How to tell friends I have Crohn's?

[DontForgetToSmile]

Hey everyone, I've been recently diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. The other day I tried to tell one of my best friends that I have Crohn's, I thought she would at lest have sympathy for me. But what she said was "oh well a long time ago I had to go to the hospital because I had blood in my stool, I just took some medicine then I was fine. You should take medicine! And I've never told anyone this but the doctor touched my bum! So what you have isn't that bad!" ... This friend is usually only caring about herself, but It really hurt me because she took what I was telling her as a joke now I'm scared to tell anyone else. Anyway, I feel really alone right now and my confidence isn't that great. I imagine I'm not the only one. how would you make new friends and feel more confident with Crohn's? Also how should I go about telling my other friends?

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I think she is probably the exception, like you said she is self centered. People I have told have been very accepting. Of course nobody can truly know what you are going through. Maybe a crohns group would be a good place to make new friends.

 

[shanni]

Hi Don'tForget, I'm new to the forum too. I was diagnosed a couple years ago and was so freaked out I didn't tell anyone outside of family for months. When I did start telling friends, most were very supportive. But I was also pretty selective - not all my friends know even now and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. When you're struggling and you know someone is likely to make you feel worse, it's not worth it. That said, we all need support. I agree with nogutsnoglory - I ended up here because even my supportive friends don't really understand like people who have also gone through it. I hope you find the support you need!

 

[Jim (POPS)]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Pepoe that don't have crohns really don't understand and we shouldn't expect them to, or we shouldn't. Crohns is a very complex issue. I tell the people that seem like they really care about me and if I find out whie telling them that they think its just like the flu, i change what we are talking about and get out of there as soon as I can..

 

[GutlessWonder86]

Hi Don't,

Welcome. My heart goes out to you. I had 2 BFF's, 1 from grade school and one from college, and after 20 some years, M. just didn't care about what I was going through and Chris became totally self absorbed. I was always there for her but when I had my stroke she had the nerve to ask me to make bday invites for her gram's party. When I told her that I was recovering from being paralyzed on my right side, she blew up at me. Then when my FIL died, she never came over, called or emailed. I was so angry and hurt by her actions as I was ALWAYS there for her including her niece's head surgery, marital issues, and work problems.

Then out of the blue it was like she only called when she wanted a favor. When I finally said NO, she stopped all contact for many months and then she tried it again asking for favors and I was like, I'm not well and can't help you. I thought she'd be there for me and she wasn't.

I have made so many amazing friends through the local Crohn's support group and ostomy support groups. They come from many walks of life and truly understand what I was going through.

Now I only tell my closest friends who've seen me at my worst. If it's just an acquaintance, I only tell them as a need to know basis or I just give an excuse. They don't need to know.

Take care and know that everyone here is amazing and will be there for you.

HUGS!! GW

 

[alex_chris]

Not everyone knows what Crohn's is, so they might just not realize it that it's not a simple cold or a rash etc.

Personally, I didn't tell any of my friends for years. Then at some point I just said "why not?" I haven't really had anyone react strangely. I also don't go around saying "nice to meet you, did you know I have Crohn's disease?" I've told all my close friends and the people in my team at work know, but because there isn't much in terms of sick days (I haven't taken a sick day since February 2012) or other problems, I think a lot have just forgotten - sometimes when I order things they don't order or say I rather not eat something at launch, they are reminded.

Anyway, good friends are supportive. People who take things as a joke although you make it clear its something more series either just don't know better or in some cases just aren't sensible enough to get it.

 

[ProspectorsQuartet]

This is your BIG RAKE moment. All the fake friends/family will show their real identity and fall away. You will be closer to the real ones than you ever were before.

Let nature take its course.

 

[Ya noy]

You should just take medicine, huh? And homeless people should all just get jobs, alcoholic should just stop drinking, and shouldn't everyone just leave their cheating, abusive spouses, right? If only life was that simple.

Empathy requires the ability not only to understand, but to identify--which requires the ability to place yourself into the shoes of another fully and completely. Most of us imagine we are capable of doing this, but the reality is that our beleifs are shaped by our own personal experiences. We think we know, but if it hasn't happened to you, then you really have no clue. This especially applies to situations which are devastatingly traumatizing.

If your friend is young, very likely she has not yet experienced any life altering traumas, and honestly doesn't know any better. It doesn't necessarily make her a "bad" person or uncaring friend. You can attempt to provide an explanation, but it is simply not possible for her to grasp the enormity of your sitution. Without any similar experience, she does not possess a basis for comparison that would enable her to identify. Until that day comes (when and if), she probably won't either.

Yes, we can still sympathize, but empathy goes both ways. As human beings, we all tend to learn by experience, and should never attribute to malice, that which can be explained by ignorance.