My gut is alive

[poppasgotabrandnewbag]

I'm full to the brim of advice to the point where i could say without speaking metaphorically-I'm finding it hard to digest. People have some funny ideas in these parts "the west" or whatever you want to call it. Ive never been to the east so I'm not saying its any better, they probably have as much processed crap pouring into their food market as ours or equally ridiculous simplifications of geography and an abundance of nutters wanting you to buy into whatever makes them feel better, safer, clearer. I'm not saying desperate consensus is false i think more than 5 people understanding what each other mean and where they're coming from is an impressive and necessary thing to strive for and maybe even achieve. Just being understood and aknowledged is sometimes enough to make anyone feel allot better.

Ive had crohns for 7 years now. 2 without my knowledge. I collapsed at work and woke up in intensive care. My dad said "try to stay positive" and, just becuase of the extremity of the situation and the glib complacency of the phrase, i remember snapping at him saying don't give me your psycobabble then feeling bad then clicking the morphine button then hallucinating the drip stand turning into a girl holding a basket and having to spend the next few hours ignoring her. I had a bag i didn't have a bag and now i have a bag again.

Ive spent long periods in hospital. Ive had many colonoscopys.Ive been sectioned for leaving hospitals. Ive tried to get to the bottom of things (forgive the pun) and mull it over on 1 hours sleep a night, ive considered eating tree bark, ive questioned my sexuality, ive shaved my head. Ive never done yoga but i will eat yogurt.

What caused it? A combination of heavy stress allot of coffee and grapefruit juice, a chaotic lifestyle bad relationships undercooked food, poor diet, sleep disorder from an earlier problem and just a sort of maniacal spiralling drive probably attribuatble a fair amount to sexual frustration. Im not having it reduced to something like that though because that would be neat and nice but for me its just not clear cut. Its a complicated illness that i don't feel ill ever recover from. That's me, other people i don't know. I totally think crohns on its own with the right support and attitude can be overcome.

I heard someone say there are some countries with barely any incidence. What actually is it? What makes it Crhons? Because through the haze of insomnia drugs pain and jumbled disorder that's been the last 5 years of my life i have no clear idea? Someone said it was a haywired immune system, like a military industrial complex. I cant remember the last time i felt fine! The last time i wasn't tired. I read somewhere the gut actually has similar cells to the brain that its like a pet we carry in our bodies. Are bodies even bodies, did humans imagine and pronounce the number one! Like when you get mexican waves through your cells when you see something deep and moving.

Even if you agree and decide what it is then your still subscribing to some sort of medical doctrine and belief system because your picking a language, i just feel so much gets lost in translation and allot of the time because somethings hard to incorperate its ignored. For me monoculture is reductive and oblivious, languages all 17,642 of them are like music they carry an essential perspective and tone which is intrinsically related to culture (just ask the small icelandic community who speak a form of basque). The way i see it eveything is a factor and allot of them are ignored. Which just makes me feel worse... and thanks to the internet the inputs are endless. YAY!!!!
:hallo3:oo::hallo3::hallo3:oo:oo::hallo3:oo::hallo3:oo::hallo3::hallo3::hallo3::ybatty:
If anyone has anything concrete on crohns id like to hear it

 

[Nancye50]

Wow. I'll have what he's having!

 

[poppasgotabrandnewbag]

you don't want what i'm having in fact your probably having much the same or worse. I notice you have a zombie for your avatar. I found a bit of death metal can be a nice acknowledgement when nobody's on that extreme wavelength. To much softly softly can be as sickening as anything. To many people doing their jobs. Busy strangers, i hate listening to old people who are older than the health system get patronized by humanity the next generation. The nurses do a difficult job but its hard to hear someone with so much lifespan be reduced to a line on a clipboard for a stranger however pleasantly their addressed. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I couldn't eat for months and my family are foodies so i was like a dog at table my gut not understanding why i'm not even getting scraps while they discussed minute details of dishes i would have been happy with just food. Though i do understand that the quality of foods to some extent depends on people excercising a political snobbery. I don't find the death metal aesthetic particularly frightening as its often rooted in Christianity. I honestly feel there's something beneficial to be found in extreme music. I used to listen to it to see how much i could endure to see what remained and survived the hate. It is invigorating. Though not for everyone i''m sure. For me when things are really bad i think why not, could it make it any worse am i really afraid of a cd? It helps me put things in perspective and can be exhilarating. Since then ive often been insulted by the apparatus for survival. There's definately an idea of masculinity implanted in it and i like how some of it sounds like pure natural animal fury, rejecting everything which confines and brings allot of doctrines of docility into light. Don't get me wrong i appreciate the need for control i still think largely its futile and misguided however benevolent and well meaning. Some heavy metal has spiritual application i think some sort of asceticism maybe

 

[2thFairy]

Like when you get mexican waves through your cells when you see something deep and moving.

What??????

 

[buttER]

I can't help feeling that the IBD experience is different for everybody, there are some common experiences but in the end everyone and their circumstance is unique and that makes the experience unique.
Where does it come from? Genetic, environmental, bacteriome, diet, nutrition, stress, age, hormones.......even if you turned back the clock and changed any of those things, who is to say it would not happen again, maybe with a slightly different face. Or you would have a different disease instead. Or you would be just fine.
This is you and part of you, can you embrace who you are? Life is a miracle, even if it is not always how you want it to be.

 

[poppasgotabrandnewbag]

In answer to Bobs question "whaaat?????" i was wondering how people see themselves. I tend to think i'm much more connected to the world than i think, i don't know about you. I think 1 can be seen as conceptual and more a matter of perspective. When i get the tingling in my cells like mexican waves i wonder what they know what memories have been woken in my blood. I firmly believe that no one has the right to dictate what life's about. Like birds know there migrations in their blood or from electromagnetism but at some point in their lifetime they take the trip for the first time and it must feel incredible. That's why some people will always be younger than the world which makes them really old in a way.

I think that's a sound perspective king of orange. I err on the side of living my life and not holding out for getting back what i had. IBD yes but what makes crohns crohns? The location in the gut?

I think life's more about where your at than who you are and if anything i would like to help people avoid what I've been through. I don't fee like i really learned anything. Life is miraculous but i don't think crohns is who i am. I don't feel much different just more irritable in the bowel. IBBIDY IN THE BIBBIDY. Has anyone ever heard a crohns related song? I dont know if its the sort of thing that makes people want to sing. Never heard of an opera on it. TENOR FORTISSIMMO "HELLO MY LOVELY I HAVE JUST SHAT MYSELF" "OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR IMGOING TO MARRY THE COUNT" BAM BAM BAMBAMBAM ENTER HORN SECTION.

We could write one start the worlds first trans continental incontanant opera company

 

[poppasgotabrandnewbag]

could call it "opera incontinentia"

 

[2thFairy]

But what the heck is a Mexican wave?

 

[poppasgotabrandnewbag]

But what the heck is a Mexican wave?

A Mexican wave is a thing that happens in crowds at sporting events where a wave travels through them and as it passes you have to stand up so with loads of people it looks like a big wave. I don't know why its called Mexican as im from England where when were not not seeing the dentist where watching a good old game of football:dusty::dusty::dusty::uk_flag:ika:ika::sign0144::luigi::worthy::worthy::worthy::worthy::runaway::runaway::runaway:anda-wave-t:

 

[poppasgotabrandnewbag]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IfcFwseTdY
that's a link to a clip of one pretty cool
pretty pretty cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

[2thFairy]

Oh.. I know what a wave is. Never heard it called a Mexican wave.