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kimmidwife

kimmidwife

Joined
Sep 19, 2010
Messages
4,379
Hi All,
Caitlyn is doing better with her crohns but she put on about 15 or 20 pounds from when she was on steroids. She has lost it all but she is worrying me because she is eating very little. Her 3 closest friends are very thin 2 are dancers and one is a gymnast they are super active. I keep telling her how great she looks now and she does not need to lose any more weight and I worry constantly. If the crohns flares up again she may start to lose weight from that. I am so afraid of her developing anorexia. I had a very close friend growing up who almost died from anorexia and it so scares me. When I say anything to her she keeps saying I am fine, I am not anorexic don't bug me. I am not sure what to do at this point. I know right now she is still okay but I am worried if she loses more weight she won't be.
 
I can sympathize. I lost more than eighty punds in alittle over a year and my mom used to think I had an eating disorder because my friends arethin. My GI finally told her to lay off of me. Just because I have pretty friends it does not mean i am diengto be like them. I am currently flaring but even when i am not I tend to eat not a lot. You have to remember that she had a lot of damage to her bowels. She willl always have some sort of issue of absorption. On the flip side, when you have been through as .uch pain as she has, you will always have a warpd relationship with food. Please dont harp on it too much. I umderstand your worries. Just try to encourage hr to eat and maybe a therapist can help her open up about food. I used to cry everynight because everyone thought I had anorexia. It really can be a struggle to eat. I lose weight on steroids. I an eat 3000 calories and still lose weight[even hen not flaring]. I find smoothies help me a lot when I need the calories. Take care and encourage her to eat but don't bring up the anorexia word too much:))) You are a great mom who shows genuine worry!
 
Hey Keeping Faith! I hope you are doing better! Thanks for your view on the weight thing. It helps a lot to have the teen perspective!

Kim, I understand your concern with weight. I have a teenage boy with Crohn's. He is very thin and at an age where the boys are getting muscular. I have a hard time striking a balance with him also. Our problem is being way too thin, no matter how much he eats. I know it is on his mind, so when we say something he instantly gets upset. I have been trying to add calories to food without making a big deal about it.Talking to him only upsets him and stress will cause his crohn's to flare.

I think you're doing a great job talking to her. It's possible that she still sees her prednisone self when she looks in the mirror. My son was tortured for months with "chipmunk" comments. Compliment her on how good she is looking now that she is off the prednisone (without using the word "weight"). The teen years are so tough! It takes a long time to learn that being healthy doesn't equal being thin.
 
Don't use the word "healthy" either. That's girl code for fat. Least it was in my crazy head. My grandparents are a couple of the rudest people you could meet and my grandpa would grab at my chubby chipmunk cheeks even though I was a teen not a 2 year old and say that I was gaining weight and storing nuts for the winter. My grandma would correct him and say no, that I looked "healthy."

I tried not eating but I love food too much. Not everyone can just become anorexic simply because they feel a little fat. Its all about control and depression and if your daughter doesn't have that mind set then I'd just leave her alone about it.

Also in my mind, too many compliments start to sound fake but she may be different.

Maybe an activity might help. He friends are dancers and gymnasts so why can't she do something? Maybe kick boxing or some form of martial art. It'll help her tone her body if she wants that part about being thin. Being fit looks better than looking frail and just because she has Crohn's doesn't mean she can't do any type of contact sport.
 
Crabby,

You are so right! The only time I've ever heard R described as healthy was when he was about 11 months old and his legs had rolls (his rolls had rolls!). A lady pinched his leg in the Dr's office and said "Oowee, that boy looks HEALTHY! Don't know where THAT child went :)

An activity that she could do would definitely help her self esteem. R's best activities have been things where he had to beat his own past performances and not other people's, like martial arts and running cross country. He only concentrated on learning patterns or beating his own times and improving. It was great to see his eyes light up. Now it's saxophone! He is learning to improvise blues and jazz music.
 
Hey Kim,

I agree with keepingfaith and Crabby and they have given great advice, as hard as it is you will need to step back. Since Sarah was diagnosed her relationship with food has never been an easy one but it stems from her disease rather than her body image and now I see it happening with Matt too. Unfortunately for them food isn't as easy as opening a fridge and grabbing something, it has to be thought about and planned. I know that will go without food if the only choice means pain and/or hours on the toilet.

