Hi All,
I hope you are all managing your disease well and are in good health.
I am 31 years old, and my 33 year old girlfriend, who I see myself marrying, suffers from Crohn's disease. We have been dating since January of this year.
The story goes much deeper than that. She was quite literally the girl next door as a young teenager. I was 13, 14, 15yo etc, and growing up in the same neighborhood, she was the epitomy of beauty to me, and for a long time I compared every girl I ever met with her. She was forever in the back of my mind, and we reunited in 2009 as friends. Went out 3 or 4 times in 2010, and are now together 7+ months in 2012. We often talk about getting married, and having a family.
She is literally the light of my life, and has been the most constant feeling I have ever had, for more than half of my life. I would do anything for her, and I am sure we will have a long life together. I can not wait.
The reason I am here, is because she has had a variety of health problems throughout her life. I, of course, want her to be as healthy as she can be, but like many partners or spouses, I do not feel like I am equipped very well to handle everything. Sometimes I feel like everything I say or do, is wrong.
In summary:
She developed Crohn's in her early 20's, she is now 33
She had abnormal cells in both breasts in her 20's, and had them removed and replaced w natural sized implants
She has twice had irregular cells in her cervix, once in her mid 20s, and again in the month of June of this year, which caused a rough 4 weeks with us.
She has smoked on and off since she was 16 - more about that in a minute.
She just spent about a week or so in FL, with extended family, where a rather aggressive cousin, decided to push her, and tell her she needs to hit fast forward on her life, and get pregnant and not wait forever, because of the potential health risks etc, and because of the possibility of Crohn's going into remission while and after being pregnant.
We have had a very stressful 2 days since she came back from FL, while we talked last night, she feels very much against a clock, and as if speeding through her life might be her only resort and she is just so tired of being sick and tired.
Stress
I understand, that Crohn's sufferers, need to keep stress to a minimum, but rather than manage stress, she just buries everything, and never deals with anything. She says she tries not to think about things, and I am very good at bringing things up she is trying to not think about. I remind her that I can not read her mind about what topics are ok, and what are not. For example with the irregular cervical cells that turned out to be nothing in June, she pretended nothing was going on, and she acted very strange, and i kept asking, she kept denying, we had a blowup, and then she admitted something was going on. This example is exactly why I do not know how to break through her walls sometimes.
Crohn's
I feel like her life and health are coming to a head. Her cousin filled her head with thoughts and ideas that getting pregnant soon could help her significantly, and I certainly want children with her, using a child as medicine for personal health issues, is bizarre to me, and I realize that she doesnt want a family to be healthy, she wants a family bc she was born to be a good mom.
Diet and Alcohol
She is a social drinker, I have read that alcohol makes Crohn's worse, and rarely has any beneficial effects. Is that true? I would be willing to personally never drink anything again, if it helped her have the support she needed to never get to enjoy a nice cocktail again.
Her diet, is only guided by not eating fruits and vegetables. She does not regulate it by any other means, only she bases it on fatty foods, carbs and proteins. She says it is all she can eat, but her eating seems to be erratic, and there is no rhyme or reason to it.
Smoking
This is the part that makes me feel physically sick. She is obviously dealing with an immune system that is very weak. She is prone to irregular cell activitity, deals with Crohn's, and has told me she will quit for me, but then in the same sentence says that smoking helps her Crohn's and helps keep bleeding under control.
As you can tell, I don't know what to say or do anymore. IF you asked me what do I want?
I want her to quit smoking. Right now. And never touch another one. I want her to try to manage her diet alittle bit better, and I want her to give her body a chance to be better on its own, without throwing out a child as the only hope she has, while she continues to abuse herself. It just seems like madness to me.
I am so deeply in love with her, and I probably always have been. I want to be supportive, and I need help on how to say these kinds of things to her, to let her know shes not alone in the world, that she can have support, and a beautiful healthy future, but first she needs to help herself, just a little bit, before expecting miracles.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate your thoughts.
