My Boyfriend has Crohn's...How can I help?

[LadyMordsith]

Yesterday, my boyfriend was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease after having a colonoscopy. I know he is in pain and feeling miserable...his mom has it too, so I am sure she is feeling very overwhelmed.

We've been dating for two years and thinking about getting married...we are very serious about each other. After telling him about my anxiety disorder two years ago, he has been nothing but supportive. He has helped me, held me, and prayed for me through each panic/anxiety attack I've had while in college.

Now it seems it is my turn to help him. I love in so much, and I support him. He is so worth fighting for, I don't want this disease to put a strain on our relationship. Right now, we are out of state, and we won't see each other until next week when college starts again. I plan on talking to him about what we can do as partners, as teammates, to get through this together. I want to know, though, what are some ways I can help? I know this is going to change our worlds, but I want to stick by his side through it all. I can't imagine being with anyone else, no matter how rocky the road gets.

Please give me your advice. I have a personal fear of the day when we are both in the pit...what if he flares and I am having a panic attack? What then? What is the best way we can both help each other out? Would this destroy our relationship? Can someone living with an anxiety disorder make it with a person with a chronic disease?

I have so much hope, but the future always a mystery.

Thank you all so much for any advice you can offer. I admire your strength and courage. Crohn's is a tough fight!

Blessings and hugs.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

Thank you for your support! Looks like you've already doing a wonderful job!!! The best thing that I've done is a little research. But, sometimes it seems like things tend to surprise you no matter what with this challenge of ours. Best thing I can recommend is to take things as they come. But, we are here for you as well. I look forward to seeing you around. Take care.

 

[Malice67]

The fact that you are here to learn more shows your support already. After he has had some time to adjust a bit, and you two have been back together a bit... ask him what he would find supportive. I'd read through the "what NOT to say" thread with him (I'll search for it!) at a time you both are in good spirits.. you can get a chuckle together, but also make sure he knows you want him to say.. yeah THAT one would really bother me... or I don't get why THAT should bother anyone.

good luck -- and frequent here often!

edited: here is one of the threads I was thinking about:
http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=64921

and another:
http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=64693

 

[Sclaybaker]

Okay so Ladymordsith your story is so crazy it's almost unreal. I have and had it for ten yrs and my gf who we have talked about getting married as well, who has anxiety. Yes you can make it. She supports me as I have been in a major flare for almost two years now trying to get relief but you support him and he'll support you. Just as you will have and I'm sure have had fears and anxiety about him leaving you because of your anxiety, he will have fears about you leaving him because of his crohn's. The best you can do is to support each other during the hard times. I feel so bad so often right now because she does so much that we take for granted everyday that I may not have energy for, or just feel so bad I don't get out of bed and you do not know how grateful I am that she does these things(cleaning house, doing dishes, etc. we live together btw been together for almost four years.) you support him and he will support you. It can be done, we do it on a daily basis although sometimes it is a struggle. Also realize that a flare is not usually a one day or one hour thing as I know anxiety attacks can be, but often longer periods of time in which you have good and bad days. Like I said I have been in a flare for about 2 years now. Any questions feel free to message me.

 

[LadyMordsith]

Okay so Ladymordsith your story is so crazy it's almost unreal. I have and had it for ten yrs and my gf who we have talked about getting married as well, who has anxiety. Yes you can make it. She supports me as I have been in a major flare for almost two years now trying to get relief but you support him and he'll support you. Just as you will have and I'm sure have had fears and anxiety about him leaving you because of your anxiety, he will have fears about you leaving him because of his crohn's. The best you can do is to support each other during the hard times. I feel so bad so often right now because she does so much that we take for granted everyday that I may not have energy for, or just feel so bad I don't get out of bed and you do not know how grateful I am that she does these things(cleaning house, doing dishes, etc. we live together btw been together for almost four years.) you support him and he will support you. It can be done, we do it on a daily basis although sometimes it is a struggle. Also realize that a flare is not usually a one day or one hour thing as I know anxiety attacks can be, but often longer periods of time in which you have good and bad days. Like I said I have been in a flare for about 2 years now. Any questions feel free to message me.

Your comment was so helpful to me you have no idea!! That's crazy your girlfriend also has anxiety attacks. I'm glad to know there's other guys out there that understand us anxiety-girls lol! and there are girls like me that understand crohn's guys It's good to hear this coming from you, because from other posts I've read (not from this site in particular) everyone made it seem like it just couldn't be done...that it was overwhelming and unbearable. To be honest, it scared me a little. Your comment lifted me up, thank you!