College Student - Advice please!

[crohns0249]

So I just started college this semester after having to take a little while off because of recently being diagnosed with CD. I am still on a very restricted diet so I was granted permission by the school to not get a meal-plan (all residents are required to have one). I am still very uncomfortable sharing my disease with anyone and haven't had any problem with that, until now. Friends continually ask me to come to meals with them and I don't have an answer for why I can't! If i tell them I just don't have a meal plan they say it's not fair and they wish they didn't have to have one. When i tell them I'm just not hungry they question if I have an eating disorder because I'm so thin (CD). I'm really not ready to share with the whole campus about my illness, but I don't know what to do! Thoughts?

 

[SarahBear]

Hi, crohns0249!

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds very stressful. May I ask why you feel uncomfortable telling them what's going on? It might help relieve some stress and make you feel better if you didn't feel this pressure. You could explain to a few of your close friends and ask them to try to keep it to themselves. I understand if that's not an option at this time.

The only other option I see is to tell them part of the truth - that you follow a very strict diet and there aren't options for you most places.

:hug: I hope things work out for you.

 

[KWalker]

Hey. What is your diet like? I am on the SCD diet which is also restrictive and I can understand what you're going through when others just don't understand. I always just tell people I follow a strict diet for health reasons and if they ask (which they haven't yet) I just say I have stomach problems so I am careful with what I eat. I don't tell anybody really that I have crohns. I seem to be managing it right now with diet so the sacrifices are worth it. So far I don't know what you're diet is like, but for me my main foods I eat are (all) meats and fruits/vegetables. When I go out I just make sure there's a place that sells steak because it usually comes with vegetables also, or I can even get a burger and make up that I don't like the buns.

Its tough because you don't want to lie to people all the time, but I definitely understand you not wanting to tell people you have crohns because I'm the exact same. Sometimes I tell people I'm really focused in school (which I am) so I am spending the night at home studying. I know that doesn't seem to be the cool thing to do these days but it works.

Stick to your diet if it's working and good luck with your studies

 

[CrohniePilot]

I have always kept my disease private (14 yrs) except for my wife and a few others. Primarily because i didn't want to be seen as sickly, or get pity.

Recently though i've told a couple more people, and i have to say, i wish i had told people a long time ago. So, tell people on your terms, not because of harassment about your diet, but don't be afraid to tell people.

Anyone worth knowing will be respectful and see you for who you are.

 

[crohns0249]

KWalker - my diet is no fruits/ vegetables/ salads.(nothing high in fiber), no lactose, right now I am doing trial and error but I've been fairly successful with the things on the special K diet, as far as protein I try to eat as much fish (salmon/tuna) or chicken as possible, I avoid red meat. For several months I was limiting myself to just basic cereal such as honey nut cheerios with lactaid milk (breakfast, lunch and dinner) to avoid the pain.

 

[sickofcrohns]

It's OK to say that you have a special diet for medical reasons and you'd rather not get into the details -- then switch the topic.

Been there/done that (with food allergies as well as Crohn's) -- you will get used to it and soon it will seem normal to both you and the decent people among your friends. See also if you can bring some snacks with you to eat with your friends, so you're not the only one there who's not eating. You may be able to eat bananas, even if other fresh fruit are out of the question, and/or bring applesauce, rice krispy squares, etc.

Good luck!

 

[PsychoJane]

From my experience, if you tell people that you need to be careful of what you eat for health reason most won't try to go further. The ones that ask most of the time would end up telling me they had a relative that had IBD, IBS, or what not that required their food monitoring or else they are clueless and rare are the curious about that. You could as well have diabetes or anything else.

I've never had the whole "should I tell them or not" debate because I suddenly disappeared from school when I was in grade 9 to spend a year at the hospital so they knew when I came back that I had a disease and some knew what it was (well without really knowing, they knew I had a digestive disease). I've always been straight forward about it after but I can understand your need for discretion at the moment. Just don't be afraid of being judged, most people are compassionate and you can even be a source of inspiration to them. Also, you could be surprised, I've spent the last 2 years studying with someone that also suffers from a IBD and I've learnt about it 2 weeks ago.

 

[Guest2383]

Naturally, it is a personal choice whether you tell people of your CD problem or not. I prefer to be absolutely up front and tell it the way it is. However, then you run the risk of having to explain all the in and outs of the problem! If anyone has difficulty in understanding Crohn's, I usually give them a brief run down on the disorder or tell to 'Google'it in! I guess it very much depends on the person that you are talking with.

 

[kiik]

I've been wary of telling people too but this year I was missing so much class and never going to eat so I kind of had to tell people. The ones I'm not super close with but who I still see often I was deliberately vague and just said I had an immune system disorder and wasn't feeling well, but I ended up telling all my close friends (not in detail, just what it's called and that it causes pain, nausea, etc.). They were all really nice about it.

 

[rkoll327]

I know what you are going through. I was diagnosed right when I got to college my freshman year. I told my roommate and close friends, but everyone else just knew I had "stomach problems". Most people didn't push for more information. My school required a meal plan as well, which I was excused from. I would still go with friends to the dining hall or dinner, I just wouldn't eat and say I had just eaten or wasn't hungry, or bring my own. (If anyone gets suspicious just tell them with all the laxatives they put in the cafeteria food you don't want any part of that!) I would make sure you fill your professors in though. Which is a lot easier, in my opinion, than telling your peers. Most of them know someone with a form of IBD, and it will get you some leniency. As for friends and peers, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just give a vague answer until you are ready to fill people in gradually.

I told all of the girls that lived on my floor the first week we were there. I tried to make light of the situation, which I know can be insulting to some, but I think it helps people accept it more sometimes. It's not as intimidating. My usual go to explanation "Well I've got Crohn's disease. Heard of it? Basically I have to be careful of what I eat, I get pretty sleepy, and I spend a lot of time on the toilet. There's nothing I can do about it, but it has it's "upsides". I probably won't be gaining the freshman fifteen, I've definitely got more embarrassing stories than you, and if any of you need any nutritional/health/medication advice I'm your girl. Basically a walking WedMD." Everyone was super accepting, and the more I learned to laugh about it the more comfortable they were. But, when I was going through the tough times (I mean, getting explosive diarrhea in a common bathroom isn't fun for anyone involved) they were all there for me and really supportive. And I was there at night to take care of the drunk ones when they got sick. It all comes full circle

 

[sickofcrohns]

If your university has an accessibility office (or students with disabilities office, or whatever) -- Crohn's counts! (I wish someone had told me this when I was first diagnosed). Anyway, they can open a case for you and take care of telling your profs that you have a legitimate medical condition plus whatever details you release that will enable you to, for example, reschedule exams if you're really ill with a lot less stress than you would have to deal with if you were doing it all on your own.

 

[HalfHeartedHeroine]

Maybe to keep up with the social aspect of it, you could ask the accessibility office to allow you to bring food (Crohn's-approved box lunch) in so you could eat with your friends? No need to be lonely!

 

[sickofcrohns]

I used to have permission to use the microwave in the staff lunch room at my old department because I always had to bring my own food. Basically, it doesn't hurt to ask for privileges that allow you to have a hot lunch and feel human!