Not sure how I'd cope

[skibaboo]

Hi Everyone. I haven't posted on here in a long time. I have been a frequent reader though.

Long story short. I've had Crohns since I was 12 (diagnosed 1983) Had it pretty bad, had total proctocolectomy in 1997. Last flare was in 2004, a minor one. I have a perma ileostomy. Imuran/azathiorpine has kept the Crohns away since. I'm lucky I know, and grateful.

However I'm now a total mess. My husband died suddenly in 2016 and I care for my Mum who is paralysed. I have somehow made it this far, and at age 46 recently passed my driving test. I've just found my dream job too but I feel so overwhelmed.

As well as the grief I have anxiety/panic/agoraphobia too.

For the last 3 weeks I've had a 'tight' band, tight feeling around my waist and around my belly button. My output ranges from watery and rather smelly, to perfectly normal and thick. I'm not going more frequently. I have this discomfort and it seems to worsen when I eat, but I do not have any pain or cramps. The last few days my appetite has gone. Yes, I'm stressed and I have not been eating properly/ I've skipped meals. This all came on after one of my cats had a urinary blockage and I had to take him to the emergency vet on a Sunday, with no transport. (He's ok but I was so scared)

Life and coping with it alone is hard enough. I'm all alone now. I'm absolutely terrified this is Crohns and how I'll cope alone. I mean, it's my worst nightmare! Just as life stared to pick up a little bit after losing my husband, this happens.

Am I over reacting? Can this just be stress/anxiety? I feel like I've lost all memory of what it felt like to have a flare, but something just does not feel right. I have an apt with my doctor on Monday. I have regular blood work done and 3 weeks ago it was ok, I presume. I never heard from the doctor, I do if something is off.

I know nobody can tell me yes or no, just so alone and absolutely terrified to get sick again.

:sign0085:

 

[skibaboo]

Just to add... my job is from home. Sitting at a computer for hours a day. I feel like I have snakes in my stomach some times.

Ugh. Driving myself crazy!

 

[ronroush7]

Hi. I hope it is not a flare but I am glad you have an appointment on Monday. I feel like stress/anxiety can contribute to a flare. Please keep us posted on how you are.

 

[CeeCeeGo]

You have been through the mill... but you are coping and that is very positive. I asked my consultant last week if stress causes flares. His view is that it doesn’t cause flares but can aggravate the symptoms if you are flaring.

Do you have any techniques for relaxing or calming yourself down if you get stressed? I find that occupying myself for 30-60 minutes on something completely different to what I was doing while getting stressed can sometimes help.

I know that sometimes life can be overwhelming. Small steps...

Take care xx

 

[skibaboo]

Thanks guys!

I actually felt a lot better and got my appetite back until last night when I had a foul smelling poop that set me off... I know when I had a flare before it smelled bad but that was before the ileostomy.. As I felt better I cancelled the doctor apt but have made another one for Tuesday as I need to get checked out or I'll drive myself crackers!

I actually feel ok, I don't feel unwell. The worst thing is the worry.. ugh

I meditate and go for walks to help with stress but haven't meditated for a while! Epsom sat baths too, they help. I think this is all compounded by the fact that when I feel like this I want my husband, and miss him terribly

 

[ronroush7]

Thanks guys!

I actually felt a lot better and got my appetite back until last night when I had a foul smelling poop that set me off... I know when I had a flare before it smelled bad but that was before the ileostomy.. As I felt better I cancelled the doctor apt but have made another one for Tuesday as I need to get checked out or I'll drive myself crackers!

I actually feel ok, I don't feel unwell. The worst thing is the worry.. ugh

I meditate and go for walks to help with stress but haven't meditated for a while! Epsom sat baths too, they help. I think this is all compounded by the fact that when I feel like this I want my husband, and miss him terribly

I wish you the best.

 

[Trysha]

You have had so much to contend with and it’s so hard to lose our nearest and dearest.
It must be very hard also coping with your mother.
Hopefully you have other family members to help you.
It is very good that you have an appointment with your doctor..be sure to keep it regardless
Of symptoms being absent.....they may comeback...with a vengeance.
Crohns can work silently inside us and then suddenly things happen.
It’s a good time to check in with your doctor ...maybe a GI consult will follow.
Please let us know how things go for you.
Hugs
Trysha

 

[Sharkgirl]

You are going through so much, I commend you for being so strong. I very recently felt the way you do because bad life event after bad life event kept occurring and my anxiety level / disease symptoms were out of control. A friend of mine told me to try going to yoga class because it helps her with stress. I was skeptical (and nervous, because I am overweight), but I went and absolutely loved it! It is helping me manage my anxiety and even if I have bad abdominal pain I still try to go and will just kind of sit it out if there is a yoga pose I can't do. Have you ever tried it?

 

[cmack]

Hi skibaboo,

I'm so sorry to hear of your tremendous struggles. We all help one another here, you definitely have my support.


Best regards,

Chris