How do you teach your other kids the "new normal"?

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Farmwife

Farmwife

Joined
Apr 28, 2012
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The new normal is something I've read from here.

My question is how do you teach your other children the new normal?

My hubby and I have discussed and decided to send our son to a private tutor for kindergarten.
I have home-schooled him since he was three.
With every thing going on with Grace's health and also running a farm we felt for awhile it would best to send him to a teacher to be taught.
Our blessing is our friend just graduated from college with her teaching degree.
She said she would love to teach him given the fact that no one is hiring teachers around here.
I'm thrilled.
We love her and so does our son but.........................
I can't help but feel totally depressed that in order for him to have some normalcy and not dragged around to different docs and have school time changed because Grace is ill, he has to leave and go to school else where.
Again I love his new tutor and he'll get the BEST education.
Still I'm finding it sad.:(
Does anyone else have these feelings or am I the only one?

Thanks for reading Monday I'll be a basket case!:hug:
 
He is your baby and trust me any mon sending their first one off to kindergarten is a basket case anyway. You are dealing with so many emotions right now and trying to heal from surgery it is totally understandable how you are feeling.

However, I think you are doing the absolute best thing for him. He is so lucky to have a mom who while she is emmersed in the crazy world of Grace's illness still takes time to think about him and what he needs. You are 100% correct that he needs a constant schedule and routine. Afterall, they always say that in any time of trauma keep the kids on a routine and they will weather it much better. I am always amazed at the kids in our schools who lose parents and sometimes to horrible things such as suicide and such and how fast they return to school and the routine of daily living. Kids thrive on that.

Besides you probablly aren't all that great a teacher anyway...(sorry all the niceness above was just killing me)

And one question...does he still have to wear the uniform you were planning
 
Well let's see J, C's older sister is a self proclaimed princess, she is 19 and still absolutely convinced that the world revolves only around her. Before C got sick nothing really bursted this bubble as she was a girl and no way all his video games rivaled the bliss of her newest fashion acquisitions. Anyway, anything that we have had to adjust schedule, vacays or otherwise has not been the jolt I thought it would be. She is quick to pitch in and offer to accompany to appts when she's free and even to adjust her school schedule to be able to be home more and help out. I know there is a huge age difference between our kids Farmwife but I think siblings want to help out and it teaches all of us that families do what we have to do when one of the members is not well. Hopefully, you can get to the bottom of Grace's health problems soon and a more stable/normal routine for all will emerge. Besides, if you show those kids half as much love as you have displayed for both of them on here then there is no way you have anything to feel guilty or sad about!
 
Oh and as for teaching our kids the new normal? THEY TEACH US!

They are kids and they don't know anything other than their lives. Their lives are their frame of reference so if this is how it is then this is how it is.

As they get older they become aware of the differences between their lives and others but when push comes to shove I think they would all pick their lives over others anyway. At least I hope mine would.

MLP started a great post about how the benefits of the dxes we have been given. There are blessings in everything...you just sometimes have to look a little harder and what better gift to have than to learn to see the blessings in everything.

That said, I think the more we treat it all as matter of fact and normal, the kids follow our lead.
 
Haha as I was typing the previous message J texted and asked could she skip her enviro science class on Tuesday and work a double at her job because she just found a pair of boots she just had to have. Unless of course,(and this was the true heart of the text) we didn't want her missing valuable classes and would offer to buy them for her. The text ended with the website and item number of the boots...pure princess!
 
O!M!G! Clash, I think my daughter's txt somehow got the wrong number and got you...:eek: that text seriously could have come, word per word, from my own beloved 19 year old diva! :rof: :rof:

But, Farmwife, Clash and Crohnsinct have said exactly how I feel... I think siblings have to learn that family members help and support one another when necessary and I think they do step up to the plate and want to help if we let them.

But, I understand..., your little guy is only 5 and he is very young to truly understand why Grace is the focus so often. If you can spend some one-on-one time with just him sometimes, just you and him going for an ice cream and letting him know you appreciate how 'grown up' he's been about everything;)... or maybe work on a special project with him (ie a scrapbook on dinosaurs or something special for him) and let him know that that is his special time with you and nothing will interrupt it (make sure hubby is around for Grace at that time! :eek:) But it's not easy... I was really sick for two years (5-7 years old), in hospital for weeks and weeks and my brother (3-5 years then) often had to be left with our grandparents. My mom has told me that she always worried about this and felt guilty because she spent so much time with me and felt he was 'left alone'. But, he ended up 'spoiled' in his own way by my grandparents and my guilt-ridden mom :tongue: and has grown up with nary an emotional scar! :)

And, as was said above... you're a great mom and I can't believe you are not giving him all the love and support he needs as well! :ghug:
 
Awww...:hug::hug::hug:

I agree resoundingly with all of the above! :)

I personally don't think you need to teach them anything about the new normal. They will fall into step as we all do. In their own way they understand and as such loving parent's you will ensure that whatever concessions he has to make he will well truly be compensated for. :wink:

Although my children are much older I have dealt with similar issues, non health related, for a long time, with Matt being the one that needed the extra time and attention when Sarah was well. Believe you me, my guilt and determination to ensure that one was not seen to be treated differently to other always mean't that I had her best interests at heart and I truly believe she remained unaffected by it just as Matt was when the tables were turned.

