Really scared

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Debbie

Joined
Jan 27, 2011
Messages
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I have had crohns for over 20 years,I have had 2 bowel resections and fistula-abcess surgeries,I thought I knew what to expect from crohns after all these years,but I guess not .I went to a colorectal surgeon last Thursday.I developed a growth in the perianal area.I have never had anything like this before.The surgeon informed me it looked like cancer to him because it was so large and how it looked.I have surgery this Wednesday for him to take some biopsies.It will take about 5 days to get the results back.He told me chemo and radiation work well for this type of cancer.The pain is almost more than I can stand,because of where it is located.It gets very irritated by going to the bathroom so much.I am really trying not to freak out till the results are back but its hard.I knew something was wrong,but i kept putting off going to the Dr.thinking it would go away on its own.What scares me the most is that I have a 3 year old granddaughter and a 4 year old grandson that I love more than life itself,I will do anything to make sure I see them grow up.Has anyone else experienced this?
 
Ah Debbie..yes you must be so frightened.
You hang in there and keep your chin up.

I will be sending you positive thoughts
and healing prayers.

Please let us know how it goes.

Heart Hugs~Nancy
 
Hi Debbie,
Keep hope that it is not cancer. I had a large mass in my colon that turned out to be benign - it was a mass of pseudopolyps. I hope they really don't make you wait 5 days for the results. Usually they get that biospy right to pathology and they have results quickly.

If it is positive you'll have surgery and treatment and you will get past this. I also belong to the UOAA forum (http://www.ostomy.org/forum) and there are many people with colon cancer there sharing their stories.

Good luck on Wednesday!
 
Good luck and I hope it's not the cancer they fear it is. Maybe it's benign. I know you must be scared (I would be, too).
 
Debbie,
If the Dr said it will work well try to believe him. I know its hard I struggle with believing Dr's. You dont even know for sure what it is. I will be thinking about you.
 
Good luck with the results! Its a scary thought but try to relax and remind yourself that if it is cancer, it can be treated and that you're going to be ok. :)
 
Hiya Debbie

It is a scary time, when they mention the C word, all sorts run thro your mind, I know, I've had the visit from the oncologist more than once.
I just hope they can get rid of it and your pain too, and also hoping it's not malignant,
try and relax, sending big hug your way
xxxx
 
Dear Debbie,
Positive thoughts heading your way. I know it is easier said then done but try not to worry. Get the biopsy, the results , then do what comes next. Everyone here is rooting for you.
Michele
 
Just wanted to chime in and tell you that I'm thinking of you and rooting for you. I hope you get good news soon.

- Amy
 
update

Thank you everyone for the good wishes.I had the surgery Wednesday,instead of doing just the biopsy he ended up taking out a tumor a little bigger than a golf ball.Sadly I do have anal cancer.The surgeon told me he took out what he could safely so I wouldnt have a colostomy bag.The next step is chemo and radiation.If that doesnt work then everything comes out and I will have a colostomy bag.Im thinking positive thoughts.The removal of the tumor did remove the awful pressure I was feeling.So now Im just trying to recover from the surgery before the chemo and radiation starts.So far this has been the worst day as far as pain so I hope it gets better from here.Im trying not to have my own pity party because first of all it wont help anything and I cant change the diagnosis anyway,so I have decided to do whatever it takes to get through this and get well.I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind support,it really means a lot to me.I also want to urge everyone that if you think something is wrong dont hesitate to go to the Dr.You know your body better than anyone,I should have went to my Dr. when I first started getting signs something was wrong.
 
Dear Debbie,
Okay, now the next step. We can support you all you want or back off, if that is better for you. Please, please read the stoma sub forum pages. If you do wind up with a bag, the people on that page can help so much. They are wonderful and answer all the questions they can.
Chemo sucks (I know) but it is not forever!
Hey, go ahead, have a pity party, I'll bring chips. We need to set a time limit though, okay?
Keep coming back. All positive energy headed to you....NOW!
Michele
 
Question

Does anyone have any advice on how to talk to my grandchildren about cancer?I want to prepare them in case I lose my hair during chemo.I know it sounds like a silly thing to be worried about but I dont think I could bare it if they were scared of me.They are 3 and 4 and I am very close to them,I see them everyday.Thank you.
 
