hello. my name is ricky. here is my story of how an unknown illness that seems like crohns or IBD, is taking a toll on me and my girlfriend's relationship. i need some help..
i met Sydney online. we talked 24/7 and new we had to meet. she lived 2 hours away from me, her in virginia and me in west virginia. i drove to meet this girl one night, taking a huge risk. i thought "what if this isnt even a girl ive been talking to". but i met her and it was a beautiful blonde girl and we fell in love instantly. everything was perfect. we started driving to see each other every weekend, and each weekend both of us missed each other more and more. this carried on for two months and then it all started. we went to olive garden one day. while we were there she got up from the table to puke 5 times. i thought...shes just sick. she ate something bad. i didnt know this was the beginning of something serious. the next weekend came. we went to applebees and had just about the same incident. she started feeling bad all the time. it started with simple things that didnt bother me, like "i dont feel good, can we not go out tonight?". sure, i agreed. i understand. it lasted a while, and eventually we were couch potatoes. but...i didnt really mind. any time spent with her is amazing. then it took a toll on our sex life. it started to hurt her when we tried. she felt bad, and i felt like i was unnatractive to her...but, i didnt let on. i said thats ok. after all, i dont care that much about sex. id rather cuddle with her. thats what we loved to do. the symptoms continued...she took off work and school both at the same time for over a month. she was stuck inside all day every, watching tv and not being able to see anyone. i had no idea what she was going through. she getting getting different tests done to see what was going on ...was it her stomach? gallbladder? none of the tests found anything. after each test came back with no results, she kept getting more and more hopeless. then, hopeless turned into bitterness. she started acting a little mean towards me. i didnt get it...what happened to my loving girlfriend? i could tell she no longer missed me. i asked her if she missed me..or if seeing me excited her. at this point it had been four months since her symptoms started. she replied, "no i dont miss you ever, i dont miss anything anymore. i dont get excited over anything. my dad could bring me home three horses to care for and i still wouldnt be happy". i know it wasnt my fault...but i blamed it on myself. why couldnt i make my girlfriend happy anymore? i mean, if ANYTHING could do it, shouldnt it be me? i started asking her these questions and every answer made me hurt. and when she realized she hurt me she got mad. it was a viscious cycle. she got mad, i got hurt. it is still going on. then she started pushing me away even more. she got very mean towards me one weekend, and would not even let me touch her. i felt even more unloved and unattractive. it was terrible. but...after all this she still said "i love you" to me at night. what gives? i was so confused. she told me on the sunday i was supposed to leave that she was getting fed up with me and it wasnt my fault but she needed space because she felt smothered. i thought i was doing everything right...i was upset, and i stormed out of the house extremely mad. i drove home that 2 hours crying on the phone with my mother the whole time. i felt like i was losing her. the next day, we started analyzing our relationship. she told me some heartbreaking things that day. she said she was no longer attracted to me. that hurt. she said she wasnt attracted to me, hot movie stars, or anyone at all. i know it wasnt my fault but it hurt so bad to hear that. then something worse. she said that she had never felt a spark with me when she kissed. ever. sounds like a cheesy thing to get upset over...but i was devastated. why would she have dated me and drove 2 hours EVERY OTHER weekend if she didnt feel that? why would she have cried about how much she missed me all the time on the phone, if she didnt feel that. she told me that we would never last in the long run. although before her illness, she used to talk about our life after college and getting a house together. this illness was clearly screwing with her head. i got so offended, that the same night i panicked. i called her on the phone. broke up with her. i felt like she hated me, so it was the logical thing to do. but after it was all said and done, it didnt feel right. it felt like i had just lost the best thing in my life. she cried hysterically, screamed at me, and called me every curseword under the sun. THIS was the FIRST time in a while that i heard her get passionate about something. clearly she DID need me but just couldnt show it. i called back a few times and convinced her that i made a mistake. and here i am, two days later. sydney is still unresponsive, cold, and fed up with me all together. she says my personality annoys her to no end and that she needs her space because she still feels smothered. she has never took back the things she said about no spark, or not being attracted to me, or not missing me.
