Did your diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

[kate.flx]

Wow, it sure did for me. I've actually considered a relationship at this point and that is extremely unusual for me! Since I hate dating people around my age, cause of too much immaturity. And since I look so young the men I actually like who are older (only like 5 years, calm down) obviously they don't even look at me. I'm about to sign up for a dating site, for real this is ridiculous I'm beginning to feel depressed. And that's no bueno.

I am having such a bad week. My Remicade infusions always upset me, but I'm still upset from the one 4 days ago.

On the plus side today marks exactly 6 months until I turn 18, high five

 

[Crohns08]

I know what you mean, I was the same way in high school. I wouldn't rush into anything, you're still young and you'll have plenty of time to date. That's just my opinion though

 

[KitD]

Hi Kate,

I was diagnosed when I was 19 and found it very difficult and embarrassing trying to date especially trying to explain why I would not want to go out for a meal or I would not want to use their toilet etc.
It is hard at first, but if the people you are interested in don't understand they are not worth your time or energy.
I have had a few serious relationships since my diagnosis and they have all been very understanding.
My current boyfriend is amazing with the whole thing and very supportive.
Please don't feel alone.
Take Care
xx

 

[KellyJellyBelly]

Well I have to say I felt the exact same way. I was diagnosed when I was 16 and it was really uncomfortable for me to talk about even with my close friends. Who wants to admit " sorry I can't go to the footbLl game because I have some yucky diarrhea and Im not using the school bathroom for that" I dis feel really lonely and depressed because its not a sext subject. ALTHOUGH I will say that the people that did know and that I did confide in became closer to me because of it. take your timeand choose your support group carefully and the benefit will be life changing.

 

[Astra]

Well kids, if I can do it, so can you!
I met my lovely boyf on a dating site nearly 2 years ago, and I never thought in a million years I would find anyone at my age (48 this year) and with a horrid disease to boot.
sooooooooooooo, bring it on!
Go for it girls!
xxx

 

[Keona]

ya Joan... when you gettin' married?
J/K

I can relate to everything here but I know he is out there somewhere

 

[Awbrey]

Agreed, Sometimes things just fall into place. I met my fiance 2 years ago the same time I was feeling horrible found out it was CD. His mom has it as well and he has been my night in shinning armor ;-) Things all work out for the best

 

[Keona]

Awe Awbrey
Things seem to work out when you least expect it huh?

 

[Astra]

Don't know about that Wendy!
Once bitten... eh?
Everything happens for a reason I think, and yours is out there somewhere!
xxx

 

[nomad]

I can relate... Every diagnosis throughout my long journey with Crohn's does make me feel very lonely. Fistulae, stenoses, medication...

Part of the "feeling lonely" is also rooted in a sense of shame. A lot of my crohn's problems revolve around the anal area, which is not exactly the most public body part, and I end up resenting the protagonism my a** gets in my life and even my talks with friends, etc.

 

[teeny5]

It can be lonely. I felt relieved to find out what I had, but then soon realized I knew no one who had this and felt very embarrassed or frustrated when talking to people about it. Now I only talk to a few people about it and always joke about it with my best friend and husband. My monster inside is referred to as "rowr" (imagine the clawing motions that go with it) Giving it a name and making fun of it seems to ease the resentment a bit.

 

[kate.flx]

Thank you ladies makes me feel good to see that things have worked out for you all, it is so frustrating when they don't understand. But I don't think dating someone with Crohns would work out haha wow medical bills would be sooo bad!

It does help that we have this site to come to for support and just for talking. I love that.
And I did in fact meet someone. He's really lonely after losing a close family member so we both really need someone. We've agreed to nothing serious, just to have an amazing summer and then just see what's going on. He's already made me feel better.

 

[nomad]

I ain't no lady, Kate ;-)

 

[jkd1111]

But I don't think dating someone with Crohns would work out haha wow medical bills would be sooo bad!

Well, that and make sure you have two bathrooms! :lol::rof::lol: OK, well I thought it was funny.

You do get to a point that it is what it is....I have Crohn's with fistula and the thought of being with anyone other than my husband just makes my skin crawl....so I told him I had to die first and he could never leave me alone.

There (brushing hands together) that ought to do it!

Guess I'm just in a weird mood today. Tomorrow I will probably be crying about it.

 

[ekay03]

My diagnosis made me feel less crazy!

 

[maxibear]

when i was first diagnosed, i was shocked and just felt like running away, possibly to a beach in australias gold coast, but i could not sit on a plane for 25 hrs, but i was close. now, i just try to hang on, take one day at a time

 

[Jennifer]

I was 9 when I was diagnosed and felt VERY lonely. I didn't want to tell anyone at school for fear of being made fun of or of people shunning me thinking that they would catch it. I think the diagnosis is what made me keep very few close friends rather than traveling in the groups with the more popular kids. By the time I started dating I wouldn't tell the guy that I had Crohn's until I felt I could trust them but I always told them the second they asked me out (then I could know if they were worth dating or not). Luckily for me none of them cared and were only interested in learning what it was and after they knew, they treated me like anyone else, normal.