I think as a parent one of the most satisfying things to witness is watching and knowing your child is eating and that is just one of the things that makes this disease so hard, it takes away one of our most basic nurturing instincts.

Keep an eye on her without making it obvious. If she has plateaued out and does not continue to lose then this may be her new normal, I don't believe my two will ever have extra kilos on their side. It is a fine line between saying nothing and saying too much. I backed off some time ago and they have both found their own way through it, they know what suits and what doesn't and when to eat and when not to.

Good luck hun, I surely know how hard it is!

Dusty. xxx
 
Kim - I hear ya again sista! I had a sororiaty sister in college who died of a heart attack because of her eating disorder. It has impacted me so much even to this day. My girls also have had two friends (swimmers no less) be hospitalized for anorexia. It is a hideous disease and very scary. As a matter of fact, the weekend before I brought O in to the doctor I was sure she had an eating disorder because so much of what was happening to her paralelled their friends experiences.

I forget who said it but eating disorders are rarely about weight. They are about control. Maybe look at those other areas of her life. If she doesn't have issues with that then I think you are probably fine. I agree with Dusty, I would drop the whole conversation about food, looks etc.

I have also noticed O's relationship with food dramatically change since she got sick. Before she got sick we used to think we were feeding a linebacker...now she is perfectly happy to drink her shakes and be on her way. The EN brought her a lot of relief and I actually think she is a little scared to transition back to food even if she is looking forward to the taste, texture etc.

It is so hard with IBD though when so much of your success at managing the disease is tied to weight gain. O lost two pounds recently and I was already getting concerned. Like Dusty said, I would keep an eye on it and if she continues to lose I would be concerned but more concerned about IBD than an eating disorder. :ghug:
 
Hey Kim,

This has also been an on-and-off concern for me with my daughter. Activities do help! The toning makes a big difference in that you may not lose weight but you just look so much better. I think you mentioned in the past that fatigue has sometimes been an issue for her, so maybe yoga or pilates would give her the toning without requiring as much cardio endurance.

Also, when Emily kind of 'peaked' re her weight concerns at around 16-17 years old, and I had the same concerns that she was just cutting out food or meals to lose weight but also cutting out the nutrition! So, I suggested Weight Watchers to her (although she did NOT need to lose weight) (no meetings, I just had the material at home...). It works on a point system where unhealthier foods have the highest points (indirectly pushes you to eat healthy ;)) and I (secretly) added a few extra points to her daily limit (she wasn't 'interested' enough to actually read all the material, instructions, etc. :lol:). They also guide for a balance between food groups... I think this really helped in a number of ways...

- she'd look up the points of the foods herself which did teach her to recognize the difference between an unhealthier food opposed to a healthier one

- she felt that I was recognizing and respecting her wishes (to diet???:voodoo:)

- and I really think it has led her to have a greater appreciation of her diet - she's recognized that she feels better with more 'smaller' meals rather than fewer large ones, she learned to balance 'splurges' (desserts) with healthier choices during the day, etc.

I really believe the WW helped Emily learn to follow a healthier diet.
 
It's amazing the issue with weight. Grace much like her mommy was a little chucky NOT FAT but chunky. She drop six pounds in a week or so during a flare and when I took het to the doc's the nurse replied, just be happy she's thinning out.:ywow:
I however put on her six pounds because of stressful eating.:shifty:

:heart:Farmwife:heart:
 
OMG, Farmwife, I can't believe a nurse would say that! I know it's just a small, 'head' shot picture but Grace certainly does not look like she needs thinning out, especially when it's caused by illness! Hope you gave that nurse a knock on the head with your rolling pin! :lol:
 
No Tesscorm :blush:I didn't knock her with a rolling pin. I'm only brave when I'm typing on this forum.:redface:

Farmwife
 
Everyone,
THanks for the greadt advice! Tess I like the WW idea. I will take a look at it. My one worry is she is going away to camp this summer. She will be gone for 7 weeks. I am going to speak with the camp nurses to keep an eye (quietly) on this issue.
 
