C
chachi
Guest
Current mood: depressed
Category: reflective Life
I have a tale to tell. It is not one that comes easy or one that people will be comfortable with. I write this tale with tears in my eyes, for those close to me do not know this tale.
A few know, but don't know all of it. The anniversary of the tale is coming soon. It will be three years in February.
Before you go on: WARNING: I am going to write in explicit detail. So if you don't want to know or you don't think you have the stomach for medical stuff, don't read further. For those who want to hear this tale, here it is:
Some of you may know that I have Crohn's Disease and some of you may not know. Some of you may be saying "what the fuck is Crohn's Disease?" I'll tell you. Its a chronic inflammation of the digestive system that can occur anywhere from the mouth or the anus (that's the ass hole). I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 24 years old after having bloody bowel movements, rectal fistulas, fevers, and fatigue. From age 24 to age 28, my disease was well controlled. I would have minor flare ups (having to go to the bathroom often, bleeding, etc), but they would go away and I was only hospitalized once during this time. Friends of mine may have known something was wrong because I would literally eat Immodium before going on a train, a car, or a long walk because the fear of having to go was overwhelming. If you knew me in Philadelphia you may have seen me running. Not because I was trying to get in shape, but because I was trying to get to my house in time before "it" came out. There was no controlling "it" when that happened.
I went to grad school, got a good job in a hospital in Philadelphia, purchased a house and thought I was in for a good life. All I thought I needed was a boyfriend (for those who don't know, I'm gay....big surprise I know).
In late December of 2003, I had a flare of the disease and went to see my doctor at the hospital where I worked. This doctor turned out to be a complete idiot and a homophobe. I knew I had a fever, I knew I was dehydrated from going to the bathroom so many times. He never examined me, sent me home with prednisone (a common treatment) and that was it. He did however bill my insurance company for a complete physical and evaluation (I learned this later). I did have a fever and went to my primary care doctor later that day (it was Dec 23rd). My primary care doctor was surprised at what I had told her in terms of the lack of attention my GI doc paid to me. She told me to stay home from work at least for a week and call if things got worse. I stumbled through the holidays as best I could that year. Not feeling well at all. On New Years Day of 2004, I spent the entire day shitting. Not just shitting, but shitting blood. I went to work on the 2nd and collapsed because I was dehydrated. I was sent to the emergency room of the hospital I worked for and was admitted. Unfortunately, the doctor that treated me doubted that this was a Crohn's flare up and stated that the bleeding was most likely due to an "internal hemmoroid." She discharged me home.
Fast forward 6 days after discharge. I developed an anal fistula, a sure sign that serious Crohn's was going on. I went to my GI's office who doubted this was a fistula, until he saw it. Doctors should never doubt their patients and when they do...you better run as you will see. This doctor suggessted I have a Remicaide infusion. Remicaide is a drug administered through an IV in a place where people get chemotherapy. For some it works well, for others its a disaster. I had had an infusion of this in 2001, but the doctor failed to realize that the body will develop antibodies to the drug if not given often. Since it was 2 years antibodies were in my system but he gave me the infusion anyway. As a result of the infusion, I got sicker. The bleeding didn't stop and I developed a "lupus syndrome." By the time I drove myself to the emergency room from my house, my face had swelled, my hands swelled and I could not walk. I had a very high fever, was vomiting, and could not move for every bone and muscle in my body was in pain. After waiting 4 hours to get onto a bed, I got morphine, but that didn't stop the pain. The nurse tried to get me to get into a wheelchair, but I couldn't move. They had to carry me from the exam bed to the wheelchair. My GI doc came in to see me in the ER (after I spent the night in agony there). He refuted my claim that I had an allergic reaction to the drug. He said I had the flu. He didn't want to admit me, but went ahead because I couldn't move. Blood tests showed I was positive for Lupus. As several days went by, the pain got less and the swelling went down. However, the bleeding from the Crohn's got worse. On Saturday Jan 24, 2004 my GI doc wanted to discharge me from the hospital. I told him I was concerned because I had been going to the bathroom all day and nothing but blood was coming out. The medical resident was aware of this too. The GI stated he was going to discharge me anyway and that I should go to his office on Monday the 26th. The 26th came and I was no better. I called to confirm my appt. and was told that I was not scheduled. I asked to be transferred to this doctor's nurse. I left an emergent message that I needed to be seen ASAP. Its 2007 and I'm still waiting for her return call. My mother was with me that day and we traveled from Philadelphia to West Chester where my first GI doctor was. She could tell I was in bad shape and wanted me to try a steroid enema. Sounds fun right? That didn't work so on February 2, 2004, I called her office telling her I was so weak and losing a lot of blood. I don't know how I did it, but I drove to Chester County Hospital where she admitted me. I was swollen from the steroids and scared to death. I was extremely weak, I don't know how I walked across the street to admissions at the hospital. I would spend the next 36 days there in hell.
