No social life?

[lizzy16]

Just need to have a little vent here, I'll try not to make it too long!

I've been living in the UK with my boyfriend on a working holiday for the last 3 months and was finally diagnosed with Crohn's last month after a year of troubles. My illness has meant that I've stopped drinking and generally socialising as much as I used to (which was a lot!). We live in Birmingham and, although I have friends in other cities that I go and visit, I've yet to find any here. My work colleagues are nice but not really in my age group. I work weekdays and my boyfriend works in a pub nights and weekends, so when Friday night comes around, I tend to sit on the couch and watch tv. His nights off are often spent drinking at his work (he gets cheap beers and there's football to watch!) but I always have to work early in the morning, and really can't be bothered just sitting in the same boring pub all Monday night drinking lemonade.

We were supposed to go out for dinner tonight to farewell a couple of my boyfriend's workmates who are leaving, but he got called in to work at the last minute (he was very angry about this!). He insisted that I still go along without him, but I shied away and started making excuses (I work early in the morning, it's too cold out, it's a Mexican restaurant and I won't be able to eat anything) - I would only really know one person there and don't quite feel comfortable without my bf. I feel like I should be putting myself out there and making an effort, but I think that with the illness I've dug myself into a nice little "homebody" comfort zone and I am reluctant to leave. I'm disappointed as I was looking forward to tonight, but not enough to venture out on my own!

I think with all things combined I'm starting to feel a little homesick - I had such an active social life in Aus and I'm missing that friend and family network. I don't admit it often but it has been really hard dealing with the Crohn's journey when my dear Mama is on the other side of the world! My fella has been incredibly supportive throughout all this, and we've been making the effort to spend more time together, going out for dinner, comedy shows and things like that that I can enjoy too. I know he worries about me being alone so much - we've got a couple of trips away planned in the next month to visit friends so I'm looking forward to that.. just wish I could break the boring cycle here! Anyway I'm glad I have this place to come to for a little rant and support! I'm a pretty positive person normally but just having a little down day

 

[rygon]

I know how you feel. I used to love going out etc, but my crohns have been so bad i just stopped all together and stayed at home. I do sometimes think that I wont go out "just in case". Now im a little bit better im trying to go out while i can.

Is there any clubs you can join so you can socialise. I used to go kickboxing and made loads of new friends there. My mum has just moved to aus and is doing boxercise / gym lessons where shes meeting a few people. Even meeting you neighbours might help.

I find uk arent as social as aus which is a shame, but im sure if you put a bit more effort into it you will find some people to hang around with.

 

[robbo87]

Hi lizzy, sorry to hear you are having such a bad time with things lately. It is hard to socialise when you have crohns, and especially when you can't drink. Most of the people i am currently friends with I pretty much either know from school or have met through school friends whilst being drunk at the weekend!... so now I can't drink anymore that is a big social aspect that i have lost. and since having an ileostomy i have not yet continued playing football which again was a big part of my social life going out once a week having a kick about with friends. Although it is great that you have such a caring boyfriend who makes the effort to spend time with you doing other things that you can still enjoy.

All i can do is make the most of when i am feeling well. I go watching Rugby League a lot so that is something that i can still do... and the fact that you have a few weekends away planned is great as that is something you can look forward to, knowing that even though its not exactly going to last forever, you will have something different to do at the weekend other than the usual boring routine.

I'm not surprised you are homesick. And at a time like this being with your family can help a great deal. To be honest i wouldn't say people in the uk are any less sociable than anywhere else. just we don't have the glorious weather over here which means we tend to be happy stuck inside not socialising!... lol

anyway i know its certainly not the same as physically hanging around and talking in person. but there are plenty of people around here who understand where you are coming from to talk to I hope things pick up for you soon!
Martin

 

[KWalker]

I know exactly how you feel. I moved away from home about two years ago now, for school and I don't have any "real" friends. I have the odd people I talk to here and there while at school, but especially at my age (21) It seems the majority of people just want to go out and party on weekends, where as that's not my thing. I too find it difficult at times with people because I hate going to the bathroom in public, unless of course I can't avoid it, but I always just feel awkward telling someone to wait while I go to the bathroom, then am gone for 10 mins. I live with my fiance, and she's my best friend. She knows about everything, and for some things, she's the only person that knows so we take it slow sometimes. If we're going out, we make sure it's not rushed or anything that can cause stress, etc. You'll find friends, but if not, your boyfriend will be there

 

[lizzy16]

Thanks heaps for the replies guys, I really love this site and the people here! :ghug: And the people in the UK have been very nice, I'm sure if I was "out there" a bit more I'd get to experience the whole social culture!

Well a few days have passed and I'm feeling a lot more positive (good old pred mood swings), I know things will get better. It's been such an overwhelming few months going from being constantly sick and not knowing why, to the reality of being diagnosed with crohns - I am starting to feel more like my old self again and think I'm ready to get out there and seek out some extra curriculars like joining the gym (will be good for my body and mind, too).

KWalker, you're right having a supportive partner is such a lifeline and I'm sorry things have been tough on you as well. It takes a special person to understand what we're going through, I remember about 4 years ago the boyfriend I was with the time was a total arse when it came to dealing with my sudden and unexplained stomach problems (I had no idea at the time but it must have been the start of my crohns, yet my symptoms went away when I broke up with him!). But I guess being with a loser before makes you really appreciate it when someone extra special comes into your life.

Oh and on that note, the fella actually has Friday night off and is taking me out for dinner and a movie, hooray! Looking forward to it.

 

[KWalker]

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better . I myself am waiting to feel better so we can go out on a date night as well, but at the moment, it would take me 10 minutes to get seated at a table and my pain would ruin the night.

 

[lizzy16]

Oh no that's terrible! I'm really sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Hoping that it starts to ease up on you soon and you're not suffering too much

anda-wave-t:

 

[gulugirl]

Hey Lizzy, hope it all goes well and enjoy the movies this Friday

 

[Carolyn P]

Hi Lizzy

Bless you, I'm sure we've all been where you are now . You're so young to be so far from home. I hope you have plenty of contact with your mum and family back at home. Technology is fab nowadays and I'm sure you could speak to your mum on one of those webcams. What about trying a night class, any subject you fancy, you can learn something new and if you meet some new friends it'll be a bonus. The exercise class would be good if you feel well enough, Zumba is very popular and usually a great range of all ages go. Hope things get better for you soon.
Carolyn P x

 

[lizzy16]

Thanks again guys, I will definitely get out there and try some new things! Those are some great suggestions.

Carolyn, I do get to talk to my family a lot which is great - they're always happy to hang on the line for a long chat, I think my mum feels a bit helpless that she's not able to do anything for me so I have to assure her that I'm all under control!