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Amaze

Amaze

Joined
Jun 12, 2013
Messages
249
Location
New York, NY
lately everyone I know has been getting married or they are in a happy longterm relationship. It is very difficult for me to get into any sort of relationship. Dealing with crohns has been such hell for me and I cant see anyone wanting to take this crohns ruled ride with me.

is anyone here married? if so was it before your crohns or after.
 
Married. We went through our first major medical crisis after we had been together about a year, and I was 7 months pregnant. That was 11 years ago. 1 wedding, 2 more kids and countless medical problems later I was diagnosed with Crohns (3months ago) I've been in and out of hospital ever since. My husband is amazing, he's patient and never complains about having to pick up the slack when I can't do things.
 
Married. Met in college 2 years before UC started. Got married 10 years later in the middle of it all.

p.s. Been together for almost 25 years total.
 
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I'm single, gay and would love to get married or at least be able to date. Everyone I know is getting married too which gets me a bit jealous and depressed because I wonder when it will happen for me. I don't want to start a family when I'm old and I want to have kids. This disease keeps me from doing much of anything never mind starting a new chapter in life.
 
I am married and my husband has been with me in the beginning through a very debilitating back surgery, two teens on heroin for 8-10 yrs, now 30's. Many deaths, and then kidney cancer I found out I had 4 yrs. ago and had surgery and he took care of me for months afterwards. Then crohn's. So yes, there are men who love you no matter what and you just have to know in your heart who the right one is for you. If someone truly loves you, "Till death do us part" is not just a bunch of words. It's a vow to God.
 
I am not married. But all three people with Cohn's I know in the real world are, and two of them had Crohn's before meeting their current spouses.
 
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There do seen to be quiet a few people on the forum who were already partnered when they got sick and their partners stuck by them. I have also seen a number of people who started relationships while they were sick. Moral of the story it can happen for those of us single folks.
 
I'm married for three years. If I think back, he's dealt with my symptoms ever since we were together! He is an amazing husband, and I cannot ask for anyone better. I almost died ... I was septic. I needed a colostomy after emergency surgery to remove part often bowel.

I cried to the nurse and said he's going to leave me now that I've got a bag... He doesn't want to be with me now...I'm ugly...hubby looked ate and tolde I was crazy! This man knows more about Crohns, is educated about the appliances and dietary needs, he could change my colostomy if I struggle. When's hair fell out , he told me I was beautiful! He has helped give me strength to handle this as positively as possible! I almost died, so I greatful everyday to be here and I choose to be positive! :)
 
Amaze said:
lately everyone I know has been getting married or they are in a happy longterm relationship. It is very difficult for me to get into any sort of relationship. Dealing with crohns has been such hell for me and I cant see anyone wanting to take this crohns ruled ride with me.

is anyone here married? if so was it before your crohns or after.
Click to expand...

I've been married for 19 years. My husband and I met very young and I tried to hide the illness from him. I felt no one would want me if they knew what happened when I got sick. I did everything I could to mask it, until one night I had a very embarrassing "coming out" and landed in the hospital.

He really stepped up and helped and he was nowhere near as traumatized as I expected. We married just two years later, and thought there was a learning curve, he's been very supportive and helpful. It's been hard, and a lot of dreams we had have been put on the backburner, but we've adapted.

I'm sure you've heard this a lot but it is a simple truth: you need someone with whom you can be honest and who loves and accepts you for who you are-and that is true in both marriages and long term relationships if they are to work. You deserve that person in your life. Best wishes to you :)
 
Single. for me its not if someone else can cope but am I willing to? Does that make sense? I'm not ready to stop being selfish (not self centered) surrounding my life, health and happiness. When all the stars align.....hee hee I'm imagining a cover off one of those racy paperbacks.
 
I am married. I knew he was the one when he had to drive me to the ER on our first weekend away. I had Crohn's for about 12 years when we met, and I told him about it on our first date. I didn't see a point in dating someone who wouldn't be able to cope with a chronic illness. Plus, I knew once things got physical, he'd see the huge scar from my first bowel resection, and I didn't want that to be a surprise.
 
Married. I was diagnosed 4 years after we were married and we're going on 6 years together total. It's been tough at times, when my crohn's flares I can get crabby and impatient. She's a saint and very patient with me. We're expecting our third child in November and we joke that I'm having sympathy pregnancy pains. I love this woman.
 
Diagnosed before, started dating a girl when I was 14 and now 9 years later we are engaged :)
 
Forever dated as a crohnie. Never had a relationship ended because of crohn, most due to naivety ans rating American boy(nothing wrong with them-Just the long distance thing is a bit... Well bot always the best idea). Been with the same man for the past 3,5 years and he stayed through the hardships! Some loves for real!
 
I've been married for 18 years. A few months before I got married my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. We went through almost a decade of hospitals, doctors & chemotherapy. My wife went into remission and 6 months later my Crohn's flared for the first time since I was 13 years old. It lasted a year. Fast forward 9 years and my Crohn's is back. It's been a tough road for both of us but we have kept smiling the entire time!
 