I need to end here. The next 36 days will be in the next blog. This blog will likely be in several "chapters" so to speak. And don't worry, the best is yet to come.
Stay tuned. You will hopefully learn about how stupid a lot of doctors are and how careless nurses are. You will learn about near death experiences and how that changes you, You will see the impact of a father abandoning his son at his most vulnerable point in his whole life. You will learn what it feels like to lose everything you ever worked for and how it is to put the pieces back together little by little only to have set backs. You will see how a doctor can get make their patients drug addicts. You will see how being severely depressed and alone can skew one's thinking and cause a suicide attempt. You will learn that doctors are prejudiced (ex: the homophobic doc in Philly) by what they write about you in your medical record. You will learn how I continue to live and try to be happy and try to go on and how hard it still is after 3 years. You will hear things from me that you never would have before as I am very private. You will see I survived and want to continue to put the pieces back, in different places, but put them back. And I hope you will see that I need friendship for I am lonely. After I tell my story, I'll tell ya about my dismay at the film "True Guts."
Copyright: 2007 Christopher Carozzo (all rights reserved).
Category: reflective Life
I have a tale to tell. It is not one that comes easy or one that people will be comfortable with. I write this tale with tears in my eyes, for those close to me do not know this tale.
A few know, but don't know all of it. The anniversary of the tale is coming soon. It will be three years in February.
Before you go on: WARNING: I am going to write in explicit detail. So if you don't want to know or you don't think you have the stomach for medical stuff, don't read further. For those who want to hear this tale, here it is:
Some of you may know that I have Crohn's Disease and some of you may not know. Some of you may be saying "what the fuck is Crohn's Disease?" I'll tell you. Its a chronic inflammation of the digestive system that can occur anywhere from the mouth or the anus (that's the ass hole). I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 24 years old after having bloody bowel movements, rectal fistulas, fevers, and fatigue. From age 24 to age 28, my disease was well controlled. I would have minor flare ups (having to go to the bathroom often, bleeding, etc), but they would go away and I was only hospitalized once during this time. Friends of mine may have known something was wrong because I would literally eat Immodium before going on a train, a car, or a long walk because the fear of having to go was overwhelming. If you knew me in Philadelphia you may have seen me running. Not because I was trying to get in shape, but because I was trying to get to my house in time before "it" came out. There was no controlling "it" when that happened.
I went to grad school, got a good job in a hospital in Philadelphia, purchased a house and thought I was in for a good life. All I thought I needed was a boyfriend (for those who don't know, I'm gay....big surprise I know).
In late December of 2003, I had a flare of the disease and went to see my doctor at the hospital where I worked. This doctor turned out to be a complete idiot and a homophobe. I knew I had a fever, I knew I was dehydrated from going to the bathroom so many times. He never examined me, sent me home with prednisone (a common treatment) and that was it. He did however bill my insurance company for a complete physical and evaluation (I learned this later). I did have a fever and went to my primary care doctor later that day (it was Dec 23rd). My primary care doctor was surprised at what I had told her in terms of the lack of attention my GI doc paid to me. She told me to stay home from work at least for a week and call if things got worse. I stumbled through the holidays as best I could that year. Not feeling well at all. On New Years Day of 2004, I spent the entire day shitting. Not just shitting, but shitting blood. I went to work on the 2nd and collapsed because I was dehydrated. I was sent to the emergency room of the hospital I worked for and was admitted. Unfortunately, the doctor that treated me doubted that this was a Crohn's flare up and stated that the bleeding was most likely due to an "internal hemmoroid." She discharged me home.
