Depressed.

[funnybunny]

I'm 26. I haven't worked properly since August. Any little bit of stress sends me running to the toilet, which is probably a reason I got fired. And I hate myself because I can't control my diet.
If there's tasty food in front of me... I just can't help myself. I don't know what to do any more

The only thing I've been able to do is never drink normal milk, which was easy because I never really liked it any way.

I suffer from depression (we had a tragic death in the family in July) and since then my flare up has gotten worse and worse and worse.

After 3-4 days of pure hellish agony (I can't even describe it), a miss-diagnosis by my GP, and a horrible 24 hours in the Emergency room being poked and prodded by everyone there, I had surgery to drain a peri-anal abscess at the end of October. It was very painful getting the wound packed every morning (imagine someone sticking a finger into a fresh gun-shot wound) and then a month later I had a second surgery where she inserted a seton stitch to continue draining the fistula, which isn't exactly pain free either. It only drains when I take a difene (which are lethal for the stomach so everyone tells me)

I can barely walk and sitting hurts. I feel like crap physically and emotionally. I can't even keep up a normal life. Sometimes I feel okay-ish and I can meet with friends, but a lot of the time I have to cancel and I feel like a total bitch.

I wish I had the will-power to change my diet and get rid of Crohns for good. This fistula will never heal until I can change my life. But right now, it just feels like what's the point?

 

[Jennifer]

Hi funnybunny. What meds are you on for Crohn's? A change in diet may help with symptoms but is not a cure. Stress is a tough one and often times there's really no way around it. For now just do your best like you've been doing and remember that you're not alone, we're all here for you.

I've had to do wound packing in the past twice a day for a little over a month. It is painful and anything but fun. Sorry you had to go through that.

This down period wont last forever and you will be feeling more like yourself soon. No matter how its achieved I do think remission is possible for everyone so keep your chin up.

Also I know there was a tragedy in your family but since you have Crohn's having all of your vitamin levels tested is a good idea so you're not battling with more than one cause of depression as being low or deficient in certain ones can cause depression etc.

 

[funnybunny]

Hi crabby, thanks for replying.

I'm on Pentasa 3000mg per day, which is the maximum dose allowed. I was on two different types of steroids last year, and they helped at the time, but that didn't last long. People talk about "flare ups" but I've always been sick and had screwed up bowel movements. For me, it's constant. Sure, the pain and diarrhea can vary in severity but it's always there. I can't eat any normal foods. If I was to stick to a pain free diet, i'd eat nothing but tuna lol.

 

[Jennifer]

It sounds very likely that Pentasa may not be the med for you or you may need something added to it (like 6MP etc). I've had a flare that lasted for a little over a year and that's the one that led up to my surgery. Hopefully your GI will be a little more proactive in your treatment so you can avoid surgery or if you feel they aren't listening to you or doing enough then you may want to consider seeing someone else.

 

[funnybunny]

Immune suppressants? I mean, he did mention that... but that sounds extreme to me. I don't think I have the strength for that. Getting bloods done every week? How would I ever hold down a job? What if I got horrible side-effects like the steroids?

God Crohn's is such a freaking nightmare isn't it?

From tomorrow I am banning sugar from my diet. It's the only way I might get some relief. It's going to be so difficult

 

[Jennifer]

I took 6MP for over 15 years and never had any side effects from it. Never got sick more often or anything like that. I had blood work done once a month but some people are able to do it less often than that. I was able to hold down a job when I was on it easy. Its the Crohn's symptoms that make it hard to hold down a job.

It is a nightmare but one a grew up with so I guess that's why I don't really fear any meds.

Good luck with banning sugar, it'll be hard since its practically in everything (hope you don't mean natural sugars too though found in fruits etc) and you'll likely have to make every single meal yourself. Watch out for your stress level, I've noticed that that's one of the main factors when it comes to flares either by starting them or making them worse.

 

[funnybunny]

Thanks for the advice. When I see my GI consultant I'll ask him about 6MP. My surgeon won't even discuss meds with me even though she's a consultant too lol. I guess they just want to share me and get more money (thank God I have insurance that covers the procedures and tests if I'm admitted, but it still costs €100 a pop to see them).

