Fiance diagnosed and it's destroying our relationship

Crohn's Disease Forum

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Joined
Jun 24, 2012
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My fiance was recently diagnosed with Crohn's disease. He got a fistula on his tush over a year ago, and after a surgery and a colonoscopy, he was diagnosed with Crohn's (about a year after the fistula appeared). It took him a long time to accept the Crohn's diagnosis, but he finally did and went on Pentasa and Humira. After a month and a half on Humira, he developed blurred vision and was recently diagnosed with optic neuritis as a side effect of the Humira.

It sucks. A lot. And he doesn't have good health insurance, so he and his father have had to pay a LOT out of pocket.

What's worse (in my opinion) is his mental health. He's always struggled with depression, and lately it has gotten really, really bad. He has broken off our engagement twice, afterwards admitting that he wants to push me away so that when he kills himself, it won't hurt as much.

I'm trying so hard to be supportive, and I've asked him to go to therapy (he hasn't yet, but I have hope that he might). I'm seeing a therapist to deal with all of this. Does anyone have advice for me? Did you go through this with your partner as well? What do you wish your partner had done to support you?
 
When I was dating my husband, I was upfront with my Crohn's and ileostomy. I told him that I volunteered at the local CCFA and ostomy chapter to assist others who have IBD and are facing ostomy surgery.

He immediately told me that he wanted to attend both support group meetings to educate himself. That really impressed me as most guys shy away. We went for a whole year to the meetings and he learned what to do for me in case of a blockage (that came in handy when I had one at his apartment 3 months into the relationship), what to do when I flare, what tests are involved, etc.

Check out www.ccfa.org and click on locate a chapter. They have educational meetings where you can talk to drug reps, listen to GI surgeons on the latest advancements, hear therapists talk about dating/marriage/sex, etc. Then there are the support groups where everyone who has IBD can bring their family/friends. There is usually a moderator and everyone gets to swap war stories, share their experience, and discuss which MDs and hospitals are the best to get treated for Crohn's/UC.

Definitely check it out. Knowledge is power. The more you know, the easier it is to deal with. good luck. ~GW
 
feel free to PM me if you have any questions. good luck.

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here's the information from CCFA site for you.


CCFA Support Group: Chicago, IL
1653 W Congress Pkwy
Chicago, IL 60612
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:
Wednesday, 6:30 -8:00 pm, every other month

Rush University Medical Center

CCFA Support Group: Evanston, IL
1703 Orrington Ave
Evanston, IL 60201
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:

Evanston Public Library

CCFA Support Group: Glenview, IL
Glenview, IL
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:
Tuesday, 7:00 - 8;00 pm, every other month

Glenbrook Hospital

CCFA Support Group: Naperville, IL
1105 Catalpa Ln
Naperville, IL 60540
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:
Wednesday, 7:45-8:45 pm, every other month

Knox Presbyterian Church

CCFA Support Group: Park Ridge, IL
1775 Dempster St
Park Ridge, IL 60068
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:
Thursday, 7:30 - 9:30 pm, every month

Lutheran General Hospital, Room #1064

CCFA Support Group: Peoria, IL
530 NE Glen Oak Ave
Peoria, IL 61603
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:
Thursday, check with chapter, 2012 meeting dates:February 23, 2012, April 26, 2012, June 28, 2012, August 23, 2012, October 25, 2012

St. Francis Medical Center

CCFA Support Group: Worth, IL
11500 S Beloit Ave
Worth, IL 60482
Illinois Carol Fisher Chapter
(847) 827.0404
[email protected]
Meets:
Wednesday, 7:00 - 9:00 pm, every month

Worth Park District
 
Hi there and welcome :) I'm so sorry to hear of your situation :(

It sounds like your fiance has uncontrolled Crohn's Disease. If it's so bad that he's talking suicide, then things need to change, and FAST. Get him back to his doctor to evaluate treatment changes. If that doctor isn't receptive to the problems he's experiencing, then get another doctor. In addition, there are vitamin and mineral deficiencies that are common in people with Crohn's Disease that can cause feelings of depression or worsen existing symptoms. A big one is vitamin B12. Do you know if he has been tested for it?

We're here for you and your fiance.

*hugs*
 

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