In a bad place right now

[bigtruck]

Hi guys I'm just home from hospital 11 days post surgery with my loop colostomy and I wonder will I ever have a life again,sorry for my negativity but my colostomy seems to be quite high output at the min and I feel miserable. I know it's early days but I feel so low I could just cry, I think I am expecting too much too soon since I have had two psoas abscesses a resection an ileostomy which had to be reversed after 3 months since I couldn't hold magnesium and now a colostomy since the original sepsis returned once I was reconnected, and all this from 10th sept last year! I was 117kilos back then too heavy I know but I'm 6ft4, and I'm now only 101 kilos so the weight loss is dragging me down as ever since I've had crohns I've hated people commenting on my weight loss. Sorry for moaning just wanted to talk to someone,hope everyone is doing well and for you guys that are doing so well with your stoma you give me inspiration and I hope to be like you some day soon and maybe get back to work as a truck driver as I so sooo miss it. Thanks

 

[Samboi]

Chin up Mighty Big Truck. You've been having a terrible time of it lately - but hang in there. It will get better. You have my absolute empathy. I have just spent my Xmas holidays in and out of hospital because of bloody CD. All my exciting plans I made with my boys went out the window - and now it's like they have a nanna to care for - it's pathetic! Last night I got home from work (I am managing a massive 9 hours per week!!) and I had so much arthritis pain in my hips, I had to go straight to bed. I forewarned my 16 year old that he might have to help me in the bathroom and help me empty my bag. What kid wants to do that!!
I'm a cripple at the moment - but I know at the end of this year - I am going to be well enough to take a proper holiday ... and if not the end of this year ... I am going the year after... bloody stoma or no stoma ... reversal or no reversal ....ulcerated mouth, arthritis pain ... it doesn't bloody end .... but I am hanging in there. I hope you can too.

 

[kossy]

You WILL get your life back. You WILL get healthy again. You WILL feel better about your situation soon!
I know you've been through a lot. It's very understandable why you're feeling down. What I've learned is every ostomy is different. It will take some time to get into some form of route and learn how your ostomy acts/reacts to things. I would equate to being a child and learning to tie your shoes or learing to ride a bike. None of us were ever able to do it on the first try. We had to brush off our frustration, anger, and disappointment. When we did this we learn a little bit at a time, making us stronger, making us better. In time we conquered these tasks. You WILL conquer your ostomy. You WILL conquer Crohn's and all the unpleasentness that it brings with it.
Just like learning to tie your shoes or riding a bike it takes time. Each time you fall down, muster up the streghten and courage to to conquer this battle you're fighting right now and you will prevail!

 

[bigtruck]

Thanks for your words of encouragement very kind.

 

[Samboi]

How are you going Big Truck?
It's bloody frustrating getting better. I had no idea it would take so damn long.
I'll have one or two good days, followed by two or three bad ones (there always seems to be on more bad day than good one!).
Some days I think everything will be normal again, then bam - another little setback.
But it does get a tiny bit better every day. I'm hoping tomorrow will be another good day.
I hope it's a better day for you too.

 

[bigtruck]

Hi samboi I'm doing so so, energy is improving but suffering with nausea and watery motions big time, even though my appetite is pretty good.

 

[glum chump]

Hi bigtruck

How I remember that feeling of being so despondent. I ended up being in hospital for almost two months after surgery---it felt like one thing after another was going wrong. And I remember being pi@#ed off that I would have to empty my bag so often---I kept thinking that I'd made a decision that affected me permanently, and it didn't feel like there was a whole lot of difference in my life.

And then things sorted itself out. I worked hard at gaining weight back (lots and lots of protein!). My surgeon had me taking in 3500 calories a day (I'm a 5'5" female) to try to get weight/body strength back. The output slowed down as my body settled.

I'm sure it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will get better. I'm sure of it. Just remind yourself that your body has gone through a lot, and you're trying to get yourself better when you're malnourished and your body is half of what it was. Yep, cut yourself some slack and cry your eyes out!

Take good care, and above all, be kind to yourself,

Kismet

 

[robbo87]

Wow, so sorry to read about what a horrible time you are having. but keep going, You've done amazing to make it this far and hopefully this colostomy will eventually work out and with time you can get your life back!
Good luck!

 

[littlefreebird]

bigtruck, you're doing so well, hang in there!

i remember the feeling very well- mentally you are ready to just be better and get out there again, physically its a very sllloooowww healing process. i came across on here as being constantly positive but honestly there were times and moments when i felt like i was in a very dark place...at 11 days post op feeling crappy is pretty much the norm...you'll find everyday gets a little easier.
it's great you have a good appetite, relax and enjoy your food!
you'll be back behind the wheel soon enough, i know its easier said then done but enjoy the rest. i was back to full time work 8 weeks post-op, i wish i had chilled out a little more first!
all the best. hannah.