At the end of my tether!

[Rebecca85]

Now I know I'm always posting petty annoyances on here, mostly it's stuff from work because I can't let off steam there because things you say have a funny way of coming back to haunt you. So I keep my gob shut, stew for a bit, and release it on here

But anyway, this time it is actually something serious and I need advice.

Since diagnosis really I have been struggling with fatigue. We think we have the cause, but I'm really struggling with work, looking after the puppy and housework. So I had a heart to heart with my boyfriend a few weeks back, and he agreed that he would help with the housework (50/50 split) at the weekends.

That was about a month ago. The first weekend was great, we got all the housework done in a couple of hours on Saturday morning and we both had the rest of the weekend to relax.

The second weekend something came up and we decided to leave it. After all there wasn't much to do as we had done it all the week before.

The third weekend, he had just started a new job and had a stinking cold. So did I, so I couldn't be bothered to argue.

It's now the fourth weekend, he's shattered because he's decided to work all the hours he can at this new job. After saying he wasn't going to work Sundays, he went in anyway because they 'needed him'. Meanwhile I've had to do most of the housework even though I still have this cold, because the house is a pig sty. Now he's sulking because I asked him to do the washing up.

I just don't know what to do any more. I mean, I get that he wants to work and earn more money and stuff, but honestly we're not that bad off for money. I manage on half his wage (and we split the bills and stuff 50/50).

 

[robbo87]

Sounds like your having a hard time Have you spoke with him again lately to let him know how you feel? It will be hard with him working so much but hes a bloke and should just "man up"... It shouldn't be beyond him to help you out a bit more.

Sometimes when things like this happen to me i just wish i could flick a switch and let the other person feel as run down and crappy as i do, then maybe theyd understand a bit better,

 

[Nica]

I understand what you are saying.. I have no idea how to fix it.. my husband is presently laying on the couch where he has been since he got off work aside from time to complain that the plate he got (from the clean dishes that I washed) to put food on (that I cooked and can't eat) had a bit of water on it..( I think the steroids are getting to me)

Wish I had some advice to give you to help

 

[MADiMarc]

I understand what you are saying.. I have no idea how to fix it.. my husband is presently laying on the couch where he has been since he got off work aside from time to complain that the plate he got (from the clean dishes that I washed) to put food on (that I cooked and can't eat) had a bit of water on it..( I think the steroids are getting to me)

Wish I had some advice to give you to help

Oh, Nica, I so remember those days of steroid rage. I found myself going for my marble rolling pin once to cosh mine! I can't blame it on the steroids anymore!

Wish I has some good advise here. You could try telling him he has to hire a cleaning service as he does not feel like helping you clean. Actually worked for me...Molly maids was here the next day.

Good luck to you and stay away from the rolling pins while on steroids,
Michele

 

[Nica]

I have tried the cleaning service thing.He starts complaining about them coming. He is a pain in the rump... but I love him

 

[Rebecca85]

Same here, actually I have started feeling sorry for him, the other day I was 'in the mood' and he was too tired. Which has probably never happened before in the 8 (nearly 9) years we've been together!

 

[Nica]

Ouch. When he is TOO TIRED!

 

[ameslouise]

Working too much, not helping out AND not interested in sex? Time for another heart to heart. He needs to be honest with you about what's really going on, and it probably has nothing to do with you or your disease. Sounds like he's got something bothering him.

Good luck -Amy

 

[julesinfrance]

I have to say my problem is almost opposite. My other half is sooo fantastic when i am really ill. He does everything My problem is guilt! I too wish that sometimes for a few minutes those around me could understand that the fatigue isnt the same as being a bit tired. It is an all consuming tiredness which leaves me feeling useless, without any enthusiam for anything and to see my other half doing the things I should be doing is, at times is soul destroying.

 

[Nica]

Jules,
That is AWESOME that your other half is so good to you. How do we train ours to be that way?? If you want you could have him join the forum, or look around it at least to get some kind of idea what you are feeling. It is hard for them to really understand.

As far as your guilt, I understand that as well. I have learned that I do what I can when I can and try to enjoy the little things. I think my family would rather me be there for fun stuff than have a totally clean house for a bit and me in bed cause I over did it, again. For me its about balance, finding what is most important to me and going for that.

 

[julesinfrance]

Yes I am really lucky and would have found life all the more difficult without Dan, my partner. It amazing how life changes and what I now consider to be achievements. It used to be reaching a certain goal in the workplace or earning a particularly good wage one week. Now its if I manage to walk the dogs, do some housework or put a dinner on the table!! I certainly appreciate the little things now.

 

[Rebecca85]

Amy- we have spoken about it. The problem is he is currently working for an agency, for an engineering place. The engineering place have a tight deadline to meet- that's why they're employing agency workers. If they meet the deadline, they will get more work in and can give him a permanent job. And as well as that, it's been kind of hinted that a promotion wouldn't be far behind. So that's why he's working so much. I'm thinking maybe I need to persuade him to use his extra earnings to get a cleaner in once a week or something though.

 

[Nica]

I think a house keeper is a GREAT idea. I would have one if my husband wasn't so reclusive!
I do understand why he is working so much, it makes sense to try to get to a long lasting job with advancement. Just makes life harder while he does it.

My hubby did similar things during y2k putting in tons of hours, it did pay off in the long run.

On a side note, He is doing the dishes! I bribed him with homemade cookies! So I will have to go bake something I can't eat soon (nuts and coconut in em )

 

[Rebecca85]

Ooh that reminds me, I have a cookie in my bag (got it free with a cup of coffee earlier). I think it's choc chip. *sigh* is it any wonder I put on 4 kilos last weigh in?

 

[Jenny06xx]

Lol enjoy your cookie

 

[Nica]

Yummy Cookies! I think I will bake some I can eat as well!! To bad my favorite are oatmeal raisin, if i make them I ALWAYS eat too many and wind up with a massive tummy ache from all the fiber in the oatmeal!

 

[Entchen]

Housekeeper can be a Crohnie's best friend. I used a service last winter when I was undiagnosed and unbelievably sick and not receiving any treatment (hrm, three guesses why it's so hard to get the inflammation under control now?). Anyway, if you can rearrange your budget to use a housekeeping service, even once/month, you might find it a big help. I can't afford one right now because I don't have any job contracts yet for spring/summer, but I'd bring one in, anyway, if things got back enough that I was again unable to handle the housework.

Another big help: ROOMBA! Love love love my Roomba.