have a special plaque on the wall with some letters on it you know who I am....you know nothing"....needless to say, I actually inadvertantly was pushing his buttons as he tried to counsel me on the pushing of mine by others.

I wouldn't mind looking into it again, if it weren't for this flare being so controlling and expensive as it is....as long as I found someone who didn't insult my intelligence I'd be fine. I am always 4 steps ahead of the analysis, so I know what they are trying to do, and the way the try to lead my thoughts as Butteze mentioned, and make me come to some groundbreaking epiphany with a strategically placed "so how does that make you feel?" line.....c'mon dude, I am thinking on your level or above, do not try to tease the mouse with a piece of cheddar at the end of the maze if he knows how to just climb over the walls on a direct path. Sorry to rag on the methods, but I cannot stand to be talked down to. I would love to have Monk's shrink, Dr. Kroger, he respects a peculiar but brilliant person, and all their intellectual intricacies.

I apologize KatieSue if I've slandered your field of study, I do not think universally of them all this way.

 

[katiesue1506]

Oh Benson! Ha! On of my minors is psychology... so don't worry about slandering my field as my major is Law. I find psychological disorders and diagnoses very interesting to study, which is why I'm studying that. I'm kinda a hypocrite when it comes to counseling because I think its a great thing, but I personally feel like I should be able to deal with my own problems.

Anyhow, its hard to offend me, so don't worry about that!

 

[Isla]

I think you might have loved my therapist of 7 years ago. He was a really down to earth guy and didn't let me get away with anything. Because he wasn't interested so much as the story and the great epiphany - he was a problem solver by nature. That is my nature. I originally saw him for anxiety and depression and in the first visit he already had me doing homework. He agreed that I had a problem and offered real-life tools and skills to help me change my own life. He was a tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy, but did so in a way that you felt empowered. He and I knew I had to change, he and I knew the reality of the work it would take, and he and I knew that I was more than capable of feeling the way I wanted to feel. It was none of the head shrinking crap that self-important people feel the need to bestow on others more for themselves then for you. I only hope that the therapist I am referred to is as humble and real as my last.

I think therapy can be great if you find the right kind of therapist for you. Have you ever had a good experience with one (as it seems you have had more encounters than I)?

 

[BWS1982]

@Katiesue: psych is your minor and law is the major...so, if I do end up somehow slandering (well, it's actually "Libel" when written) psychotherapy and offending you, then I'll have a lawsuit. great.

@Isla: The only one I found to be semi-productive was a German man in his late 50's named Dermin Baren...he was slightly forgetful, but was a really cool guy. He was the type of shrink who just shoots the sh*t (that means something else here) with you and doesn't try to feed you ideas so you play neural hopscotch for an hour. He helped me feel better about things.

For college I went to a 4 year art school, and they had 3 terms per year, so 12 total, and Dr. Baren always called them trimesters because of the "3" per.....I'd walk in and he'd be like "so I think you have only a few trimesters to go, how do you feel Benson?"......I wanted to run with it and say, "I am moody as hell and ready to dialate, give me an epidural."

 

[Jeff D.]

lol Benson

I have had better luck with counselors then psychologists. I don't like when they try to act like they care but they are in there own little dream worlds.

 

[Kev]

Here's how I 'splained' to my sons about going to a 'therapist'. Imagine that you broke your arm. Now, you know basic 1st aid, and could, thru a little trial n error, probably set it yourself. Or, you could go see someone specifically trained in this, who has done 1000's of them, and has X-ray machines, slings, knows how to cast, etc., etc.. It's true that the 1st specialist might be a quack. Or bottom of the class. BUT, if you don't like his/her methods, track record, or just your own history with them.. take your broken arm and go elsewhere. No one says you have to repeat going to the same quack over n over again. Thats my crude analogy.. but at the roots, its a perfectly valid one. Handling all your own issues MAY seem like the best 1st choice, but in reality.. you are 'playing' therapist... and there is no way a person can do that without bias, either for or against. If you are afraid... of discovering the real you, or just disclosing you to someone else... these folks have heard it all, seen it all. Sort of like.. well, that time before we found this forum. Remember thinking you were all alone with these issues. Recall how great it felt to realize you weren't? The others knew what it was like.. that they understood.. that you could talk freely, openly, and no one would judge you. That's what a good therapist can do for folks. honest!

 

[Jeff D.]

Yeah thats really good advice. I don't want to come off like I don't like therapists it's just I had a bad experience and shared it. You really have to click with your therapist otherwise it's almost like a wasted effort as I have showed. I have done better with counselors than psychologists but they are people who I feel completely safe around which allows me to get everything out and then get advice.

 

[BWS1982]

Well, my problem Kev was that my parents were in charge of who I saw. I had no control over the choice, OR the medicines I was put on. My mom had a hand in all of it. She means well, but I feel unfortunately she doesn't know me (although that's partly my fault because I don't always talk about stuff with her like most people and their mom's).

 

[Wiles]

When I was first diagnosed at the children's hospital they had the approach of "treating the whole person". So therapy was part all part of my treatment for Crohn's back then. When I'd make a trip to see my GI, I also had an appointment to see the therapist. Once I was old enough to go to the adult hospital I only saw the therapist a few times before I stopped going.

I didn't mind going to therapy. The therapist was very friendly and I enjoyed our talks, but I don't really think they ever helped. The man I saw after I went to the adult hospital said something like - How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The lightbulb has to want to change. That was the last time I went. It was true - I never really acted on what we talked about. I've always had a lot of social anxiety. He wanted me to get involved in something to work through it and I didn't want to because I was too anxious

 

[My Butt Hurts]

My one experience with therapy was a very positive one.
I wasn't getting along with my mother as a teenager, so she demanded that we go to family counseling. I did NOT want to go, and absolutely hated it. Then I realized that all of the arguments I couldn't win with my mother, who was "never wrong", the tharapist was seeing and agreeing with my side. My mother was completely unreasonable , and my dad would never take my side even though I was, in actuality, the one who was right most of the time. As a teenager trapped in a house like that, it was a great thing to go there.
I think a therapist can help you see things in a different light, and help you sort through your thoughts in a way that a friend/forum can't always do.
Welcome to the forum by the way.