Debbie,
Hugs to you! I'm so sorry you have to go through all this! When I had a fistula/abscess last year the first thing i though was "C". My grandpa had colon cancer and I was scared i would too. As far as your granchildren, I think you will be surprised how accepting, and compassionate they will be. My entire life my grandpa had "C" and i think it was easier for me to understand because i knew it from a young age. I knew it was part of what he had to go through. He was always a very loving caring soul.. and we were very close. You just have to explain to them that Grandma gets sick sometimes and that it's okay to ask questions, and let them know that know matter what happens it doesn't change anything. The only thing that matters is that you love them more than anything, and that they keep giving you lots of hugs when you dont feel too good.
~Mon~
 
Debbie, I'm so sorry that it's cancer... *hugs* I have 3 year old twins and would agree with the poster before me about being honest. Keep it simple and know that if you handle things in an upfront and gentle/simple manner, it will be easier for them to process the changes that are occurring. You will be in my prayers... more *hugs*.
 
Dear Debbie,
Talk to your chemo nurse. They have wonderful books & such for explaining to young children. Barnes & Noble does have some also (but that can get expensive).
Michele
 
I was wondering if anyone knew how long it takes for the chemo and radiation to start.My next appt. with my oncologist isnt until the 24th.Im just getting anxious to get started,I want this cancer dead.I think they are trying to give me time to heal from the surgery that I had on the 9th to remove the tumor.Im a nervous wreck,I try not to think about it all the time but that is very difficult.To top things off I just found out that my cousin in Fla.that I am very close to just found out she has breast cancer.I am so worried about her,she is only 44 and I am 46,we grew up together.She is about to get married and she deserves to be happy,she raised 2 sons by herself and has finally found love.My mom had breast cancer a few years ago and had to have her breast removed but thank God she is now cancer free.I really hate this disease.
 
I went to the Dr. today and I have stage 2 rectal cancer.I have surgery on March 9th to get a mediport implanted then the next day I start chemo then radiation.I am scared to death,I just want it over with.Thanks for everyones support I really appreciate it.
 
Last edited:
Dear Debbie,
My heart goes out to you. I wish I could do more than offer you an ear.
Massive :hug: :hug: :hug:
Michele
 
Debbie,
BIG HUGS!!! I am so sorry your going through this, You and your family are in my prayers. Stay strong, have faith in your higher power to bring you through this challange, as youve come through every other one that has been thrown at you.
 
The last week has been hell.I have had to have so many I.V.s for all the tests I have had to have,which might not be so bad if I wasnt such a hard stick.It took multiple tries everytime to get them started.Thank God today I had the mediport put in.I was scared because the surgeon told me they were putting me under twilight for the procedure,but honestly I dont remember anything after they wheeled me in the operating room.I start chemo and radiation on March 14th.I am so glad to get this started.I know I still have a long way to go but at least starting treatment makes me feel like Im doing something,and if all that wasnt enough my crohns has decided to flare up.
 
Oh, Debbie. I am so sorry. I too am a hard stick (gods little joke???) and I visibly cringed reading your post. I am glad you were given a port though.
My thoughts are with you, hon. Post anytime, okay?
Michele
 
I just wanted to tell everyone something my oncologist told me.She thinks that all the rectal absesses I have had over the years is what caused my rectal cancer,she said it was all the infections.I have had a lot of them,some drained in the ER and others that had to be drained in surgery.So if anyone else has this problem please go to your Dr.and get on antibiotics as soon as possible and get them drained.I wouldnt want this to happen to anyone else,its hell.
 
Wow,I expected Radiation and Chemo to have some side effects but they have really knocked me out this week.They said I shouldnt have a reaction to the radiation this soon,but someone should tell my rear end that.It is blistered and leaking something.Im blonde and very fair skinned,which doesnt help.The chemo is making me extremely tired all the time,I hate feeling this way all the time,I have no energy at all.I know all of this is temporary and I have to do it to get rid of the cancer so I cant really complain too much.Thanks for listening.
 