Hmmm.. I find fruit juices far too acidic as it is. If I have orange juice, it just sends me to the toilet. A peeled apple isn't quite as a bad and is lovely to snack on, but still not great for the tummy I find.

I might make myself a nice mixed leaf salad with goats cheese tomorrow. I hopefully I can stomach the goats cheese.

I might buy myself an early Christmas present of a couple of Crohn's cookbooks.
I really need to make 2013 a better year.

 

[jlm]

I agree with Crabby, it's not the meds and tests that make it hard to hold down a job. most places I've encountered are very understanding. I've also been on immunosupressants for 10+ years. I can honestly tell that I personally have no issues in taking them. Even when it comes to prednisone not everyone experiences side effects. Sometimes feeling well is the end result and if you've never know what it feels like to be in remission I think it's time you start pushing your GI into looking for a new technique. It's very frustrating being sick all the time

 

[funnybunny]

well next time I see him I'll mention it. I won't be seeing him for a while though because I'm dealing with my surgeon currently and she won't discuss meds.

 

[biancarose_b]

just wanted you to know that it isnt as bad as u think,being on immuno sups.as long as you get your regular blood test at the docs,and keep an eye on ur diet and supplements,it can help a lot in reducing the other meds you are on.(plus you get regular checkups,i get it done once per month,so you will always know how ur body is tracking). you sound like u feel guilty for ur lack of control around food.dont be,just make small changes slowly and see what helps.

 

[funnybunny]

Thanks biancarose

It's just hard at the moment especially at Christmas where everyone wants to go to restaurants to eat ha. And I can't drink alcohol either **sigh**

Crohn's is such an isolating condition at times.

 

[biancarose_b]

Dont I know it. I'm sitting on the couch after getting up over and over during the night coz i dont want to wake hubby up. And I think sometimes that it is an unattractive condition. Not that any sickness is attractive but it's one of those things that can make u feel super unsexy.
I don't know about u but i dont have that much self control with food either so I find not keeping bad foods in the house and having small but yummy meals over Xmas will mean the only things u miss out on are the portion size and alcohol.

 

[Mary:)]

Immune suppressants? I mean, he did mention that... but that sounds extreme to me. I don't think I have the strength for that. Getting bloods done every week? How would I ever hold down a job? What if I got horrible side-effects like the steroids?

God Crohn's is such a freaking nightmare isn't it?

From tomorrow I am banning sugar from my diet. It's the only way I might get some relief. It's going to be so difficult

When I had my fistula I was immeditaley put on Humira. I was very scared to take it but I was in so much pain that something had to be done. It has been 2 years since then and I have been in remission . Just take one day at a time. I know it can be overwhelming but things will get better. I too have terrible depression from alot of things outside of Crohns but I refuse to give up!!!! There is hope I promise you that :sun:

 

[funnybunny]

Thanks Mary, I see my surgical team tomorrow... but they're not going to give me any drugs or prescribe me Humira without getting my consultant to do another colonoscopy to see how bad I am. The surgical team won't even discuss drugs with me, they only want to look at the wound. Even though my colorectal surgeon is a consultant too, she wouldn't even discuss steroids with me. I wonder if she's afraid she's stealing me from my consultant. I don't care who gives me the drugs, once I get them...

 

[funnybunny]

Ok, I just read the side-effects of Humira, and there's absolutely NO way I'm talking it.
Nausea, vomiting and depression are all very common with it, and don't get me started on the blood cancer warning. No thank you. I'm already depressed enough without those symptoms. I had horrible side-effects from steroids last year, and I refuse to go through that again. Chinese medicine and strict diet for me thank you.

I would rather treat the cause naturally than the symptoms with harsh chemicals. there's Chinese herbs that can cure a "damp spleen" (for those who don't know, the spleen is the organ most involved in our immune systems, and having a damp spleen causes Crohn's symptoms to be much worse).