Andy's African Adventure vs Autoimmune Adversity
This is a story in progress.
Apologies if it comes out as an extended discourse, but I don't keep a journal, and I need to get EVERYTHING out right now.
I don't even care if anyone reads this post, to be honest. I am simply frustrated, broken down, and for the first time in a long time, pretty darn depressed.
Quite frankly, if you're looking for something positive, you probably shouldn't read this...
------------------------
Hi all,
My wife and I've been together for nearly 10 years, and have been married for over 3. I'm 29, and she's 28. We've pretty much grown up together.
She's currently pursuing a Masters' degree in Public Health and is in Kenya for 4 months (May-Aug) and will be there again from January-June 2011. This is an opportunity of a lifetime for her; she'll be kept busy doing all sorts of fieldwork and helping to run a number of studies that will eventually be published.
This opportunity came about pretty quickly. There was only about 7 weeks between the time that it was presented to her and when I dropped her off at the airport.
I knew that I would miss her terribly, but I also knew that it was something that she would regret if she didn't do it. What little choice did I have but to say, "Go for it!".
It's at this point in the story that I have to pause and say that sometimes I can be naive for someone almost three decades old.
You see, I've had CD for a LONG time -- since I was 11. It's been largely under control for a LONG time, too. Aside from being shuffled around to different meds, knowing to avoid certain foods, and more or less consistent (but predictable) D, I live a regular and semi-charmed kind of life.... until recently.
My naive little brain didn't process the fact that CD can be unpredictable and carries with it other factors that don't always bubble to the surface in everyday life. It's been the crux of my breakdown. :frown:
That is to say, two things happened, right around the same time.:
CD rears its ugly head.
About a month ago, I started to get itchy in the anal region. I would notice it most often when I went to wipe. I also noticed an occasional few flecks of blood on the TP. I didn't think much of it. I was extra diligent to wash with warm water in the shower and made sure to pat softly when wiping. I even went so far as to get some "better" (softer, 3-ply) TP. I figured it would go away.
Then about a week later, I noticed and felt a small, whitish, irritated bump along my midline, about 2.5" from my anus. That was a little concerning. I thought I would monitor it, and see if it went away. It did, thankfully.
But things didn't get back to normal. I still felt 'off' and started having some weird aching pains that felt like they were deep inside my rectal area.
I was concerned that I had the beginnings of an abscess or fistula; something I've never had before. I called my GI specialist and left a message. The answering machine said that they would call me back within 48h. I called again 3 days later and left another message. Still, no call. So I called my family Dr. and made an appointment.
The family Dr saw me for about 10 minutes and gave me a quick rectal exam. He pressed on each of the four sides of my cavity and asked if any side felt more painful than the last. (Nope.) He said that everything seemed ok, and to call him if things didn't get better.
I waited a few more days and decided to give my GI specialist one last try. I got through to the receptionist who said that she tried to call me back at the number that she had on file. I almost reached through the phone to strangle her because both times she disregarded the number I left on the message, and instead tried to call my old home phone number!
I made an appointment -- next available -- for July 8.
Things have definitely gotten worse in the couple weeks that I've been waiting for the appointment. My bowel habits have changed, and there generally feels like there's pressure on my rectum, which is alleviated by sitting on my porcelain friend. I've been extremely lethargic for the past 3 days, even after 10-12h sleep, I find that I have very little energy for doing anything.
So, counting down to July 8 for diagnosis and treatment.
Immunosuppression + Africa = Bad Idea.
One of the considerations that I had when encouraging my wonderful wife to travel to Kenya was that I would visit her towards the end of her first four month tour, and then when she returned there in January for another six months, I would visit at least once more.
Obviously, I was letting my naivety get the better of me. After some research, I realized that people that are in an immunocompromised state should have some serious reservations for travel to sub-Saharan Africa for any length of time:
I learned all of this right around the same time that I started dealing with my new, and as of yet undiagnosed, CD issue. It was like getting punched in the chest... twice. My heart sank.
I tried explaining my recent anxiety and frustrations to my wife. I'm just not sure she gets it. She's very much "living in the moment" and enjoying all these new experiences. She feels like I'm looking too far into the future.
I feel like I'm living in stasis until we can be together again, and that my future with her is what I'm really looking forward to. I feel like she's dismissing our continued relationship as something unimportant.
The final blow -- she may very well have an opportunity to complete a PhD program in the same location in Kenya; an additional 2 years.
I asked her point blank -- if she was given the opportunity, would she'd take it?
She says, "Yes."
I feel completely torn apart inside.
For once, I feel limited by my disease.
-- Andy
This is a story in progress.
Apologies if it comes out as an extended discourse, but I don't keep a journal, and I need to get EVERYTHING out right now.
I don't even care if anyone reads this post, to be honest. I am simply frustrated, broken down, and for the first time in a long time, pretty darn depressed.
