Invisible Illness and Public Transportation

[brooklyn23]

How do you deal with public transportation. I feel like I've been getting a lot of very dirty looks for sitting down rather than giving the seat to someone older than me, even though the seats are marked with "elderly, pregnant, or disabled." I also look young, I get mistaken for a high schooler, so I think people just look at me and see a disrespectful kid, when I'm usually in pain or extremely tired at the end of my work day.

So, how do you cope with taking the subway or bus?

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I completely relate. Try to ignore it and do what you need to do. If someone gives you a hard time let them know that you have an invisible disability and that they shouldn't judge you.

There are card print outs you can have for IBD and other conditions if you ever need "proof"

Type in ccfa bathroom card in Google images to print one out.

 

[24601]

I can relate to that dilemma too! It does feel like people are thinking that at times but try not to worry about them. You don't need the stress and maybe they just have resting bitch face, ya know? And we shouldn't make assumptions about them either

I get it when I go on public transport with my mom, since she is a lot older than me and since I'm 36 she's getting to that age where the kind and courteous and healthy do give up a seat for her. If there's only one seat, I do when at all possible give her the seat but if I'm in pain and she knows it, and there's only one seat, she'll give it to me. And then I feel like people are looking at me judging me and thinking I'm a hideous person. She'll usually say something loudly like "You're the one who needs the seat, sweetheart", but since people can't see I do feel judged and frankly inadequate. It was easier in a way when I was very obviously seriously underweight and had a tube stuck to my face.

But, having said that, I do know that we need these allowances at times and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. If anyone does say anything, I think I'd simply say "I'm in pain" or "I'm unwell" or notgutsnoglory's "I have an invisible disability" and hope they feel a little ashamed of themselves for making me justify myself and that they leave it at that.

Whenever I have to stand up to someone like that I like to view it as standing up for all people with invisible disabilities - instead of just for myself. I feel like that makes me feel more confident and calmer and take it less personally.

 

[Crohns11]

I know just how you all feel, I went town with my daughter to get her new glasses etc.. Didn't sleep the night before and was in pain on the day we went to get her glasses,so when we got on the bus I sat on the front two seats as I was just so tired , then this elderly man got on so I stood up and gave him the seats, only to be abused by him asking me "why did I sit there in the first place" I shouldn't be sitting there,I was so upset as everyone on the bus was looking at me I felt awfull, I just told him I had a reason to sit there as much as he did. Never felt the same getting on buses now.

 

[SarahD]

I can relate too. I travel to and from work on the bus 5 days a week and often worry that I'll be expected to give up my seat for someone elderly or with an obvious disability. Other people can be very judgmental when you look healthy, even if the reality is you're seriously ill. I often have to stand on the bus too in the morning as it's so busy, and sometimes I feel like I might pass out. I bet if I asked someone to give up their seat for me they would say no because I don't look sick.

 

[Lady Organic]

Ive always kept my good old teenage habit of seating in the back of the bus! The difference is just I no longer write graffiti on the sides!!! When you sit in the back, you can be 99,99999999999% sure nobody will come near you wanting your seat. Moreover, when the bus is crowded, people tend to mass standing up in the front when the back of the bus offers, MOST of the time, at least 1 or 2 free seats or its just a matter of a few stops before someone gets out. I can most f the time make my way through this front crowd and find that free seat in the back.

 

[brooklyn23]

I wish there was just a back I could go to NYC subways are the worst, especially at rush hour. Getting to work is usually okay because I live far and while my commute is long it usually means I can sit for most of it. But the ride home? Forget it. I work halfway between Grand Central and Times Square so... people. Lots of people.

 

[lookame]

There was a time that a pregnant woman complained about "perfectly healthy" people not moving for her on the bus. I pointed out to her that yeah someone may look healthy but the reality is they may have an invisible issue. I went on to say that I look perfectly healthy but I'm still sitting blood on a daily basis and I'm incredibly anemic. She quickly changed her tune and said she understood and tries to always take into account those with invisibile disabilities.

On another note...I find people in general to have a stigma against those who aren't visibly disabled. People who know I have crohns believe it's OK to make comments, they think it may be funny but it's not. I get stares if I go to the bathroom to much or if I take to long in the bathroom...its embarrassing enough...

 

[brooklyn23]

I had one woman glare and do the sign of the cross at me when I sat once. I'm like... yup... how's that judge not lest ye be judged stuff going for you?

 

[MissCadenza]

How do I deal with public transport?

I bought a car.

I refuse to use public transport unless absolutely forced - I drive everywhere except in central London where I tend to walk rather than use the bus or Tube. Getting TO London isn't so bad because I just sit on the floor by the doors if there's no seats.

Public transport is impossible, pointless, dirty, overcrowded and overpriced. Even if you can only afford to buy and run a total scrapheap of a car I would recommend getting one. That way you don't have to deal with the general public and you're not constrained by timetables. Four wheels is full freedom and I wouldn't trade my car for the world.

 

[SmellyMelly]

I can completely relate too.

The problem is, even though I may be flaring, or in pain, or fatigued, I actually look very healthy due to a clear glowing complexion (from veggie juicing). And by looking at me casually, I look the "picture of good health".

So if I am sitting down on the train or bus, and I think someone is giving me a dirty look, I start rubbing my tummy and scrunching my face up in imagined discomfort or pain. Most people think I must be pregnant (or about to vomit) and just feel sorry for me. And that gets me off the hook.

I will always give my seat up for elderly people or real pregnant women. In turn, due to my tummy rubbing and face scrunching, people give their seats up for me too.

All balances out in the end. Good karma works both ways. :ysmile:

I have noticed that old people like to sit near the doors or exit - so maybe stay away from those areas if you can and you won't be harassed or given the evil eye.

Also pretending to be asleep helps - adding a lolling head and a bit of dribble for a dramatic effect works wonders.

:ylol2:

 

[SmellyMelly]

There are card print outs you can have for IBD and other conditions if you ever need "proof" Type in ccfa bathroom card in Google images to print one out.

Do these actually work?

I have had one for ten years but I have only ever used it twice - didn't help either time.

I was walking down the street and suddenly felt my bowels constrict (sure you have all been there!), and I was suddenly desperate for the bathroom.

I had to go into an office block to ask if I could use theirs. They said no. I was butt clenching and practically crying by this stage. I showed them my card. The idiot person on reception took so long to inspect it and show it to her colleagues for back-up / approval, that I lost bowel control and pooed myself in the office in front of the five idiots gathered around "inspecting" the card.

The other time I tried to use it - the person inspecting it said it was not an "official card". I can see their point actually because the Australian card has (or had) advertising sponsorship by Nestle on one side of it. No idea why, but it didn't bode well in my opinion.

 

[brooklyn23]

I find it really interesting, because NYC has started this "Courtesy Counts" campaign about appropriate subway behaviors, addressing everything from eating on the train to manspreading to those people who do acrobatics routines in the subway cars and nearly kick people in the face. But, interestingly, invisible illness is not addressed.