Wanted to get some stuff off my chest

[GutlessWonder86]

So I woke up this AM to get ready for my appointment with my surgeon thinking today was going to be an awesome day. My wound from the surgery in Oct. FINALLY closed up as of this Monday. (It's the old ostomy site my surgeon closed up and moved my stoma, aka BOB, over to the right side) Things were starting to look up for me.

BUTTTTTTTTTTTT while I was washing up I noticed that the wound felt sore so I gently wiped it and it opened up AGAIN oozing white goop and blood. :ymad:
I was like what the HE@#!!! Getting to the appt. was another story. Construction made it impossible to get to the office as all the main roads were blocked for repaving and these idiots didn't put up detour signs. HELLO! There are doctor offices here. Had to take another route which took another 1/2 hour. Luckily, I didn't have to wait long.

So I get in to tell him the news and he checked the wound for fistulas, infections, etc. No infection, no fistula, no sutures showing. He cleans it up and packs it for me. He then tells me when I see Dr. Brass tomorrow, he's the wound infection specialist who is the TOP doctor in the area, to tell him what happened and to see if he has any more ideas as I've tried the alginate, and electrical stimulation for 2 whole months where the wound did heal from the inside out and then after a few days it would reopen. If after a few more attempts are tried and the wound reopens AGAIN, the surgeon will go in and do exploratory surgery to see if my body is rejecting the internal sutures & if there is anything else going on.

That didn't really cross my mind b/c I was hoping that either super glue (you never know) or even a local stitch would close it up but I was told that's not how wounds heal. I am DONE with surgeries. I am done with hospitals. I've HAD ENOUGH. I'm tired. I'd like a year without ER visits, being admitted, and being hooked up to IV antibiotics. I am also sick of certain relatives telling me to suck it up & deal w/it. That's life. I wish I could tell them to :kissgrits: so bad but I'm tired of dealing with family BS. I'm through fighting w/them & how insensitive they are. Anyone else having to deal family members like this? Isn't it frustrating when you are doing your best in fighting to stay healthy & happy?

So anyway, I'm not looking for sympathy or drawing attention to myself b/c that's what some of my family think I do. A hug would be nice or some words of encouragement which I always get from my husband & his family as well as my great friends. My sister was never supportive at all when I was growing up. She use to call me a bag lady when I got my ostomy and a drug addict when I was put on medications when I'd flare. Whenever my folks had to rush me to the ER or hospital when in was in high school, she tell me that I was faking my illness for attention. I did my best to get along w/her but she was very resentful of the fact that my folks were there for me. They did make time for her when I felt better but she'd still hold a grudge against me for the times when they'd "ignore" her.

When I stood up as her maid of honor in her wedding, my crohn's was acting up but I was coping the best I could. I bent over backwards to do whatever she wanted me to do w/a smile. She had the nerve to tell the members of the bridal party behind my back that I was out to ruin her big day by faking yet another one of my flares. I found this out several weeks later from the best man. I was floored. I thought I did a great job waiting on her hand and foot especially helping her getting out of her huge wedding gown to go to the bathroom.

Anyway, to this day, she hasn't called, written, or even seen me while I was hospitalized for major surgery the past 2 times in 2008/2009. All of my friends and hubby's family have told me I've done all I can to reach out to her. It's her loss and I should concentrate on myself as she's made it perfectly clear that she wants nothing to do with me. (sigh)

The only thing I want right now is support and NO more negativity..they tell me to deal with it... (HA!!!) I doubt they could last a day in my shoes!! :voodoo:

Thanks for letting me vent. take care. Gutless Wonder

 

[DustyKat]

You know what? I reckon one of the truest sayings is:

"You can choose friends but not your relatives" and ain't that the truth. Problem is when it's a blood relative you always feel you've got to go the extra mile to keep the peace, so you put up with crap longer than you would otherwise.

I'm so sorry to hear to about this latest setback and I hope something can be done to heal the wound soon.

Sending lots and lots and lots of hugs your way and remember we will always be here for you......

:hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug::ghug::hug:

Take care buddy,
Dusty

 

[DustyKat]

I know exactly what you mean.

You have enough on your plate without this and you certainly don't need this type of grief in your life, it's too stressful. I know it is easier said than done to hold your tongue, distance yourself or walk away particularly when it's family because that's what really strikes at the heart. I hope you can find a way to forward with this so it allows you peace of mind to take care of yourself.

Please keep us posted on how you are feeling and coping with this. We are here to lean on and listen and if we can, offer some words of wisdom and comfort.

Thinking of you, :hug:
Dusty

 

[ameslouise]

Hi GW:

You have been through the ringer physically. That your family is unsupportive just tops it off. I say jetison them all, especially your sister. You don't need the added stress. We can't have people around us that don't enrich our lives. And if certain people make your life WORSE, it's time to let them go. It hard when it's family because we feel an obligation and that we must keep the peace. That's bullsh*t. You have no obligation to someone who treats you like crap. I think it would be better to live a life of solitude than to live a life full of people who give you grief and pain.