Debbie, my word what you have been thru and are going thru! Healing Hugs coming your way, I wish I could help you!
Bless,
Misty
 
Debbie, I'm new, and just read your story. I know what you're going through with the radiation there - I took care of my Mom when she had vulvar cancer - radiation in the same places. I know there's nothing I can say that will make it feel better, but it doesn't last forever.

Mom had stage 2 vulvar cancer when she was 76 - with chemo and radiation, she lived to age 87 and did not die of cancer.
 
Debbie said:
I just wanted to tell everyone something my oncologist told me.She thinks that all the rectal absesses I have had over the years is what caused my rectal cancer,she said it was all the infections.I have had a lot of them,some drained in the ER and others that had to be drained in surgery.So if anyone else has this problem please go to your Dr.and get on antibiotics as soon as possible and get them drained.I wouldnt want this to happen to anyone else,its hell.
Click to expand...

Many thanks for the advice, Debbie. I am going through the abscesses, one after the other... always had the feeling they could be the prelude to something worse.

I wish you the best in this difficult journey. My thoughts will be with you.
 
cancer update

I am starting to believe that its not the cancer that might kill me but the treatment for the cancer.Of course that isnt true but it feels like it sometimes.I have been on a "Radiation Vacation" and no chemo for a couple of weeks now because my white blood cell count went down to a very dangerous level.They tried giving me 6 nuprogen shots to speed my bone marrow up to produce more cells,and by the way,those shots make your bones hurt like hell.I had to go get one shot a day.They didnt work,so yesterday I had to have a blood transfusion.A couple of days before that I had to have a potassium transfusion.Which you all know its really hard to keep potassium in you when you have crohns.So,I thought ok now I can get back on track with treatment.Well I had no sooner got home from the 5 hour blood transfusion yesterday when the hospital called me to say they had forgotten to give me one of the chemo push meds I needed before getting hooked up to my chemo pump.So i spent another 3 hours at the hospital today getting that and getting my chemo pump hooked up.I start back on Radiation Monday.I am so tired.I have to say that all the Doctors and Nurses have been great,I dont know how they do this everyday.Thanks for listening.
 
Dear Debbie, sending much strength and a big hug. Hang in there and keep the faith better days will come! xx
 
My oncologist told me that one of the side effects of chemo was fatigue,but I certainly wasnt prepared for this mind numbing tiredness.It is exhausting just walking 15ft to the bathroom.I feel like Im going to pass out every time I stand up.I finished up my second round of chemo last Monday and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.I have been in bed for over a week sick not able to eat or drink and I have lost 15 pounds,30 since I was diagnosed.Im not telling everyone this to complain,I just want anyone else who might go through this to have some idea of what to expect,unlike I who had no clue.I dont know how long these symtoms are going to last,I hope not too long because they are very debilitating.Thanks everyone.
 
I can only hope the fatique passes soon for you Debbie. I would bring it to the attention of the oncologist. Perhaps there is something that would help you to get through the worst of it.

Bless you, I hope you feel better very soon!!
:rosette2:
Misty
 
Hi Debbie,
Hang in there sweetie. I know it's hard, but will all be worth it in the end!!
Thinking of you and sending a big hug
And xx
 
Hi Debbie

Thinking about you and sending you positive vibes. I hope you are resting and being gentle with yourself!!

getwellsoon-get-well-soon-balloon-hospital-smiley-emoticon-000553-large.gif


Wendy xo
 
Wow Debbie! Sorry I've missed all this!! Where are you? I'm in BG! I hope you live near your treatment center!! I also hope you get to see your grandkids often! If there's no big change in you between their visits, they'll not think much of it I wouldn't think. I wish you well Deb!!
 