Quite frankly, if you're looking for something positive, you probably shouldn't read this...
------------------------
Hi all,
My wife and I've been together for nearly 10 years, and have been married for over 3. I'm 29, and she's 28. We've pretty much grown up together.
She's currently pursuing a Masters' degree in Public Health and is in Kenya for 4 months (May-Aug) and will be there again from January-June 2011. This is an opportunity of a lifetime for her; she'll be kept busy doing all sorts of fieldwork and helping to run a number of studies that will eventually be published.
This opportunity came about pretty quickly. There was only about 7 weeks between the time that it was presented to her and when I dropped her off at the airport.
I knew that I would miss her terribly, but I also knew that it was something that she would regret if she didn't do it. What little choice did I have but to say, "Go for it!".
It's at this point in the story that I have to pause and say that sometimes I can be naive for someone almost three decades old.
You see, I've had CD for a LONG time -- since I was 11. It's been largely under control for a LONG time, too. Aside from being shuffled around to different meds, knowing to avoid certain foods, and more or less consistent (but predictable) D, I live a regular and semi-charmed kind of life.... until recently.
My naive little brain didn't process the fact that CD can be unpredictable and carries with it other factors that don't always bubble to the surface in everyday life. It's been the crux of my breakdown. :frown:
That is to say, two things happened, right around the same time.:
- CD rears its ugly head.
- Immunosuppression + Africa = Bad Idea.
CD rears its ugly head.
About a month ago, I started to get itchy in the anal region. I would notice it most often when I went to wipe. I also noticed an occasional few flecks of blood on the TP. I didn't think much of it. I was extra diligent to wash with warm water in the shower and made sure to pat softly when wiping. I even went so far as to get some "better" (softer, 3-ply) TP. I figured it would go away.
Then about a week later, I noticed and felt a small, whitish, irritated bump along my midline, about 2.5" from my anus. That was a little concerning. I thought I would monitor it, and see if it went away. It did, thankfully.
But things didn't get back to normal. I still felt 'off' and started having some weird aching pains that felt like they were deep inside my rectal area.
I was concerned that I had the beginnings of an abscess or fistula; something I've never had before. I called my GI specialist and left a message. The answering machine said that they would call me back within 48h. I called again 3 days later and left another message. Still, no call. So I called my family Dr. and made an appointment.
The family Dr saw me for about 10 minutes and gave me a quick rectal exam. He pressed on each of the four sides of my cavity and asked if any side felt more painful than the last. (Nope.) He said that everything seemed ok, and to call him if things didn't get better.
I waited a few more days and decided to give my GI specialist one last try. I got through to the receptionist who said that she tried to call me back at the number that she had on file. I almost reached through the phone to strangle her because both times she disregarded the number I left on the message, and instead tried to call my old home phone number!
I made an appointment -- next available -- for July 8.
Things have definitely gotten worse in the couple weeks that I've been waiting for the appointment. My bowel habits have changed, and there generally feels like there's pressure on my rectum, which is alleviated by sitting on my porcelain friend. I've been extremely lethargic for the past 3 days, even after 10-12h sleep, I find that I have very little energy for doing anything.
So, counting down to July 8 for diagnosis and treatment.
Immunosuppression + Africa = Bad Idea.
One of the considerations that I had when encouraging my wonderful wife to travel to Kenya was that I would visit her towards the end of her first four month tour, and then when she returned there in January for another six months, I would visit at least once more.
Obviously, I was letting my naivety get the better of me. After some research, I realized that people that are in an immunocompromised state should have some serious reservations for travel to sub-Saharan Africa for any length of time:
- Immunocompromised individuals are more susceptible to opportunistic infection -- both bacterial and viral.
- There's lots of vectors for opportunistic infection -- mosquito (mainly malaria and yellow fever), food/water (too many pathogens to list), human/human contact (TB, different cold/flu strains than in North America).
- Immunocompromised individuals are not able to receive a Yellow Fever (or other live) vaccine. Yellow Fever is untreatable and can be a terrible and often fatal virus for those that are unvaccinated and/or have compromised immune systems.
I learned all of this right around the same time that I started dealing with my new, and as of yet undiagnosed, CD issue. It was like getting punched in the chest... twice. My heart sank.
I tried explaining my recent anxiety and frustrations to my wife. I'm just not sure she gets it. She's very much "living in the moment" and enjoying all these new experiences. She feels like I'm looking too far into the future.
I feel like I'm living in stasis until we can be together again, and that my future with her is what I'm really looking forward to. I feel like she's dismissing our continued relationship as something unimportant.
The final blow -- she may very well have an opportunity to complete a PhD program in the same location in Kenya; an additional 2 years.
I asked her point blank -- if she was given the opportunity, would she'd take it?
She says, "Yes."
I feel completely torn apart inside.
For once, I feel limited by my disease.
-- Andy
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