Fast forward 6 days after discharge. I developed an anal fistula, a sure sign that serious Crohn's was going on. I went to my GI's office who doubted this was a fistula, until he saw it. Doctors should never doubt their patients and when they do...you better run as you will see. This doctor suggessted I have a Remicaide infusion. Remicaide is a drug administered through an IV in a place where people get chemotherapy. For some it works well, for others its a disaster. I had had an infusion of this in 2001, but the doctor failed to realize that the body will develop antibodies to the drug if not given often. Since it was 2 years antibodies were in my system but he gave me the infusion anyway. As a result of the infusion, I got sicker. The bleeding didn't stop and I developed a "lupus syndrome." By the time I drove myself to the emergency room from my house, my face had swelled, my hands swelled and I could not walk. I had a very high fever, was vomiting, and could not move for every bone and muscle in my body was in pain. After waiting 4 hours to get onto a bed, I got morphine, but that didn't stop the pain. The nurse tried to get me to get into a wheelchair, but I couldn't move. They had to carry me from the exam bed to the wheelchair. My GI doc came in to see me in the ER (after I spent the night in agony there). He refuted my claim that I had an allergic reaction to the drug. He said I had the flu. He didn't want to admit me, but went ahead because I couldn't move. Blood tests showed I was positive for Lupus. As several days went by, the pain got less and the swelling went down. However, the bleeding from the Crohn's got worse. On Saturday Jan 24, 2004 my GI doc wanted to discharge me from the hospital. I told him I was concerned because I had been going to the bathroom all day and nothing but blood was coming out. The medical resident was aware of this too. The GI stated he was going to discharge me anyway and that I should go to his office on Monday the 26th. The 26th came and I was no better. I called to confirm my appt. and was told that I was not scheduled. I asked to be transferred to this doctor's nurse. I left an emergent message that I needed to be seen ASAP. Its 2007 and I'm still waiting for her return call. My mother was with me that day and we traveled from Philadelphia to West Chester where my first GI doctor was. She could tell I was in bad shape and wanted me to try a steroid enema. Sounds fun right? That didn't work so on February 2, 2004, I called her office telling her I was so weak and losing a lot of blood. I don't know how I did it, but I drove to Chester County Hospital where she admitted me. I was swollen from the steroids and scared to death. I was extremely weak, I don't know how I walked across the street to admissions at the hospital. I would spend the next 36 days there in hell.
I need to end here. The next 36 days will be in the next blog. This blog will likely be in several "chapters" so to speak. And don't worry, the best is yet to come.
Stay tuned. You will hopefully learn about how stupid a lot of doctors are and how careless nurses are. You will learn about near death experiences and how that changes you, You will see the impact of a father abandoning his son at his most vulnerable point in his whole life. You will learn what it feels like to lose everything you ever worked for and how it is to put the pieces back together little by little only to have set backs. You will see how a doctor can get make their patients drug addicts. You will see how being severely depressed and alone can skew one's thinking and cause a suicide attempt. You will learn that doctors are prejudiced (ex: the homophobic doc in Philly) by what they write about you in your medical record. You will learn how I continue to live and try to be happy and try to go on and how hard it still is after 3 years. You will hear things from me that you never would have before as I am very private. You will see I survived and want to continue to put the pieces back, in different places, but put them back. And I hope you will see that I need friendship for I am lonely. After I tell my story, I'll tell ya about my dismay at the film "True Guts."
Copyright: 2007 Christopher Carozzo (all rights reserved).