I know how you feel, I am constantly checking on the food Andrew eats. It is so easy for people to throw away comments without thinking about it. My poor daughter is rather overweight, but I am so paranoid about making her paranoid, I find it hard to even mention it to her.
Farmwife - you did well holding back on that nurse! Although if you are like me - I always think of some witty comeback when I am back home! :ysmile:
 
Kim,

I bet she'll be better at the camp... being involved in so many activities and being outdoors all day will certainly give her an appetite and she'll be around lots of kids who will be 'eating', not just the 'skinny' friends! :lol: And, being at camp, she may not even think about it as much - when everyone's dressing for comfort, there will also be lots less focus on how you look. :)
 
Farmwife: I can not believe that nurse had the nerve to say that. So true people do not watch their comments. I was ridiculously thin my whole life and the rude comments people can make. O is bound to be little also, even without Crohns...when they learned about concentration camps kids told her she looked like she lived in one...eating disorders...they called her anorexic. I told her to tell them to come talk to her when they are 40 but that doesn't help now. At least now she has a diagnosis so people don't comment anymore...even though she would always be thin anyway.

Tess: I know I have never needed WW BUT my 17 year old does and it is a fab program. At the beginning it was like a game to her. She would exercise more to get more points so she could eat more etc. I love the program but she got tired... I worry about her health as dad has diabetes but I have shut up. Time for her to learn the hard way. I worry though because she goes to college in September.

Also great points re: camp.
 
WW is a great program but it is hard to stay motivated when you are trying to lose the weight, especially at 17, when you have 'skinny' friends who seem to be that way without effort! Uggh! I've been on and off it so often, I feel like I have a lifetime membership with them - Emily was more successful with it then I ever was (and I'm the one who NEEDS it!) :lol:

But, one big 'self' motivator for Emily has been her sports... on one hand, she couldn't be overweight (and I use that term loosely) and maintain her 'success' in soccer and tai kwon do but, on the flip side, she was also very aware that becoming too thin would be just as detrimental in her success in the sports. The trick is finding something that they like and are successful at (so that the motivation continues)... Emily also did horseback riding for years... its another sport that 'tones' (trust me, I tried to learn and was SORE! :lol:), doesn't require the same cardio endurance and has no emphasis on how you 'look' (and, for whatever reason, girls LOVE being around the horses, etc.).
 
(and, for whatever reason, girls LOVE being around the horses, etc.).[/QUOTE]

Um yeah the stable hands!
 
Ooooh, my daughter does horse riding - maybe it'll do the toning as she gets more into it :ysmile:. It'll make up for the heart attack I always get when she starts cantering :rolleyes: (only one dislocated shoulder so far!)
 
:lol: :ytongue:

Unfortunately for Emily, the stablehands at her barn consisted of a very chubby 50+ year old and a teen boy who had long, stringy hair and was so shy he hid behind his hair all the time! :lol: In her case, the only 'stallions' truly had four legs! :lol:
 
Sascot... I'm so with you!! I was terrified when she rode, was so happy when she stopped... then she took up Tae Kwon Do:angry-banghead:
 
Before dx with Crohn's Sarah had a dx of anorexia which was had a take until the GI explained that anorexia also means "a lack or loss appetite for food" and he said he would find the cause and it was not anorexia nervosa.
 
I did Taekwondo for years(5 days a week plus teaching 'little kids' classes.I got promoted to do the adult class when I was 12 because parents were complaining about their children getting bloody noses,cracked ribs and bruises from me) and as soon as I got my black belt I got sick and had to quit. I gained 30 pounds doing takeowndo and was so muscular. I hope to get started again when I'm better. I recommend everyone should do it! It builds confidence and keeps you looking good. I would give anything to look as toned as I did then! You should really consider putting her in classes.
 
We loved Tae kwon do also. R was taking and I decided to quit sitting on the sidelines and joined in. Then our instructor closed shop. Any activity that she would love would be great.

I agree on the camp comments.

Crohnsinct and Tesscom: You need to come to Alabama...WE'VE got stable hands! ;) ;)
 
Kim - I agree with everyone else about taking a little step back - I was anorexic as a kid and my mother could not have got it more wrong - she would weigh me every week, check up on me at school, constantly make fun of me and call me names etc sent me to a psychiatrist who threatened to send me to hospital - it all just made me worse! - Obviously you are not my mother! but I think it is important to keep an eye on her and to encourage her to eat healthy but don't watch over her too much. As everyone else says an activity would help - building confidence and also appetite!

I am dreading my daughter hitting the teenage years! - I think the worry about it all may kill me!! - I am constantly telling her how wonderful and pretty she is and she is only 5!! - she will probably end up being really precocious!!