Dunbar said:
Single. for me its not if someone else can cope but am I willing to? Does that make sense? I'm not ready to stop being selfish (not self centered) surrounding my life, health and happiness. When all the stars align.....hee hee I'm imagining a cover off one of those racy paperbacks.
Click to expand...

It absolutely makes sense to me. IMHO it doesn't make you self-centered to put yourself first-it makes you mature enough to know what you want and not afraid to put it out there. Good for you!
 
RZman said:
I've been married for 18 years. A few months before I got married my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. We went through almost a decade of hospitals, doctors & chemotherapy. My wife went into remission and 6 months later my Crohn's flared for the first time since I was 13 years old. It lasted a year. Fast forward 9 years and my Crohn's is back. It's been a tough road for both of us but we have kept smiling the entire time!
Click to expand...

God bless you! A great attitude really helps! I hope you get back into remission very soon!:ghug:
 
Mountaingem said:
I've been married for 19 years. My husband and I met very young and I tried to hide the illness from him. I felt no one would want me if they knew what happened when I got sick. I did everything I could to mask it, until one night I had a very embarrassing "coming out" and landed in the hospital.

He really stepped up and helped and he was nowhere near as traumatized as I expected. We married just two years later, and thought there was a learning curve, he's been very supportive and helpful. It's been hard, and a lot of dreams we had have been put on the backburner, but we've adapted.

I'm sure you've heard this a lot but it is a simple truth: you need someone with whom you can be honest and who loves and accepts you for who you are-and that is true in both marriages and long term relationships if they are to work. You deserve that person in your life. Best wishes to you :)
Click to expand...

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans!,Amen?"
 
Ginger is her name said:
I'm married for three years. If I think back, he's dealt with my symptoms ever since we were together! He is an amazing husband, and I cannot ask for anyone better. I almost died ... I was septic. I needed a colostomy after emergency surgery to remove part often bowel.

I cried to the nurse and said he's going to leave me now that I've got a bag... He doesn't want to be with me now...I'm ugly...hubby looked ate and tolde I was crazy! This man knows more about Crohns, is educated about the appliances and dietary needs, he could change my colostomy if I struggle. When's hair fell out , he told me I was beautiful! He has helped give me strength to handle this as positively as possible! I almost died, so I greatful everyday to be here and I choose to be positive! :)
Click to expand...

I love these men! Mine is the same way. He always says I am beautiful, even when I look like death and scare myself. He took care of me thru back surgery and then cancer, diverticulitis, crohn's now. You name it and he has been thru it with me. We have only been married 6 yrs. but together 13. He is a gem! I adore him so much.:heart::heart::heart:
 
I met my husband after I had Crohn's for a while. When we were dating he asked to attend the local CCFA chapter meetings and ostomy meetings to educate himself.

He's been my biggest support even when I had a stroke 7 yrs. ago. It will be 16 yrs. next month we've been married.
 
I got married a year ago. I was diagnosed when I was 9 years old so my husband knew roughly what he was getting into. I think for him so far dealing with me is harder than dealing with the Crohn's. :p
 
Amaze - don't you worry about it, you'll meet someone when it's meant to happen and if they love you your crohns will be no issue at all :)

I started dating my now husband in July 2010, just before I was diagnosed. I was going the loo loads and used to make excuses like I'm brushing my teeth cos I didn't want to say oh I have diarrhoea 20+ times a day! We laugh about it now. Then I got really ill and was admitted to hospital in Oct 2010, this is when i was duagnised and I knew then he must of loved me because he came to see me everyday and even filled my Bristol stool monitoring chart in with me!! Lol!! He proposed in 2011 and we married in 2012. Hope that makes you feel better :)
 
Married 17 years. I knew I had Crohns, but stuff didn't get bad until we had been married 6-7 years. Then things got rough, I struggled to let him help me. And I waited and suffered way too long and too much before I finally had surgery, I should have one it 1-2years earlier. It is better now, I embrace his help when I'm sick and he has been great. But it is hard, I HATE feeling like a burden.
 
DJW said:
Single - getting back to being fine with it again
Click to expand...

I am single and felt that I'd be terribly miserable if I never found someone. I desperately want to be married and have a family in the near future.

I started to try to accept the reality that it may not happen for me. So many people in perfect health can't find anyone so why would I who has health problems have it any easier? It's hard to accept it but if I continue in this condition I am not able to be with anyone let alone have a job or go out with friends. Hopefully my new bag and soon to be started treatment will mean ill have a new lease on life. Maybe someone can love me for who I am and accept my bag and condition and see past that.
 
