I fell in love with someone with severe Crohns disease.

[CMaloney21]

I have known my girlfriend since early high school. We lost touch for the next 10 or so years until we reconnected a few years ago. We first met on social media and were too nervous/shy to acknowledge eachother with anything more than a quick wave as we passed in the hallways. After our first few dates I could tell there was something she was holding in. Being that I felt such strong energy between us it killed me that she wouldn't open up to me 100%. Finally the day came, I received a text she wanted to tell me something. She revealed to me she was diagnosed years prior with crohns disease. It was so severe they had removed her large intestine and she had an ileostomy bag. I'm ashamed to say I have always been superficial in my relationships. Normally I would have found an excuse to break it up. But this time was different, I didn't care at all about the bag, i was only relieved that everything was out in the open finally. I was also thrilled she felt comfortable and trusted me enough to tell me something that is obviously so personal to her. Now, we are almost 2 years in, recently got our first place together and are both (ill speak for her ) happier than we have ever been in our lives. Sometimes it isn't easy with the frequent hospital visits and flair ups every once in a while. The plans to go out that need to be cancelled. But it is absolutely worth it 100% of the time. I would do it again in any lifetime. As a man, It kills me to see her in pain and not be able to protect her from it. It kills me to hear her say she thinks she is a burden on me because she isn't able to work because she is always in the hospital keeping her from contributing to bills. It kills me when she says she may never be able to give birth to my child. It kills me to hear her tell me of her pain and not have any response. I wish that I could take her pain upon myself because I deserve it far more than she does. I had a rough journey growing up. I've done mean terrible things, she has always been the kindest person ive ever met. There is not a mean bone in her body. She lacks self confidence and thinks that I am "too good" for her, no matter how many times I tell her that it is I who does not deserve her love. I wish she knew just how perfect I find her. Every inch of her from the inside out. I'm not writing this nor did I join this forum for sympathy or to even get over my own issues dealing with this. I am happier than ever, and we are 100% open with all our feelings. I refuse to be negative. She needs me to be strong, to remind her that everything WILL be okay and that I will always be by her side despite what obstacles are thrown at us throughout life. Im here so that maybe even one person that suffers from this terrible disease or is in/beginning a relationship with someone diagnosed with it can understand what the other is thinking just a little bit more. I am not all that religious but I do firmly believe that our creator challenges the ones that he knows can endure the battle. I know that there are many young girls like my girlfriend (she is 24, I am 27) that may hold themselves back from a relationship because of the disease or an ileostomy bag. Dont. You are beautiful. Do NOT let this hold you back from life's greatest joy - Love. Be proud and be strong. Always remember there are others who are struggling with something 100 times worse and that it can always be worse. And please reach out to me if you'd like to talk to me or my girlfriend if you are the significant other of a sufferer or struggling with your self confidence due to the disease or an ileostomy bag. Life is a rollercoaster with both ups and downs. Although you may be down, it will always go back up. Progress is a process. Keep on fighting and be strong!

 

[Lady Organic]

what a touching testimony. It brought tears to me eyes because I could really feel how devoted and generous you are and that is beautiful. I have met two men in my life this honest, genuine and generous: my father and my college boyfriend who is now my best friend. I am sure there are others, but they are not so easy to find or to integrate in one's life, especially if one still gives importance to superficial attributes when dating and meeting people. This definately puts a veil on finding the good people, and this stands for both parties. Long and happy life to your and your girlfriend Thank you for sharing.

 

[TwiceAroundTheBlock]

CMaloney,

You seem like a genuinely great guy. It took me 44 years to find one like that! I have had Crohns for at least 25 years, and just had to have 18 inches of my colon removed and someday may have to have a permanent Colostomy. My husband is my life saver. I have been dealing with this disease and it has been in remission for years because I know what to eat and what not to etc,etc, but the 11 years that I had it and no diagnosis, it caused so much damage that I am still paying for it. I am a very strong woman but this gets the best of all of us, but men like yourself help us through.

When your woman is in pain and you don't know what to say, just hold her hand or play with her hair...we don't need words, we just need to know that you won't leave us! And she doesn't need the words, your actions say it all!

I have worked since I was 16 and I have now had to quite working because of the issues I am having. Surely your wonderful woman has some ideas, like painting or writing that she can do at home, and it is therapeutic and could possibly make some money. ?) Turns out I am a pretty good oil painter and I am writing a children's book. Hopefully some of both will help me help be the bread winner. So maybe she can find something like that to do as well.

You are a good person and I think you need to give yourself a break from your past. The past doesn't matter as long as we learn from what we done and become better people.

Good luck to the both of you, you sound like deserving people! I wish her all the best with the atrocious disease.