 

[cherry]

Yes, I can relate to this too I was 11 when I was diagnosed, just starting secondary school (middle school in US?) So that put together with all the stress of starting a new school was horrible. Plus, I didn't know anyone who had Crohn's either.
It's funny; Most people don't know diseases like CD exist until they are diagnosed themselves...

 

[sawdust]

I wouldn't say that it has made me feel more lonely, per se, but it has made me overly conscientious about how others feel about me. No matter how hard I might try to explain things, people in my life can relate to me about the illness, but not quite like we all understand each other. It's this gap that makes me constantly wonder and overcompensate for what the gap between what I think they think and what I know, if that makes any sense.

Not that having a chronic illness is a good thing, but trying to see it in a sort of positive light, you'll likely be much more sure that you've found the exact right person for you than most, no?

 

[Ataraxia]

Hi, Kate.

Yeah, of course you're gonna be lonely (and confused at first) when you find out you have Crohn's, or any other illness for that matter. But you'll be amazed how many people come out of the woodwork when you tell them you have Crohn's.

I, for one, discovered that quite a large number of my friends had been living with Crohn's, secretly for a number of years, and were afraid to tell anyone about it.

One thing I've learnt is that Crohn's actually inspires people to come together. You may not believe it now, but you will in time. That's one positive for you.

 

[Absentminded]

I didnt feel lonely at all. My Mum has UC and my Dad has multiple sclerosis, so if anything me being dx with Crohn's brought us as a family closer together. There's a mutual respect there for what each of us has to deal with.

I'm not afraid to tell people that I have it either. I'm not proud of having crohn's, but I'm definitely not ashamed or embarrassed about it! I am however very proud of what I have achieved in spite of it!

P.s. I'd been with my fiancee for 4 years when I was dx. He's stuck with me through everything, which hasn't been easy, especially with the pred induced mania!! And the hospital admissions and accompanying me for colonoscopies!

 

[Bren]

alienated from the family

:sign0085: My Husbands family reject me and i feel really badly for my Husband and my Daughters. I do not complain about my health or even mention it if i am asked.

I live in Netherlands now and visiting family (the houses are small and closed up especially in winter to keep in the heat) Every one smokes and the smoke filled houses would really take it's toll on me. On top of that i do not drink so that is frowned upon, on top of that everyone serves cream cakes or fatty snacks (basically everything is fried) and i can not indulge and politely decline.

We allocated our kitchen as our smoking room in our little shoe box house.

I became really ill again so we decided to let the family know about the Crohn's My Husband will get a phone call to ask him to go to play pool or eat or a birthday celebration and he will be specifically asked to exclude me. (only him and my daughters). I really feel crappy about this.

Darn it, i am actually irritated. My Sister in law wines all the time about everything... her excuse bi polo. I do not judge her. Every one falls over themselves supporting her.
I am afraid and angry... sorry i do not know exactly how i feel. I know i am uncertain how to handle this situation???
:ybatty: Lol! i think i am over thinking it all again.

 

[Jennifer]

I'm sorry Bren, that all sounds terrible. Some people are just inconsiderate. If it were me, I'd voice my opinion and if they want to argue about it or put you down, then just get up and walk away. As far as not being invited goes, that's just flat out rude. I'd get on my husband's case about that. You're part of the family too whether they like it or not. No one said you had to like the other person's family but there's a level of respect that's missing on their part and your husband's if he chooses to leave you behind and takes your daughters but not you. Simply outrageous!

 

[RFarmer]

OMG yes. A good half of my friends ditched me after getting sick. One of my better friends ditched me after I told him it was Crohn's. I couldn't go out anymore. Or do anything. I used to be really friendly and social too, now I'm angry and tired and definitely not one to befriend. But that's okay. I've decided that anyone who ditches me because I'm sick can suck it.


:crab:


My crab, that is.

 

[social me]

Hi Kate, Yes I feel very lonely and this week has been hard for me. You are not alone and I can see that as I am the 24th post. WOW! Even though you are lonely and you have every right to feel that way, we are always here to listen ( or in this case read) but we are here and you are not alone!! Hope you feel better and smile soon.

 

[Keona]

I feel less lonely. I say that because I was tired of hearing from doctors that they didnt know what it was or that it was IBS or all in my head, etc, etc. Makes me feel sane knowing there is a name for it and now that it is named, even though I am still waiting to find out the extent.. I know there is treatment available... the stomach pain and constipation is strictures and the fullness is inflammation...etc..etc... it helps to know Im not the only one for sure and to get ideas from others as to what they do to cope.
When I am with my friends, I try to limit the amount of time I spend talking about it - even though I feel like it does consume my thoughts sometimes. I am getting better at this ... but still a work in progress.