The fact that you have even raised this question says to me that your little guy has not only has fab parents but he is going to be just fine, and he will because you will make it so :hug:

Dusty. :heart:
 
I know it is hard to see your kids make sacrifices but it is what makes them better people. Your family will get closer as you fight for your farm girl together. The hard stuff makes us better, more compassionate and stronger.

:heart:
 
We have been through a new normal more than a few times now. Ibd and nut allergy both ranked up there.
New normal is the end of the mourning process for the adult. The kids don't remember the before especially if they are younger.
Due to his nut allergy DS does not remember ever having store bought or even ice cream shop ice cream. He did by the way many times.
He only remembers the homemade version.

Again it us who need to be ok with the normal.
One thing we did was get a steady sitter so school routine would not change for my other child if DS has a doc appt. no last minute unknown.
Kids like consistency and knowing what to expect.
If you need a clean ice cream recipe let me know.
Hugs it will get better.
If I was able to survive and let my child go to school knowing the wrong food could kill him especially all those well meaning adults who say just one bite won't hurt. DS has had anaphylaxis in front of me before ( trouble breathing, throat swelling and drop in blood pressure). I had to give the epipen to save his life.
Ibd piece of cake for us.

Not quite but I am hoping to get there one day.
I know from before first year after dx was the hardest. By the third year it was just a fact of our life nothing more nothing less.

Hugs
 
Oh, thanks every one.:hug: Y'all are as sweet as an apple blossom in the summer heat!

I'm still going to be an emotional mess on Monday but I'll make it.

Of course it doesn't help the Grace is having 6 good days.
I want to feel justified when I drop him off at school.
That sounded horrible didn't?????:eek2:


:ghug:

EDIT- Just as I typed this her brother runs out and said she's crying in pain again. What a good brother.:kiss:
 
Hope Grace is okay....

I would say you are a great mom to be concerned with how your son is being affected by the dynamics of Grace's illness.

I agree that having a set routine with the tutor would probably be beneficial for him. He may not be having alone time with you, but he will feel special having time with a tutor to show off how bright he is. Some say there is no such thing as a coincidence----how fortunate you have a friend that your son likes that can use a tutoring gig and you have a son that could use a tutor.

Hope Monday goes well for all!
 
Aw, I understand. You must feel like you are abandoning him to the world while you take care of Gracie. But you aren't! You are making sound choices for his benefit as well. It doesn't seem all that different to me from when we add a baby to the family. He'll act out and adjust. Similarly, be conscious of his actions/feelings and give him lots of other attention, just as you would with any sibling rivalry. I think they totally pick up on our negative/positive emotions about things too.

btw, if it's any consolation, my kids are in public school, so don't feel too bad! :) snick.
 
GOOD LUCK ON YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL GUNNER! :goodluck:


Please pretend to be a little sad to go and pretend to be real happy to go home...mommies like that ya know.
 
What a night from hell.:ywow:
No Grace was fine. It was me.
I was so sick to my stomach I didn't sleep at ALL.
I got up and started vomiting. Then I feel better just really dizzy.
My hubby thinks it's nerves but I'm still the same? Hubby is coming in to give me a nap to see if it's just sever sleep deprivation.
Grace was up the night before with BAD pains or maybe I have IBD?:D


I was able to get my son to his new teacher. He looked so handsome.:kiss:
He didn't even act sad but,,,,,,,,,,Grace cried all the way home. Poor baby.
We did her home-schooling and she cheered up when she realized she didn't have to share her candy.:dance:
 
Glad all is okay with both little ones! :D

Sorry you're not feeling well! :( Had a miserable weekend too... bad cold and, I should know better by now, but cold/allergy meds do not react well with me! Took some night-time cold med last night and it kept me up most of the night! :ymad: Even now, 14 hours later, I still feel my head tingling, I feel like I've had 20 cups of coffee! Ugghh! Hoping this stuff wears off soon!!!

Hope you feel better after a nap! Being sleep deprived sure doesn't help! :)
 
Happy first day of school for your son!! I'm sure he would have felt a grown up boy :ysmile:. Well done mom for managing to take him along even though you hadn't been feeling great. I hope the sickness was a one off and you are feeling much better. Sorry to hear Grace had a bad night of pain!
On a side note - am I the only parent who happily sends their kids off to school and quite enjoys it? Had a few tears on their first days just because they were growing up fast, but always happy to have them off to school :blush:
 
:lol: Nope, you're not the only one! :bigwave: I worked part time for a few years and very much enjoyed my time at home with my kids when they were at school! :rof:
 
Well to end this thread.

My son had a wonderful time.:dance:
I took pics of everything.:D
His teacher was so happy to get the school year started.
This is her first real teaching job so she went up and over what she need to.
I was to ill to go get my son but my hubby did and my son ran into my bedroom and cuddle next to me and told me about his happy day.:heart::heart::heart:

See I told y'all their was nothing to worry about.:wink:
Just imagine what kind of mess I'll be when Grace leaves.:ywow:

Thanks again one and all.:kiss:
 

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