Good luck with the health stuff. Keep us posted. I hope you have a quick resolution.

Sending a big hug your way - Amy

 

[GutlessWonder86]

Hi All,

Just an update. I saw the wound specialist and told him what the surgeon said about the exploratory surgery as a very last resort. I then went on to explain how I really really really do NOT want to go under the knife again and that he needs to work his "magic" and do whatever it takes even if I have to bake him cookies, I'll do it. He told me that he prefers almond ring pastry so I promised him one if he can close the wound up. So he's going to exhaust all avenues as his game plan.

I've decided to stay busy with my Basset who's having a mini flare right now with his colitis. His mornings are not that great but then later on it gets better. I've been doing some birthday/anniversary/Xmas shopping for my husband and Xmas shopping for Ike. I've been watching funny dvds of Gilda Radnar, Robin Williams, Carrot Top, etc. to get me laughing and working on my home made cards and scrap booking.

My parents have their birthdays coming up this week so I've been getting their gifts ready to ship out as I won't leave Ike alone right now to visit. They've been very supportive whenever I'm not well. My aunt is the one who hasn't been supportive for whatever reason. As for my sister, she's history. Gone. The only sad thing is that I'll never be able to see my 2 nieces or 3 nephews ever again. She's banned me from seeing them for 4 yrs. anyway so I'm praying that when they are 18 yrs. old (they are under 8 yrs. old now) that they'll remember me and want to get in touch some day.

Right now, the wound is slowly healing. It's being packed with alginate but it tends to fall out when the hole starts to close up. I am praying that it stays closed this time w/o any problems.

Thank you everyone for your continued support. take care. ~Gutless Wonder

 

[Astra]

Aw this is so sad hun, that you wont see the kids! How can she be that heartless?

Anyway, glad you're ok tho!! that's the main thing

lotsa luv
xxxxxxxx

 

[Silvermoon]

Hey GW.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I have no words of support at the moment, but I am sending my warmest wishes....

Take good care of yourself....

HUGS

 

[Jennjenn]

I feel bad that you are not able to see your nieces and nephews. Your sister does not seem like she is a fair and understanding person at all.
I am glad though that your wound is starting to heal! :applause: :applause:
I hope that everything keeps getting better for you

 

[ameslouise]

Hope you feel better soon. So sorry about your nieces and nephews, but keep that door open for them.

- Amy

 

[D Bergy]

I am sorry you are in such a bad situation. I have been in similar situations in the past.

I found out that by not playing the game, it takes all of the fun out of it for the trouble maker. I know I have gotten my fair share of bad publicity from some family members, but when you react or respond to it, you are letting them control you. I do the best I can, and that is the end of it. Anyone else that want to bitch about it, is free to do so. I just don't care. It is an opinion, and I do not have to like it, or even pay any attention to it. I can only control my reaction to it, which is usually "oh well".

By learning that it is really their problem to deal with, you take away the incentive. Other family members that have any brains, will figure out who the instigator is given time, and you can be happier not worrying about who says what.

You may want a good relationship with your sister, and who wouldn't? But you can only do what you can do, and that is enough. The rest is her problem, so don't make it yours.

Geez, I sound like my dad.

Dan

 

[GutlessWonder86]

Looking back now, I was letting her control me when I was younger & very sick at times (as I was very much afraid of fighting back as she use to verbally/mentally/sometimes physically abuse me). When I tried to fight back she'd make it look as if I were the instigator all the time & she was the victim so I'd just take her crap after that. didn't know what else to do.

Now that I am much stronger & wiser, I am DONE w/her games & throwing things in my face from yrs. ago. She comes across one way to friends and certain family members--- but behind closed doors, she is this nasty,bully who needs to have her way all the time. It's time for her to wake up & realize that the world doesn't revolve around her. I really wonder how she acts around her 5 kids b/c even my husband & many of my friends have told me that my sister's behavior is abnormal (possible borderline personality disorder??) but I know my wimpy BIL won't take her to the MD or even see a shrink to get help for her.

Yes, I wish I had a sister & she'd allow me to see my nieces/nephews but she's made it clear she wants nothing to do w/me ever again. My BFF said to me that it's her loss & that one day she will have to be accountable for her actions. If the kids want to meet me someday when they are older, the door will always be open for them.

So in spite of all the drama, I'm counting my blessing on what I DO HAVE when I truly need them: my wonderful husband, my folks,2 BFFS, my MIL, my FIL in heaven, my husband's siblings, and above all my 2 nieces and 2 nephews who are the world to me. 2 are in FL and the other 2 are in Syracuse. Whenever I'm not feeling good, I just give them a call and they cheer me right up, especially Rowan. If I tell her about my haircut & send her an e-photo she'll always tell me that I look great & still young and hip. She knows how to make my day.

All I ever wanted was peace & harmony between myself and my sister. Guess I was asking for too much. Life goes on as they say and I'm doing it with my friends/family. :hug:

Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are like my 2nd family--except you are special because some of us have no guts or butts. lol