it has been 4 months since her symptoms started, and as each day goes on, i fear that she gets deeper and deeper into the start of what i think might be depression. she has to take narcotics to get through the day, cant do anything fun, and is losing hope. she has been sick so long, that she has forgotten what it was like to be happy with me. and to be happy in general. i have cried at least once a day for the last two weeks now because of how much she is pushing me away and im so worried that she will not get back to loving me and showing it like she once did. this is taking a huge toll on our relationship. i dont understand why she seems to push me away, and she doesnt understand why i dont understand. i think this illness is to blame but that doesnt help me feel better about not being wanted. can anybody help me out with some advice? i love this girl to death and i am sticking with her but this emotional roller coaster is driving me nuts and im so worried it will never stop
thank you so much for reading, ricky
i met Sydney online. we talked 24/7 and new we had to meet. she lived 2 hours away from me, her in virginia and me in west virginia. i drove to meet this girl one night, taking a huge risk. i thought "what if this isnt even a girl ive been talking to". but i met her and it was a beautiful blonde girl and we fell in love instantly. everything was perfect. we started driving to see each other every weekend, and each weekend both of us missed each other more and more. this carried on for two months and then it all started. we went to olive garden one day. while we were there she got up from the table to puke 5 times. i thought...shes just sick. she ate something bad. i didnt know this was the beginning of something serious. the next weekend came. we went to applebees and had just about the same incident. she started feeling bad all the time. it started with simple things that didnt bother me, like "i dont feel good, can we not go out tonight?". sure, i agreed. i understand. it lasted a while, and eventually we were couch potatoes. but...i didnt really mind. any time spent with her is amazing. then it took a toll on our sex life. it started to hurt her when we tried. she felt bad, and i felt like i was unnatractive to her...but, i didnt let on. i said thats ok. after all, i dont care that much about sex. id rather cuddle with her. thats what we loved to do. the symptoms continued...she took off work and school both at the same time for over a month. she was stuck inside all day every, watching tv and not being able to see anyone. i had no idea what she was going through. she getting getting different tests done to see what was going on ...was it her stomach? gallbladder? none of the tests found anything. after each test came back with no results, she kept getting more and more hopeless. then, hopeless turned into bitterness. she started acting a little mean towards me. i didnt get it...what happened to my loving girlfriend? i could tell she no longer missed me. i asked her if she missed me..or if seeing me excited her. at this point it had been four months since her symptoms started. she replied, "no i dont miss you ever, i dont miss anything anymore. i dont get excited over anything. my dad could bring me home three horses to care for and i still wouldnt be happy". i know it wasnt my fault...but i blamed it on myself. why couldnt i make my girlfriend happy anymore? i mean, if ANYTHING could do it, shouldnt it be me? i started asking her these questions and every answer made me hurt. and when she realized she hurt me she got mad. it was a viscious cycle. she got mad, i got hurt. it is still going on. then she started pushing me away even more. she got very mean towards me one weekend, and would not even let me touch her. i felt even more unloved and unattractive. it was terrible. but...after all this she still said "i love you" to me at night. what gives? i was so confused. she told me on the sunday i was supposed to leave that she was getting fed up with me and it wasnt my fault but she needed space because she felt smothered. i thought i was doing everything right...i was upset, and i stormed out of the house extremely mad. i drove home that 2 hours crying on the phone with my mother the whole time. i felt like i was losing her. the next day, we started analyzing our relationship. she told me some heartbreaking things that day. she said she was no longer attracted to me. that hurt. she said she wasnt attracted to me, hot movie stars, or anyone at all. i know it wasnt my fault but it hurt so bad to hear that. then something worse. she said that she had never felt a spark with me when she kissed. ever. sounds like a cheesy thing to get upset over...but i was devastated. why would she have dated me and drove 2 hours EVERY OTHER weekend if she didnt feel that? why would she have cried about how much she missed me all the time on the phone, if she didnt feel that. she told me that we would never last in the long run. although before her illness, she used to talk about our life after college and getting a house together. this illness was clearly screwing with her head. i got so offended, that the same night i panicked. i called her on the phone. broke up with her. i felt like she hated me, so it was the logical thing to do. but after it was all said and done, it didnt feel right. it felt like i had just lost the best thing in my life. she cried hysterically, screamed at me, and called me every curseword under the sun. THIS was the FIRST time in a while that i heard her get passionate about something. clearly she DID need me but just couldnt show it. i called back a few times and convinced her that i made a mistake. and here i am, two days later. sydney is still unresponsive, cold, and fed up with me all together. she says my personality annoys her to no end and that she needs her space because she still feels smothered. she has never took back the things she said about no spark, or not being attracted to me, or not missing me.
it has been 4 months since her symptoms started, and as each day goes on, i fear that she gets deeper and deeper into the start of what i think might be depression. she has to take narcotics to get through the day, cant do anything fun, and is losing hope. she has been sick so long, that she has forgotten what it was like to be happy with me. and to be happy in general. i have cried at least once a day for the last two weeks now because of how much she is pushing me away and im so worried that she will not get back to loving me and showing it like she once did. this is taking a huge toll on our relationship. i dont understand why she seems to push me away, and she doesnt understand why i dont understand. i think this illness is to blame but that doesnt help me feel better about not being wanted. can anybody help me out with some advice? i love this girl to death and i am sticking with her but this emotional roller coaster is driving me nuts and im so worried it will never stop
thank you so much for reading, ricky
