Help me help my wife please part 2

[perfectpopup]

hi , this is only my second time posting on here , last time was brilliant so hoping for some wise words or maybe a kick in the arse !!!

well my wife is doing well,after seeing her ibd nurse and consultant , (which i attended with her !!) he has decided to put her on an immune surppresent, azthi,,the full name escapes me as i write..sorry!!

My concerns still arise from my wifes weight issues , i spoke to the nurse and asked if there was anything my wifes condition was deprieving her of ,she said she could not see anything stand out , which i think is agood thing!!!

then on seeing the consultant he seemed to think my wifes weigth gain(3-4lb in four months , which is better than nothing) was not good enough ,,

The point i suppose i am trying to make is that am concerned he has altered her drugs to try and help with my wifes weight , but in all honesty my wife though going through a very good spell has done little to moniter her condition or watch her diet .

I am my wifes biggest supporter and i love her deeply , but as we all now not only do we get to say the good things we also get lumbered with pointing out the not so nice things .

i have tried to encourage her to keep a diary , watch her diet , maybe record her calories and food she enjoys more than others , drink plenty of water , but the moment i suggest this up goes the wall !!! then i am guilty at times of losing my cool and i know it does not help but that is all i am trying to do !!!

just feel that why my wifes symptoms are at bay , she should be pushing her self a little harder , to build her self up a bit for when times are not so good !!!

Though i would swap with my wife at a moments notice i feel she is lucky in a degree because reading what some people have to go through , she is no where near that yet ,

Very hard for her i know , but hard to not know what to say or do !! i dont want to just be a sit back partner , what sort of husband would that make me ,

suggestions good , bad or ugly will all be greatly recieved

 

[nitty]

Hi! I'm certainly no expert on this as I have only had Crohn's for about 18 months, and I didn't suffer from any extreme weight loss (just about 5-6lbs during a flare).

On the medical side, from what I have learned, doctors now take a more proactive approach towards treating IBD (they have learnt from the treatment of diseases like rheumatoid arthritis that if they mess about with milder treatments for too long, then by the time they get the big guns out the damage is too much to repair). I resisted Azathioprine, but my flare made me realise that if I didn't get on top of this condition it would very soon get the better of me! It takes up to three months to have full effect, but for me it has returned me to an almost totally normal way of life. So I don't think the doctor has necessarily acted too rashly here.

Speaking for myself, I am also not the best for taking advice from my other half, especially if I feel he is telling me I'm doing something wrong. Do you have the time to manage things in a more subtle (subversive!) way? For example, if her appetite is still not great she may not feel like preparing particularly nutritious food. Are you any good at cooking so you could spoil her with some meals that she may feel more inclined to eat - because a) she didn't have to cook them and b) her lovely husband has made the effort so it would be rude not to. How about treating yourselves to a meal out once a week, or even once a fortnight?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you should try to forget about calories and weight gain and do what you can to just enjoy food and the eating of it. Make it a positive experience and not a battleground, otherwise she could just become resentful and dig her heels in even more.

Obviously your wife should keep an eye on her weight occasionally to make sure she is not losing any more, but I suspect that if you go for a more positive approach towards eating in general, then you may find the weight goes on eventually anyway without having to force the issue.

[Also allow time for residual inflammation to go down and for the bowel to fully recover itself, too.]

It's great that you are concerned and want to do what you can to help her. Just remember that sometimes less is more!

Good luck!

 

[Trysha]

If I get pressured to eat more or that I should be including certain foods I just get annoyed and stubborn----------ie its my body and I'll do it my way!
Some of us are made this way and not only are we upset at a forever diagnosis but all the ramifications that go with it.We just want to be well again with as few interventions as possible.
Appetite loss is one of the most difficult things to deal with.
As the previous poster suggested it requires a bit of subversion to introduce appropriate and appetising foods in small amounts.Also the idea of occasionally going out to eat might help her .You could also discuss food preferences.
Your wife may currently be having numerous thoughts racing through her head, like how am I to cope with this diagnosis and everything that goes with it, what foods can I find to eat and enjoy etc.
Once she has started the azathioprine treatment she may gradually regain appetite and energy
but it is a drug that takes time to click in to maximum effectiveness.
Eventually there may be some weight gain but my suggestion would be to leave that one up to the docs to discuss with her.
You are a very kind and loving person to want to help so much and are to be commended.
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha

 

[sanni]

Firstly its so good you suport your wife in this way. Keep it up. I love the ideas suggested that you cook her a meal or take her out once in a while. I know I would like that. When I am tired or dont feel like eating cooking is the last thing I want to do.

Losing your apetite is hard. Some days you just dont want to eat anything. Sadly low nutrition makes it so you lose your apetite so its really important to get her nutrition levels up. She will feel better and get her apetite back too. I would suggest a nutrition drink that can be gotten from a pharmacy. These have all the things a body needs in a form that is easy to absorb even with an infection and will help her feel better. Maybe to get her to sip one drink a day in small sip through out the day. Just to get a bit extra. Get her to do it dayly for one week and then see from there if she can continue. Not everyone likes the taste of them so it may be hard.

Good luck.