I think the teenage years are hard enough without the added stress of chronic and serious illness. Thinking of you xx

Farmwife - I also can't believe that nurse said that about Grace - some people are just obviously in the wrong job! xx
 
Suzysu,
You are so right I am trying to be laid back but it is soooo hard. Tess and all Oh my Goodness I am a horse nut too. What is it with us girls and horses?
All,
I have been trying to encourage her to pick an activity she likes. Problem is she doesn't really want to do any sports. I told her next year she has to pick something when she starts school again. I told her to think about it over the summer. Of course it does not help that she gets joint pain when she exercises.
 
what about swimming???
SHe could try it in the summer.
Most summer leagues are not that competitive even some aqua clubs are more laid back and let the kid push as hard as they would like.
Just a thought-
good for joints and tracking Crohn's progression:shifty:
 
I have to say to you all.... I hate exercising in general. :ymad:
I hate to run :eek:,
bike riding :eek:and
swim :eek:,
Have you thought about getting her to do something creative. I love to sew and cook. How about volunteering some where. I know the she might not get to much physical strength built up but it will help in other ways.


Farmwife
 
Last edited:
And YES I realize if I did those thing perhaps I wouldn't look that way.
BUT, I don't care!!!!!:ylol:
 
Farmwife,
She actually is very creative, she draws, sings, writes and I love that she does these things but want her to get physically active as well.
 
So what your saying is...
Her get up and go, got up and went.

I hope things get better. Your doing a good job with her.
I know a lot of girls that would love to have a mom like you.
Keep it up.:ghug:


Farmwife
 
Poor Caitlyn... I can sympathize with her - it is such a struggle to exercise when it's not something you naturally enjoy. I find routine classes or treadmill, etc. boring and hate the 'effort' that it actually takes to exercise! :lol: I recently tried tae kwon do with Emily for six weeks - just about killed me (and didn't lose a fr-gin pound!):ymad: I now joined hot yoga with Stephen - I do begin to get bored at the end of the class (each class is 75 min!) but certainly not as much cardio effort is needed :thumleft: and feel I am getting a good workout.

Kim, maybe Caitlyn would enjoy something totally different, something that'll make her feel that her activity is special... when I was young, I got my scuba license, took synchronized swimming, archery and have always wanted to try fencing :lol: (and, believe me, I was NOT an athletic kid). There are so many new activities available now - rope courses, wall climbing, etc. It might give her a bit of a thrill to be the only one of her friends involved in the sport and, regardless of how much/little effort is involved, it is a physical activity and one may lead to another...

But, if she's going to camp for 7 weeks, she'll get lots of exercise there! And she may come back with an interest in one of the sports :thumleft:
 
omgosh again! I have athletes and DIE for an artist...music, drama, any fine arts...maybe because I was a dancer/singer/musician...guess we are never happy.

I agree with Tess. Camp is going to be an amazing experience for her to discover so much about herself and the world around her. Hang loose...she will discover her thing and if it isn't physical so be it...at least she won't be burning calories and will maybe put on weight.

In my world treadmill = dreadmill. I can't do Tae Kwon Do...I have a problem with authority. Considering hot yoga as I am always cold...too thin no meat on my bones...but all that sweat pooring off hairy men...ewww! I will stick with power antique shopping and yes you are all invited to come!
 
kimmidwife said:
Farmwife,
She actually is very creative, she draws, sings, writes and I love that she does these things but want her to get physically active as well.
Click to expand...

So is she an artist then? If she likes drawing then she may be interested in sculpture. It can definitely be physical. Maybe she could try her hand in ceramics. Throwing on a wheel takes quite a bit of physical effort, even kneading the clay is physical. If not that then stone and wood carving are also physical.
 
Crabby,
I like that idea. Maybe when she gets back from camp we can get her into sculpting. SHe is very good with her hands and I think she would be good at it.
Crohnsinstinct,
I know I am so blessed to have an artistic child especially since I am sooo not. I wish I was but I am the clumsy one who can't draw or sing for her life. My husband is the artistic one which is where she gets it from.
 
Kim, forgot to wish you all the best with your move!!! Very exciting! Wish I were moving to Florida :sun:

If you don't have a GI yet, take a look at the Doctor Directory here, there may be one listed near you... also have a look at www.ratemds.com - a site that offers reviews of doctors by patients (or 'whoever'... so, can't vouch for credibility of all comments on site???)

:)
 

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