Post surgery/Relationship

[Darci]

Hello all. I just had surgery on November 27th. I had a few sections of my colon removed and have a loop ileostomy for several months and should be able to get reconnected later on. I had been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half prior to the surgery. I have had some issues adjusting to the ileostomy as it has been recent. I had a hard time with wondering how this would affect peoples views on me particularly my boyfriend. We recently had an argument over it. He is going through a hard time with health issues with his father. He said he needed a break and couldn't handle arguing with me right now. I feel so alone. I feel the only way for me to be accepted would be to be with someone who has been through something similar. :sign0085:

 

[Danico85]

Such a tear jerker
He should be more considerate to you, its hard to adjust to but theres no reason why you both cant be in a relationship. If he loves you it wont bother him.

Nicky

 

[Darci]

He obviously has some kind of issue with it, I feel he's using the argument as an excuse. If you truly loved someone you wouldn't need a "break" especially at a time like this.

 

[Danico85]

yeah some people might be a bit squeemish about it but like you said, if you trully love someone then you can easily work round it.

you need to ask yourself, if it were the other way around.. would you stick with him?

 

[Darci]

I've grown up seeing my father with an ileostomy and my mother has always stuck by his side, and him to hers. I feel if you love someone it doesn't matter you should be there for that person better or worse, sickness and in health. I know I wasn't married to the guy but if I'm in a serious relationship, in which he has always known about my crohn's I feel the same principles apply.:yfrown:

 

[Danico85]

its such a shame that a relationship can end because someone has crohns. i dont have a bag so im not sure how a girl would react to it. but if she were to leave me because of it then shes not worth it.

i look at it like, if i was seeing a girl and she had to have a breast removed or something due to illness, im not gonna leave her over it. but some ppl are more tolerent than others i suppose

 

[Darci]

I think you understand because you know what it's like to have an illness you can't always control. This bag is hopefully only going to be a few months. Maybe he was telling the truth and it was only because of the argument, but I need a strong person in my life someone who understands I'm going through a hard time and won't hold it against me.

 

[Danico85]

if he comes crawling back once you get rid of the bag then you will know why hes being like that with you. Thats when you should throw his clothes out the window at him haha

sorry to laugh when its a serious discussion. i just cant help it sometimes

 

[DAVID KINGHAM]

Don't know what your going through but i have been told that my next operation would leave me with an ileostomy and to be honest,it's my partner i'm worried about.I know it's going to come to a point where i have no choice but have exactly the same fear.i'd think he should be accepting as not matter what,love doesn't stop over something like this and i'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot,you'd be there for him.I hope he gets his act together,otherwise it'll be his loss.Keep strong because if he loves you,nothing will keep him from you.

 

[LisaL]

I don't have anything new to add except that I am thinking about you. I am sorry your boy friend seems to be having a tough time with your ileostomy. It is you who needs support right now, and it is a shame that he can't give that to you. You need to take care of yourself right now...whatever that means to you.. I hope you feel better soon.
Lisa