Help with a depressed teenager

[Kaitlyn]

My 18 year old son Matthew is becoming depressed. He recently had a small flare up which he had to miss his high school graduation which really got him down. He seemed to get over it though untill about last thrusday when he started getting depressed again . he is going off to college in a month so I think he is a bit scared about that and sad because he wanted to play football in college but he had to quit when he was 16 because of his Crohn's it was just to draining . So he is kinda going off to school and not doing what he always wanted to do. He keeps telling me how he just wants to be normal he hates having this stupid disease I just feel so bad for him I just don't know how to help him I wish I could i just don't know what to do he just sleeps and watches tv and some times he just sits there in silence he never wants to do anything. :sign0085:

 

[Amy2]

My son is kind of in the same place. When one is young and sick, you feel cheated, but the more time you spend dwelling on that fact, the more life you get cheated out of.

I'm currently searching for a good therapist for my son to speak to...

 

[positivemum]

Has he got supportive friends? They are helping my son get through it and he is 14. It's awful for them and so hard. I know where you are coming from

 

[guest78]

Hey
I was diagnosed with Crohns when I was 16 so I know how tough it is to live with disease when you are young. My brother was diagnosed aged 12 and is now 16.
Speaking from experience getting out the house and still doing things with friends is key. Even it is low energy. It is so important to still feel connected to 'real'/'normal' life.
I had some counselling to deal with the disease and everything that comes with it - its tough emotionally and he shouldn't be ashamed if he wants to talk it out with someone. A lot of people also have anti anxiety or anti depressants to help cope with it all.
Its hard to deal with having Crohns on top of dealing with the usual problems of being a teenager.
If he ever needs someone to talk to whos around his age (im 21) im happy to help, i also have a blog about dealing with the disease which may be a comfort. sometimes its just good to know you arent the only one dealing with it all.
xxx

 

[Jenn]

So sorry to hear about your son. Have his GI him a therapist referral. There is also this site for teens:
http://www.ucandcrohns.org/

 

[Tesscorm]

It must be so hard for you to see him like this!

Sometimes vitamin/mineral deficiencies can affect emotional well-being as well as fatigue. I was recently very low on iron (not crohns related) and, in hindsight, I can see that it was affecting my outlook! This is certainly not the ONLY answer to how he's feeling but might be a contributing factor??? I'll tag Dusty and David... they may be able to suggest specific vitamins/minerals to be tested. The forum wiki also has quite a bit of info relating to vitamins/minerals.

I can also well imagine his disappointment re football!!! My son would feel the same way re his hockey. I know he'll probably view it as 'second' best but perhaps if you and he can get some info re the athletics at university, you might be able to make him see it's an opportunity to explore new experiences. A friend's son played soccer his entire life, once his youth league ended (at 18), he began to join other sports - he now regrets that he never explored other sports and is loving the variety. Granted this boy wasn't 'forced' into this change by illness :voodoo: but, perhaps you can help your son see that there might be other sports he'll enjoy. Also, does his school have an intramural football league - these are often less intense/demanding than the competitive leagues (this is what my son plans to do with hockey).

Re the new school in general... does it have any upcoming 'visitor' or 'introductory' weekends or events? I know my son is hoping to register for an upcoming weekend event at his university which includes a weekend at the dorm, guided tours through the facilities and some social events to meet other new students. Does his school have anything like that? My son has also found some online forums re his new school and has already 'met' some students... Perhaps this might boost up his interest/excitement at going away to school??

Hope some of this helps... I'm sure it's heartbreaking for you to see him sad. :ghug:

 

[sickofcrohns]

Also make sure he gets in touch with the Disability/Accessibility office at his college. They will make his life a lot easier -- he won't have to explain his issues to each professor individually -- the office does that for you. It can also put him in touch with mentors who can help him both through the normal first-year anxieties and the ones unique to Crohn's.

Chances are that he will be able to access services now that he has his acceptance letter, so contact the school and see if they can put him in touch with someone.

 

[Kimberly27]

Hi! Hugs!!

My son is 17 1/2 and was diagnosed in Nov. The flare and all the complications were tough to be sure, but I think interacting with his depression was scarier. I just felt so helpless. He didn't go on antidepressants (I did!), but he did see a counselor. Perhaps you can set up counseling sessions through the disability office at his university before school even starts, so that he is all set to go. In hindsight, I would have given my son medication.

What about going to the local animal shelter and walking dogs or snuggling cats? Would anything like that help him?

I feel for you. Wishing you the best. Hang tough, Mom!

Kimberly

 

[DustyKat]

Thanks Tess.

Hey Kaitlyn,

Where is your son's Crohn's located?

These are the main levels I would recommend and more particularly so if there is ileal or small bowel disease due to the increased risks of malabsorption that occur when this area of the bowel is affected:

B12
Iron Studies
Vitamin D
Magnesium
Zinc

Treating deficiencies that may be present can help relieve/resolve some symptoms, including depression, and can provide a better overall feeling of wellness.

I don't understand how your college system works in relation to sport but is he not able to play football at all?
My son loves his soccer and I think one of the things that really helped him through some really tough times was even when not playing just hanging out with his sporting mates on the sideline.

Thinking of you mum. :ghug:

Dusty. xxx

 

[Crohny Alex]

I went through a similar phase when I was a little older, it was tough and I was totally against getting medical help, what I will say is that since having ant-depressant tablets afterwards I wish that someone had pushed me more into talking to a doctor and getting help.
Aside from that the best thing you can do is be supportive and try and be as open with your feelings as possible, that may help him open to you.

 

[LBwillia]

why the hell are we stuck with this? what goes wrong in the first place to leave us with all this suffering? i feel like i was in the same place when i was heading of to college its really not a nice feeling to be struck down at such a young age i have grown to deal with it now but havent to the fact that so many people are in similar situations, this sucks!!

oh im new by the way hi! 'LB'

 

[Kaitlyn]

Thanks for the advice everybody really appreciate it he does have a good group of friends that he has had all his life but he pretty much blows them off they always try to get him out he just doesn't want to go anywhere. He refused to talk to someone last time but maybe I can try and talk to him maybe about a seeing counselor I mean I really can't force him to go. I know the football thing really bothered him considering he had been playing since he was 5 and then seeing is other brothers and friends still get to play kinda depresses him he still played baseball until this year because that wasn't very hard on him he also played basketball in his sophomore year ( he really only played those sports to do something and also please his father) I think this year was a bad year with everything going on with him because he was very stressed with school( he is student council president) which only made him sicker at times. Also missing his graduation didn't help. I just don't know how I can make him feel better but I think maybe talking to someone will be good for him so I'm going to try and talk to him about it maybe he will just try . I wish there was a way he could play football but there isn't and thanks Tesscorm and Dusty I think I'm going to get some vitamins for him see if that helps

 

[Clash]

I would definitely get him tested for the vitamin deficiencies Dusty mentioned. My son went through something similar. We had his vitamin levels checked and he was extremely deficient in Vitamin D(common in CD'ers). We had to know what his level was to know how much we needed to supplement and we have his levels checked every six months to make sure we are supplementing sufficiently.

 

[crohnsinct]

My son has also found some online forums re his new school and has already 'met' some students... :ghug:

Really? Who makes friend's on a forum? :hug: