Does your child get upset/frustrated easily during stomach aches?

[Irene3]

My little girl is 8y old. She's always been polite, and 'nice', but for a while now, she sometimes has a really bad attitude. The way she speaks...I try to sympathize that she has a tummy ache, but sometimes I think 'should I be more firm' ect?
Do any of you have these issues with your children? I don't mean an occasional childish tantrum, I mean, on a daily basis, correlating with her 'bowel aches' (she calls them), she can speak so mean. She started crying the other day, saying mummy I don't want to speak grumpy to you, I just get so frustrated. I told her I loved her just as much, and I don't want to let her have a bad attitude, but at the same time, she's 8, with stomach aches. ???

 

[izzi'smom]

when dd is not feeling well I have HUGE behavioral issues with her. Attitude, weepiness, rudeness. I was shocked when she was adymptomatic for 5 weeks at what a sweet, sunny child she was (I had forgotton-she used to be like that all of the time). While I think they deserve a few concessions for their disease, I try to teach her that it is important to be polite regardless of how she feels-as an adult, i can't use "i feel poorly" as an excuse for bad behavior, so I expect her to step up as well.

 

[Irene3]

Thank you... I remind her to speak nicely, and I know she can be soooo thoughtful and polite, so when she's being rude, I worry about her. I stress she could have crohns, what if the pains really bad, blah blah, and then I just try to calm her, but when I react firmly, she feels bad, like her crying the other day.
Thanks though, it helps to know other children are alike in similar circumstances :/

 

[crohnsinct]

Ha! Even my healthy kids get crappy so I think kids just get crappy but yes, after 4 1/2 months of being sick my 12 year old got REAL crappy last week. I tried just telling her to treat us nicer blah blah blah but what she was looking for was confirmation that we understood what she was going through. So the conversation went something like, we all understand "this" stinks but you may not take it out on the family.

Bless your daughter's heart. She seems to understand that her pain is causing her attitude. Maybe give her some plan next time she feels that way...go to a quiet room, lay down...maybe you can cuddle with her sometimes...rub her belly...turn the yucky painful times into a little something special, Haha but then my little one would be faking Crohns so that would probably backfire on me.

 

[Suzysu]

Freddy is the same (all be it much younger) - he can be the loveliest sweetest giggly little toddler then all of a sudden he changes into the toddler from hell!! - including being aggressive towards me and the other children - It is so frustrating as you don't want to let them get away with bad behaviour but if it's because they are in pain you don't want to tell them off - so hard

 

[jmckinley]

YES! Ryan is so "whatever" when he is flared. Rude, easily upset, grumpy about doing anything or being social. At first I thought it was the teenager thing, but when he is well it goes away. I miss my smiley kid so much.

 

[kimmidwife]

Caitlyn is the same way. I think when they are in pain they lose their tolerance for things and who can blame them? Also prednisone makes it twice as bad. is your daughter on that?

 

[my little penguin]

WE have a lot of that here- but as I tell his teachers/coaches..
This is chronic so unfortunately -he has to learn to still behave under these conditions.
Not fair but....it is what it is.

 

[Irene3]

Hi Kim. No, jas hasn't been diagnosed with ibd. She's has tummy aches for a few years, and I'll be taking her to a gi in a few months. Just keeping a symptoms journal for now, but I get so stressed about her when she says she's sore. :/

 

[Devynnsmom]

My daughter is 10 and she has bad days where she is very grumpy, rude, mean you name it. BUT she is much better than she was before she was diagnosed with IBD. She was diagnosed at 8 years old. When she was younger she was horrible, I know it was because of how awful she was feeling and I feel terrible that I didn't know that at the time. I really in my heart thought she had some kind of mental issues. I had her to the dr, psychologist. She would throw horrible tantrums, scream, hit me, swear.. then we found out she had Crohn's and within 2 weeks of starting her meds (pentasa) she was a different kid. She still has her moody, miserable foot stomping days but not like before.

 

[crohnsinct]

very grumpy, rude, mean you name it. She would throw horrible tantrums, scream, hit me, swear..

Our doc tells us that mal nutrition will do this to the kids also not just the misery from being sick. That is why prior to diagnosis it is really so bad. Something anout nerve sheathing in the brain being stripped away. I remember O being down right irrational and psychotic. It was really scary.

 

[Devynnsmom]

Oh wow, I've never heard that before but it makes perfect sense. Devynn was scary. I really thought something was *wrong*. I hated myself for thinking that way, but I never let anyone (other than her dr's in private) know I was feeling that way. I felt like I was failing her because no matter what I did, she was absolutely awful for me. At school, friends houses etc she was the perfect child. She has excellent manners, was sweet etc. But the minute I picked her up it was like something snapped and I got every single ounce of her fury. I was so afraid she was going to hurt herself or someone else.

 

[crohnsinct]

Oh yeah...after O's diagnosis I was talking with a friend who's daughter was anorexic. She said her doc said the same thing. Her daughter made holes in their walls from throwing things and they used to have to lock the doors to keep her contained. This girl was a beautiful angel that you would never suspect such behavior of. Amazing how their behavior changes when they get the nutrition they need and it is actually absorbed.

 

[Devynnsmom]

Yes, it is amazing. My daughter gets very upset when someone brings up her behaviour before diagnosis. I keep telling her it wasn't her fault, she was not well and we didn't realize it. She is such a different child now.

 

[Irene3]

It helps to know there's so many others that have/had the same probs, while their child has tummy issues. It worries me, then I sometimes think I need to be more firm.... For now, Im just going to give her extra fiber (constipation issues) fish oil, and I plan to trial dairy free with her, and then wheat free, while keeping a symptoms diary. I fugure when I take her to see a pedi gi, by then, I'll be able to see if they make any diff to her symptoms. I just hope it's slow digestion, but she complains about pain daily. Sometimes I can tell she really must be feeling that well in the tummy, and sometimes she seems ok, but says there's still a dull ache there. Always behind and around the belly button, which is where my crohns pain was the worst, besides the ileum on the right which part was recsected. I read about little kids on here having surgery so young, and it stresses me so bad when she says she's sore, and it's the reason I can't just yell at her to behave etc...because she's normally so polite and loving, and I'm so stressed it's the bowel issue, wether ibd or what. Anyway, thanks for all the responses xo

 

[DustyKat]

My children weren't that young when they had to deal with daily pain and I didn't have these issues so I think age certainly plays a part in this, bless them...:hug:

Chronic pain is such a debilitating thing and I think at that age children can have difficulty expressing exactly what they are feeling so tend to act out instead. My son had other issues around that age, not pain related, and I know that he found it really difficult to express what he was feeling and instead would get angry, stomp around and generally have attitude. Home is their comfort zone, a place to act, say and feel as they wouldn't anywhere else because they know your love is unconditional and you are a constant when other things in their life are scary and out of their control.

You will find strategies to deal with this. It may be that you tell her you understand her frustration or just listen or leave her be to get it out of her system or sit and give her some Mummy time...
Of course there will be times when behaviour is bang out of order regardless but I think most of the time our kids need to let down their guard in a safe place and often this is the only way they know how.

Dusty. xxx