Need to rant!

[mccindy]

So I usually think I'm a pretty strong person, I can handle a lot of things and I'm tough. But last night, I couldn't help it, I just started crying. :frown: I have to deal with back pain every day of my life. Some days it's hard just to get out of bed in the morning, because it hurts so badly. Now I also have this flare going on, and I can't eat much, I'm losing weight. I'm tired all the time and my belly was really burning all day yesterday. I keep waking up at night with soaking night sweats. My doctor doesn't know what is wrong with me yet and I'm so frustrated!:ymad: I felt really bad after I was crying about it, my poor husband didn't know what to say. He's always very supportive, and is trying to come up with ways to help me find things to eat. I skipped my afternoon workout too because of my belly, which is worse for my back and then I felt guilty about that too. I also had a couple bouts of weakness/dizziness while in the kitchen - once I had to lean on the counter because I thought I was going to pass out. :yfaint:
I'm tired today but much less belly pain. Still only going to the bathroom every other day or so, but I always kind of feel like I have to go. Grrr!:ymad:
I'm also feeling like I did this to myself - I started a new job in January, which meant I had to move to another state (by myself for the first month, while the hubs was job hunting); I lost my last grandmother in January; we had to live in an apartment for three months while house-hunting with our two crazy dogs, one of whom developed an anxiety disorder; I had to put my 11-year-old dog to sleep in March; I was taking daily Ibuprofen and eating lots of high-fiber foods. So I think I tripped this myself.
Okay, I'm going to stop venting now. Feel a little better about it. But I just wish I had some answers - or could eat something! Or go to the bathroom regularly. Or sleep all night and wake up dry.

 

[Liam-Sman]

I completely understand how you feel. I have had pretty much similar symptoms to you recently. I sometimes find myself breaking down, normally I break things around the room then cry. I suppose its normal.

What medication are you on?

I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Mccindy, when I flare up, I find myself crying all the time. I've been in remission for about 2 years now and I have cried maybe like 5 times during that time. But when I flare, I cry multiple times per day. I have read that when the guts get messed up (something to do with the gut bacteria I think?), that can somehow mess with the serotonin and cause things like depression and mood changes. That was really vague and I obviously don't have a good understanding of it at all, but that was the gist of it I think - basically, that depression is a symptom of IBD. So please don't feel like you're weak because you're crying in a flare - it's a symptom, not you and not a sign of weakness. I felt like I was going crazy during my first few flares, when just the thought of calling my mom made me break down into a crying fit, or a commerical on TV made me start bawling. I like to think I'm a fairly strong person too, but a flare makes my emotions go totally haywire. It's just a flare thing!

And everything you've been through lately, that definitely sounds stressful enough to trigger a flare. I went through something similar just before I became ill - I was taking a lot of ibuprofen too (has your doctor told you to avoid NSAIDs like ibuprofen? I was told I can only take Tylenol). There was a round of layoffs at work and I nearly lost my job, there had been 10 people in my department and I was one of 2 who got to keep their job, but because of that I suddenly had to take on more job responsibilities plus I had survivor's guilt. So I was stressed through the roof and I got sick a couple months later. That kind of stuff can definitely do a number on your gut!

You mentioned in another thread that you are questioning your Crohn's diagnosis and wonder if it might be IBS or something else. With night sweats like you describe, plus the crying in a flare, I would say that does not sound like IBS to me. It sounds just like my flares, except I get terrible diarrhea and end up going sometimes 30+ times a day in a flare. Anyway, just my two cents.

 

[AlliRuns]

I'm not usually a crier,but I have to admit that I have a dark and twisty place and even though physically I feel pretty good on Remicade, I've been in that dark place recently. I tend to bottle things up, I don't have anyone I feel comfortable enough to talk to about what's going on in my head, so it makes things worse.

I think it's pretty common among crohnies, so you're not alone.

 

[mwkwmn]

I am so sorry your having a tough time. All I can do is send you support and my prayers. I hope you get better soon. Hang in there

 

[mccindy]

Thanks everyone! It does seem like I cry so easily over small stuff, and I'm not usually like that. My husband has remarked on it several times. Last night he broke a treasured clock of mine (completely by accident and he feels terrible) and I bawled like I lost a person. No sweating last night finally, first night all week! I'm feeling better today, except I'm starving since I have to drink contrast this morning and I'm having a CT in an hour and a half.
It makes me feel a lot better to hear that you all have some of the same issues. I kind of thought I was losing it or something, being so emotional. Now that I know it's more common I'll feel better about it (but probably still get choked up at those darn sappy commercials).

 

[lizbeth]

You are quite right to come here and get it all off your chest I think it's a healthy thing to do, it's the bodies' way of getting rid of frustration, I cry on the loo!! I get so fed up of running, especially during the night and my language, well it's not so lady-like at those times too :yrolleyes: At least it's done in private though. I'm a bit like AlliRuns in that I don't have anyone to really share how I feel with, I think my husband is bit bewildered by it all, he even said to phone him at golf if I needed him, so I know he's worried We know how you feel and want to help so please feel free to carry on venting, take care and big hugs. :ghug::ghug:

 

[Niks]

Good luck with CT scan!! Sending hugs :ghug:

 

[mwkwmn]

Good luck to you hope you feel better soon hang in there your a tough person.