I was engaged when I became ill I had my op and Colostomy formed she came to visit me in hospital and told me she was seeing someone else she offered me the ring back I told her to stick it where the sun don't shine. I thought my life was over came out of hospital got myself fit and back in work long struggle but made it. Then I started going clubbing and met my wife to be we went out 2 nights running so I thought I'd better tell her about my Crohns and Colostomy so I did it the cowards way and wrote it all down and gave it to her on the third night told her to read it later, at the end of the letter I told her if she wanted to carry on the relationship to meet me in our local pub the next night, and if she didn't turn up i'd understand. Next night playing pool with some mates she came in the pub I felt magnificent couldn't believe it, we married the following year and 3 children all grown up an married with children of there own. So I guess theres someone for everyone. Bit long winded I know! think I should take up writing stories lol. Good Luck Amaze The right One is out there!
 
I have a partner Neil and 2 children Zachary 5 years old and Maria 3 years old. I had my children and met my partner when I was in remission. My partner is very supportive. When i am going for Remicade I tell the children its to make mummy better. They sometimes ask why im taking tablets when I take my Methotrexate but I reply with the same answer to make mummy better.
 
I have a partner, we've been going out for almost 4 years now. He's 13 years older then me, and the love of my life. He's quite supportive, although sometimes I feel like he isn't listening, h
e usually is though x
 
I have a boyfriend, we have been together for just over a year now . We were best friends for a long time. The day before my MRI scan we sat together and talked through everything, I even mentioned the possibility of an illness such as crohns.

Two days after the MRI he asked me out and we haven't looked back.

He supports me as much as he can, he does find it hard at times and worries a lot but we are very happy
 
Single here, have not dated since before crohns, but crohns isn't what stopped me. I kinda prefer being single now, somedays no, but most I am totally fine with it.

I kinda forget about that whole aspect of life sometimes, especially when dealing with this disease takes up so much of your time :( .
 
Hitek, this disease is certainly vicious and tries to take over your life. I would encourage, to the extent possible, don't let it get in your way of finding someone, going out and enjoying yourself.
 
In November my husband and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. We were together
3 years before we married. I was diagnosed with Crohn's 6 years before we met. I am lucky as my husband had a working knowledge of Crohn's as his father had been diagnosed wit CD several years earlier. We have 2 daughters (10 & 7). That I delivered during a long remission. At 44 I have just had my first resection surgery as I sit here convalescing, I happy to say he has and is always 100% supportive! :)
 
nogutsnoglory said:
I am single and felt that I'd be terribly miserable if I never found someone. I desperately want to be married and have a family in the near future.

I started to try to accept the reality that it may not happen for me. So many people in perfect health can't find anyone so why would I who has health problems have it any easier? It's hard to accept it but if I continue in this condition I am not able to be with anyone let alone have a job or go out with friends. Hopefully my new bag and soon to be started treatment will mean ill have a new lease on life. Maybe someone can love me for who I am and accept my bag and condition and see past that.
Click to expand...

I have thought a lot about whether physical illness is responsible for my relationship problems. I've had to conclude that it isn't. I know many people with health problems of a severity similar to mine who have long term partners, whether they met them before or after becoming ill.

I have had to conclude that my inability to form real relationships is more likely due to my emotional problems stemming from severe abuse. I often find myself telling myself that I am unlikeable, but this isn't really true as I've had many offers of relationships - and I have been in a few relationships - it's just that any man who is nice, safe, normal doesn't seem to want to be with me. I attract only messed up men (and women on a couple of occasions). I had to fake feelings for my partners. I wasn't being overly picky, I don't think, I don't expect a perfect fairytale romance. But all the people interested me either had moral opinions that I just couldn't be with (e.g. one was a racist) or I was just so repulsed by them physically and emotionally.

I had to end all the supposedly romantic relationships I had because I felt like I was selling myself out and being unfair to my partner through having no genuine affection for them, and a couple of men ended it with me because I couldn't bring myself to sleep with them. I had the same problem with friends - as a child I had wonderful girlfriends who I loved; then all the trauma happened beginning in my late teens and when I went to uni and had to start over with new people, the girls I liked I could not build a relationship with past being acquaintances (course mates, etc.) while those who tried to be friends with me I felt really uncomfortable with for various reasons.

All I ever wanted was to get married and have children. It was obvious to me by the time I was going into my twenties that I was not only infertile, but that any adoption agency would look at my medical record and never approve me as an adoptive parent. Given these circumstances I gave up on the idea of having relationships, and I really now just focus on loving my nephew (and my dog ;) ).

Nogutsnoglory - although I sympathise entirely with you in terms of desiring a family and being unable to see it happening for me, it seems you've reached a very different conclusion regarding the role illness plays. Is it simply that Crohn's stops you being able to actually go out and meet people, or do you think it's something less tangible like the impact this disease has on self-esteem, confidence, etc.? I really don't think having a bag would stop anyone from loving you - so many people have them and find partners, don't give up hope.
 
Crohn's physically stops me from pursuing a partner because I'm so weak I feel like fainting when going most places. I would certainly pursue it otherwise, bag and all.
 

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