I'm tired of being sick

[akanderson]

Well, I guess everyone started here at some point.

I guess I start at the beginning. From about 19. That was the first time I was in the ER with horrible pain. I literally fell on the floor in pain and my then boyfriend drove me to the ER for the doctor to tell me I just had bad gas.

Fast forward a year-ish. I had my first daughter. After having her I started have the same pain but more often. I just chalked it up to my body being different after having a being inside me. Well, 2 years later the symptoms became worse. And I was going to the bathroom 10 times a day and would sit through my class all day in pain. I go to the doctor and he tells me it's acid reflux. Thanks I say and go about my life.

I get pregnant with my 2nd daughter and nothing. Everything goes away. Must'a been a bug, I think. 6 months after that symptoms are back. Not so bad. i can deal.

Then a little more than a year after her birth I get a new job, 40+hours a week making cupcakes. I was a decorator. I was on my feet the whole day from 7am to 3,4,5,6pm. I came home did my usual house chores, take care of the girls then head to class for my night classes. Im not sleeping and am in pain all day, night. I even wake up in pain. My primary does a fecal test. Blood tests. Sends me to a GI finally after 3 wks of guessing.

At the GI, I have had to miss two to three days of work the last 3wks b/c of pain, er visits where I had no help... Etc. The GI says... duh duh duh... You seem to have ulcerative colitis. I cry all day after I leave the office. I go to tell my employer I have to quit b/c I can't seem to get my health together at this moment. I cry there. I come home hold it together till my 4 and 1 yr old are in bed, then cry some more. I have a colonoscopy scheduled and I'm frightened. I've lost a grand total of 30lbs in a month. I look like death warmed over and I'm struggling to take care of everything at home and balance my final semester of college at the community college.

I get the colonoscopy. Wake up to my fiance, and the dr saying it's Crohn's. Gotta quit smoking now, like I just told you you have cancer, that's how serious it is.

I feel a little better. Knowing there is a name to what is going on. My future mother in law told my fiance I was probably not in that much pain, it's just stress. UGH! In your face!

Well, shortly after this. I lose my insurance. I can't afford the 300 bucks for the meds so I ration my meds out to make them last and now I am back to losing weight again and looking and feeling like crap.

TennCare, medicare for my state, says I don't qualify b/c I'm not old, pregnant, or a minor. I'm in the process of looking for a program to cover the meds and I pay like 3-16 bucks.
I've cried all week and I should be happy.

I just graduated last friday, finally after two pregnancies, and this disease. But I cry b/c I feel worthless. I have been sick all week and weekend. I want to work but my fiance thinks being with the girls is more important and I'm too sick to work that much. I agree but still feel like a weak sickling. I even tell my fiance, if you want to leave me I understand, i'm sick all the time and feel about as useful as a bump on a log. Even my back, I have scoliosis, is killing me more and more these days.

Sorry this is a long post. I've been so depressed and hopeless I don't know where else to turn. No one in my family has this and they all seem to think I'm a fragile doll now. And for a girl who is usually a go getter and independent, I've become a dependent depressed mess. :yfrown: But thankfully my amazing fiance and father to my beautiful girls has been so understanding and supportive.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Bren]

Hey girl, no harm in having a good sob. It is hard living with CD. You'll naturally feel the stress of it all. I also hit low downs. The gr8 news is you will bounce back and chuckle at yourself. You are in the right place for cd comfort...
Keep your pecker up & congrats on your graduation.. Take a time out and heal your soul. It can only do you good.

I am not really good with words so here is a huge ass power hug from me to you.

Kind regard Brenda

 

[Vellanki]

Hey akanderson,

As already mentioned by Bren it is hard living with crohns, the pain is what debilitates you on all fronts, physically, emotionally and financially. But it will all be over and you can have some good times that would be valued more than when you didn't have this.

Hang in there thinking this too shall pass.
You already mentioned a supportive husband, two lovely daughters and a graduation certificate all while suffering from this, you I'm sure qualify as an achiever.

Good Luck
Vellanki

 

[FDK80]

Hi akanderson,

I'm glad you made it here, we all welcome you.

from your post i can tell that you've been thru alot of pain, but dont feel bad about yourself pls.

the only shame here is not to talk about it, (thankfully) you did experess yourself frankly, and that is very important thing we all must do.

I will pray from you.

pls Keep fighting for kids, your life, and your self .. hold on sweetie.

 

[xJillx]

Hi akanderson and welcome! I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time. CD is difficult on both the mind and body. But you have accomplished so much and should be really proud of yourself! This bumpy patch will pass. And hopefully soon starting with your insurance getting worked out and you can get back on your meds and start feeling better.

 

[Iya]

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I definitely know the feeling. It wears on you mentally when you are sick for so long. I often feel like I'm not really living my life, just functioning through it.
I haven't been able to get my Crohn's under control since I was diagnosed almost four years ago, but I have faith that God will get me to a place where I can live my life again. So all I can say is have faith Things WILL get better!

 

[quirkysoul]

(((((((Akanderson))))))))

You are a fighter. Look at all you have done while suffering flares and pain. You are capable of so much and will beat this. You now have a diagnosis and thus a path. Just keep plugging away. and being home, you have more time to focus on you. Okay, when the kids aren't demanding your attention. And think how this is allowing you to be with your kids during this delicate time of change in their lives. Yes, I always try to find the silver lining.

Hugs.

 

[ameslouise]

Hi AK and welcome.

You are not alone. We have all been thru the emotions and sadness, depression and feelings of helplessness. Your fiance sounds like a wonderful man - you should listen to him - forget about working for now, get your rest and try to get better so you can be there for your girls.

Talk to your GI about med assistance from the pharmaceutical companies. Remicade and Humira both have medical assistance programs. In the meantime, prednisone is cheap and fast and can get you feeliing better really quickly. You can't stay on it forever, but you can start at a 40 mg dose and taper down over 10-16 weeks or so while you try to find another med that works and you can afford.

Hang in there. This disease can be really debilitating mentally and emotionally. Get your rest and take it one day at time.

- Amy

 

[akanderson]

Thank you everyone for being so nice. It's kind of a relief to have someone to talk to that knows a bit of what I'm going through.

 

[rozen]

thanks a lot

 

[Dixiedoll23]

I would re-apply for medicaid ASAP!

Get your doctor to write a not for you, and then take it to the worker.You haven't been working, (right?) so they should NOT turn you down.

I hope you can get this straightened out, and feel better soon!You have to stay right on their butts though, and make them work to get you on medicaid.