Hang on in there Debbie, this will all be over soon
I wish you well and sending hugs your way
xxxxx
 
I am starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel.I still have the extreme fatigue and pain but I am not throwing up as much anymore and am able to eat a little better.Thank God I am done with chemo.I still have 18 more radiation treatments to go and I know more sick days are ahead but at least I am moving forward again.I had to have another potassium infusion today,my third so far,with so much going to the bathroom it wont stay in my system.I really appreciate everyones positive attitude and well wishes,it means more than I can say.Thank you.
 
Debbie said:
I am starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel.I still have the extreme fatigue and pain but I am not throwing up as much anymore and am able to eat a little better.Thank God I am done with chemo.I still have 18 more radiation treatments to go and I know more sick days are ahead but at least I am moving forward again.I had to have another potassium infusion today,my third so far,with so much going to the bathroom it wont stay in my system.I really appreciate everyones positive attitude and well wishes,it means more than I can say.Thank you.
Click to expand...

Debbie, lets hope that tunnel is getting shorter and shorter. Thank goodness you are done with the chemo. And on the tail end of radiation too. Bless you, you have been thru the wringer.

:kiss:
Misty
 
update

I went to see my Oncologist yesterday for what I thought was a routine visit but she told me I need to have 2 more cycles of chemo.I couldnt believe it,I thought I was finished with chemo.I dont think I can go through being that sick again.Im sick enough just dealing with radiation right now.So now on Monday I have to get hooked up to the chemo pump again and go through another potassium infusion which takes over 2 hours.I am trying not to complain and I know all of this is for my own good but I am so tired,I didnt think a human body could get this tired and still be able to function.If it wasnt for my Grandkids,who have been so great through all this,I dont think I could get out of bed everyday.I feel like just going to bed and never getting up again.Im tired of the never ending pain and lack of any energy what so ever.Im sorry,I just really needed to vent.Im going to take the weekend to get my mind straight so by Monday I can just get on with treatment.I pray to God there is an ending in site.Thanks for listening.
 
Awe Debbie hun I am so sorry to hear this !!
You are strong and will get through this :)
Rest, rest, rest your mind and your body!

Hang in there sweetie !

lots of luv and hugs your way!
~Tracy~
 
Oh Debbie,

I'm so sorry to read this...:(:(:(

Thinking of you hun and sending loads of healing (((THOUGHTS))), (((HUGS))) and (((PRAYERS))) your way...

Much love, :Karl:
Dusty. xxxxxxxx
 
Debbie, I am so sorry you need to do more rounds with the 'monster'. Cause you must feel like that is what it's like!

Pull that strength up from deep within, I am sure it's there. You dont sound like a quitter to me! One day at a time, almost there. Count the days off on a calendar and look forward to your future, its almost here, just around the corner.

:ghug:
Misty
 
Hi Debbie, I'm so sorry that you have to undergo another 2 rounds. If they told me I'd have to add on at the end I would feel the same. I've been lucky up until yesterday, just the fatigue, but woke up and my hair is now falling out in clumps. Guess I'm now hitting the point of no return and am equally as scared.
Keep thinking it WILL be worth it. This is just a means to an end..hard I know!
Thinking of you xxx
 
Sorry to hear that everything went south since I last posted. :( I'm glad the chemo is working for you even though you have to endure it over and over. I hate seeing members of the forum get cancer. I wish you all the best. Hang in there!
 
Hi Debbie- just stopping by to say I'm thinking of you.
Hope all is going as well as possible.
Love and best wishes, And xx
 
update

I have not been on here for a few months.The chemo and radiation were a lot harder on me than I expected.The good news is I just got my biopsy report and the cancer is gone,the bad news is the radiation did a lot of damage.It has caused extreme bowel movement pain and bleeding.Also a lot of scar tissue.So,this Tuesday,October 25th,I am having surgery to get a permanent colostomy.I am not looking forward to it,as you can imagine,but I cant stand the pain any longer and I have lost all control of my bowels since radiation.Pain meds barely make a dent in the pain now.So I am hopeful this will be the end of this ordeal.
 
Debbie, I am hopeful this op does it for you as well. Then, I pray, you can have your life back!!! Which you deserve after all you've been through!

Please keep us posted when you can as to how you are doing?

:ghug:
Misty
 

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