- Joined
- Feb 24, 2011
- Messages
- 3
Hello all,
This is my first post here, so please be gentle! I've been browsing the forum for a while now, and not sure that I've found the information I'm looking for, sooo here goes...
I'm the partner (boyfriend) of a Crohn's patient. We've been involved for approximately 7 months. She was diagnosed in her late-20's (we're both early-to-mid 30's now) and has had a few procedures done over the years. The one that most disconcerting for her (a few years ago, long before I even knew her) involved a rectal absess that she ignored for too long (didn't know what the pain was) and it ended up going septic and almost died before they got her into surgery.
When I met her last year, she was in remission and had been so for about a year+. It seems like as soon as we passed that magical 3 month mark in our relationship (you know... the point where the party gloves come off and people begin to really let their guard down), the current situation began. Since mid-November, she's probably been to the ER about 30 times. (An average of twice a week.) Her complaints have varied from rectal pain, bleeding/draining, to nausea, to lower abdominal/appendix-area pain, to more 'female' type pain which she's related to the endometriosis she had as a teenager. Each time, according to her (i've only gone with her a couple of times... she now says that she doesn't want me there with her) they give her fluids, a few runs of either morphine or dilaudid, occasionally do a CT scan and/or X-rays, and send her home with either percocet or vicodin. It's gotten to the point where, almost like clockwork, 3 or 4 days after she's out of the ER, she complains of pain again and is back in there. Through all of this, she's not been terribly motivated to sit her regular team of doctors down and find out what the hell is really going on. Which leads me to...
Now, my question... and gosh, I hope I don't offend anybody, but this is why I'm here -- to find out what other Crohnies might think of what's going on. I realize "normal" is a loaded word, but is this normal? Is she experiencing a flare-up? Or (and this is the part I hope doesn't offend) is she a prescription drug addict? I don't doubt her diagnosis of Crohn's one bit. But I'm wondering if there's a substance abuse issue going on. She's admitted developing an addiction to narcotics in the past. If there was no chronic medical condition involved, I would have been through with the whole thing months ago. I've spoken to friends who are nurses, ER techs, etc, and they all seem to think I'm just being stupid by not seeing that she's clearly an addict. Yet there's that slim possibility that all of this really is legitimate and eventually, on one of these twice-a-week ER visits, they're eventually going to find something and I'll end up feeling like a jerk.
She's very resistant to the idea of counseling/therapy. And she's resistant to the idea of getting a second opinion. This sort of contributes to my gut feeling that there's an addiction issue in play. It's almost as if she doesn't really *want* anyone to look too closely at her guts; she almost seems to enjoy the idea of this enigmatic disease. "I'd go see my GI doc, but I know they won't find anything anyway."
When we started dating, I didn't know anything at all about Crohn's disease. I've tried my best to educate myself, done a lot of reading. I don't really feel that my issue is with her illness. I'm fine with the associated bathroom issues, don't even have any negative feelings about the possibility of her having an ostomy at some point down the road. But then, when I consider the possibility that this all really IS her illness, perhaps I'm really *not* strong enough to handle it. Can I really handle a relationship with someone who ends up spending every holiday (so far, Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's Day, plus a weekend getaway that had to get cancelled... will we ever be able to make special plans for anything??) in the ER?
*deep breath*
Thanks for any light y'all might be able to shed on this.
This is my first post here, so please be gentle! I've been browsing the forum for a while now, and not sure that I've found the information I'm looking for, sooo here goes...
I'm the partner (boyfriend) of a Crohn's patient. We've been involved for approximately 7 months. She was diagnosed in her late-20's (we're both early-to-mid 30's now) and has had a few procedures done over the years. The one that most disconcerting for her (a few years ago, long before I even knew her) involved a rectal absess that she ignored for too long (didn't know what the pain was) and it ended up going septic and almost died before they got her into surgery.
When I met her last year, she was in remission and had been so for about a year+. It seems like as soon as we passed that magical 3 month mark in our relationship (you know... the point where the party gloves come off and people begin to really let their guard down), the current situation began. Since mid-November, she's probably been to the ER about 30 times. (An average of twice a week.) Her complaints have varied from rectal pain, bleeding/draining, to nausea, to lower abdominal/appendix-area pain, to more 'female' type pain which she's related to the endometriosis she had as a teenager. Each time, according to her (i've only gone with her a couple of times... she now says that she doesn't want me there with her) they give her fluids, a few runs of either morphine or dilaudid, occasionally do a CT scan and/or X-rays, and send her home with either percocet or vicodin. It's gotten to the point where, almost like clockwork, 3 or 4 days after she's out of the ER, she complains of pain again and is back in there. Through all of this, she's not been terribly motivated to sit her regular team of doctors down and find out what the hell is really going on. Which leads me to...
Now, my question... and gosh, I hope I don't offend anybody, but this is why I'm here -- to find out what other Crohnies might think of what's going on. I realize "normal" is a loaded word, but is this normal? Is she experiencing a flare-up? Or (and this is the part I hope doesn't offend) is she a prescription drug addict? I don't doubt her diagnosis of Crohn's one bit. But I'm wondering if there's a substance abuse issue going on. She's admitted developing an addiction to narcotics in the past. If there was no chronic medical condition involved, I would have been through with the whole thing months ago. I've spoken to friends who are nurses, ER techs, etc, and they all seem to think I'm just being stupid by not seeing that she's clearly an addict. Yet there's that slim possibility that all of this really is legitimate and eventually, on one of these twice-a-week ER visits, they're eventually going to find something and I'll end up feeling like a jerk.
She's very resistant to the idea of counseling/therapy. And she's resistant to the idea of getting a second opinion. This sort of contributes to my gut feeling that there's an addiction issue in play. It's almost as if she doesn't really *want* anyone to look too closely at her guts; she almost seems to enjoy the idea of this enigmatic disease. "I'd go see my GI doc, but I know they won't find anything anyway."
When we started dating, I didn't know anything at all about Crohn's disease. I've tried my best to educate myself, done a lot of reading. I don't really feel that my issue is with her illness. I'm fine with the associated bathroom issues, don't even have any negative feelings about the possibility of her having an ostomy at some point down the road. But then, when I consider the possibility that this all really IS her illness, perhaps I'm really *not* strong enough to handle it. Can I really handle a relationship with someone who ends up spending every holiday (so far, Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's Day, plus a weekend getaway that had to get cancelled... will we ever be able to make special plans for anything??) in the ER?
*deep breath*
Thanks for any light y'all might be able to shed on this.