In love,
Nick
I hope you are all managing your disease well and are in good health.
I am 31 years old, and my 33 year old girlfriend, who I see myself marrying, suffers from Crohn's disease. We have been dating since January of this year.
The story goes much deeper than that. She was quite literally the girl next door as a young teenager. I was 13, 14, 15yo etc, and growing up in the same neighborhood, she was the epitomy of beauty to me, and for a long time I compared every girl I ever met with her. She was forever in the back of my mind, and we reunited in 2009 as friends. Went out 3 or 4 times in 2010, and are now together 7+ months in 2012. We often talk about getting married, and having a family.
She is literally the light of my life, and has been the most constant feeling I have ever had, for more than half of my life. I would do anything for her, and I am sure we will have a long life together. I can not wait.
The reason I am here, is because she has had a variety of health problems throughout her life. I, of course, want her to be as healthy as she can be, but like many partners or spouses, I do not feel like I am equipped very well to handle everything. Sometimes I feel like everything I say or do, is wrong.
In summary:
She developed Crohn's in her early 20's, she is now 33
She had abnormal cells in both breasts in her 20's, and had them removed and replaced w natural sized implants
She has twice had irregular cells in her cervix, once in her mid 20s, and again in the month of June of this year, which caused a rough 4 weeks with us.
She has smoked on and off since she was 16 - more about that in a minute.
She just spent about a week or so in FL, with extended family, where a rather aggressive cousin, decided to push her, and tell her she needs to hit fast forward on her life, and get pregnant and not wait forever, because of the potential health risks etc, and because of the possibility of Crohn's going into remission while and after being pregnant.
We have had a very stressful 2 days since she came back from FL, while we talked last night, she feels very much against a clock, and as if speeding through her life might be her only resort and she is just so tired of being sick and tired.
Stress
I understand, that Crohn's sufferers, need to keep stress to a minimum, but rather than manage stress, she just buries everything, and never deals with anything. She says she tries not to think about things, and I am very good at bringing things up she is trying to not think about. I remind her that I can not read her mind about what topics are ok, and what are not. For example with the irregular cervical cells that turned out to be nothing in June, she pretended nothing was going on, and she acted very strange, and i kept asking, she kept denying, we had a blowup, and then she admitted something was going on. This example is exactly why I do not know how to break through her walls sometimes.
Crohn's
I feel like her life and health are coming to a head. Her cousin filled her head with thoughts and ideas that getting pregnant soon could help her significantly, and I certainly want children with her, using a child as medicine for personal health issues, is bizarre to me, and I realize that she doesnt want a family to be healthy, she wants a family bc she was born to be a good mom.
Diet and Alcohol
She is a social drinker, I have read that alcohol makes Crohn's worse, and rarely has any beneficial effects. Is that true? I would be willing to personally never drink anything again, if it helped her have the support she needed to never get to enjoy a nice cocktail again.
Her diet, is only guided by not eating fruits and vegetables. She does not regulate it by any other means, only she bases it on fatty foods, carbs and proteins. She says it is all she can eat, but her eating seems to be erratic, and there is no rhyme or reason to it.
Smoking
This is the part that makes me feel physically sick. She is obviously dealing with an immune system that is very weak. She is prone to irregular cell activitity, deals with Crohn's, and has told me she will quit for me, but then in the same sentence says that smoking helps her Crohn's and helps keep bleeding under control.
As you can tell, I don't know what to say or do anymore. IF you asked me what do I want?
I want her to quit smoking. Right now. And never touch another one. I want her to try to manage her diet alittle bit better, and I want her to give her body a chance to be better on its own, without throwing out a child as the only hope she has, while she continues to abuse herself. It just seems like madness to me.
I am so deeply in love with her, and I probably always have been. I want to be supportive, and I need help on how to say these kinds of things to her, to let her know shes not alone in the world, that she can have support, and a beautiful healthy future, but first she needs to help herself, just a little bit, before expecting miracles.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate your thoughts.
In love,
Nick
