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So what do you do when your 17 DS says life is rubbish as he got sick with Crohns at 12 and things are tough?
How do I help?
- Thread starter positivemum
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Does he see a psychologist ?
Having someone other than "mom" to talk to is very important for medically complicated teens .
Hugs
Having someone other than "mom" to talk to is very important for medically complicated teens .
Hugs
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Thanks for your reply
We did that and the psychologist said she had never seen such a together young man and parents and that she couldn't offer much more He is adamant that he doesn't want to go back. I wonder if it would help to have contact with others his age in the same boat, if only to make him feel less alone and 'abnormal' but he has also refused that when I suggested he do that and I mean via email etc on a crohns penpal site. We are in the UK
We did that and the psychologist said she had never seen such a together young man and parents and that she couldn't offer much more He is adamant that he doesn't want to go back. I wonder if it would help to have contact with others his age in the same boat, if only to make him feel less alone and 'abnormal' but he has also refused that when I suggested he do that and I mean via email etc on a crohns penpal site. We are in the UK
crohnsinct
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Pretty sure all 17 year olds will complain about something in their life and our kids just have a perfect something to complain about.
O did that just once. All the docs say she is a very well adjusted kid etc. I basically said, "yeah, it sucks that you have to deal with this or that but look at all the great stuff you do get to do and have accomplished" After that no more mention. But she has also had some friends dealing with some really awful stuff (suicide, awful death in a fire and so on) so she wasn't likely to complain much.
O did that just once. All the docs say she is a very well adjusted kid etc. I basically said, "yeah, it sucks that you have to deal with this or that but look at all the great stuff you do get to do and have accomplished" After that no more mention. But she has also had some friends dealing with some really awful stuff (suicide, awful death in a fire and so on) so she wasn't likely to complain much.
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This was recently discussed in another thread... I believe it was Mehita who had asked a similar question???
S has been going through some rough times this past year too, while not crohns related, it is medically related and has stopped him from doing what he enjoys. Plus, just the frustration, worries, etc. were getting him down.
My advice to him was to remind him that 'bad' times happen to everyone, sometimes it passes quickly, sometimes not - we can all look back on a 'bad year'... I told him it's part of life and the bad times will end. Of course, how he was feeling just added to his concerns about school, etc., so I pointed out that while the medical issues are still up in the air and will likely take many more months to resolve fully, there are 'end points' in sight... however it ends, school and its pressures is ending soon, he does have a vacation to look forward to, etc.
I avoid simplifying or mitigating his worries, etc. but I do remind him that not ALL is doom and gloom. And, remind him repeatedly that everyone has times where they are down but it will pass (perhaps you can remind your son of some past situation that seemed like it would never improve but eventually did improve??).
When my son was dxed, he was understandably upset and asked why him, etc. At that time, I reminded him of the advantages he had and how he benefited from them (bright = easier to get his grades). I told him EVERYONE has challenges..., and his was crohns. And like everyone else, he had to accept and overcome the challenges. But again, I did not lessen his struggles, they are real but there is no choice but to learn to deal with them.
But, of course, it's not easy and usually not a straight path... for you, as a parent, nor for him, who is actually struggling with the challenges. :ghug:
S has been going through some rough times this past year too, while not crohns related, it is medically related and has stopped him from doing what he enjoys. Plus, just the frustration, worries, etc. were getting him down.
My advice to him was to remind him that 'bad' times happen to everyone, sometimes it passes quickly, sometimes not - we can all look back on a 'bad year'... I told him it's part of life and the bad times will end. Of course, how he was feeling just added to his concerns about school, etc., so I pointed out that while the medical issues are still up in the air and will likely take many more months to resolve fully, there are 'end points' in sight... however it ends, school and its pressures is ending soon, he does have a vacation to look forward to, etc.
I avoid simplifying or mitigating his worries, etc. but I do remind him that not ALL is doom and gloom. And, remind him repeatedly that everyone has times where they are down but it will pass (perhaps you can remind your son of some past situation that seemed like it would never improve but eventually did improve??).
When my son was dxed, he was understandably upset and asked why him, etc. At that time, I reminded him of the advantages he had and how he benefited from them (bright = easier to get his grades). I told him EVERYONE has challenges..., and his was crohns. And like everyone else, he had to accept and overcome the challenges. But again, I did not lessen his struggles, they are real but there is no choice but to learn to deal with them.
But, of course, it's not easy and usually not a straight path... for you, as a parent, nor for him, who is actually struggling with the challenges. :ghug:
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Oh, positive mum, we are in the same boat right now. His therapist has said similar things about how well we all handle the medical burdens and he thinks DS is managing wonderfully. Well, it's not so wonderful at home. As a matter of fact, it really sucks. We're just riding out the storm right now.
I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. All I can offer is that you're not alone in experiencing this.
I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. All I can offer is that you're not alone in experiencing this.
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Thanks everyone for your replies. I think he was especially low as it turns out he now has a throat infection so probably wasn't feeling brilliant anyway. Think he is just ready to get out of school and have a fresh start! We will keep soldiering on.
